The festive mood wasn't so contagious,
but it brought me a sense of security,
false as the artificial roses I'd given
to all those whom I had 'loved' before.

The calendar was on its very last page
and I was well on my merry way
to down my final gulp of this concoction:
a blend of gloom and seething rage.

I nursed on the sour poison in my mouth
and mulled over scorned temporaries and
the would-be forevers who got away.
The clock hit twelve; I'm relieved of pain.

The world must take joy
in keeping us both away
I miss you so much

I found out your grave
Filled with webs but no body
I mourned for nothing

They come and go, those pretty faces
Sharing dark hair and pretty brown eyes
They peak my interests for a little while
But then they engrave themselves on my mind

I'll never forget them, those pretty faces
Providing sweet satisfaction for my eyes
But darling, you're still my number one
I drift back to you when they're gone

Tonight's my last night of living in the age
Wherein I exhibited a drastic change
Influenced by somebody miles away
Since then, I had not gone astray

I laze the dawn with morning breath inhabiting my mouth
Shifting my body maybe once or twice on an unkempt mattress
I would've killed for a good king-size bed, a comforter draped over me
But even I was too lazy to get up and turn the nearby radio off

I've lost myself in the smoke I've shrouded my apartment in
Seeping elegantly from the cigarette locked between my fingers
I shake my head fervently as 'elegant' isn't the correct word for it
As I've once lived a life of luxury -- bordering around dark secrets

Dark secrets that tore up the tether binding our family together
I know what it's like to be stinking rich and reeking of it all over
But I needed to jump on my motorbike and drive far, far away
While the cold air whipped at me and stung the moisture in my eyes

I traded the pinstriped suits for cheap muscle tees and leather jackets
And my high-maintenance loafers for darker-colored boots
I needed to be as far, far away from my past as possible as it hurt
It hurt to finally know the truth -- those horrid secrets I'd discovered

I was no one and I was undeserving of a disgustingly beautiful life
I was no heir presumptive to a company raking in mountains of cash
I was no blood brother to three boys I unconditionally adored
And most of all, I was no real son to the man I excessively revered

I changed my hair and name along the way too, because I didn't belong
I was reduced to this angsty and hurt rebel far, far away from home
I got myself an apartment and drank and smoked and wasted away
No one's come to save me from my rampant inner demons anyway

Don't leave me
biting the dust
as you speed away.