I can't settle on anything as of late

I've got a new shirt
new novelty and new religion
new disposition and new face
daily, day after day
I'm exhausted

I just wish I knew the color of my hair

I can't look good.
I'm not wearing the right clothes,
They're just not for me even though I want it to be that way,
to be that way would be nice.

Waking in september,
I could use a splash of color today,
I could use an advancement today,
somebody special may notice today,
these new clothes I have on,
maybe notice me, too.

Trying to stop the threads from wrapping around my neck,
the spools laughing like fools,
Trying to keep my skin unseen,
Because that vulnerability is dangerous, so I now,
prepare for a ****** day.

Years pass by like strangers in Manhattan,
Head to toe, covered in fashion,
Hat for a head,
Shoes, socks for feet.
Belts, buttons, silks, leathers, gloves,
all wrapped in heavy jackets.
Sunglasses. My eyes are faulty,
They can't be seen. Must remain shaded.
No skin anywhere so, my wish is granted.

Big brand names all over my body,
but somehow nameless.

The seams start to wither,
Like nature does do,
Arms of sweaters fall to threads,
Fibers of cotton fill the area,
Moths become alert.
All the garments fade into oblivion but the interesting part -
No nakedness underneath the glamour, only nothingness.
A plume of fattened moths and dust scatter,
The clothes fell down and there was an empty space.

Five blankets rumbling winds
and me
Mind humming like a bee
I didn't ask for it
(It didn't ask for me)
Unwinding the coils
at 4a.m.
And I feel
free

"It's a universal urge to pair up." They say.

It's 3 words and
Suddenly files are executing
Auto-running and auto-installing.
When you've been alone,
It's like
Every rancid dream inside of you is
Awakened. Hyper aware & readied
Preprogrammed bugs start to run.
Users in remote locations
Triggered by tracking cookies
Wheel- in backdoor worms
And all I have to do is click

I/O corrupted
Cloudy decisions, decisions

Ads for free cars, free girlfriends
Glittering pop-ups.
"Hot guys in your area!"
But **** is for the lonely
Bait;
A smiling **** Madonna 
accompanied by
Beguiling hooks, fly-paper,
You-name-it

Can't tell if I'm in love or in lure.
But I have to go for it.
And that's the point.

"I love you"
[Click]

I closed my eyelids.

a unique space-time I've
created. A new world with I
               and you,
and in it we're us;
pseudo pagans
               adjust
in my multiverse of could-have-been's
wannabe's and forget-me-not's,
there's a million wormholes back thru

it's a glittering new world
where we're happy forever
               (embalmed)
present-perfect continuity
we'll never need to question or worry
               of it
because it'll be ours to [edit]
a spiritual instagram. sorry for the link.

I'm a believer.
our story is brick-bound & pyramidal
it's worthy of true realness
I'll never let that faith fade.

and all I have to do is stay asleep
seal myself, artery by nerve, in this bed.
eyes closed but moving underneath
               (forever)
and here I'll lay; 1,000 years on
entirely petrified. a fossil of trust.
everything/everyone I had known - gone
               forever.
fleshy eyes, solid as stone now. Blissfully
(always) unaware of their end. No matter the time,
my (      ) still eternally & happily
               in dream.

bored faced, roaming the neon panels
I've got my backpack & wallet
I've got my self

25% off faces looking bored at me
weird convo's about the government
and TV shows litter the bell jar mall

the mannequins look down at me

bored faced janitor
bored faced mom & kids
bored faced teenager working the CD store

the infinity mall echoes
a muffled boredom roar

the mall is everything to everyone
"whatever you want"
"how can I help you"

*I want to go home right now

hi
I don't know what 2 say
Im marty and I am a man
I live in plymouth
and I drive a mini van
my fav things are
pizza friends music and my dog tracy
I play games online alone
and I am a paperboy
and my family lives overseas
dating is not my thing
so I am on this site.
and I want to fall in love.
and my fav movies are
**** bill jaws jurasic park and **** bill 2
I don't know what 2 say

maybe you liked my profile 
so send me a msg or
cyber-roses or a digital chocolate box
or click the flirt button
I like to talk sometimes
when I get lonesome.

