a shadow geist
out of the passing of time
reaches in me
grapples my heartstrings
tugs me away like a
like a stranded coastliner
and as it goes, I go,

and as you watch
in the darkness of interstellar space
you dim
to all but a faint sparkle
undifferentiated from other stars
but I won't confuse or lose you
I'll remember you

Even if I don't
I'll make something up in
place of the memory of you

I can't help but feel sorry
where am I now

Venus sighs.

a camera on your own life
a camera in every room
following your daily routines
from dus(t) until Dawn
your apps have cameras
so you can update your day
like you update your software;
you update your Instagram

The noose tightens.

reality Game
no escape from the fly eggs
grubs in your routine
stitches on your day
you can’t look away or put it down
bombardment;
the reality game show re-union special
happens every time you look down
old reality recap episodes on loop in your head,
etc., etc.

Venus died
and you didn't even tweet about it.

she's not here anymore
so why don't I just
go away

her car is here, her home
is here. Even her cat is here
And her gardens are, too

sailed on and on
It's over, it's been over,
her shadow's parked on those hallways

she's not here anymore
so why don't I just
go away

Justice is a *****
With claws
Miles and miles and miles
Guillotine jaws
And when she throws the book at you
It's 1000 pounds
With a curse in every clause.

And when those swords
Turn in on you
It's miles and miles of claws
To wring you out
In a razorblade chokehold you won't ever

forget.

A black cat with a grin and
A scythe, slashing thru
Space-time with a giggle

Invulnerable & finite. Untouchable rabbit
Stretches it's torso many meters out
Evading a cannonball.
Time to go to work; no doors here!
Rabbit shaped hole in the wall
Ever never fear!

4 Thirty minutes on a Sat. morning network 
Talking animals accordion back
From falling crate crushes
Index fingers stretch their cheeks
Ha ha ha ha!
& a wagging red tongue, almost all week.

Piano dangling by a thread
Shrinking Shadow under your feet
It's right above your head!
You step aside just in time -
An anvil smashes you instead.

Too hard to explain to a real-lifer:
This has no point!

Ever had a teardrop fall out of nowhere?
Like you aren't sad or anything; it's just...

It's almost like
Someone you lived as
In a past life
Still reeling over heartbreak
Or a dredging loss
Breaks thru for a
second.

With those acid wash jeans
With that full sleeve of twirling black ink
With the drapes of long hair
I thought that we could leave the xplosion-club
After the confection of colognes
After the South African red wine
After the pounding music all night
Something **** about
A statue that can move
It's eyes
Something **** about
A man that thinks
Openly

We took the subway back to my apartment
You picked up a pebble and tossed it
I was quieter now
Would I let him inside? I have to at this point it seems
A charming prince
is a charming prince

I open the door.
Nothing bad happens, as I expect
I am a little paranoid I don't know why
(The club flashes back)
The door closes without its usual creek,
And we're inside.
Me and the charmer; I wonder, was he once a frog?
I have a funny feeling that I think came from the wine
Am I trashed or
Does he have horns?
Slimy toadskin, red eyes, 1000 inches of claws
Suddenly
Are upon me, Oh my God!
I tell it to leave mE ALONE,
It doesn't listen to me.

Every time I try to slip out of it's grip
I slide into a claw
Gushing this stuff from the movies,
It covered the bed and then the floor,
It probably leaked out from under the apartment door.

My cellphone rings in my pants pocket
I can't reach it because by then this grendel thing had broken me
Into two legs, a torso, two arms
And a decapitated head
While it eats my right lung, my left hand tries to desperately crawl away
He pokes it with a great fork; no escaping crums
The awful amphibian finishes and leaves forever.
He's never coming back
A winner-and-loser kind of ***, I guess.

