i have so many things i want to say but cant find the words to say them


nor the courage to

If you knew
it would end like this,
would you still have loved me
as much as you did?

And if I could ever write a poem that would embody
Your love
i swear
I would

but

Whenever I'd try to write You down
And immortalize You through words
I end up with a blank page staring at me
Because my words do not give justice
To the beauty of You and Your creation

Your eyes
As blue as the sky
Your smile
As bright as a sunny day
Your body
As breathtaking as the view
Your voice
As sweet as birds chirping in the morning

swoosh
Comes the rain
Everything comes crashing down
We come crashing down

Your eyes
As angry as the lightning during a storm
Your smile
As fake as that plastic floating in the flood
Your body
As powerful & hurtful as a typhoon
Your voice
As loud as the raindrops falling on my roof

swoosh
Goes my feelings for you

If talking to you
Were as easy as writing a poem,
We would never stop talking

Why
Do we take
The best parts of us
And give them to others
Only so they can destroy us

Why
Do we put
Our happiness
In someone else's hands
Only so they can crush it to pieces

Why
Do we give
Everything we have
To people who don't even
Give a **** about our existence

Why
Do we allow
Our feelings to be played with
And complain
When we get hurt

Why
After all this
Do we still choose to love?

These past few weeks
Whenever I put pen to paper
I end up with nothing
No words flowing from my veins
No thoughts running in my mind
No stanzas waiting to be written
My leaves have dried up
My lake is frozen
My lemon fully squeezed
All thanks to you

You have been the only thing running in my mind for the past week
Tell me how long your legs can run cos I'm not sure I can take it any longer
You have been the only one dominating my mind like a computer virus
Making me forget everything but you
You are on my mind twenty four seven
In the 86400 seconds in a day
I can assure you you're the first and last thing on my mind
I'm starting to lose track of time

And yet I find no words to write about you
You bring out the bad poet inside of me
You bring to life this other side of me which ssstutters, always unsure of what to say because it might not be good enough
I am an overheating motor
I am an overmixed batter
I am a pen whose cap is left off

You know,
The funny thing is you have absolutely no idea how you affect me
You go on in your everyday life
You go about your day
You make endless maps and cross roads in my mind
And I don't even know if I cross yours
When others talk to you
I don't think they're aware that they're talking to my world
I don't think you're aware that you are my world
No, actually you are my universe
I am the stars, the galaxies, the comets, the meteors
The endless possibilities in our constantly expanding universe
Ready to be filled with our love

You leave me breathless, searching for words
So please,
tell me when you're going to leave my mind, cos I **** sure wanna start writing again

There's this look people give you

You're trying to see it for yourself
Fighting in between people
Squeezing in, trying to get a peek
Only to end up with the same thing I've been seeing for 2 years:
Disappointment

It's the look on the faces of people who believed in you
Who told you you could do it
It's that look of pity, sadness
As if you've lost everything
again
It just adds to the agony of it all
Confirming the nightmare before my eyes

It's the worst ******* look people can give you
It's the same words over and over again
"It's okay" "you're better than that" "there's always next time"
It's not okay **** it
This is the next time

It was like
Trying to build a sandcastle
You put everything you've got
Your blood, sweat, tears, money and time
You try to keep the sandcastle up
And even if the tide begins to rise to the foot of your castle
You still continue to build it
And in the end
It would just be destroyed by a single wave

Tell me that it's okay
That i put the best parts of myself out there
And i spent every waking moment trying to get everything right
And I worked so **** hard for it
Only to end up in a puddle of my own tears, self pity and despair

Sometimes
It’s as if it was just yesterday
Just yesterday when you tore my fragile heart from my chest and shattered it into a million pieces
Seemed as if though I would never find happiness, ever again

But its been two years since
Why do I find myself looking back
Didn’t we say “no regrets”?
Didn’t we leave on good terms?

I remember those nights
Nights when you’d fall asleep while we’re talking
And the next morning you’d apologize and call me beautiful
Those nights when you’d made me feel like no other
Like nothing else ever mattered, as long as we’ve got each other
Those nights when we’d make plans
To watch our favorite band together
To go around the world in each other’s arms
To stay strong no matter what others say
Those nights when we’d have those little arguments
“I love you more”
“No! I love you most”
What happened?

It all suddenly stopped
Our love was like a car accident, everything all of a sudden
A driver who suddenly brakes, suddenly stops
Suddenly flies through the windshield, shattered, wounded
Everything happening so fast
Is there ever time to mend the wounds?
Wounds which were the only remnants of our love
Wounds left by you who once said “I won't let anyone ever hurt you”
Funny how the people you love the most are also the ones who can hurt you the most
How ironic is that?

