Am I pretty enough for you little songbird?
I see you and all your friends and how you fly around.
Singing and tweeting your songs of love.
Oh, how I want to be up there with you.

Are my feathers groomed enough?
Is my beak too big or too small
are my legs too long or too short?
Are my eyes as pretty as yours?

Oh, look at my wings!
I’ve been working on them so hard.
You see I’ve cut back on the worms,
but they still aren’t where I want them

But soon I'll be pretty,
Soon I will soar,
Soon I’ll be loved,
and soon I shall be
a pretty little Gay Songbird too.

Love Love Love
Is that all I care about?
The love love love
That’s all I want.

But if you don’t give me the right kind of love
I won’t love you.
If you give it to me too soon
I’ll run.
If you give it to me too late
I’ll hate you.

It seems all I know is the embrace of ***
the lust, and the passion of getting off.
That’s all. Will I ever know anything else?
Why is this all I focus on?

Maybe I’m scared of my other thoughts
Maybe they are more terrifying
Maybe they’ll go away if I find someone to love me
Love Love Love

You are all I have left to look for.

I’ve never known
someone who
has cared
but
maybe you do
or maybe you're just
nice
but maybe you care
maybe you can show me a different kind of love
not the one I crave
not the one I’ve dealt with
maybe the love I need.
Not the romantic
Not the platonic
A type of love I have never seen.

I do hope it’s something good.

I live in the neat and clean
Hung up shirts and freshly folded laundry
Sunlight peeking through the white curtains
keeping my mind at ease.

I am busy
rushing from spot to spot
reading, writing, and completing tasks.
It keeps my days full.

I am stressed
however, unlike the dark summer hours
I get to live with the stress in the beautiful autumn leaves.
I am stressed but in different ways.

I am lonely
but only in the unattainable love
that I romanticize, I am alone but due to my faults.
I am lonely but In different ways now.

I am so very weird
My moods, switching from one extreme to the other
finding a balance is extremely troublesome.
But people don’t seem to notice.
I am so very weird, but it seems only to me.

Or maybe I am not
Maybe they all see
I wonder if when they look at me...
Am I pitied? Or am I loved?

The days keep passing by
season to season, happy to sad
lonely to depressed back to happy
and I wonder where I’ll end up when the days stop.

"To The Men, I have Loved and the lessons I have learned."

To the boy who hid in the shadows:

You taught me how to plant the flowers of love.
You showed me the colors and the different names
moreover, you taught me how to tend to them all.
Then I learned you lied to me and told me all the wrong names
so now my garden is twisted and confused.
You then left taking my Freesia’s in hand.

To the boy who hid in the trees.

You went garden to garden, loved to plant the first seed.
You taught me how the roses moved in the night.
However, you stilled lived in other gardens and took my roses.
You left my garden with patches of nothing
and made me feel like I deserved it.


Now my garden; already struggling to stay alive.
What was I do? I was already so sad.

Then to the boy who lived in the spotlight:

You came to my garden with roses in hand
promising to help restore what had been lost
for your garden had been plucked as well.
However, you only came for what was left of my roses and took my elderflowers as well.

You only cared for yourself.
And well you,
you taught me not to trust anymore.

So for the next boy who comes to my garden.
Come with a sword and a shield.
Because now I’ve learned how to grow my flowers with thorns.
So I’ll guard my garden until the day I learn which flower is love.

Inject me with silicone,
**** out the fat,
work out the abs,
form the muscle.

stable the dollar bills into my skin,
thread my eyebrows with diamonds,
dress me in Gucci,
Lather me in jewels.

Photoshop my face,
plaster it in make up,
make me look handsome,
make me look pretty,
make me look beautiful.

Dye my hair every color of the rainbow,
take out my heart and replace it with
a music box that plays your favorite song.

Am I enough for you now?
Do you see my light now?
Do you see me now?
Am I enough for you now?
Will you finally love me?

What else am I missing my love?
I’ll add it all, just stay with me.

I'll bring you closer
take you into me,
you perfect stranger.

With the lights down low
you can be anything,
anyone
that I want you to be.

You can be my lost lover
or the perfect person
I’ve always wanted.

Let's touch every part
of each other
and become mine for the night.
Take my mind somewhere else.

Be the clarity that I need and take my toxic thoughts.
Let’s release each other from our worries and
be free in an explosive ******,
that makes me lose my senses.

Bring me closer to the feeling
they call
love.