Cogitating our path,
the many possibilities,
what has been, and yet to be.

Deliberating the actions,
or words that were spoken,
which have set me free.

Eluding the dramatics,
my conscious is aware,
of all that I am, or do.

Analyzing behaviours,
weighed without bias,
seeking what is true.

Discovering that lines,
may be deceiving,
questioning the certain.

Enlightening experiences,
much remains unknown,
hidden behind the curtain.

I need you now more than I ever could have,
because I have this feeling that I cant describe.
Although you express to me your infinite love,
I can't seem to escape this feeling of suicide.

I don't want to let you go, I need you to hold me,
I need your reassurance in this dark place.
I want you to stroke my hair, and put me at ease,
I want to forever feel your warmth and grace.

It's happened once before and you were there,
you stayed by my side and we sought it through.
Not once did you frown when you never understood,
instead you held me tighter and there sat us two.

If there was ever a time when I truly needed you,
that time has come, like it did then.
So please don't abandon me cause I don't understand,
the only thing I know is that I need a friend.

These empty days pass,
like clouds in the sky;
always moving onward,
one after another.

I dream often of feelings,
imagining scenarios,
with a vast space to fill,
I carry myself away.

In my thoughts, I explore;
feeding my desires,
creating, with pleasure,
a happiness tailored for me.

Such a little thing,
yet, so precious,
though it is not everlasting,
it helps me get through.

Twelve months have passed,
I remember my wish from last,
This year it is for you,
My one love that is true.

Time has opened my eyes,
I have finally come to realize,
That through thick and thin,
It will always be him.

Along with my gift,
I am hoping for this;
The strength to overcome,
The wrong that was done.

I need a clear heart,
so not to be set apart,
I want my wish to come true,
I want happiness with you.

I'm faced with realities,
that were only known,
as concepts.

Stuck in this state;
a combination of fascination,
mourning and inner chaos.

After a decade and a half,
of abusing those three words,
the real thing appears.

I don't recognize it's face,
nothing about it seems familiar.
I've been broken, for so long -
did I ever know what love is?

Is it wanting happiness for her,
even if it means without me?
Is it hoping someone can heal,
the damage I've caused her?

A month of absence,
and she is still my focus.
Accepted or not,
the truth has arrived.

I wish it could have been different.
I wish that I could still hold her,
and tell her softly, that,
I still love her.

I will always love her,
even now,
as I let her go.

Each time I lose myself,
You always seem to find me,
When I'm locked into depression,
You always seem to have the key.

Though some take you for granted,
I see the value of you,
I know that I am lucky,
To have a friend who is true.

When I feel lower than dirt,
You're there to pick me up,
When I see things half empty,
It's the opposite for your cup.

When I need to hear the truth,
No one tells me like you do,
I love knowing I have a friend,
to depend on and get me through.

As the wind brushes the branches,
the leaves of the tree fall,
scattered upon the soft dirt,
they have been discarded.

One by one, they begin to flow,
caught in life's vicious current,
trampelled with ignorance,
into tiny crumbling pieces.

Still, the wind blows relentlessly,
the fragile binds; shattered,
a cruel, unavoidable cycle,
of stale life breathed anew.

Copyright ©2015 Jamie Johnson

Too many years have passed,
Waking from this familiar daze,
Too many years I've spent,
Lying with an absent gaze.

The blinding ties of love,
Have been fully stripped,
Leaving a deep ugly hole,
Where my heart was ripped.

It is not my first time here,
Battered and in thought,
Was it a great play?
Each battle, well fought?

I did not have the time,
Before you entered my life,
To heal my ****** wounds,
From my last three year fight.

I was set up for failure,
Right from the very start,
When you decided to pursue,
And conquer my heart.

I gave you fair warning,
To which you did not heed,
Now I am suffering again,
Except now, we both bleed.

Copyright ©2015 Jamie Johnson

In this life, we have no certainty.
Our next day; never guaranteed.
Uncertain of our actions to come,
or the consequences that follow.

I soar not, through the night,
like the bat overcoming blindness.
But rather, crawl in the filth,
scared, hiding beneath the surface.

Like a knee, that only gives one way,
I have no ability of ownership.
I fuss over, and fear exposure,
for that awful feeling of humility.

In my silence, I am repenting,
begging forgiveness and mercy,
swearing I can control my sins,
I act with the best intentions.

Public transit, a nightmare.
Yet there I sit, going through my day.