As my brain goes overdrive, overthinking what could’ve been
I think, what if I just miss the memories, not the person itself?
Its pretty amazing having someone who loves you
But that’s life, and people really do come and go
Everything happens for a reason
I really do like to believe so

i don't want to say good night
because i'll have to sleep
and wait for tomorrow
so that i can talk to you again
or maybe i'll just hope
that i'll meet you in my dreams
so i won't miss you too much

i have to remind myself
it's just good night and not goodbye

Happy National Month of Poetry
As tradition, I join this thingy
It's something called 30/30
For the whole month, one poem daily
I invite everyone to join with me
Challenge your creativity
Push your boundaries
And explore your vocabulary

Acceptance*
Accept all the things that come your way
Walk into each day with arms wide open ready for whatever may come

Accept the *good
and rejoice when you do
Accept all the love that gravitates towards you
and allow good feelings to flow through each vein in your body
and allow each nerve to be energized with this feeling
Go for that free hug on the street
Eat that molten chocolate lava cake you've been eyeing for weeks
Be good to yourself
Take a break from all your worries
And reflect this good into the world
Because the world is just a big mirror
Everything bouncing back to you

Accept the bad
because what is living without the challenge?
Accept your losses and come back stronger
Accept your bad feelings, for they make you human
Make mistakes and most importantly, learn from them
Accept that you can't be perfect, no matter how hard you try
Embrace that imperfection, you are beautiful
Accept every challenge, hardship and bump you encounter
Approach it with your heart as your armor, ready to conquer it
Accept the bad, and learn to use it in a good way

Accept everything
For they complete you
They make you you
They give you lessons you'll never learn in classrooms
They give you this new perspective on things that makes you understand everything just a tad bit better
And maybe by next year, I would've learned how to accept.

Love is the clouds in the air, swirling, white ***** of cotton
Love is the moon, a gentle glow, a light in the dark
Love is the grass, the cushion beneath my feet, tickling my soles
Love is the sun, a never ending spark, which brings life

Love is the sky, happy and sometimes sad
Love is the water, flowy, clear, a necessity
Love is the land, sometimes breaks down, but is the foundation of everything
Love is the breeze ever so soft, ever so gentle & warm to the touch

Love is the world
You are my world
And therefore
You are my love

I was there when she wasn't

yet
      it's
            still
                    **her

Mother Nature, why do you do this to us
A super typhoon, ready to hit a poor country who always drowns with all it's power
All cities submerged in water
Houses gone, people left with nothing

But then I realize
We are to blame
What has the human race done
Besides hurt Mother Nature
There are very few who protect her
But what can they do when the rest of the world is against them
We do not realize what our actions have done
Until we have nothing left
When we've used, took advantage, and wasted Mother Nature
We're all going to regret it
One day
We will realize
"We're sorry, Mother Nature"

Silence expresses what words cannot
Saying more than just talking
Silence is not absence nor stupidity
But trying to find the words to express your thought

Some things are better off unsaid
Because silence speaks louder than words
A communication like no other
A deeper understanding

If you can't find the words to what you want to say
Then don't say it
If you really mean it
Silence should be enough

isn't it amazing
how words
can pierce through your soul
and feel like a gun shot,
a sword,
and death
all at once.

Believe me
When I say I want to write
And you're the only one
Holding me back
and at the same time
Inspiring me

If I had diabetes, you’d  be the sugar
If my blood pressure was high, you’d be the fried food I'm dying to have
If I had colds, you’d be the ice cream
If I had love, you’d be the one wishing I didn't

You’re my poison
You make me weak with your toxins
Spreading them to my body
But why, after all you’ve done,
Do I still love you?

I was as pure as water and you were raging fire
We tried so hard to stay together
but look!
Even nature's telling us that we should be apart

I would rather
Use short, shallow, and everyday words
Which epitomize my feeling
Than
Use big, deep, and unusual words
In which my feelings get lost

Find love
Learn to recognize it in the vast forms it may take
From a simple smile from a stranger
To meeting the one

Be ready to accept it with open arms,
As it may come unexpected
Receive love and most importantly
Learn to reciprocate it

When it does come,
Do not be selfish with it
Do not hide it or keep it to yourself
Plant the seed of love
So that you may produce more flowers, showing its beauty

When it wishes to leave,
It will hurt you
You will want to hold on to it
You will want to do everything humanly possible to make it stay
But it just won't
It can't
It wouldn't
It shouldn't**

Let love go
Release the selfish grips of your arms
That may have hurt you
And let someone else receive it
Let someone else experience
That magical feeling that love once gave you
And I promise,
Love will come back to you again someday
And hopefully by that time,
Love will be here to stay

