Stories From The Closet

Feb 2016

Love

My dearest Katlyn,
I love the way that sounds. I love the way your name just flows off my tongue like it’s the most natural thing in the world. To me, we are the most natural thing in the world. I believe it was fate that brought us together all those years ago, when we were nothing more than innocent children. Now our innocence has been stripped from our bones and our bodies have developed along with lines of laughter and worry across our faces. Yet you are the one, who after all this time, I still cling to. Back then, you were my rock and my safety net in a new and confusing environment, not much has changed.
Our history is a rocky one, to say the least. It’s full of drama and heartbreak; but as well as love and passion. I swear we could add a little embellishments and have our own soap opera. Despite all the troubles from our past, I hold those memories dear. Because when I recall those times, I don’t just recall arguments and words thrown, I recall the way you stumble over words when you’re flustered and how red your face gets when your choking words down. As for our better times, I worship those memories as if they are held upon a mental shrine; protected, never to be tampered with or tainted. There are things I have come to regret. I regret not swallowing my fear and being proud to tell everyone, “This is the girl I love!”, but during those times, I wasn’t ready. Although, our hidden love did make sneaking around so much more exciting. Sometimes I wish we could go back in time about three years and just show ourselves then that it was okay and it turns out for the best.
Things are more than okay. You are the love of my life and the one to spend forever with, however long forever may be.

http://hellopoetry.com/katlyn-tester/

#love #poem #life #gay #relationship #marriage #letter #lesbian

Jan 2016

Love

To Be Said On Our Big Day

April 14, 2008 was a Monday. My family had just moved into a new house, we were starting a new life, and I was starting a new school. I was 10 years old then. I thought that moving schools and leaving all my friends behind was the worst thing in the world, the worst thing that could ever happen. I didn't realize it then, but moving was the best thing that ever could have happened to me. At Mulberry Elementary, I was put into Mrs. Bell's fourth grade class. I remember the principal standing behind me with her hand on my shoulder as I tried not to make eye contact with all the faces who were staring at me. I was terrified. I think the teacher could tell how scared I was. She sat me beside of a blonde haired girl named Katlyn. I was an over weight, ginger kid with glasses; and Mrs. Bell knew she was the only one who would be nice to me. That year, she was the only one who was nice to me. I remember thinking how weird this girl was with all the faces she made. I also remember being confused, because the way she made me feel inside, was something I had never felt. Soon enough we became best friends. We were inseparable. Throughout the years we have gone our separate ways, had a couple of fights, and even more kisses. It was always you I came back to in the end. They say that love is kind, and patient, and works in mysterious ways. And now there's one more Love to add to that.
One day in fourth grade, I took her hand and looked her in the eye. I about broke down as we promised to be best friends for forever and sealed it with a pinkie promise. Today, I married my best friend and sealed it with a kiss...and a pinkie promise.

I haven't married her...yet.

#love #friends #gay #wedding #friendship #always #marriage #promise #lesbian

Oct 2014

R

Gay Rant

My heart hurts
And so do my eyes
And what's left of my brain
And my legs ache
It is if as I am running from who I am
All the time.
I love her so much, I cannot even explain how deep
My love for her truly is.
And I cannot imagine my life without her
Because she truly is my light.
But I can't help how afraid I am.
I am not afraid of our beautiful relationship,
But what our relationship might be if
Someone-our school and/or parents- we're to find out.
I can feel tension and anger and sadness swell up inside of my chest
And all I want to do is to protect her.
But how can I do that by hiding all of the time?
We kissed openly yesterday by the lakefront
And my God, I miss the way she looked under that sunset.
I miss the way she tasted with that hint of salt in the air.
I just miss being hers openly.
Sometimes I ask myself and God, why am I gay?
Is there no man who will ever perfectly complete me like
She does? I honestly think not, she truly feels like the only one
Who can know me better than I ever could.
And does any mans lips feel any more truer than when her lips
Are on mine? Everything about me in this moment is a fire that is burning. I am burning and raging against this door because I'm not sure how much longer I can be contained. I simply cannot live in secrecy but if I ever let this flame out then everything would burn. I love her so much and I simply cannot let this flame go because if I did, all hell would break loose and we would both be put to death in the worst manner possible.