(Wash, rinse, repeat)

The white dome of bone beckons
For another wash, again
Again,
BACK into the shower basin, again
4th time tonight I'm BACK

Scrubbing my scalp
Fingernails on shriveled fingertips
digging trails & rivers
Through the skinny bone.
Crop circles all over my balloon head
showing & telling White Skull Diaries

Squeezing the shampoo bottle empty
Shaky, macabre cleansing;
I get lost watching the spiral of water & bubbles
As it vanishes down a drain

I step out of the steaming shower
And face a foggy mirror, again
Again,
I dispise the blurry reflection
All I see is a stark white skull anyway

It goes back far
This is going to be hard to hide
Exposing more and more white skull
"Just stop already
The drain's f*king clogged with hai   r"

whole foods white wine
gluten-free sugarless ambrosia
2.99
or 49.99
silver spoons & china glasses
or Burger King™ waxy wrap

matters not in the end
it all turns to
****

Singles in your area are dying to meet you.

You don't know them, they don't know you.

Knocking on your backdoor, peering in your windows.

They've surrounded your house.

Come out NOW.

some-times I'll push my finger
down on my skin, my face

just to check
just to *see

My aerosol life.
Suspended droplet:
A tiny Pluto
Frozen in a can.
So far from it,
Spray tan
It's not dark enough.

Bronze mirror coat,
Bind those gorgon eyes
Those jury fists
Away from me.

All we are; I implore you
Come out
Come out

Isolation is icy
Useless frozen wrenches

All we are
Smartthings with hearts
Opposable thumbs & firethrowers

Isolation is icy
The Pope of Murk & Decay

All we are
Every fiber of DNA and
Every lost phone number on a napkin

All we are
Overgrown starry eyed babi  es
Happy birthday candles

All we are,
The cemeteries of our parents
Drain holes at the oceanfloor

Isolation is icy
Now,
          melt.

We can dance on yellow petals
Until they're red.
All of our lives we've been waiting
Who cares what God said
Waiting, waiting, waiting
Exactly sure of what we wanted
Vexed by time
Biology
Geography

I remember the wallpaper textures
I kept running my hand against it that next morning
I remember the bobbing sunflower heads outside
the doorwall
The peeling paint on the window sill
I most especially remember you -
All of my life I've wanted to do this

*Xoxo

Mysterious strangers everywhere
No
Cool kids I don't know to care about
No
People I don't care about
Period

Red solo cup fuckery
A blasted home ;
Can't move without bumping shoulders
Looks like a neon lion den
Pop-dance factory ambience
Reeks of B.O. and beer
I'm embarrassed to be here

Everyone here bought the
I-can-be-anyone lie of the century
I'm embarrassed to be here

In the dark in the room
Whistles faintly echo
Up to my room
"Who's in this house?"

And the dread settles in
A bag full of lead
I can't move
And for some reason
I think the whistling can see me in here

Skritch-scratch under the door
Total paralysis still -
Maybe, I shall pretend to snore?

Two red jewel eyes
Materialize
At the foot of this bed
This
Is absurd!
I can't even mouth a word!

Climbing ontop of me
The mare opens his jaws
To a dead TV channel
That sounds like bee-wings
Just about suffocated by fright

Then it all ends 
Hard heavy anvil feelings
And all I keep with me is the dread

the world is not enough, the world is not enough
says a dull woman
throwing to the wind
her plastic stuff.

I cringe to think
that my kids won't know
of the Rhino's
it'll be in the textbooks near the Dino's

and Mermaids.

Video game brain
"I want you but I'm scared"
Absolution 
Adventure
All or nothing with me or against me!
3-D worlds in posters
Just walk into them as you sleep

I miss those teen days.

Planes fly into the towers
Planes fly from out the craters in the towers

Black plumes of smoke choke the sky
Windowless planes flying into the towers
And now another, now another
The towers rattle
Planes take-off from in the fire
And go off into the city, into the stars
into our minds.
Planes like laser-lights, jetting off,
imprinting themselves
into our minds.

Over and over and over and over
and over and over and over
There were as many as 1,000 planes
or more.

Desks, glass-shards, people 
High-heels, telephones, people
Falling, smashing down from the towers
A Warholian dream 
Dying icons on every TV set, 24 hour access
On every channel 
For months on end
On end

Headlines recoiled by an antichrist 
Rumors he was in Pakistan
In Switzerland, at the mall
In your mind.

The towers burn forever
The towers burn forever
Frozen in pixels online
In our minds.

"The Business Int'l is a trans-national,
Multi-operative, corporate entity.
With the means to function outside
Normal Gov't bounds
The Business Int'l has become the worldwide leader
On the frontline of:
Genetic & Bio-Engineering!
Space Exploration
And long-range teleportation services!

