i'm here,
saying all the things you don't have the guts to say,
here i am,
facing the elephant in the room,
setting it free,
it's about time for a goodbye to be made,
even if you are trying to avoid one.

It is not the truth if I have to convince myself,
it isn't a choice if I have to make one,
it's not love if it's forced,
but is it even sadness anymore when it becomes a reality?

I held scissors between my hands yesterday's night,
I cut a heart out of cardboard,
gave it a shower,
tucked it to bed,
sang to it a couple beats
and buried it in my chest.

A boy bought me new feelings from Amazon,
I couldn't install them right,
so I gave them a 1-star rating.

You said that
you attempted to **** yourself 9 times
and you were so close to,
what if I told you I died
100 times when those words had escaped your mouth?

I tell myself that I had to go through everything I went through because this is the path that's been written for me. I had to be friends with a girl whose shoulder I cried on multiple times because "my grandpa was sick". It wasn't a lie. It was merely a concealment of my own sickness. My first time going out with a guy had to be me third-wheeling on her date. I had to go to a party just to fall apart on the bathroom floor wondering if this is the last time I feel its coldness, your alligator tears knocked on the locked door asking me to release the broken reflection of me in your eyes. I dreamt of the day I had to travel distances away just so you get hurt a little bit, cry on this shoulder of mine and it be my tears' turn to play disguise.

They say remove toxic people from your life,
but what am I supposed to do with this toxic heart of mine?