The music in my ears, a trigger.
A thought...

Grade four, and it's lunch time.
My brother and I, are at home.
There we stand before him, waiting.

Then the blow.
Each a fist to the forehead...
the wall - our security - it holds us up.

I can't remember why...
Why he did it.
Why we deserved it.

A tear nearly escapes, as other's board the bus.

Like a train, they're connected.
One follows another.
The next thought, unwanted.

The day, unclear.
About twelve years of age.
A day I will never forget.

At the bottom of the stairs,
he cried out in pain,
and I was helpless.

He beat him,
she did nothing in fear,
and we all heard, helpless.

The song has changed,
and the next thought follows.

She was maybe ten,
she did nothing wrong,
but she upset him somehow.

He grabs her, picking her up,
then throws her sideways,
at the bedroom wall.

She falls onto the futon,
and I stand in dismay.
Why? I don't understand.

I can't do this.
I can't think about it.
I have to move on.
It's a new day, and I'm trying.

Trying to get through the day.
Trying to get past this trauma.
I can't cry in front of these people.
I can't let it in right now.

Can they see me?
Do they know what's happening?
Am I wearing it on my face?

I take three deep breathes,
and steady my heart.
I clear my mind and say;
Let it go. Focus on today.

I repeat once more.
Three deep breathes;
Let it go, focus on today.

*Did anyone see me?
Did they notice?

...no one saw me.
Thankfully.

Oh, what I wouldn't give,
just to give you a piece of my life.

I would give up knowing my way,
for you to see how the sun brightens the day.
How the light can bring warmth and make everything feel okay.

I would give up my certainty in each step,
for you to see the beauty in the mountain tips.
Feeding you life like a cup of coffee, with each slow sip.

I would give up my independence,
for you to see the faces of your grandchildren for the first time.
Letting the joy spread of no longer searching for lines.

I would trade you your place in the darkness,
so you could feel the serenity of watching the world in the way I do.
Simply peering out the window, grateful for all I've got through.

I  would give up witnessing the endless possibilities still to come,
just to give you a fraction of the happiness you deserve.
To show you how things have changed from your childhood,
and the long days spent on the reserve.

My dearest grandmother,
though you may see it as a waste,
I would give the next 40 to 60 years of my sight to you,
for five minutes of witnessing you marvel at the world.
For you to look into my eyes for the first time,
and see just how much I love you.

I would give this to you,
your happiness,
if only I could.

Finally accepted my terms,
only to face a new battle.

Poisoned by trusting his love,
with wounds that do not heal.

These scars that I bare,
continue to grow deeper.

Diseased and contagious,
I have become a risk.

Fearful of another mistake,
I am hesitant to love her.

Instinctively, I withdraw,
this is not her burden.

Yet without her, I can't win,
she is everything I am not.

She is my victory,
for every painful tear shed.

Copyright ©2015 Jamie Johnson

In times where I knew little,
with you by my side,
the feelings I had for you,
were hidden deep inside.

Now those days bring pain,
knowing your mind strayed,
regret lingers of how-
my cards were awfully played.

You sought a new beginning,
it lead you to my life,
but knowing your past,
is like the cut of a knife.

An overlap of people,
with whom you cared for,
though things have changed,
I want to know more.

You expressed your void,
with the words "I miss you",
now you're only friends,
but will your heart be true?

Is it her smile you need,
or the comfort of her?
My mind is all shaken,
into a darkened blur.

I know you love me now,
and perhaps half back then,
but ask yourself this;
is she only just a friend?

You were both once lovers;
she remains dear to you,
I only need to know that,
those feelings are through.

You're the one who said,
you don't talk as much,
but with a sad face,
it was said as such.

Not knowing your heart,
brings me down each day,
I feel utterly torn,
for feeling this way.

What is truth?
Is it the actions we take,
or the words we break?

Is it what we lie about,
to ourselves?
Is it what we hide,
from others?

11 definitions exist,
to explain it's meaning,
yet none are the ones,
we are searching for.

"I'll believe it, when I see it"-
does that make it true?
"Actuality or actual existence"-
we don't see all that there is.

When I set about to find
the truth I've been chasing,
I look to know who I am,
in the face of this world.

I look to find answers,
that will keep me going;
I have chased truth,
and it's face is ugly.

You are one broken human. I'm sad for you.
If only you could have loved me broken, in the pieces that I carry...
Maybe then I could have help putting myself together,
Instead of walking by your side, devoted to your happiness,
Only to be sitting here again, with more pieces this time.

