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Haasje May 2017
"Letter written,
  Never send,
  Eternal regret,"

"She kissed him,
  he did not"

"Opened his mouth,
  Not a sound"
Haasje May 2017
I sat down today, at a small lake.
It was after the wake of whom it was to early to take.
But it happened non the less.
With nothing more than a single flash.
Just like that it was over.
Oh god, you stole her.

It was then I noticed it, that tiny but oh so beautiful spirit.
With two white wings and a grace so majestic.
I watched her fly around and it was fantastic.
With a hollow gaze trough my tears it was then I saw
That this creature, as fragile as it may be had the power to change the world.
It was then and there this creature lifted me up and flew me away.
Away from the ashes, the flames and grief.

It took me to a place, deep in my own mind.
Where hard times seemed like ages ago
Where the world was kind again, had two white wings without a care in the world.
Even though it was just for a moment.

Just like that I hit the ground again, back at that small lake.
As I looked around, nothing had changed, or so it seemed.
The butterfly, my butterfly was gone from my view.
But never again from my mind.

Never again will she be in my view again,
But every time I see that majestic, little spirit again.
She's in my mind again, flying by.
Here to say hello and remind me of beauty that is to be found everywhere.
We only have to look.

And that's how one butterfly, a single butterfly changed my life.

-May you rest in my love, my beautiful butterfly. I will move on, but you'll always be that butterfly to me.
It's still a work in progress, but I couldn't hold myself to keep it as a draft any longer.
Haasje Dec 2017
So I met this girl a while back.
Well I didn't, but I feel like I did.
So, I saw this girl a while back.
Although, it was from a distance.

I did go to her!
Mostly stumbled, actually.
I did say hi to her,
No, I yelled to be honest.

She smiled at me.
I giggled, I believe.
She asked to go for a coffee.
Apparently I said no...
Haasje Aug 2017
I'm angry,
Just trowing it out there.
Not at you,
Not at her,
or him or the world or the universe or even myself.

I'm just... angry,
Always,

Have you ever been angry?
Like, so angry, that everyone turns into that one guy.
You know who I mean,
That one guy, who has always been able to get under your skin.
****** you off, makes you want to rip their head off, trow them out of a tree, into a ravine under a car while crashing an airplane onto them.

Yeah, you know who I mean.
Imagine that, that guy is never to be seen, but you always just feel, just know, that he is there.

Well,
I'm angry,
Always,
Because of the guy, who isn't there,

Always.
Haasje Oct 2017
Can you..., do...You..., Uhm,
Do you wanna be... Uhm,

Be my moon, so you're my bright light in the dark nights.
No..., wait, You be the sun and I'll be the moon.
Because the moon's only bright, because it reflects the sunshine.
No..., wait, you do be the moon AND the stars.
So I can  shoot where ever I want and I'll always land with you.
No...no,no,no.

We'd both be stars, twisted in each other's orbit, spiraling in, increasing speed, an interplay of billions of years leading up to a unavoidable collision, an explosion so big we'll send ripples trough space-time itself. We'll give them something they'll see over 100 million light-years away.

Yes, do you wanna be stars with me?
Haasje May 2017
My bass guitar  & I
It's a weird relationship I know,
See, I can slap her, but all she does is sing.
See, I can pull her strings, but she sets the rhythm.
See, I can run my fingers down her neck and she moans so ****.
It's a weird relationship I know,
But **** do I love it,

How we intertwine in the heat of the moment,
To create a song  you can feel in your chest.
How we play with each other, until we reach our peak.
And slowly fade away with one last grunt.
making my bass guitar seem way too hot
Haasje Oct 2017
My friends said: Call me when you're sober.
Now that I'm sober my friends don't call me anymore
Maybe it had been too long since I've been sober.
At least when I wasn't sober I didn't need for my friends to call.
Haasje May 2017
Life is so easy, for everybody but me that is.
I mean, I don't want to sound like I pity myself, even though i do
But here's the thing.
How can you live a normal life when your mind is split in two.
Two thoughts, fighting each other day in and day out.
For the moment I just let them fight their fight.
Because as long as they're still fighting no choice will be made.

Sometimes though, one thought wins, or at least I let it.
That's when the addict in me takes over,
that's when I roll up that joint again, take the pill or whatever it is that makes my head go quiet for just a few hours.
And I should feel bad about it, when I relapse again.
That's what they tell me at least, but I don't.
See, the people that tell me that another relapse is bad just know one of my two fights.
See, the people who, still don't really understand what addiction means, just tell me to kick it up a notch. Try harder next time.

But those same people don't see the other fight, the one I don't talk about.
The one that can best be described as a burning desire to hug a train moving at full speed.
The one that makes me use my arms as a piece of sketch paper, just in case I do decide to slit my wrists.
The one that makes me pinch myself, just to be sure it's not all just a nightmare.
The one that makes me doubt if it's even worth it, to hold on for just one more day.
The one that even worse then drugs.

