Seven months time has passed,
Since I last laid eyes on you,
you're embedded in my thoughts,
as a man that I once knew.

I often drift into wonder,
regarding the many paths in life,
never to evade, but evoke,
the memories of our shared night.

Despite the walls built for protection,
you managed to slide through,
you left me torn between regret,
as I tend to genuinely miss you.

I never thought we would be summed,
from an equation in our lives,
I never comprehended the possibility,
of you staring into my eyes.

Though unexpected, it was pleasant,
catching a glimpse inside of you,
for an understanding was gained,
you live through a heart that's true.

The realization does not exist,
of your importance to my heart,
nor will you ever understand,
for our lives changed apart.

His laughter boils the blood,
that courses through each vein,
Every second that I am forced,
to listen makes me insane.

Chaos, he brings quickly about,
to the voices inside my head.
"Be nice, be calm, bear it."
"**** that, I want him dead!"

The pressure swells; rising,
soon I will lose my control-
"Just let me hit him once,
I'll only make a tiny hole!"

"No! You are better than this."
I try and try to fight it, I do-
"Only a few more days," I say,
*"Then it will all be through."

Promises spoken through soft words,
Of fantasies full of divine pleasures,
Your Grace, he says like a Queen,
I bring you these precious treasures.

I await my time alone with him,
Accepting of these offerings he brings,
Running wild with imagination.
I eagerly await these things.

Helpless to his powerful influence,
Surprised at my unusual behaviour,
Hoping to break this extended curse,
Praying you could be my saviour.

These feelings involve more than lust,
As you seem to have a heart of gold,
Comfort comes to my thoughts,
Through the strength of your hold.

Each month we rejoiced,
gathering to celebrate life.
Each month we recognized,
our achievements and efforts.

Each month I waited,
with genuine joy for others,
Each month that passed,
brought my day closer.

The month came about,
and still I must wait.
For the one who decides,
was not present 'til late.

Days passed ever so slow,
though I remained excited.
He returned on the day,
that my break came about.

My two days passed,
I came prepared for it.
Little did I know,
it happened without me.

They took the day I waited for,
blindly away from me.
No one thought to call,
and ask me to be part.

Instead, I was disregarded,
my turn came and yet it didn't.
This morning my heart was sad,
for it would not be.

My heart has loved many times,
Also spoken in many rhymes,
But my truest love is for you-
the strength that gets me through.

Time and time, I have said;
I love you, dearest ed,
But you will never understand,
For me, there is no other man.

The love I feel is too much,
And yet, I can't get enough,
So I will say it once more;
it is only you that I adore.

You may tire of these words,
and even think I am absurd,
but I can't surpress my heart,
as you gave me a new start.

The allure of simplicity fades,
For this inner turmoil is complex,
I have no creative release,
Or satisfying means to express.

Like the merry-go-round, I spin,
Feeling a sickness in my core,
For each battle that I lose,
I become more invested in my war.

Pleading for the hiding strength,
To appear in my times of need,
Familiar enemies I am facing,
Those of love, hate and greed.

A cycle of vicious confusion,
Has brought me great pain,
Leaving an unsettling doubt,
To forever stir, and remain.

I often say that you can never truly know who a person is, no matter how long you know them.

The people we are, or who we were,
Are not the same as the people we become.

I have known my best friend for 13 years, and she is a constant in my life. This woman I know.

I know how kind she can be, or when things bother her- even if she hasn't said it aloud.

I know how we laugh together, at stupid things, and stupid people.

I know she loves me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This other woman, the one I loved however...

After three years,
YOU are finally showing your true colours.

I do not know you, but did not claim to know you ever.

You told me who you were,
And who you wanted to become.

I loved you for all of you. The person you were, the person you are and the person you could be.

Even though, I did not fully know you.

I supported you when you had no one, I inspired you when you felt hopeless.

I helped you to see the light, when I suffered in the dark.

I gave to you, before I gave to myself, always.

They say love is blind, it is true; I loved you.

But to YOU,
I was only an infatuation, that suited you well at the time.

You took and took, and would tell me daily how it was not enough.

You dwelled on negativity and losses, never making it easy to see the light when I needed it.

You leaned on me and shed your worries, as I gained more, helpless.

You relied on me to solve everything, like a child looks to their mother.

You wanted and wanted, so I gave and gave. You took and thought nothing of it.