You are more ****** than I thought.
In all that time, you never got to know the real me...
You can't accept that I am not your perfect,
No matter how hard I tried to be,
I am more ****** than I thought too.

Just the weak ones
Stand by your side when you have nothing, or no one.
Make several attempts and compromises for our success.
Make the hard decision to say enough is enough, and let love go.
Walk away with this pain in my heart, knowing it's for the best.

Just the weak ones
Give in to temptation, and the want to be desired.
Betray your trust and faith.

I am weak
I have had enough of you putting me down,
trying to change the person I am, that you don't like, into a person you would.
I am tired of wondering whether you want me and aching for affection.
I am tired of being tired with my life.
I am tired of not feeling loved.*

I am human, I do wrong, but I aim for right.
You are far from perfect yourself, but I loved every bit of you.

Copyright ©2015 Jamie Johnson

I can't seem to comprehend,
this test I'm facing.
I seem to be missing,
the lesson intended.

Am I not supposed to,
be so generous?
Am I supposed to learn,
gratitude in struggles?

Am I even being tested?
Am I searching for something,
that doesn't exist?
A reason for this feeling?

Am I meant to find,
my inner strength?
What is the purpose?
Because I want to break.

How do I face this?
How do I overcome it?
I feel like I'm drowing;
I want to dive deep.

You talk about that day, and my gut wrenches.
You say..you will never get over,
the things he did to you.
That you will always have fear;
making my heart shatter ten fold.

How do I accept the burden, I placed on you?
How do I face the mirror, knowing it was me,
that did this...to you?

How can I be so selfish,
thinking of how I have to live with this?
How can you forgive me,
and still tell me you love me?

How can I fix the biggest mistake I ever made?
How do I live with this regret?

You're always so willing to forgive,
and so right, to never forget.
How can I ever make it up to you?

The only thing I can do...is to make you a promise.

A promise that I will never forget how I betrayed your trust.
I will never forget the pain I caused you.
I will never forget the burden you carry, because of me.
I will never forget how awful of a sister I am.

A promise that I will always be there for you,
the way I should have been.
That I will never let anyone, including me, hurt you again.

A promise that I will honour to my death.

You may have forgiven me...but I could never forgive myself.
I will always remember what I did.

I am the judge of my life, despite those who will judge me.
My judgement is the only one I deserve, and with it,
a life sentence of torture; remembering.

I do not deserve to forget.
I do not even deserve your forgiveness.
But I shall remain here in this world,
spending my life, keeping my promise.

It all became so clear,
why it holds its power.
Understanding dawned,
like a Christmas morning.

Now that I know,
it seems a tragedy,
to have been in the dark,
for so many years.

It changes everything;
my expectations,
my height of bliss,
and my appetite.

It has opened doors,
when there wasn't windows.
It has shed light,
into my darkness.

It brings excitement,
for what else exists.
It has sparked a fire,
that feeds my soul.

Such a simple pleasure,
that was denied until now.
I finally understand;
a new adventure begins

Through the foggy grey's,
Of freshly instilled,
Yet old insecurities,
I stay the course.

Whispers of doubt,
Deafen all other audio,
As it lingers amongst,
Every concious thought.

Uncertainty is permanent,
Placed by your words,
Only to be removed,
When actions of truth prevail.

Although reunited,
Segregation is prominent,
My heart aches knowing,
You denied me security.

The stale air lingers,
Emptiness surrounds his heart,
Death is near, waiting.

It was told to me that,
eyes are the window,
through to ones soul.

When I look inside of hers,
I want to be the one,
that makes her whole.

Believing in life's mysteries;
I was somehow guided,
to my perfect woman.

Anytime I think of her,
in my heart I know,
she is my true one.

Our hearts; quite the pair,
higher capacity levels,
of putting others' above.

Every twinkle in her eyes,
will be a reflection,
of my devoted love.

Each time that she smiles,
hidden in her thoughts,
I claim responsibility.

In the eyes of this artist,
my Queen is a beauty,
to be loved delicately.*

Copyright ©2015 Jamie Johnson

Once again, I find myself here,
hating the reflection in the mirror.

It brings tears to my eyes,
gazing upon my tiny size.

I once had some weight,
and it made me feel great.

Now, I am skin and bones,
riddled with different tones.

It saddens my soul,
that I can't feel whole.

