Was my stroke a cruel, twisted f#@k up?
...
Or one of divine luck?

Has it not taught me compassion?
Anger? Acceptance, how to ration criticism?
And laugh when I muck up?

Now, I breathe in gratitude,
And my world has opened up
to new experiences, people, and circumstances,
even living in new towns, cities and states.
Mastering REHAB, new knowledge and careers.
Working through old fears, sure, I've got new ones,
But who hasn't?

Connected and trusting this journey.
...
Now, that's the silver lining!

011725


I remember the moments
whenever I see your face,
whenever I speak your name,
or when I wander into places
where it felt like you were there.

When you brushed the baby hairs from my cheek
and whispered, "You're worth it."
When you held my hand,
leading us to pray with words,
"Lord, we don’t know why we’re here."

When you sent me verses,
effortlessly sharing encouraging reels,
when you called and told me stories
of how God had moved in your day.

When you knew how to calm me,
your voice, a soothing balm,
leading me away from noon’s harsh sun
so I wouldn’t be scorched by its rays.

When peace came so naturally with you,
and I imagined you as the father of my children,
never giving me cause for doubt or jealousy,
telling me, "You're the most beautiful in my eyes."

The sweetest things are found in the smallest details,
but you gave up so easily,
even after promising to wait,
even after saying you'd never stop praying for me.

But I guess those days are over,
and I have my own regrets.
I was too afraid to let go and choose you,
so you became the man who got away.

I hope you understand how much you meant to me,
how real it all was.
I only wish I had known—
before it was too late.

Please,
don’t spill
your glass
of dreams.

They will soak
the rug,
be absorbed
by the mass,
flatten out,
washed away,
and forgotten.

So, ease
into doubts.
All to do
Is endure
for another day.

That day, my tears surrendered—

no flood, no fight, just silence.
It stopped feeling,

as if watching Nagasaki fall,

a mushroom cloud rising, 

bodies frozen,
shadows left behind,

no scream, no running—

just acceptance.
You built a void within me,

 an implosion of despair,

and sealed it shut.