Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Devan Ducasse Nov 2017
Theres a disconnect right now from me and my relationships
But its just me
Its always just me
Its always just my head getting in the way of everything
I can’t be happy for too long before depression misses the stage
I can’t be calm for too long before anxiety decides to shine a light
And I can’t ever focus because adhd is just bouncing around
I’m incapable of thinking and feeling happiness
Because every time I do
I just shut it down
I’m so scared of new feelings and I’ve had depression my whole life
My depression has become my sleeping blanket
Its black and soft and darkens my world
But I keep it because my mother gave it to me when I was young
I used to be young
I used to see a future
But now all I see is a funeral for a girl who aged 20
Barely made it through university before deciding to take her life
Life is just so hard and stressful and I’m only 17
I’ve had depression my whole life and growing old just seems like a waste of time
Everything is a waste of time because even me breathing is a waste of breath
Everyone says that I shouldn’t deny the world of my greatness
But what if I lose the fake smile
What if I lose to ability to get out of bed
Because its 9pm right now and I already don’t wanna see the morning
I haven’t written in a month because my boyfriend is just always around
But now that its winter and he’s busy, I write again
I write about suicide
I write about depression
I write about anxiety
I write about adhd
But writing or talking or cuddling will never make it go away
My family will always be in the dark to how much I wanna die
My boyfriend will always push away the thought of me dying and avoid the topic because this actually scares him
My friends will always be worried when going to bed, that I’m not going to say ‘good morning’ the next day
I am just a burden
But I’m a burden who’s trying to stay alive but I think I’m failing
I'm not too proud of this one but I like it enough to post.
Devan Ducasse Nov 2017
Men
No man has ever loved me

I’ve only been loved by women

But I’ve never had a mans touch

Someone who wraps their broad shoulders around my fragile body

Someone to tell me that “I’m his favourite girl” in a deep voice

Someone to over-protect me and be afraid of other men

The men in my life don’t love me

The man I’m suppose to grow up with, left me at birth

The man who replaced him, wishes that I wasn’t his step-daughter

The man in charge of my mother, was too busy supporting me to ever show that he loved me

The boys that I liked throughout middle school, never liked me back

So when I say that no man has ever loved me

Understand that I’m afraid of your touch but I crave it

I’ve never had a man wrap his arms around me or call me his

You’re the first man to tell me I’m beautiful

You’re the first man to not always have to fake smiles with me

You’re the first man that I loved who has loved me back

Men are completely new to me

And it’s frightening to be loved by one

You're the first man to hold my hand lovingly

And it made me anxious the first time you did it

Because I expect so little from men that you’re the one setting all the expectations

Every other man after you, is going to have to live up to the path you’re setting

So thank you for setting it up in a way where I am respected and adored

But I have to say that I’m sorry because I am for waiting for the day you leave me

It’s as if theres a countdown in my head but I don’t know the end

You’re a ticking time bomb to me and it’s only because you’re a man

No other man has ever treated me right so I didn't expect you to either

And it scares me that you do

Something must be wrong with you if you’re willing to love me

No man has ever loved me so why do you?
Devan Ducasse Oct 2017
I don’t know how you did it
Or even why you did it
But I’m happy
And you're to blame
  Oct 2017 Devan Ducasse
frankie
kiss my lips
tell me i'm pretty

grab my thighs
tell me you miss me

clutch my hips
tell me I'm your only one

look me straight in the eyes
tell me you need me

break my heart
and tell me you love me.
I used to write a lot of poems online.
They'd trend, attract followers, etc.
I thought I'd publish a book one day,
People seemed to like reading my stuff.
But, eventually, as most fame does,
my 15 minutes wore off.
I started getting less likes,
Less comments,
Less recognition for my work.
And I guess it made sense
Because I wasn't writing as much
Or spending as much time editing.
So I read through my old poems
To see if I just got worse
Or if there was some underlying reason
For my loss of popularity.
And soon, I began to realize
The only poems I wrote
Were ones of heartbreaks and sadnesses;
Poems of woes and loneliness.
So I wondered to myself
"What changed?"
And saw that I wasn't writing as much
Because I wasn't as sad as I was
When my peotry flowed more smoothly.
I didn't need writing as an outlet
To cope with my pain.
It's not that my life got much better,
(It didn't at all)
But I was learning to continuously find things
To be happy about;
And less to write my
Depressing monologues about.
I had begun to move on with my life
And teach myself that bad days are unavoidable,
It's how we react to them
That determines how we feel.
I used to write a lot of poetry.
But now,
I live it.

- p. winter
Next page