I hope you wore a sweater,
in your favorite shade of blue.
It gets cold in late November,
(it gets darker faster, too)

I hope the shoes you wore fit snugly
(even if your socks don't match)
I hope your last day wasn't ugly,
I hope the pain was over fast.

I'm sure you felt your sadness deeply,
I'm sure you felt your heart ache too.
When you took a walk when all were sleeping,
in your favorite shade of blue.

I wonder what it felt like,
to pick the perfect tree.
To end your painful heartache,
snug shoes on dangling feet.

But my most pressing question,
that I would ask of you,
is where did you lose your earbud?
(you're wearing one, not two)

They moved you to the metal table,
(the one that tilts down at an angle)
They cut the sweater off you too,
your favorite one in midnight blue.

They make their notes:
your weight,
your height.
They check your shoulder width and write:
"He will fit a standard casket"
(they carry on with their assessment)

"Rope indentation - on the neck
Eyes and fingers - blue and red
Socks mismatching
Nike shoes
One earbud gone"
(that's all I knew)

Tell me why'd you take that walk?
I know the road ahead looked bare.
Tell me how you chose a song.
Did you brush your teeth and comb your hair?

Did it happen on a school night?
(your file says you were in 12th grade)
Did you tell your mom you loved her?
- with your mind already made.

So to the boy with just one earbud,
I'm sorry this world felt so wrong.
I hope you're in your favorite sweater,
and you're listening to your favorite song.

Drag me by my bloodied ankles,
beat my body with such vigor.

Remember my face before you twist it,
look into my eyes as you pull the trigger.

To me you were the closest of friends,
you helped me up when I was low.

But here I am at your mercy,
and instead of love I recieve hard blows.

Little do you know however,
that the blood you draw will heal.

My skin will seal itself again,
and my life you will never steal.

(i.r)

She always seemed so synchronized,
To the thoughts that crossed his brain.

Picking up her feet to dance,
To distract him from the pain.

She kissed his worried temples,
Wiped his tears away like rain.

All the while still syncing with the
Thoughts inside his brain.

He wondered why she danced there,
And focused on his thought's.

"Maiden don't you think that there
is something you've forgot?

You spend worry on my brain waves,
you dance around and sing.
But don't you forget fair maiden,
that your thoughts can also ring."

She stood a while and faced him,
and focused on her thoughts.

"No my dear it's clear that you
are something I am not.

Your thoughts they never linger,
they come and then they go

And unlike me the bad ones
never stay and never grow

So yes, I'll dance about you,
and I'll kiss your temples pink.

And dance about you daily,
just to hear the thought's you think."

(i.r.)

There's something odd about it.

How I know their names, their personalities, the jokes they tell.

How I know the plans you guys have made and the fun activities you'll all do as a team.

How I even know the costumes they'll wear and the conventions you will all go to.

And I know what I'd say in conversation with them,

How I'd get to know them better,

How I would put my best foot forward,

How I've longed to actually hear their voices so I can match them with their persona.

But that's not in the cards.
It's okay, I'm okay.

But sometimes I realize how disconnected I am from your world.

How far away and far removed I am.
And I remember that no one knows me.

None of them know my name, or my personality.

They don't know the plans we have made or activities we are planning.

They don't think about what they'd say to me in conversation, or how they'd "get to know me better".

They wouldn't need to put their best foot forward or hear my voice to match me to the rest of my persona....

Because to all of them I don't exist. I'm a distant acquaintance from a long time ago.

I am a passing name in very loose conversation every couple of months.

I am the one who knows but isn't known.

I am a ghost.

And no one in your life can see me,

Except for a very special person,

And that's you.

(i. r.)