It was never enough.

I began to see your ways, and still I could not refuse you.

I hoped you were becoming the person you said you wanted to become.

I hoped I was making a positive difference in your life.

I was wrong; I enabled you.

I let you take advantage of me, until I had nothing to give to myself.

That has ended. With that end, came so many more.

You are not my lover, nor ever will be again. You are not my solitude, you were only confinement.

You are not the one who brings me joy, only aggravation.

You are not my friend, and you never were.

You are the woman who has two faces.

One face is shown when a person is of use to you. The other face is shown when they're no longer useful.

YOU will never know true happiness, only the facade you create.

You may have caused me pain, but you have taught me.

I may have fallen, but now I rise.

I hate that you can hurt me,
Without even speaking a word,
I hate that I still love you,
This is absolutely absurd.

I wish I could forget,
Even the good times we had,
Cause then I wouldn't feel this pain,
It wouldn't be so bad.

I am willing to erase,
The passionate nights we shared,
I am willing to admit,
That you never truly cared.

I can face the fact,
That our love was one-sided,
But I cannot face the fact,
That in you, I confided.

I feel this horrible regret,
For ever letting you in,
For you this is just a game,
Congratulations, you win!

I know it doesn't end there,
If it did, I wouldn't be writing,
But know that I'll come out of this,
Stronger and still fighting.

She was cursed from her day of birth,
as she entered with an inevitable disease,
all structures are brittle from the start,
but since then her pain has not eased.

Life begins in such a fragile state,
equal beginnings as we're all disadvantaged,
throughout it all only one thing matters,
do you possess the will to manage?

Time after time it happens again,
her inner solidity has been broken,
she was once held together perfectly,
and now the truth remains unspoken.

Her instructions were full of deceit,
for the healers could not possibly know,
as they protected her from further damage,
in shame her head lay low.

She was punished with anger,
from pain she could not prevent,
she wondered why she was tortured,
her life was full of discontent.

She suffered emotionally as well,
for her heart was pure,
throughout her tragedies in life,
it's known that nothing great is for sure.

Though your words are sung,
And my words are spoken,
It can still be heard in our voices,
That our hearts were once broken.

Through all of this pain,
We seem to search for one thing,
Someone who can understand,
How much we are suffering.

Like the moon shining on the water,
We reflect our pain inside,
Though it is hard to face,
It is not something we try to hide.

As we embrace our experiences,
Of our hurt, pain and sorrow,
Through your words emotionally sung,
We look forward to tomorrow.

The simplicity of relating,
Amazes my mind to no end,
A therapeutic release,
Of not having to pretend.

Thus, I give my thanks to you,
not only for being true,
but for your beauty and grace,
along with the smile on your face.

Do they know, what it’s like?
Visuals emerge, inside my head…

People everywhere, pushing,
No one watching, no one caring.
My throat…closing.
Suffocation. Anxiety.

The noise - there’s too much.

Screaming, laughing, yelling,
It fills every space in my mind.
I have no escape.
Claustrophobia. Anxiety.

They’re everywhere I turn…

Those noticing ask, are you okay?
Everyone looks at me. Stop staring!!
I can’t breathe...something’s rising inside.
Anger. Embarrassment. Anxiety.

There’s no where to go, no place to run.

Questions, Questions, Questions…
Why? Why not? You have to…
The pressure, the force –  it's building within.
Overwhelmed. Ashamed. Anxiety.

Do you really know, what it’s like?

Be thankful you don’t walk,
Even a mile in these shoes.
Because then you might understand,
What it’s like, to have to choose...

Alone in my empty home,
Because I just couldn’t embrace,
A tradition in which family partakes...
No Stampede Breakfast, just isolation.
Sadness. Depression. Anxiety.

Do they really know…..what it’s like?

So often I stare in your eyes,
asking the same simple question;
of why?

Why,
are you not happy with what you see?
for you have grown beautifully..

Why,
must you paint your face to look?
so many hearts you took..

Why,
is your tiny figure not enough?
you have become so tough..

Why,
must you always compare?
you've become too aware..

Why,
will you never love yourself?
a prize worthy of your own shelf..

Why,
do you choose to remain blind?
just look and you will find..

Everything that I see in you,
a beauty that is true.


Copyright ©2013 Jamie Johnson.

I feel it has been too long,
all seemed to be wrong,
why can't this pain end?
I can no longer pretend.