I loved you
Like you were the last
Breath of oxygen
I would ever have

And she loved you
Like you were just
A piece of gum —
Ready to be thrown away
When she decided she was done with you

We talk about love
Like we're some sort of experts
Like we've mastered the subject
Like we know every nook and cranny
But in reality, we're just at the tip of the iceberg

I want to love and be loved
I want someone to sweep me off my feet
I want someone to hug
And I want someone who will love me

I want someone who'll take care of me
And hold me, when times get rough
I want someone who'll tell me
Everything will be alright

I want someone who'll be there for me
No matter what happens
I want someone who'll make me laugh
And cannot bare to see me cry

I want someone who will teach me how to live
Teach me how to smile on the darkest days
Teach me how to love unconditionally
And teach me how to live myself

Lastly I want someone who will love me
And all my flaws and insecurities
I want to be someone's everything
And he will also be my everything

I hate how you inspire me,
Enough to write poems about you
And to write words
That encompass your beauty

But mostly, I hate that you don't seem to care that I think about you in this way.

We were in each other's company for quite a while
Neither of us speaking to each other
And somehow
It didn't feel lonely at all

You love her
I love you
What's new?

I love you in the dark
Where the shadows hide me
Where you can't find me

It hurts so much you don't even know
When you tell me you love her, more than it shows
You're a gobemouche, can't you see the truth?

Whenever you need me
I'll always be here
Waiting and waiting

for something that might never even come

There will be these
magical little moments
In your life
And no matter what you're doing
No matter where you are and
No matter who you're with,
When the memory of those moments
Come to your mind
You will always
always
Smile

And I tell you,
These are the moments worth living for

How do you know when it's over?

When old habits disappear
When he stops noticing the little things
When he seems to not care that you're hurt,
and he's tearing every single fibre of your heart to pieces
When he forgets to tell you goodnight
When you run out of things to talk about
When he's suddenly bored just by talking to you

It's over
When one simply stops trying

I'm sorry, okay
I'm sorry for breaking down
I'm sorry for showing my weakness
I'm so sorry for showing you that I, too, cry
That I, too, am human
That I have exactly the same feelings as everyone else and crying is how I choose to let it out
I'm sorry for showing you my tears
I'm sorry that I showed my vulnerable side to you and that you'll never see me the same way again
I'm sorry that I was tired of being strong
I'm sorry that I need to cry just to get back up stronger
I'm sorry that on that day I couldn't stop the tears from falling
I'm sorry for not bottling up my emotions
IM SORRY FOR FEELING THINGS OKAY

my new year started
the moment your eyes met mine
the moment your lips met mine
the moment our bodies intertwined

and that's when the sparks flew
our sparks flew
brighter than the fireworks within my view

and that's when I knew
that this is forever

There was this one song
I knew by heart
that I used to love and
No matter how many times I heard it
or no matter how many times it replayed
I'd never get tired of it
I'd sing along to each lyric
Memorize each beat
But ever since that day
You ruined my favorite song

You know you're in deep ****
When he's the one
You want to talk to
At the end of a ****** day

When I see you
My palms start to sweat
My pulse starts to quicken
My foot, an endless tapping of a nervous beat
Fixing my hair, smelling myself
"Do I look okay?"
If we were in the dark I could brighten the whole room
That's how bright my eyes light up when I see you
If you were to attach me to a heart monitor
It would probably explode
Because my heart beats so fast
When I see you

Just say it
Say that you don't feel the same way anymore
And I will let you go

It will be hard
And I will get hurt
But just say the word
And I will let you go

I will never cease loving you
But I will let you go

My arm is covered in wounds and scars
but if you grab my heart from my chest
I'm sure you'll find so much more

I want to talk to you
I want to tell you about my day
And how my classmate said this extremely funny thing
And I knew that you'd laugh at it too
I want to tell you that I had steak for lunch –
Your favorite
I want to tell you how my thoughts drifted to you in class
And that whenever I'd try to focus, you were the only thing clear in my mind
I want to tell you that the song you made me listen to was stuck in my head the whole day
I want to tell you that despite my very tiring day I still looked forward to talking to you at night
I want to tell you that every second, every minute and every hour we aren't together,
I miss you more and more and more and more
I want to know how your day went
I want to know if you've done that project you've been whining about
I want to know everything about you
Tell me every single detail about your "normal" day
And even if you go on for hours, I won't get bored
I probably won't even remember anything you said
Because the sound of your voice and your beautiful words carefully slipping past your lips
Are all that I hear

My mind
Is an endless maze
With countless twists and turns and knots
I have so much to say
That I can't put it into words
They're all rushing to the tip of my tongue
Waiting to be said, wanting to be heard
Some things are better left unsaid
And these are not one of those things

i miss you
and it hurts