our hands touched for a split second
but it’s all I’ve been able to think about for days

I started going to counseling this week
because my plants started dying

the roots are all rotted
and the leaves are just slowly eating away at themselves

maybe my roots are rotten too
and I need to fix them before I start eating myself up

every night before I sleep
I pray I won’t see you again in my dreams

every time, you scratch open the wound in my back
and I’m so tired seeing you like that

why can’t I remember the days when you made me alive?
you were the only one who knew me and a part of me died

maybe all of me died when you threw me away
like the trash in the corner you’ve been ignoring all day

I hate that you treated me like that, even more that you still are
I hate that my mind tries to tell me who you are

I know that’s not you, the one I see in my sleep
I know you're not the monster I see in my dreams

please, I can’t watch you slash open the scar on my skin
because you’ve hurt me too much to hurt me again

I know that’s not you; but if it is, then who am I,
but the trash you forgot to take outside?

because you killed me and bagged me and threw me away
I was the trash that you left on the corner that day

and it's black and it stinks and I'm covered in ****
and I thought that you loved me more than this

I've tried and I've tried to push these thoughts out
and trust me, I'm trying to stop dreaming so loud

and I hate when I try to convince myself that's what you're like
but I hate it even more when I'm ******* right

am I a sicko
wanting something different
from what I should want?

how can I long for you
when I've only loved you in a dream?

you called me heartless
but I think you lost your heart
somewhere on the way

when nothing seems to hurt or pain my soul
no knife nor murderous weapon there reside
some feeling lingers through my body whole
a numbness blinding every sense inside

for just as too much darkness in the night
can force you into the abyss of sleep
it is the excess of the brightest light
that keeps you from the life you wish to reap

for the distractions of the joys we hold
might keep us from the blade that we so fear
but also these great treasures dressed in gold
will hold us back from shedding any tear

although I’m overjoyed no darkness comes
I know that all I really am is numb