Our research will better* [human-kind]
And is the most advanced & comprehensive
Ever imagined.

The Business Int'l values it's loyal customers!
And at the Business Int'l
We take all of your corcerns seriously.

We also offer aid to every worker at any/all of our subsidiaries
Any 4th class employee who feels compelled to:
[Leave the Facility]
Or
[Propagate sensitive data]
*STOP.
Remain calm. And fasten yourself to nearby set furniture
Until our Registered Physcian can
Follow up with you.
Self-Quarentine is a Business Int'l core policy!

In extreme cases though,
The Business Int'l reminds you to
Be prepared to utilize
Your personalized botulinum capsule
Provided to you during your initiation!

Thank you!

The American dream
My childhood dream
What I've been told to expect
My whole entire life 

American dreams
Scream.
Many separate teams 
Tug-o-warring with
Dreams
Childhood dreams

Fading gleams
Glimmers of light
Blocked out by a fake black sun
Hanging on a string
Dreams; deferred 
It just can't be all a lie-
 
But,
The cake is a lie
The cakeis a lie
The cake is a lie
The cake is a lie.

A baby crawling paws down
Down the stairs into
the study room
the odd computer flashes
the faces of what looks like people
a whiteout face
with black shameful eyes
breaks the scroll of happy faces
happy places and joyous info
as empty as a new USB
it's gaze pierced my soul
forever
It was 1998 then
More than a decade later
whiteout faces everywhere
on every screen
monitors growing out
like tumors on a monster from
The Thing
one grows in my pocket
I pull the tiny screen out
and the face eyeballs me again
one grows in each room
the kitchen has one on the fridge
all the cars have them, too
pixellated faces talking at me
I feel there may be one plugged on my
heart or brain
I can only think on its terms, now
I'm going to need a
date for the movies tonight.

A dinosaur colluding with the stars
to bring about his own extinction

In the cloud forest worlds of our ancient oxygen pasts

Meteoroid majorette's & atomic attractors
On bended knee praying:

"Oh Heavens, please,
Oh Cosmos,
Please,
Take Us home to Him."

I walked across the white room

And a cold hard thing fell on my toes

One of those

A permanent toothy smile - but fell from where?

It was this skull

Not as white as the room

Not as sharp, rather dull

Off-white and odd

I still had no clue of where it came

I picked it up and looked it all over

The old head, empty and eerie

The skull stares, it really does!

Black hole eyes consumed my curiosity

Replaced it with fright

The skull had no other bones

I looked all over and couldn't find a body

So I dropped it like it was a hairy spider


Rolling a few feet away,

I swear,

It still stared at me.

I walked the mopped floors
Into God's house
From outside I heard birds
I heard wind rustle & cars
I heard my thought

As I walked into God's house
The channels muted
No one praying today
Not a sound
I sat in the empty wood pews
Clasped hands

I heard the sound of the ceiling
And after twenty three minutes of nothing
I went home.

I can't
Believe
I made you go away

I need a Time Wizard so I can recant
So I can retrieve
That guy I was yesterday
Yesterday
Who am I kidding

It's been three years
And
As cliche as this sounds
Every time
I have the slightest thought of
You
My ears tune in to my heartbeats
And they sound sad

Still.

I'm eyes
in hard transparent plastic
the eye behind my eyes
doing its own viral will
like a demon, an obsessed molestor
I'm in this rush, a stampede of
thoughts like shoulders & breifcases

and now it's totally lost

maybe you didn't think
maybe you wouldn't care
I'd've told you sooner
but couldn't find the word.

Everyone is a joke
Says the clown

Her mother has lung cancer
Crack a joke
He's crying because I bullied him
Crack a joke
He killed himself a week later
Crack a joke

Hysteria
Loud blowhard laughter
Bulging blood-shot tear-filled eyes
Butterflies eating your intestines-

Serious nothing.
Everyone's always your plaything
You say it's because you're Albanian.
Male.
Because you just-dont-care.
Because we're all stupid.
Hypersensitive.
That's a cop out-

I think,
You're just a clown.