On those days, where my secret fight is on the winning side, those are the days I choose to let the addict win.
On those days, being an addict is the best thing that ever happened to me.
On those days, kicking myself back into the gutter is the best choice I have.
On those days, I find out again what it really means to be alone.
On those days, I'm just a depressed addict, nothing more.
On those days, all I know is what is most destructive to my life.
And on those days, that's all I want, to destroy myself and everything around me.
Haasje May 2017
Oh, if I had a starship,
     maybe I could reach your heart.
Oh, if I had a time machine,
     I'd stop time for us.
Oh, if I could travel with the speed of light,
     maybe I didn't need you to fill the darkness.
Oh, if I could hold my breath forever,
     I'd swim up the biggest pearl for you.
Oh, if I could stop wondering of what I need to be,
     maybe, I could just say hi for once.
Haasje Jun 2017
We where all called together.
Round the table we sat, chatting away.
Waiting to hear what all the fuzz was about.
I joked "bet someone died" and we all laughed.
A second later our councilors showed up.
Our smiles died off quickly.
A chill went down our spines.

Since we are all addicts here, we could feel what was up.
We waited for what seemed like forever.
Just to hear what we already knew.

Our fellow recovering friend was no more.
Our breath stopped, just like his did last night.
I felt so lonely, just like he must've been last night.
All I could think about was drugs, just like he did last night.

Now,

I'm in my room, alone.
Struggling the same battle as he did last night.
But I'm not gonna make the same mistake.
I'm not gonna give in, like I wish he didn't.
Oh, if only he didn't. We could still be struggling together right now....
This isn't really a poem, nor is it any good. But this happened today and I really needed to get it off my chest. So, yeah....
Haasje Sep 2017
I want to, explore planet Her. I want to see its highest peaks, it's deepest cliffs.
I want to lay down on it's golden beaches, so soft and fine.
I want to run along with the wind as it weaves around every curve it can find.
Feel every wrinkle in the sand, every drop of water that runs down every fall, every storm, heat-wave, hurricane, sunrise, birth, fall, winter, summer, spring, life, death...      

Every tear, every smile, cry, truth, lie.
All the mischief and gags
All wonders and how every many disasters.
I want, no I need it all. All I need you to be is exactly who you are, as long as you leave absolutely nothing behind.
Haasje May 2017
How can someone with such grace,
cause a sonic boom every time she walks by?

How did the cram so much perfection,
into that one person?

How can it be that the whole world isn't in love with her?
since she has enough love for it.

How can someone like that even breathe?
Because my breath stocks every time I see her.

How on earth can it be that she's not mine yet?
Since my heart has been with her for years now.
//How can it be that my heart does not explode when that happens.
Haasje May 2017
A dream becomes a nightmare,
when you dream it alone.

A poem becomes empty,
when it's meaning is lost.

Joy becomes a burden,
when you keep it a secret.

But how can the circle be broken,

When your dreams are meant to be kept a secret.
So you don't lose your last chance to not end up all alone.

The answer is hidden in the words I cannot say
This is one of my first poems I ever wrote. and deffinitly not my best work, it has been years ago now. I still knew I hid a message in it, but it took me a few hours to find it again. even though I wrote it. So i guess everyone who will happen to read it won't find it at all. But maybe, that's the beauty of this poem: knowing there is a hidden message in it, but not being able to find it. since, that's what this poem is all about
Haasje Jun 2017
The moon is high up in the sky.
The crickets in the grass.
Frogs writing a song.
But I'm just waiting for tomorrow.

Because,
When I open my window
and take a sunshine shower.
I breathe in and live.

After a hard day.
I'm going for a smoke.
Take a sip of my coffee.
But I'm just waiting for tomorrow.

Because,
When I open my window
and take a sunshine shower.
I breathe in and live.

My head on my pillow.
On a cold night.
With the blankets wrapped around me.
I'm still waiting for tomorrow.

Because,
When I open my window
and take a sunshine shower.
I breathe in and live.
Wrote this about 4 years ago, dont remember if it was meant as a song or just a poem. But still posting it here now.
Haasje Jan 2018
I wish you could see,
even though you said it wasnt me.
You gave me Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy.

I didn't know what it was either,
but now I just feel like a seether.
But of course you where a cheater.

Again I'm the one to depart,
even though it's your art.
Of giving me a broken heart
Haasje May 2017
The never letter,
It's still in a box,
under my bed.

It's still the never letter,
never to be send,
never to be seen.

But it's more then a letter,
it's my heart and soul,
poured onto a small piece of paper.

It's a scary letter,
if you read it,
you'd really know me.

Maybe it's just a letter,
but not to me,
to me it'll always be,

The never letter.
This is a poem about a real suicide note i wrote a long time ago. One that is really still under my bed and where it's always gonna be.
Haasje May 2017
Two lights flashed.
Darkness.
One light in the distance.
Growing.
I'm getting closer.
slowly.
Suddenly I'm there.
Blinded.
I hear a dark voice.
Whispering.
Welcome to the family.
Forever.

— The End —