30,000 feet + monstrous clouds
Between me
And the ground.
Ears crackling like a deserted radio signal

These people & I
Up in the high

All the way up.

Shut your ******* mouth

And help me super-glue 
this flap of skin back to my face
Lock the door.

(Microchips & Grind-gears coo
Behind that rubbery facade
An Android god
A Hissing machinery zoo in there
Clamping hydraulics; what a scare)

Hurry!
No one can see this -
It's not even ****** for Pete's sake

It doesn't get better 
There was nothing wrong 
To begin with.
I am perfect, remember?
Wink wink
But really,
*How long until this glue dries?

I want to graduate, first,
I don't want to live here (forever
I'd like to
Move out West maybe
Arizona
California

I wonder if he thinks
I'm acceptable to his parents
I'd like to think I am
I'd like to
Not worry maybe
He & Me
Let's get married

Wondering about what I'm doing here,
Thinking of the stars and their light
I miss doing that with you

I'm like this astronaut wannabe
like two cats in a tree,
being so far from you; it distresses me

I've always wondered,
Maybe if I had changed

the night was already crazy-wild by the time
we arrived at Jarred's pool.
he had a big house but we never went in

4 teens, teen dream, a dream team;
but I knew deep down just what it was
we snuck out for.

a "transform-optional" rite, this hollow night.
but I still had doubts...
as Jarred offered me an aluminum can of something and I nervously said, "no thank you",
the moon had proudly jut out

he had a big house but we never went in.

I hadn't noticed, without the moonlight, just how
sharp Jarred's teeth and fingernails were.
canines, ivory & sporadic. looking at me

I hadn't noticed how reptilian our 2 friends were
The fangs and dislocating jaws, tendrils & scales.
Man-o-war for a head, giant earthworm for an arm
She looked scarier than he.

Those 2 went at each other in a murderous way
A blood sport of sorts. Confusing to me.
She spread her jaws wide - a parachute with teeth
And bit down hard between his legs.

Blood everywhere. Blood spattered on her face
She looked ****** god-awful by then.
The meat of his dead body then re-animated
And assimilated with hers. Anabiosis + Differentiate

Jarred, a werewolf or something like it, approached me.

He had a big house but we never went in.

we chatted poolside for a while
he'd go harmoniously from monster to human, human to monster.
Boiling cancerous growths under his fur
Grew angry eyes that glared at me.
clawhand on the back of my neck,
he went in for a kiss (or a bite)
with a puckered face and bared teeth.

This is it.
I finally felt a grossness so profound that I,
without thinking, jumped in the pool
to splish-splash, cool, to escape, whatever

I opened my eyes and just floated there for a bit.
hanging in the stillness
trying to forget those alien freaks
staring up at the moon
from the bottom of a pool.

you're all bothered about going out,
meeting a noble guy, looking around for him...
you're an acquired taste
my dear boy
just stay home.

the bleeding
what will I do with all your blood?
what will you do without it?
you & the handmirror are tired,
my dear girl
stay home.

in the opera the singers sing,
the audience pays attention,
follow my script,
and stay home
it will guide you to Happiness.

You're a freak
Sorry I let that leak but
out in that world there is no one
for you.
You're unique.

I know you're mad at me
You think I'm cruel or wrong.
I know those tears are salty and
I know better.
You should stay home forever.

Calf augmentation => silicon implantation
Endoscopy, otoplasty, baby
Mentoplasty, rhinoplasty, scalpel
Juvederm at 4, Starbucks pit-stop right after,
pop some xany's and go

Chemical peel, dermabrasion
Dr. Unknown PhD. meet patient Montag XR3.
Brain stimulation, kneecap replacement
Doc, I'm starting to miss the table, is this a complication I should expect?