I am ashamed, of what I see,
I wish that it wasn't me.

I want this cycle to end,
I want to break the trend.

How do I accept who I am,
this person they call Jam.

The darkness calls to me.

Luring me in,
with the temptation,
of solitude.

It whispers,
full of promises,
of escape.

I hear it sing,
as it encompasses,
everything.

I hear it laugh,
as the shadows,
dance.

It beckons me,
to be submerged,
willingly.

Attracting me,
with the release,
of pain.

I call to the darkness.

Insanity...
Doing the same thing,
Over and over,
Expecting different results.

The definition of my life.

Change...
Always occurring,
Bringing new challenges;
A key to growth.

The way of my life.

I endure constant change,
Yet underneath it all,
Nothing has changed.

Different cities,
Different employment,
Yet the same difficulties.

My soul is yearning,
For a new journey,
To meet myself.

My circumstances,
have changed,
My souls desire,
remains the same.

When will I step,
Onto this new path?
When will I leap,
Into my future?

Yesterday is too late,
Tomorrow is unforseen,
Today is what I have,
to change my scene.

I will crawl to it,
I will walk into it,
I will run for it,
Today is the day

You may see my lips smile,
never reaching my eyes.
On the surface I seem fine,
but I am not okay.

You may hear my laugh,
never reaching my heart.
On the surface I seem fine,
but I am not okay.

You may witness a moment,
never knowing it's depth.
On the surface I seem fine,
but I am not okay.

You won't see me crying,
always keeping it hidden.
On the surface I seem fine,
but I am not okay.

You won't hear the pain,
always buried deep inside.
On the surface I seem fine,
but I am not okay.

You won't witness my grief,
always alone with the weight.
On the surface I seem fine,
but I am not okay.

You might know that I've lost,
but not what it means to me.
You might know that I'm broken,
but not what it means for me.

You might have an understanding,
but they will never be compared.
You might be in the same boat,
but not in the same seat as myself.

We may walk the same path,
or travel along the same river.
This does not mean we are the same,
You are you and I am me.

This is okay!

Our healing journey is unique,
and it's okay - to not be okay.
Our days will look different,
and it's okay - to not be okay.

Our struggles will vary,
and it's okay - to not be okay.
Our self-compassion differs,
and it's okay - to not be okay.

You will only see a fraction -
the parts that I wish to share,
the rest is my own burden,
mending my hearts biggest tear.

I wrote to you last, talking about the day,
that your spirit slipped away.
As those moments, drag on in my mind,
I lose all comprehension of time.

Recalling the chaos of hurried souls,
as they seem to dance around you.
The curtains closed, but they did not stop,
and the sound of their voices grew.

His voice delivering words, I begged to hear,
and the curtains were drawn open.
Devastation has surrounded us all,
as we watch, praying and hoping.

Your body has become so frail,
and the violent jerks look painful.
I hear his screams telling them to stop,
only to save your life, they are unable.

In these moments I am fully aware,
of what transpires around me.
A gripping weight pulling on my back,
hearing my mother scream and plea.

Both of my sisters' pain echoing,
as their cries fill and drown the halls.
I stand there like a statue - unmoving,
waiting for the outcome of it all.

There are fifteen people in the room,
and ten more, outside your door.
They have done what they can,
to give us a few minutes more.

They tell us, that this is it - the end,
and to say our final goodbyes.
I am the first to rush into the room,
and be next to you by your side.

I don't know how conscious you are,
since your soul was ready to leave.
Whispering in your ear "I love you",
and "it's okay, go home and be free".

Embracing you as if roles reversed,
I smooth your hair, so lovingly.
Knowing that any second could be the last,
until you depart this world completely.

Scrutinizing your face, for every detail,
while you take each laboured breath.
Watching you slip away from the light,
and pass slowly into your death.

Then the dreaded moment arrives,
and your soul has now departed.
My blanket of strength is gone,
and I am left broken hearted.

Through all that happened that day,
I am haunted by the uncertainty.
Not by the efforts made to save you,
but by now knowing absolutely.

When I told you I love you -
did you know it was me saying it?
When you said I love you back -
did you know it was me you said it to?

The smell of green
seeps into every pore
feeding off of each other
I am one with the forest.

As I breathe into
the comfort of her arms
I am guided by
the heart we share.

Carelessly, and swiftly
I leave footprints, yet
She is without harm
as I reach her center.

My mind clears
to embrace her peace
releasing my soul
so she may see me.

