I'm in love with words
because they are always there for me
when people fail me
                     I can write
when I get stressed
                     I can write
when I don't know how else to express my emotions
                    I can write

I put my heart into my words
everyone of them a tiny piece
of my mind, of my heart

I put my trust into words
words never leave me
words were never rude to me

But those were my words
Your words are different

When I put my trust in them
they failed me
When I let them in my mind and heart
they tore them apart
your words were mean
they were manipulative
they shattered me

I can no longer trust words
the way I used to

***** burns my throat but your name hurts my head
So I would rather black out with a hangover than stare blankly at my hands
Trying to forget what it was like to touch you

"I am your silence, your violence, and your every dream.
That in this drawing hour, it would seem, I am your failing scream, echoed far beyond the concrete pace that be-stills your thought... Where it would seem, I am -in fact, your dream!
Where we may over the world rain like light poles imploring, in forms of nothingness, the world to dust... While so vividly blooming onto the infinite strokes of the universe... Our every verse, ever so sublime!"

Sep 30, 2013

"Your absence takes over, and my silence... My violence, and your pacing dream! The world spins still unto the hollow vaults of your bedded crusts, and you still splendour for on your wine! The day passes ever still; ever so bleak, stale, and fine!"

Oct 7th 2013

"In this -the universe, abstract silence, that is our vengeance, wrath, and kindness... We abstain.. The pacing stops, where the ends of the world collide!
In you, I confide."

Mar 5th, 2014

"I am your endless expanse; the boundless void of rampage and timeless tune... Wagner's immortal rage... Bach's rebellion... and the vacuum spirit of our delusion.. and disillusion. I am the silence that resounds through the bleak folds of your existence, and mine; the conclusion."

*Jul 1st, 2014

Thoughtless phrasing for shallow trouble; you know nothing of the gravity of life.

Sarcasm, does not become you.

How did we get here
where vitamin water turned into ***** and the power of innocence changed to the courage of
alcohol. The boys no longer opening car doors and the girls trading in t-shirts for crop tops that show off
what they were or weren’t wearing.
Where sneaking a soda after dinner turned into hiding a flask at the family party where we used to play games
like hip-scotch and dodge ball instead of drinking hard whisky and Jack.
The promises made in the D.A.R.E. program about not doing drugs or drinking
were traded in for drunk driving and “just one hit.”
How did we get here
where grape juice turned into white wine and a nervous kiss under the bleachers
at the Friday football game moved to steaming up the windows in the back seat of that car
at the party on Saturday night.
The knocking on your neighbor’s door for them to come out and play moved to texting
in the driveway and hanging out means sitting on your phone
while sitting on the couch next to someone else.
How did we get here,
where root beer turned to Busch lite and being home before dark
switched to struggling to be home before the sun came up.
The parents not knowing their innocent children are making children and kids being too drunk to remember
they promised to go to Church on Sunday morning.
Where asking for forgiveness overpowered asking for permission and sorrys turned into whiskey shots
and make up ***.
How did we get here
with a drink in one hand and the other around my waist while you lean into me too drunk
to stand on your own.
This is the first time we’ve spoken since that day last June and I can’t help but notice why.
How did we get here
where the power of innocence changed to the courage from alcohol?

Everytime, every single time they ask me "why?".
Why dive into the ocean when you know it's too deep?
Why walk the path though you find it too steep?
Why kiss the fire if you knew you'd burn?
Why did you go if you knew you'd return?
Why leave the track and find yourself lost in a circle?
Why did you help them only to feel them trample?
Why trust while you know it tends to rust?
Why do you care while no one does?
Why go to war when you know you'll surely die?

I never knew the answer.
But, there's one thing I know for sure,
This curse of mine has no cure.
I only hope that it is for the better.

And then
In a single moment
You were the oxygen I breathe
I found it hard to believe
That I might die without your touch
Just your presence and your scent
Was more than enough
But a tiny drop of your love
Could never be too much