My life has too many downs,
my face carried too many frowns,
I just want to be at peace,
when will the sadness cease?

Is it a question of what I deserve?
because I'm losing my nerve,
what lesson is to come of this?
it's life's pleasure that I miss.

I wish I could say why,
I feel as if I want to die,
instead I'm left with dismay,
yet again to face another day.

Many times I have been lost,
yet you set me back onto my path,
Even though it became unsteady,
you were there to guide me as needed.

When life plays a difficult card,
your strength overcomes the challenge,
like a knight you have fought for me,
and offered the safety of your arms.

Though you have caused me pain,
I have done the same to you,
despite our fears we have shown,
that our life for each other is our life.

I would fall from the sky for you,
as your eyes replenish my soul,
for the comfort you provide,
feels as though I'm in the arms of an angel.

The first time I met you,
It was like judging a book by its cover,
Since then, I've come to know,
You were hurt by a lover.

I misjudged you at first,
Taking you to be like most men,
Even though I had no idea,
Of where your life has been.

Now being exposed to the truth,
I can't help how strong my feelings are,
The need to be with you is present,
To heal your heart's scar.

When I see you through my eyes,
I see a man that has been broken,
Your soul speaks to my own,
In a way no one has ever spoken.

I want to be the one,
To show you how it can change,
I want to be the person,
with whom your thoughts exchange.

It won't be an easy task,
To get through your walls,
But know that I'll be here,
To save you when it falls.

I cannot explain the reasons,
For why I tell you so,
But I couldn't forgive myself,
If I never let you know.

As too many days have passed,
With several things left unsaid,
Today is the day I share with you,
the thoughts inside my head.

Through the narrow black hole to my soul,
there lies the truth behind these eyes.
A perspective that is unique from all the rest,
secure within my sacred chambers.

In each delicate heart of a soul,
the pain and joys are stored away.
Feelings that exist though not spoken of,
remain personal between one's self.

A secret of your own; one nobody knows,
can lead to agony and misery if untold.
Souls that cannot be as they are,
suffer from the torture they endure.

Each soul carries a sacred chamber,
of which they know the absolute truth.
Only the souls who cannot breathe,
hold a heart full of secrets.

My soul is tortured, for my heart is full,
no resolution has appeared to me.
Though I am granted the knowledge,
my life with you could not be.

Attempts have occurred more than once,
and still we have not succeeded.
The pain of this is stored inside,
buried as those are the facts of life.

As the realization slowly seeps into the mind,
my heart will ache in mourning.
The loss of your soul, pairing with mine,
is the pain I will carry with me to my grave.

My love for you will always exist,
though I may not be permitted, to love you as I did .
I will cherish your memories to live on in my heart,
safely kept so they won't perish, in my sacred chambers.

Soft whispers of air, pass through his lips,
Standing still, her vision is full of only this.
Each time that his mouth moves, to form a word,
She thinks to herself, this is surely absurd.

Her heart begins beating, hard and rapidly,
Yet she endures this suffering, quite happily.
Aware of every muscle, as her knee's weaken,
She is completely ignorant, of any beacon.

While captured in the depths, of his green eyes,
He gently pulls her in, taking her by surprise.
The warmth and strength, from his pale hand,
Causes further curiosity, of this perfect man.

His hand moves slowly, up the nape of her neck,
Sweet lips to her cheek, leaving only a peck.
Inside she cries, yearning for suppression,
Wild hunger, eats at her like depression.

As he stands before her, tall and strong,
She remains oblivious, to all that is wrong.
Her heart took a step, then fully leaped,
Into a love, which black poison has seeped.

This never-ending moment, has finally passed,
She cracks, then shatters; as fragile as glass.
Her anger swells, as she knows better than this,
Her fate was sealed, with a single tempting kiss.

Fragments of thought dwindle,
cut into meaningless pieces,
the silence is cherished,
for inspiration has perished.

Struggling for expression,
yet empty remains the mind,
though my heart is eager,
visions fill of only cedar.

Unable to see beyond this,
I am frozen like a statue,
as the day fades into night,
the moon shines it's light.

Despite all of my attempts,
there is no give to my force,
the next time that we meet,
I will not admit defeat.

I look, but I don't see...
I don't see my reflection.
A stranger stands before me,
staring back deeply into my eyes.