Fat grafting, bone grafting, mystic tanning
(what really is natural nowadays?)
Chin reconstruction, laser resurfacing,
(what really is me anyways?)

Consultation with your post-op pain,
It's gonna be "Ouchy" for a month,
but worth it in the end.
Self-esteem scan shows a cancerous tumor and growth
Yuck
And here I thought plastic was
"cancer-free"?

You're a thumping aggressive *******
I fight you, I hate you
I love you, too 

You're a beast with no care 
You stomp on my life
You stomp on my soul
Like King Kong on a truck
Or Genghis Khan to a neck 
You've only been here to win

A huge body of heavy hard muscle
Barreling down at me
A two-ton man, you are
You truly are. You truly are.

Heated & selfish
You're sickened by my weaknesses
A King of kings indeed.

I can't tell if you even hate me back
So I'll say goodbye now, to the man who ruled
Over my personal Iron Age;
Your eyes are empty animalian jewels
And
I'll be fooled
No more.

A head
A giant boney mass
Many mouths and eyes
           thoroughly babbling,
           whatever,
           etc.
Snapping and blinking
Mouths Melded together on this ultra cranium
Yapping on and on
On and on and on
Yellowed teeth and bedazzled grills
Botnet mods and crop tools

The most dastardly of all -
An infinite production of fuzzy,
Buzzing noise blobs.
And Attempts to add me
To its mass connection-collection head
Leave me offended.

"What's on your mind?"

Go away.
You ******* freakazoid.

I've got a grasp on my black telephone
Holding it tight to my ear
No fear. He'll pick up
It's like 3AM or later
I'm ****** up 
Dropped my wallet in the elevator
Now I've stumbled into bed 
Living dead and seeing red

Ring
Ring
Ring

"We're sorry..."

Thoughts swarm like locusts 
Bug-buzzing in the phone
Sweating my spray tan on the bed sheets
Left alone with a dial tone.

Nightstand pill bottle Jesus
I'm reaching out for you

It's been ringing for a few minutes now
I've rolled up in the coiled phone cord
'I think the room is spinning'
Tilt-a-whirl bed taunts my stomach
'I'm home at least'
'I need to tell him how I feel'

Ring
Ring -

"We're sorry, the number you have called
Is not in service at this time
Please check the number
Or try your call again."

Gilles rushed into the kitchen and grabbed the knife
slashed it across his throat and dropped it on the tile.

Coming to his knees, he felt a faint relief,
Liquid Crystal Display leaked out of his neck,
and down onto the tiles in a puddle
he touched the mercurial 'it'

It pooled onto the floor and images appeared
an image of a beautiful man with a perfect body
an image of endless money, cash and credit
his childhood home, mother and father.
a kissing couple,
an image of hi-
                          -mself
and seeing these,
he had the queerest of feelings
a false déjà vu

as the last drops of It leaked down from his neck
Gilles finally came to -
a large pool of blood,
and blurry vision
to black.

tunnel vision life
everything happening far away
backwards telescope
high school prom
pink & blue balloons

I walked through those doors
off the devil's wagon
like a poltergeist I was either
invisible
or a painted blood red target

Alone in the hallways
they laughed at me
a wasp-like
******
entombed in toilet paper
spit & magic marker
they didn't hate me,
they got me to hate me
everywhere I went their
gummy bioengineered shadow stalked
it was stuck on me all those years

like a bucket of pigs blood to the head
that I could never wash off

but I'm not that loser anymore
Don't worry, dea  r
Lo ve me.

it's kin
da
like that]]
when
if I left
my earphones in

and forgot
and in the back-ground
some-thing's playin'
but
I've got
opened too many tabs
can't figure
find out where
it's coming from

to x out of it

You're happy maggie
You taught me a lot 

The forest was our adventure
The daytime was our adventure
I filled your bowls
We fell asleep on each other
We're both afraid of thunderclaps
And you could make me smile
No one can do that

I held you when you were sick today
You looked so sad
And it completely
shattered my heart
And I fell on the pieces of it
I couldn't believe it

I will be with you when you go
It'll be hard but,
Deep breath
Deep
Breath.
Thank You

like the drugs on an alien planet
that aliens get addicted to
that make you feel depressed & sober
instead of euphoric & high

perspective;
it's always somewhere.