I just want to love her the way God meant for it to be, but how can I do that when everyone I've ever loved has told me it is wrong? That it is immoral and disgusting and a sin. I can't believe for a single second that our love could be a sin. Maybe we can't have children and maybe the way we make love is different from the way you do it, but in all honesty, is that what makes a relationship beautiful? I find the way she crinkles her nose to be enough to set a flame in my heart and the way she points her toes when swinging on swings to add to ignition and the way she smiles at me to keep me going forever. I love her so strongly and passionately that maybe I am crazy, but this love can certainly not be immoral. Why would He make me this way? Just to put me in hell? Did Satan indeed win my soul from the moment I was conceived and God just... gave up? No, I cannot believe this for a single second. He loves me and he loves her and he loves us and if you cannot understand how we have maintained this beautiful and loving relationship for so long while staying hidden it is because you do not see the effect that God has on us. I believe that he wants us together, not to eventually cause us pain. I hate lying, and I'm sure God can see it even more easily than my lovely girlfriend does, but maybe He lets me lie because he does not see any other way to let me be with my other half.

I just kept writing. I've just been so upset about so many things today that I don't know what to do anymore. Someone please shed some light on this. Has anybody ever had someone they love so much but they had to hide them from other people they loved as well? I just want to keep loving her forever.... I'm just so scared that something may happen one day. I love her too much.

#love #gay #please #lesbian

Oct 2014

Tashatha

Gay Day

I don't understand
Why we claim we're human
When we tear each other down
Hurt each others feelings
Because we're too small minded
To accept that we are different
Instead we become hateful
Acting stupid and illiterate
**** the minorities' spirits
Make them feel insignificant

We teach every generation
That being gay is a sin
Then turn around and say
We're all God's children
There are so many thoughts in my mind
I don't even know where to begin
So I'll begin with this thing
That they call sin

God makes us exactly
How we are
The differences we have
Are to set us apart
So we shine brighter than the stars

So I don't know why man
Would turn around
And say on judgement day
All gay men will repent and pray
Cause they won't be allowed
Into heaven
Simply because they loved men and not women

Say the "homos"
Are lost and will never be found
The hate towards gay men
Is a sound too loud
The other day
An innocent man who was gay
Was killed by a homophobic crowd
When I heard of this news
My heart dropped and frowned
I don't understand
How man can be so proud
So send an innocent soul
Six feet into the ground

So tell me
You so called Christians
With your egos so large
Who do you think you are?
God said we should not judge
You walk around like you're perfect
But I see a smudge
From the lack of innocence
You carry on your sleeve
With your head in the clouds
Saying God created
Adam and Eve
Not Adam and Steve

Thinking you see all things
Through God
But really
You're blinded by hate
And all I can do is wait
For the day we stand in heaven
And await our fate
And hear God say
To all the men that are straight
"There is nothing wrong
With being gay
Because in my kingdom
That's how these men were made"

Society belittles gay people and I believe we should accept them

#love #gay #society #inspiration #acceptance #care #grow #unite #same-love

Aug 2014

Wardell Lee Freeman

I am NOT gay

I tend to get stares... Looks... The occasional "are you gay?" With a quizzical look of disgust.
Well, to answer your question, no, I am not gay.
In a society built around judgment and stilted above common sense,
Being gay would mean that I'd have to find women utterly disgusting, flick my wrists, speak with funny and awkward inflections, right?
Do you think I speak with funny and awkward inflections?
Good! Because I'm so not gay.
Being gay would mean that I love to shop, well I hate it!
My fashion sense does not exceed that of a box of colorful crayola crayons melting away in the blistering Las Vegas sun because you see, I don't live in San Francisco, or New York,
or anywhere "gay" people live.
I am not gay.
Being gay would mean that I am immoral but I can assure you, moralistically speaking, that morals are what keep me routinely from listening to Lady Gaga, who I've heard, despite her catholic upbringing, is a devout devil worshiper and I sure as hell don't worship Satan!
Oh no, I am not gay.
My father once told me, in his manliest tone that if I ever became sweet
or my tank profusely filled with sugar
that he'd disown me and rid me of his home.
However last time I checked,
I don't have a tank
and one lick of my tanned brown skin would reveal that I am in fact quite salty!
Salty, as defined by Urban Dictionary, means to be ******.
Bitter. Angry.
Well father, there aint nothing sweet about my wrath.
I'm infuriated.
I'm angry not because I'm not able to fulfill the holistic criterion society has built in order to be gay,
No, I am more upset that there is actually a set of rules dictating whether or not someone is gay.
Now listen to me when I tell you,
I am not gay
I am not gay because I have yet to inject myself of substances with an unsterile needle for all purposes of getting high.
No, I have yet to discover my last ****** partner was diagnosed with *** and that I may very well have the virus.
No, I have yet to interiorly decorate my bedroom with the warm crimson fluid that is my blood because some punk at school thought it was cute to label me a queer.
I have yet to be gay because being gay in today's society means I am reckless. I am promiscuous. I am a *******.
Well, guess what society,
I am not gay.
I am, in fact, a man, who is not your personal show dog for your fashion approval that you can tote around in some cute Gucci bag.
I am a man, who can still appreciate the beautiful magnificence that is a curve when he sees one no matter the person's gender.
I am a man who, despite what you may be expecting,
is a man who, no matter how hard you try to box me in a confined image,
is a man who, will fight to freely be in love with who he wants to be in love with,
who is a man who is not gay
but a man who loves men.
I am not gay.
..