Ttthee fiirstttt timmee
i was alone with le tele
i got excited
as a kid of 8
i knew tv was fun

my dad
went to work early morning time
i grabbed up my
favorite blanky
and sat down in its presence

the icy cold remote in
my handddddddddddddddddddddddddd,

blood guts and big *****
tv knows about everything
STD results and Wars on Terror
my favorite cartoons
McDonalds has a new sandwich
i am not the father
Lindsay's back in jail
stage collapse smushes ***** couple
scientists report, transfat is a-okay
President's schtupping an intern
moonbase has a ******* epidemic
i think i want to grow up to be a juicehead
45 dead in pakistani drone strike
i figure,
they'll just re-spawn or
I'll wish them back
when I collect the dragonballs

anthrax in the mail and
feet on the beaches
eyes in the sky
eyes from under

bomb threat at my school
mom had me
stay home
and
munch on some chips
watch the tv

What a fix to be stuck on

A sea of remotes 
Controlling their channels
(Channels really know
How to pull people in.
But not me. I just watch news.)

Piles and piles and stacks 
Of remotes
Mangled up in cords 
Around the main event:
The TV.

Back to that pile of remotes -
All different kinds & controls
There's a pink one
With polka dots or chicken pox
There's a swampy soggy one
A grey tomb-stony one
Etc., and whatnots

What to do with all them?
Control the tube, of course,
But they all do that
A little bit differently.

"To hell with this white noise"

I ****** up a chrome looking remote
Soapstone it wasn't
But cold cold cold still
I pressed the red button near the front
Blinked it didn't 
But got stuck.
I just stared in frustration
For a long while, into that fuzzy screen.

And then
Out of the white noise
A gigantic chrome razor-hand
Came crashing through

Pulling me in.

Sometimes most days almost always
When I
Scrounging stuck in traffic
Unknown mayflies driving the cars around
Insectoid feelers grasping the wheel
When I
Bones of lava boiling over
Teeth everywhere and pointy
I hypothesize:

A mass extinction event or
A pandemic colony collapse
Wouldn't be
Too bad

I like, can't even

So annoyed like
#bye

I want to die
but I haven't even tried coke

It's all that matters you poor ****
Now step away from my gold ring, menace

Nothing makes you feel so
[small and helpless] 
than not having enough change
to buy an outfit 
one that'll show the world you aren't 
passé.
Nothing out there can make you feel so [stupid & less]
Than having to pick the "cheap one"
Forced; *****; 
And then you go home...
You think you've escaped
You turn up a ****** radio
Watch some show you videotaped -
But it still persists. The knowing.
You're nothing and you know it
Day in day out, you, the rabble
Peasant peon misfit,
Nothing makes you feel so 
[tiny & invisible]. 
$$$ is all that matters. 

you, anti-tycoon
you don't have any money
the demon of noon
is coming for you.

Suggests
There were 24 others

And here we land
Utopia. The Christmas number.

Built in with each other
Boxed-in:
We've multiplied.

A virus destroys a host cell
By replicating itself
So so many times over
That the Cell expands to
Maximum capacity
Then bursts.

I've been reassured that that
Won't happen
In number 25.

kids only see txt
they don't have any feelings
only the screens
of their smartphones
they only talk via tweets
RTs & "comments"
low poly skinhead cyberpunks
living in HD premium worlds
it's only diodes
that iphone ain't got no soul -
not like it used to be
it used to be real

they don't have feelings
it's just txts on screens

they dnt have feelings
they dnt hv any feelng

there must have been
a gas leak
or some drug in my drink

I think
but nothing comes to me
what shall I do all day?
gawky morbidity; decay
on this sticky hot sofa
an idiot sits like a rock

blocked and sterilized
I just can't seem to figure it
'move one leg,
at a time'

but it's like I'm laying on a big gob
of pink bubblegum
and I've nowhere to run

the cushions, the cushions
comfy & yet
closing in on me
what the hell,
am I crazy?

a miscarriage
a road to nowhere
an ******
a hybrid
a chance missed
a tarantula's kiss

everything's lost
a sea of critique
a man chained in front of the mirror
a priest reciting an unending bible
everything's lost
because perfection is the goal
and failure is the only hope.