I met him at a work shop
he was beautiful because he made art
I liked watching him make these things[
he spray painted a big plastic skull gold
he spray painted me gold]
he didn't care where it got

I'd follow him anywhere
because he looked at me with his
piercing eyes and
because he'd hold my hand
and pull me somewhere
wild & new

Mercilessly wandering through it
Nothing everywhere
Material world
"Accidents Happen Live! at 8p.m. ET"
And then I get it..

The moment I log-in
To a vapid, cheap place
Where something like
Humanity is shown
Like a shot of humanity
Morpho helena.
Honeysuckle.
Sevruga.
Followed by
A restless sigh
You-can-be-anyone Barbie:
"But what do I do with my own hair?"
I grew up in a lie.

Like a shot of *****
The realization makes me shiver from inside out.
Horsepills & champagne at midnight
My real-fake bedtime story takes flight.
But really
If you don't tell me
I'm pretty this instant,
I'm sticking my head right in the oven.

loading more guys...
loading more guys...
loading more guys...
loading more guys...

headless torsos only no fems
under 150 only
white skin only sorry not racist
likes lonely walks not holding hands in public 'cause that's ****
NSA only please

loading more guys...
loading more guys...
loading more guys...
loading more guys...

maybe I'll write a poem today
I've usually got something to say,
"it's a bottle of gin"
or "it's the tip of a pin"

but maybe today
I don't have something to say
nothing to share
no forced care

I don't have something to say
maybe next tuesday

Cloudless skies and
You & I.

A BBQ aroma
Levitates
Like those hummingbirds

Did you like that movie?
I've got to be home
Maybe 11.

I like your pick-up
It makes me reminisce
For an old home

With happier times
Maybe we
Could re-create those?

Looking at the blacktop,
I'll miss you tonight
You'd make a good father

Half-moon lover,
Let my dreams
Only be of you.

Autonomous talking faces
Blathering on & on about
Endless government *****

Like a perpetually new iPhone
There's an App for every view
Install. Use. Reboot.

Multi-dæmon robocop
Seduces his sci-fi fans
With tales of grandeur & success

A printer spliced with a vacuum
Pay it with ink; have it print what you want
It'll **** you good

And then

Late at night in the quiet of a Sunday moon
The zeitgeist peels off his human suit
Plugs itself into the wall
And has cybernetik ***
With its self-aware CPU.

I'm a kid
I'm in trouble
I'm homeless
I'm window shopping
IDK

Take me out tonight
Let's see the lights
Let's get in trouble
Let's get lost
IDK

I'm a ghost so you better
Squint your eyes
You look so good to me

I'm a ghost so you better
Say your prayers
70mph is just too slow

Let's go out tonight
And do what-ever

wallowing in myself

the rain stops outside
been at it for days.

I walk
to my bathroom everytime
and everytime
the tarantula creeps or darts from
under the toilet seat

and then his little brother from out
the sink drain; I'm on the crazy train now
appalled, I die back into my room

It's raining again.

X marks the spot,
A man in overalls and rubber gloves tells me

Go stand there, son

And pick the bones & beaks
Out of the
Chicken press

The whole factory reeked of ammonia
I went home reeking of ammonia.

Chicken conveyor-belts
With upside-down chickens on hooks
Riding slowly over one master neck-splitting saw
Heads in baskets
For when the master saw cuts too deep

I watched them come
& go...

