I should really stop
Writing poetry at 1:43
and fantasizing about pouring alcohol in my coffee
And fantasizing about making love to you
and fantasizing.

I should really stop
Spending too long online
and going to sleep 2 hours before my family wakes
and going to sleep (just to wake up a few hours later)
and not sleeping

I should really stop
reading Cummings late
and pouring over Byron late
and pouring over Burns late
and late night poetry readings

I should really stop
listening to death cab sleepy
and listening to brand new sleepy
and listening to la dispute sleepy
And listening to perfect lyrics sleepy

I should really stop
dreaming about love
and dreaming about those who don't love me
And dreaming about those who might love me
And dreaming about you loving me

I should really stop
but I cant seem to stop
any of it

I am fourteen
and my skin has betrayed me
the boy I cannot live without
still ***** his thumb
in secret
how come my knees are
always so ashy
what if I die
before morning
and momma's in the bedroom
with the door closed.

I have to learn how to dance
in time for the next party
my room is too small for me
suppose I die before graduation
they will sing sad melodies
but finally
tell the truth about me
There is nothing I want to do
and too much
that has to be done
and momma's in the bedroom
with the door closed.

Nobody even stops to think
about my side of it
I should have been on Math Team
my marks were better than his
why do I have to be
the one
I have nothing to wear tomorrow
will I live long enough
to grow up
and momma's in the bedroom
with the door closed.

I'm pushing past the looks of disappointment on every ones face
I'm trying to find peace in this ruined place
secretly i'm insane
going through the same roles just to play this game
I have been locked away chained to the front porch with no escape
my demons come through out the day
they say hey
they make me play
I distort their images
because hands on me with faces like that
It makes me not able to breathe
but my demons, these lions they can see
the scars on my skin from the battles within
I am dissociated with this world
stuck on this front porch step.

they left my meds in my possession
last time that happened I almost died
should I take them tonight?
I could rest in piece with the angels in my dreams
or risk the chance the demons might come back
I can play this game
they are suppose to help
but to many could ****
some nights i wanna die
so maybe i will

but not tonight
im feeling to strong
the demons can knock on the neighbors door
im feeling to right

you pushed me
you kicked me
you broke me
you killed me.
now I'm back
from the depths

now I'm alive

all the names you people ever called me
intertwine with the thoughts of suicide
I could never be what I today
without the broken reflection in the mirror that you made
butterflies fly through empty carcasses
ones that use to be drugs with teeth and heartbeats

Because I'm alive

My words inject right through your paper thin skin
they make home in your freezing heart
because home is where the heart is
People empty their ashes into the sea
and the water wants me

But I'm alive

And whoever you are
the one who kicked my burning bruise
the one who spat in my open wound
you're dead to me
no more will you flow through my mind like ribbons in the wind.
Because I'm alive.