Gargoyles live on my awning
The one overhanging my bedroom window

Like bats, they'll hang upside down
And stare in at me

I'm not a human or a person
I have no feelings
I'm a happy jar
(I love, I love, I love)
Endless hearts and
Repeating computer images
Breeze by my eyes

I invest myself
In these things I love
(I love, I love, I love)
A glorious bottle
sold whatever else
had been inside

a flash of light overtook this life
a thunderbolt of
I'm not a human
Look at me now
(I love, I love, I love.)

what on earth is this feeling
(yellowing formaldehyde)
kind of like old heartbreak reeling

a vivisection, never healing
coat & spray on the insecticide
what on earth is this feeling

criminal butterflies stealing
the cogs & screws in my arthropod insides
kind of like old heartbreak reeling

heartthrobs come frenzied then unfeeling
my vague worries preside
what on earth is this feeling

whateverphobia; a personal ceramic ceiling
to myself, is how I've always lied
kind of like old heartbreak reeling

carcass littered webs are usually unappealing
my own web has much to elide
kind of like old heartbreak reeling
what on earth is this feeling

Poked & prodded at
Everyday Everyday Everyday
I walk outside naked regularly
(The only one, too)
A shady pornstar they've 
Made me out to be
Every corner of flesh, Every corner of flesh
It's indecent to be clothed.

Spread open my legs to
A gaggle of flashing camera bulbs. 
Express critique
Save a pic
Jot down notes 
'Move it, kid.'

Spread open my legs to
A pod of alien queens
Scalpel wrenches, protozoan logs 
I'm the life of the party
As their oval heads crowd around
My *** things

Experimented-on weird-o's meander
The halls of this wherever-I-am

Free to leave at last
I sometimes go home after
A day of that
And do an odd thing:

I cocoon myself in blankets
And sleep for long stretches of time.

vertigo hallway
I make my
way down
tilt-a-whirl dark
hallways
eyes of persons
in paintings
following
my trek
through the dark.

and I hear it--
I've gone
in search
of its source
as it
sounds in the blackness of
dead time
and I see
no mouth making
any noise

as I spiral through ennui
I reach a threshold
disoriented & lost, now,
I die with the dark
and yet,
I still hear them
through the snaps
and crackles
and drafts
of a quiet nightly home
clearer than a bell,
I hear
whispers
from the dark

I'm telling you -
almost like a
shadow
leaning up-close
to my ear
faintly drawling,
in some unutterable
alien muffled tongue

maddened by noise
I continue
Determined to
source this phenomena
I always end in the same
room
and as a
metal gate
rolls shut behind
I finally realize.

I watched his heart break
it dripped all over his shirt
a dark crimson swamp
I kept my distance.

I watched him fall to the ground
moving his hands across the ground (contact-searching, seemingly)
he had this look on his face of:
“where is it?”.

I thought
“I should help him”
But I knew no matter what
I’d never see those heart pieces.

During explosions; during raids
after rapes; after slaughters

the curse needs a b odY
a possession; a sort of doll

as the spectral bots whimper,
infected by the curse,
unbeknownst & innocuously enough
"May god be with ye",
it spreads like ghostly ***
to me
it all seems so
horrific
and gor
-y.

Memory log activation start-up:
0110010001100101011101100110100101
10111001110011011001­00011100100110
0101011000010110110101110011
100% retrieved


"If I had a family instead of Intel
I would love them.
If my metal headpiece could cry
It would.
I should be at the packaging facility today

That grey place
Through and through
I get lost in it, everyday
It's so vast and all looks the same
But right now, I'm here at this pond

How can other zzyzx stay at work?
I want to show them how pretty this pond is
They should all
Feel this way.
At home.
With at least, themselves
I could be decommissioned and recycled
Even wiped
For saying that -
Let alone being here today.
It's really secret, actually
I think I'm the only, umm...
That knows it's here.

I write poems, here
Critics would hate them because they don't rhyme
I don't force anything here, I guess
But, my 'poems of the pond' make me smile
Well
Figuratively, (my metallic 'face' doesn't have any swivel points for movement)

Someday, I suspect,
Another zzyzx will find its way here
And I'll be here, too
And it'll be really special, like Love
And that's what I want
- Something like love."

End log.