The factory was filled with silent mechanical drumming
Eventually,
I went home
Silent & mechanical.

I never noticed until now
Detroit is a real town

Thru a puddle, I go
Past the shuttered laundromat
The charcoal stump colonials
Carnivorous ivy
Strangling the
Rustbolt cars lining the
Pothole roads that I never noticed
Until now, Detroit is a real town

At the corner of Rosa Parks Dr.,
A rotting moonlight and gasoline aroma
A damp liquor store and a bus-stop
               sign,
6 ghosts linger around the metal post
Like silvery mothra ,
Clinging at night to an outdoor light
The saviour stop.
For tiffany spirits
With expressionless faces.

Two phantom headlights manifest
Out of the indescribable looming night
And park at the sign

The ghosts faint
Thru the double doors
Of one rickety, dutiful citybus
The tailpipes dripping wil-o'-the-wisp
As it proceeds out of my view
Into dark night shade.









.

A whipping disorientation
whallops me like a
cicada falling out of a tree
Slight at first, but disgust
upon realization that
I don't
know what
I'm doing.

Where what
Oh god
It is beyond sick

A photograph, a raindrop on a rooftop
I want to see you again
You just kind of pop back in my life

Here or there

You're gone again
I'm just stuck in this quiet, stained
glass jar. No sight in,
I can't see out
Like a personal museum
De-loved.
a 24K lip-pump soloist
I wish, I wish, I wish-

A cassette, an old bouquet
I want to see you again
It's horrid and you're not mine anymore

Here or there
Now or ever

During you
Us
I was in the eye of the Hurricane

Following the centre
I thought
Maybe I could just hang with you

And avoid the walls of sheer cold as it moved
But
That's only a matter of time

When a hurricane dies down
The windwalls collapse
The thing kills itself in frenzy

It collapses into a lightning storm
Then a tornado of slush
And then indecisive icy silence

And I can't escape
Ever
Regardless of you

Wish I knew

Lover, I only want your love now
And now
And now
And now
And now
And now
And now
And now
∞

[PART ONE]
xeroxed, RT'd and plagiarized
so many times on so many blogs
tween blogs to republican blogs
to blogs in Russia and
blogs no one ever scrolls though...
original content is prey
but I have a warning for they:

overrated, over-shared
content aggregators beware
the lines you swap can
rot and ware
the World Wide Web
does not care.

[PART TWO]
original content
original contests
original continent
original controversy
original coordination between strangers
original calvary riding their connection into the battlefield of internet memes; creating nothing and sharing everything

[COMMENTARY]
original nothing, nowhere, nobody except facebook "Funny Vidoes!" & "Cool Quotes!". 'Like' pages whose sole originality lies within their own existence but nothing they share. They steal from the rest of the web and re-post what they find for out-of-the-loop troglodytes; often done so in inferior context and with no perspective. The 'refried beans' phenomenon, I call it. I find it fitting because 'refried beans' are a double misnomer. The name comes from 'frijoles refritos' - which means 'well-fried' not 'refried'. They are also never traditionally fried more than once. Yet the name sticks, it gets repeated, it gets re-shared and now that's what they are: refried beans. This phenomenon is why I believe art and all original content eventually become so over-shared and overrated that it's no longer interesting but irritating. These three parts of the poem "Original Content" are separated in abstract authorial presentation. The author has clearly expressed his dislike for the disjunct un-imagination of the internet and presents it as such.

[PART THREE]
original authors losing control of their audiences who believe they are the creators and the artist's art is somewhat shareable
original miscommunication between web 1.0 and web 2.0 reality
original alphabet they use to type on their keyboards
original grammar they learned in school
original money their gov't printed
original content they re-post
original refried beans
original content
orginal contet
ogrinal cotent
ognal ctt
oc
.