I only see a woman...
a woman who isn't me.
Her skin is so tight to her face,
she is tiny like a child.

Lines are imprinted,
around her dry lips.
Dark circles encompass,
each end of her eyes.

Her cheekbones protrude-
the light hangs on the edge.
Her smile is weak and faded;
who is this person I see?

I don't want to look,
she saddens my heart.
I don't want to see reality,
staring into the mirror.

The world, the world, the world..
what makes the world go 'round?

Green paper, they claim.
Happiness, I always say.
Perhaps, it's kindness...
What of the blindness?

Turning and spinning,
just who, is winning?
When does it stop?
Who is at the top?

Surely, I am not,
as I sit, distraught.
Begging for strength,
or a shorter length.

This world, My world, Your world..
What makes Our world go 'round?

Tick....tick....tick.
Low clouds are scattered, amongst the mountain tops.
The patches of grey, drifting swiftly through the valley.
As the sky sweats lightly, the day carries on.

Tick...tick...tick.
Through the clear panes of glass, there is everything.
Untold stories await, to be found on hidden paths.
The secret to her life, remains undiscovered.

Tick..tick..tick.
Pondering, her thoughts fill the emptiness in the room.
Comforted by the space, although it is her mental cage.
Absently peering out, as sweat becomes tears.

Tick.Tick.Tick.
All that exists, now blurred beneath the cold weight.
Confined within her anxiety, she has finally resigned.
The facts of time untouched, as it passes slowly.

Tick!Tick!Tick!
The uncompromising stress, forces through barriers.
A voice in all, that manipulates her feelings.
Time continues to pass, while nothing happens.

TICK!! TOCK!! TICK!! TOCK!!*
Too many opportunities wasted, in a quick beat.
This heavy toll, feeds from the constant brooding.
Actions must be taken, for control of her life.

Your face appeared,
With your blue-eyed gaze,
In that moment I froze,
Held in a lovely daze.

I admired your beauty,
With an immediate smile,
Catching a glimpse of pain,
Your heart...so fragile.

You had my attention, 
So I got a closer view,
But you lived quite far,
That just wouldn't do.

I decided to keep moving,
Only to my delight,
You sent me a message,
Then we talked all night.

I couldn't imagine this, 
The strong connection,
You have my devotion;
All of my affection.

I want to be for you,
Everything that you deserve,
I want to show you love,
And heal what hurts.

Copyright ©2015 Jamie Johnson

You are the apple of my eye,
And the sun in my sky,
When your smile shines bright,
Everything feels just right.

If I could have it my way,
We would simply chat all day,
Continuously make you blush,
Getting you all hot and flush.

Babe, you are my only desire,
The precious fuel to my fire,
I can't get enough of you,
The beauty you hold is true.

You are the woman I adore,
That and then some more,
I'll tell you each and every day,
In my own special way.*

Copyright ©2015 Jamie Johnson

Another long chapter finalized,
With an unsatisfying end,
Wedges sit in the breaks,
With no means to mend.

Left to stir, in disconnection,
Slowly absorbing my reality,
Suffering from a lack of control,
In stabilizing my mentality.

The vast space, now a void,
Fills with pain and sorrow,
Another sleepless night ahead,
Drifting into a cold tomorrow.

Whispers scream, "you're broken,"
Suffocating in bitter defeat,
Mustering the strength to stand,
Rather than cower and retreat.

Soon before me is another day;
The start of a new chapter,
How do I face my choices-
The consequences of laughter?

I can only give a broken smile,
Weighed down by damage,
Now alone with my depression,
Unsure of how to manage.*

Copyright ©2015 Jamie Johnson

My eyes have opened,
to find that a new day is in motion.
As I roll out of comfort,
I am pulled abruptly into a state of anger-
all the result of a notification.

As sudden as sleep came the night before,
I am surging with adrenaline.
In record time,
I am awake and prepared.

Prepared for the moment that has been capturing my thoughts.

The time is now, but not as planned.
Still, it will do.

I venture my course, making way to my destination.
I am ready.
It is now or never.

Anticipation ceases as this satisfactory moment approaches,
now that I have arrived.

As I seek out the source of this nonsense,
with intent to unleash my anger,
I am quickly disappointed.
The source is not available.

Desperate for my relief, I am determined to find an outlet.
Moving down the chain- the notifier will do.

Finally, my moment is here.

