We were play arguing in your car one night, debating about girls vs guys insecurities and how they’re confusing. I was telling you how I don’t understand why guys hate their ***** and you told me you don’t get it why girls cake their face. We went on and on, trying to defend each our points until I blurted out “but I love your ****!” And you said to me “well you’re beautiful!” And I went quiet. I scared you actually, you didn’t understand my sudden silence but I think thats the first time I’ve ever been called beautiful with that sort of passion. I’m the type of girl who fishes for compliments, I act slutty and start a little drama because I know it’ll get a reaction. Busting out my cleavage and showing my *** will get me comments from "you’re ****” and “you’re pretty” and I believe them. I love it when you see me naked after *** and call me hot or when I fish for compliments and you say I’m beautiful but this time was all different. I didn’t lead this on. I didn’t expect for that to be your comeback. I didn’t know how to react. Those 3 words echoed in my head for the rest of the night. And I will never forget the way you looked at me with some sort of sorrow or plead or anger when you said it. You wanted me to believe it for once. You wanted me to understand that the way I feel about my beauty is the way you feel about your **** but all that I could care about is the way you looked at me and not the road and told me that I was beautiful. I still can’t figure out what emotion was in your eyes and tone of voice. You were loader than usual which usually indicates anger but there was plead in your eyes. As if you really needed me to know this. And even though, calling myself beautiful is something I don’t know I can ever do, I now know that you really mean it. You saw my naked my body and nothing ****** happened and at the end of the day, you called me beautiful. My beauty isn’t a temporary thing you only every often see and I only now realized that. I love you (and your ****).

Dear mom,

I have never felt love like this before
Everything else has been dull and boring
So when I say that I love this man
I full heartily mean it

It feels like I’m in one of those high school rom coms
When the straight white girl meets the straight white guy
Her whole world is flipped upside down
And they grow up old

I didn’t think I would ever be able to experience this kind of love
And I don’t know if you ever have
Because if you have ever felt this passion and love
Then you wouldn’t want any minute anyway from it

My exes never really cared
When I say I loved them
It was completely true
But this one is life changing

The way I get butterflies in my stomach when I see the twinkle in his eye
And the way he looks my body up and down, feels my stomach and hips and then tells me
“You’re beautiful”
I never want to experience anything different

This man has become my body guard
When I feel his arms wrapped around me, I know that I am safe
I know that no other man should come my way or else my boyfriend will ******* up
And he genuinely cares

When I seem even the slightest bit off
He doesn’t just wait until I feel better to try and fix the already fixed problem
He drops everything he is doing to be with me
And that’s the kind of man I want

I want a man that would leave dinner
To meet me on a park bench while I’m crying
I want a man who will get me drunk
Then hold me in the bathroom while I cry and confess everything on my chest

The way we started wasn’t ideal
Cheating on our girlfriends just to taste each other’s lips
Wasn’t a good idea
But you can’t tell me all of your relationships were 100% perfect

He understand me when no one else does
When i say some weird metaphors to my therapist
(Which he frankly can barely understands)
My boyfriend will sit and listen until he figures out the riddle I told him

I speak in code
And he starting to crack it
Even though it scares the living hell out of me
He is trying to break down my walls

Mom, I have built millions on millions of bricks to keep this wall up
You have taught me throughout my whole life
To protect the ones around me and not myself
But with him, I feel okay to break down the walls

He is shedding it layer by layer
Brick by brick
And I am letting him
Because I want to let him in

I have never wanted anyone else inside of this dungeon
But I think he’s the one who can break me free
My dungeon of depression has been home for 17 years
And I am ready to show him my house

I have never been sure about anything in my life
I have always been so indecisive
But when it comes to him
I know that I want to be his

I want to be his one and only girl
I want to come home and see him everyday
I want to tell him about my secret
I want him

So mom, when I say I am in love with this boy
I mean it
And when I say he makes me happy
It’s because I have never felt safer

I love him