Sterilized

Bleached-bone island head
I was transfixed by him
This man who
Looked me in the soul and
And knew it all
This man who stood tall
Clean-cut / a broad salt statue

Mom always told me to
Be skeptical of men who said they knew it all
But this man I loved I loved I loved

He was judas minus heresy
Stained glass saint man
I loved I loved I loved him
My mind mix / Myself
And who I saw in him what I thought I could be

Gutters in his face
Made for the tears he wept
For everyone else.

I think it was those tears
That magnetized
Hypnotized & electrified
Every un-part of me

A baby girl
Killed by her mother
Drowned in a bathtub

*Tune in at 9:30 for heated debate!

Maybe I've been out here
For close to half a year;
Or more
Adrift
Floating

If you lay on your back
(Like I have done)
You'd see that the waves
Have a pattern -
Not
Just up-and-down.

I haven't done it in a while but,
Sometimes I muster up the courage
To look into the water.
It's crystal clear usually
(My reflection is odd but endearing.)

Other times
The giant shadowy blackness
Saunters deep down in the clarity.

Out of the blue
Sometimes, I'll watch a tail fin
Circle my lifeboat.
Entranced by it's wake
I watch the sea-demon of the deep
Until it leaves.

chasing dollars
I honestly would rather sleep
dreams of dollars chasing me
armed with chisels they chip away at me
I'll succeed
someday, you'll see

You can't expect things to be ethical
in a System like this

dollars make me a power-man
I can do what I can
because I can buy what I want
hording doll hairs
I've amassed such a pile
other 'chasers' are starving for a taste
those little pac-men
nibbling away at my Zen
I hope they starve so my battles could end

They can't expect things to be ethical
in a Circuit like this

chasing dollars
because now I need more
A false kind of security
now my stomach is sore
beggin' for a nibble
what an awful *****!
she doesn't even care that I'm all out of doll hair
what an unethical mess
someone now
this must be
addressed

heart of the chaos
all the fantasy hovering around one central
superpower
gravitational generator
the one sober spot in all the performance
Pierrot's dressing room
*******’s hangover
the blank stare of a newscaster
when the cameras start just a moment too early
the metallic ashes of Challenger

heart of the chaos
rotten teeth on an English Queen
sigh’s and cigarette’s
were had all around

.
I looked
Thru the glass at a trembling lil thing
Beady eyes of a worried gerbil
In a worrisome place

The Petco by my house had
Everything you could have
-almost

Rhino's, Daffodil's
Lynx's, Gecko's & even
Alaskan Klee Kai's

Wrapped up in Saran wrap
Or in little glass cages
With little bobbly water dispensers
And kindly placed dishes
Holding nifty pellets of tasty food
That fits their Specialized Diet Plan

They don't have elephants yet

We'll have to ask the manager to order
some of those

I'm dreaming and saying
Hello to you

I walk up to who
I think is you
They turn around; some other face
I repeat this in the dream
Over & over
And with each letdown
I never think twice
Before walking up to the next
Turned head
To see if it's you
Over & over
A dreamdate conundrum
It felt so real

Come home
But you don't.

spent
went everywhere

Lost
afraid; I went
faster
propelled into an unknown direction
kept going
"**** look at that!"

once found satisfaction
try try try again

a mess: a blur
a loving kind of videotaped ******
a violent *** spur
no idea what I'm looking for
And until I find it
try try try again

try try try
try try try
try try try

it's over.

Me in my mirror, mirror 
A ghoulish sight.

Awkward skulk 
'A clay face'
As my nose says 
'A dog snout'
As my eyes would say

Skin like a shelter
For bacterial catacombs
Rising up from under like undead

Screaming inside
I press my face into the right morph
Re-bend the crooked nose
Self-correct the bloated chin
I layer on more clay, then
Mold it again.
Re-mold some more.
Slice some off; 
what am I now?

"Pretty." an ideal voice says 

*******,
My eyes are tired from staring
"They aren't lasers"
I tell myself
"They can't surgically correct you"

And So 
goes another night.