She initiates the conversation,
to which I respond with silence.
My first expression of my dissatisfaction towards them.

She offers an opening and I become rude.
Immediately demanding an answer to this absurdity.
As I allow myself to be taken by the heat inside,
she becomes fearful and begins taking my moment from me.

She is ending the conversation,
though I have not said all that I have been waiting for.

This is wrong.
This is not my moment.
This was not the plan.
It was suppose to be smooth and gratifying.

Yet,
it was unexpected and displeasing.

All that time spent patiently waiting, only to have my moment stolen again by the same thieves.

Like before, I am left with nothing.
Nothing but emotions and a full plate to worry about.

I repeatedly imagine,
the day we meet again.
Will I approach you as foe,
or as an old friend?

I am still hurt by you,
yet a part of me doesn't care.
With time I understand,
of past reality, I am aware.

We were full of lust,
it was nothing more.
Our passion was strong,
of that I'm sure.

In my thoughts, I am clear,
it is not you that I desire.
I only wish to feel alive,
from the heat of that fire.

Each day that I wait,
brings more nerves,
These unique circumstances,
seems a little absurd.

How can it be possible,
that we are in love?
It is a guardian angel,
watching from above?

Words cannot express,
what I feel for you.
There is no denying,
that you feel it too.

My dear sweet love,
what will I ever do?
Because without her,
my world turns blue.

Something is wrong.
I don't know what,
or why.

This awful feeling inside,
makes me want to explode.

I can't think...
I don't know where to begin.

I can't breathe...
there's no air in the room.

I can't focus...
so many thoughts at once.

I can't scream...
because I'm suffocating.

I can't lose control...
if I do, it'll be over.

I don't know what to do.

Every sound brings...
more anger,
more frustration,
more confusion,
more anxiety.

All I want to do is escape this.

I am angry....
because I can't make it go away,
because I don't know how to deal with it,
because it causes me these feelings,
because I have no patience.

I am angry because I suffer from anxiety.

I just want it to end...

Upon first sight, I did not foresee this,
A chance to gain knowledge about you,
Never imagining we share similar histories,
A statement which could not be more true.

Enlightened through our few conversations,
Your reactions result in surprise,
The understanding that we truly are alike,
One I have recently come to realize.

Thoughts remain, pertaining to your call,
Spoken words imprinted on my mind,
Admittance surfaced of two individuals,
Which choose to live life so confined.

You possess many admirable qualities,
Rarely found within other males,
Your impression keeps growing stronger,
For your persistence never fails.

Intrigued by discovery, curiousity exists,
Guessing at what more there could be,
Pondering over other possibilities,
Of other ways you could be like me.

Pleasure lingers, caused by your delight,
As time has lapsed between connections,
Grateful to be that person, also to life itself,
As it carries us through new directions.

Like the seasons,
we continue on this cycle.

Though we are,
without the ordered sequence.

Summers begins our year,
with hot blazes of passion.

Autumn breezes past,
with glimmers of warmth.

Suddenly, winter appears,
painful with deep colds.

Spring then follows,
bringing heavy wet clouds.

The time has come,
to which we repeat.

Without variation,
we sing our song again

At first we met, just out for some fun,
Halloween parties, come all but one.
Leaving my petty, sorrow behind,
I was on the floor, getting on my grind.

A drunken tale, it was for me,
Out for the night, completely free.
We drank and we danced,
Until our very last chance.

That was the night of decisions,
As he lay hospitalized with incisions,
That I chose to live for me,
And battle to be happy.

That night I was satisfied,
Feeling charged and electrified,
In the end, pleased with you,
And our arrangement too.

Copyright ©2015 Jamie Johnson

The wind slices through my hair,
     like a knife through butter,

My skin embraces the feeling,
     like the warmth of a mother.

My fingers slowly graze the grass I stand upon,
     then suddenly tighten as I gasp for air.

My eyes stare blankly into the sky,
     as my lungs begin to tear.

They fill quickly with dust and small rocks,
     making it impossible to breathe.

My legs are weak and shake forcefully,
     I am summoned on to my knee's.

I willingly open my arms wide,
     accepting the future ahead of me.

As my skin disintegrates I'm released,
     my soul has finally become free.

Chaos fills my surroundings,
     with screams from the innocent.

The world is crumbling quickly,
     the situation arising causes content.

I have been absorbed into the chaos,
     I have become a fear.