As she accepts
our dance begins-
to her strong lead
I follow with ease.

In these moments
I am free of confinement
My spirit is hers
for nature is my Mother

I can't stop myself from thinking,
knowing the pain that you're in,
And it hurts me to be helpless,
wishing that I could make it end.

I'm so sorry this has happened,
and there's nothing I can do,
I know that my love isn't enough,
even though I feel it strongly for you.

I wish that it could be magic,
and heal your wounds,
I wish that you could tell me,
That you're okay too.

My poor kitty I am so sorry,
for what you're going through,
my dear kitty please know,
that I absolutely love you.

I hope you're okay babes 💚😔

The world is full of many souls,
where most have a pair of eyes.
Yet so many of these people,
cannot see through the disguise.

Time after time, and again,
these words have been spoken.
Our world is rooted in hate,
everything still remains broken.

When the world looks at me,
do they see what I see?
A member of our society,
fighting to live free.

When the world looks at me,
they see what they want to see;
They do not see me,
for who I am truly.

My heritage fights to exist,
we will not be silenced.
We will never cease to resist,
regardless of being distanced.

They have taken our land,
and so many of our people.
To this day we still stand,
and our hearts are hopeful.

Do not be blind, instead see me;
I am Aboriginal.
When the world looks at me,
do they know what I know?

Times have come so far,
and yet they're still dark.
They have moved the bar,
and ignited a spark.

For so long I could not love,
without being judged.
For so long I have cried tears,
living in so much fear.

Before you I stand,
with my love at my side.
This does not mean,
we don't have to hide.

We are not fully accepted,
in this world full of hate.
When the world looks at me,
do they see what I see?

Do not be blind, but see me;
I am a lesbian.
When the world looks at me,
do they know what I know?

My upbringing was plagued,
with misery and trauma.
I suffered three levels of abuse,
but that's just drama.

Punches, belts, fists and spoons,
but "stop your **** crying".
Verbal assaults following soon,
all telling me I am not worthy.

This life I have lived has hurt,
I tried many times to escape.
So stand before me and judge,
because despite it all, I will not break.

When the world looks at me,
do they see what I see?
When the world looks at me,
do they know what I know?

It is the blind, leading the blind,
they do not see.
Do not be fooled by the disguise,
look and see.

When I look into the world,
I will not judge it but rather see;
Our stories may be different,
but we are all one species.

I will stand for anyone,
who is being suppressed.
I will stand for anyone,
whose rights are not given.

I will stand for anyone,
who needs my support.
You may not see me,
but I am not blind;
I do see you.

Together we are one.

Time and time again,
I have paired words,
formulating sentences,
all in the name of love.

As I venture down,
my memory lane,
all that I can see,
is a desperation.

Too many lies told,
written creatively,
with a yearning,
all in the name of love.

Upon reflection,
it is clearly visible,
each word written,
was out of hope.

Yet, I still hope,
that recent words,
will be my last,
all in the name of love.

Forget the past,
my present awaits,
my future bright,
and my heart full.

If I let go...who am I?

If I let go of the pain that made me strong,
does that mean I have become weak?

If I let go of the betrayals from the past,
how will I guard myself in the future?

If I let go of the anger I hold inside,
what will fuel the fire within?

If I let go of the wrong done to me,
will I make the same mistakes?

If I let go of the person I have been,
who am I?

They say, that the storm will blow over.

Before it does, the rain will try to drown you.
The strong winds will try to push you.
The surrounding clouds will try to limit you.
The darkness will try to consume you.

Do not surrender to the storm. For if you hold strong and keep rooted, the storm will blow over, rather than blowing you over.

They say, that time heals all wounds.

The time does not heal you or set you free.
In the concept of time, perception is the key.
Will it be your friend, or your enemy?
It is not with you, nor against thee;
it is a gift, that comes with no guarantee.

Do not be fooled by time. For it is not objective; what you do with the unknown time given to you, can be full of endless possibilities.

They say, that good things come to those who wait.
Though this is true, not without challenges along the way.
It cannot be said with an exact amount of days.
Those who are waiting, had a price to pay.

Do not lose faith in the Universe. Things happen as they will, but you will see brighter days ahead.

They say, that love is blind.
Overlooking behaviours, choosing to disbelieve.
The trust line broken, unable to receive.
Peering into the eyes, yet still deceived.

Do not be confused by this. It is not blindness, but unconditional love - that we accept their faults, have hope and believe it exists within them, for this is Love.