I am what haunts you as you plead,
     your love to those who are dear.

You perceive this to be a disaster,
     yet to me it is a master piece of art.

The chaos will not end,
     until I have absorbed your heart.

The letters, they swirl.
     A word here,
                          a sentence there.
                                             They spin, and they spin.
Every so often,
               one is thrown.
                                                         ­          No placement,
                                    no rhythm,
just discarded.

              From a merry-go-round,
                                         it becomes a carousel.
Quickly advancing,
                                                      ­       into a tornado -
        the disaster thickens.
                                                       ­             Building, and building,
                                                      i­t continues to collect,
               as it tears a path.
No safe way to release,
                                                        ­    all that madness, has consumed.
                                            No beauty to be found,
            in the wake of the aftermath.
                                                      ­No way out of the destruction,
                                                    ­                                   that brews silently.

Where do I go from here?

Here. Where is here? Where have I ended up?
At what point do I end?

Have I completed my journey? Please say I have.
Tell me that my sentence is over.
My time is done.

Tell me that I will not bear this pain -
That I will not have to feel,
the magnitude of these emotions,
for another second longer.

Please tell me that my suffering will end…
that if my journey is not over,
I will soon find peace within.
That these feelings won’t last.

I need to know that one day,
the tiredness will disappear…

I won’t be tired…of waking up,
to face another day of struggle.
I won’t be tired…of looking at myself,
noticing every flaw that exists.
I won’t be tired…of hating who I am,
never reaching my better self.
I won’t be tired…of worrying,
about how others are judging me.
I won’t be tired…of failing,
only accomplishing the next day.
I won’t be tired…of being hurt,
when I open my heart to others.
I won’t be tired…of hurting,
the people I love the most.
I won’t be tired…of disappointment,
it’s in every face that I see.
I won’t be tired…of surviving,
taking it one day at a time.
I won’t be tired…of living,
holding onto the hope of death.

I am tired of fighting,
and my strength is worn.

Where do I go from here?

I stare down at you, and watch you in pain,
you stare up at me, watching the grin on my face appear.
Blood creeps from your wounds, as you scream for mercy,
for I have become your greatest fear.

Your pain and agony, brings me great joy and laughter-
now someone understands my pain.
Above you I stand, simply gaining pleasure,
knowing this is only one of my sick little games.

You lye there suffering and begging, constantly being tortured,
as I continue to horribly violate you.
Not regretting a single thought or action,
not seeing the wrong in what I do.

Absence is strongly present,
harboring this beaten vessel.
Assuming full control,
damaging my infrastructure.

Illusions of reality creep,
glimpsing but mere frames.
Awareness dawns periodically,
despite my reluctance to admit.

Yet, remaining truths surface,
the wake - unbelievable.
Time escaped visibility,
Carving its deep path.

Grasping for any remnants,
attempting to secure myself.
Facing my consequences,
the outcomes of poison.

So often in life, we face crossroads;
never knowing which path to take,
or where each path takes us.

Sometimes, we stumble onto them,
other times we run for them,
but either way, we keep moving.

How do you decide which path?
Are the decisions weighed,
or are they just made?

Do you trust your instincts?
Follow your heart?
Listen to your brain?

Which one is right?

Fear.
It's always there.

Fear of making a mistake;
of failing.

Fear of loss;
emptiness.

Yet, there's also hope.

Hope, that it will be better,
that it's for the best.

Hope, for a brighter path.

Hope, that the change,
is worth the pain.

How do you decide?

You must listen,
to everything inside.

Then take it,
one day at a time.

She always said I was strong,
and I never believed her.

I still don't.

I count on my best friend,
to tell me how it is.

She tells me I'm strong,
I think I understand....
I can always make the hard choices.

Even if it hurts.

The most recent choice,
was the hardest yet.

If you love someone,
let them go, they say.

I let her go...

She wouldn't admit it,
but things were bad.
I became a stranger-
to myself.

I couldn't love her enough,
because I'm angry all the time.
I couldn't help myself,
because I worry about her.

She doesn't understand;
she thinks we can manage.

But why?
Why should she manage?
Why should I manage?

Why can't we live?
For ourselves.

I've always said,
you never know what will happen,
and that everything,
happens for a reason - whatever that may be.

Maybe...one day,
in the future,
I will be ready for her.

She is amazing,
and now...
she's gone.