They say, that you are your own worst enemy.
Never underestimate the power of the mind.
Learn self-love and discover what you find.
Judging and criticizing is but a waste of time.

Do not succumb to fear. For your thoughts are a powerful thing. You have overcome many struggles.

They say, that life is short.
So take each day as a blessing.
Life is made of moments and lessons.

Take chances! You never know where they will lead you.

In the midst of the changes,
a new season approaches,
surrounded by the leaves,
that are pulled from the trees.

By the weight of gravity,
or the wind that blows,
their colours are changing,
their placement rearranging.

With every leaf that falls,
I think of you; each one a memory,
and as they hit the ground- a thought,
every one of yours is now lost.

The stories you would tell,
with fondness in your voice,
never to be heard by you,
since those days are through.

Buried deep in mother earth,
lay treasures never shared,
taken upon your depart,
also leaving with my heart.

I know you are still here,
even though I don't see you,
but it will never be the same,
when someone says your name.

A part of me died that day,
when you left this world,
my soul was shattered,
pieces broken and tattered.

The love you gave to me,
never fades with passing days,
I promise to share that love,
until the day we meet above.

Donnie Smyth,

If you were sitting next to me, sharing this view, so early in the morning, I would sit and talk with you.

We would catch up on each other’s lives, since it’s been too long. I would say…
“ I didn’t know you liked motorcycles.”
And smile at your excitement while you talk about it.

I would then tell you just how dangerous they are and of course to be careful. Expressing my concern for your safety.

This makes me want to cry.
Knowing that you would probably roll your eyes at me and brush it off laughing. But then again, I can’t say for sure. It’s been so long since the way we were friends as kids. I miss you Donnie.

I would go on to ask how things are in your life.
“How is your mom and brother doing? How is work going for you these days? Is there a special lady in your life? Where abouts are you staying – is it a nice place? Do you like it?”
I would listen to all your answers, hoping that each response is filled with happiness. Sharing your joy for all the blessings you have, and the blessings you give to others.

Together we would sit, facing the city line and watch the crows gather together in numbers that are rarely seen. Only this early in the morning, in the right spot, can we watch this and chat. Marveling at the wonders of life, all while facing it’s challenges every day.

What an odd feeling – so conflicting…
Here we sit, together, watching the day dawn and it’s beautiful but I am still sad. Because you sit here with me in spirit, but there is still a feeling of absence.

My dear friend Donnie, I miss those days when we were kids. I will cherish those memories for as long as I live and the friendship we shared. You felt like a brother in some ways, and I know you were as genuine as my own brothers.

No words will explain these feelings, but I know you will get this letter and the feelings that accompany it. I miss you my friend.

Until we meet again,
Jamie

What can be said,
that hasn't been said already?
What can be done,
that hasn't been tried already?

It's the same white page,
though a different seat each time.
It's the same old feeling,
escaping through a different rhyme.

It's like the earth's rotation-
spinning endlessly.
It's like generations of music-
remembered timelessly.

Hitting every roadblock,
I keep fighting through.
Trying to find some way,
to release my truth.

It feels like it's been,
a blink of the eye,
from the time we met,
until it was goodbye.

We've come so far,
from the first hello,
to standing here now,
wishing you didn't go.

I know how it works,
so I will try my best,
not to be too sad,
that you're laid to rest.

It may have been short,
but it was also eventful,
you opened your heart,
for that I am grateful.

I know it was hard,
to watch a love grow,
I know it was hard,
to let your baby go.

So now comes the time,
where I will tell you so,
that she loves you dearly,
though you already know.

Your impact will last,
through this you live on,
too much to be forgotten,
and never truly gone.

Deep within our hearts,
you're tucked safely away,
until we're re-united,
on some other day.

These feelings I carry are mine,
but they do not belong to me.
They were acquired on sidelines,
of those that are dearest to me.

Watching, waiting, and hoping,
for those better days to come.
Empty promises of self-respect,
leaving with not even one.

What remains are harsh echo's,
of reassurance for you.
When the time finally came,
there was no follow through.

Once again, I invested myself,
into cares not of my own.
Once again, I bear this pain,
making solitude my throne.

I can't seem to find reason,
for why I constantly endure,
the torture of this life lesson,
that always seems to recurr.

Here I sit on the sidelines,
watching, waiting, and hoping.
Doing the best that I can,
to keep this pain from showing.