Totally gay.

#gay #lgbt #lgbtq

Aug 2014

Love

I Remember

I remember
the way she held my hand like no one was watching
because to her
no one was.

I remember
the slight panic that would always go through my head
when she'd hold my hand
because I wouldn't let anyone know
I liked girls.

I remember
our first kiss.
How she started at my cheek
and then moved to my lips
but only for a moment
to move back to my cheek
and down to my neck.

I remember
the first time I ever felt that electricity
flow through my body
so fluidly
I though my cells had liquified.

I remember
the day that she wore sleeves so low
you could only see her finger tips.
Her legs were never shown.

I remember
that day, because that was the day
she broke my heart
for the first time
involuntarily.

I remember
my hand lifting up her sleeve
even though my mind was screaming at me
"DON'T!
You don't want to see this."
But I did anyways.

I remember
how she was wearing two shirts
the first soaked with blood
the second only spotted.

I remember
my heart tearing into two
individual pieces
because I wasn't there for her at the time
she needed me most.

I remember
reading.

I remember
reading the words of her soul
that were etched onto her skin.
A "FML" in bright red letters
on the top of her hand
and a tally mark on her arm
for every time she thought
she wasn't good enough
and I wasn't there to reassure her
of just how amazing
she really was.

I remember
Christmas.
Her surgeries
and multiple trips to the hospital.

I remember
my panic attacks
for fear of losing her forever.
That was the second time
she broke my heart
involuntarily.

I remember
our first break up.

I remember
how it hurt her more
than it could ever possibly hurt me.
And it hurt a whole **** lot
when I heard the words
"I'm sorry"
"I cant"
"I love you"
and "Its only to protect you".

I remember
screaming.
Screaming at her
my friends
the walls
and to God.
To everyone and no one
because I didnt know how to express
my heartbreak.
That was the third time
she broke my heart
involuntarily.

I remember
loving her.
Without a soul knowing
because I was ashamed
to tell people
"I love this girl!"

I remember
the day I got the news
that I may possibly never see her again.
That she had been taken away
to a home
and that she cant have contact with anyone.

And now I remember
the feelings
of wanting to scream from the rooftops
"I loved that girl!"

I remember
because those feelings happened
a mere 10 seconds ago.
This is the fourth time
shes broke my heart
involuntarily.

But within all these painful memories
I remember
her.

#love #heartbreak #broken #sad #depression #story #breakup #miss #selfharm #lesbian

Jul 2014

Love

She Wants You

Tear drops run down her face,
She craves you,
And your soft,
Warm embrace.
She misses you so much,
But she knows you had to go,
Still,
She wants you.
Nothing can change it,
It was forbidden love,
Every single bit of it.
But it doesn't matter,
She only wants you.
Her parents,
They scream,
And rage,
About all the wrong,
And little things.
But it doesn't matter to her,
You are all she wants.
She wants your soft chest,
To lay on,
She wants your eyes,
To stare at anytime she wants.
No matter what anyone says,
Or the looks they give,
She still wants you.

Jul 2014

Love

Te Amo (Precuela)

You are my love,
Mi corazón,
Mi vida.
The ruler of my world,
Mi reina.
Although our love is not typical,
Tu me dijeste te amo
And I believe you
because you are mine.
Mi chica.
And I, yours.
You say that one day,
voy a ser la desposada
But my dear,
you will be mine too.
*Casado bajo el ocaso.
Te Amo.
Siempre.

Just so you guys know, Spanish is my second language and I'm still learning. If I messed up anywhere that any of you spanish speaking people notice, please feel free to inform me.

#love #gay #story #lgbt #lgbtq #spanish #lesbian #bisexual #bilingual

Jul 2014

Love

Simple Girl

I chose the steps as my place to write
Because the steps are my place where I sit and think night after night.
My never ending thoughts of blood pouring from my arm
Physically inflicting myself with enough harm
To end this life all together
Because let's be honest nothing lasts forever.
But tonight my steps are an analogy
For everything that could possibly be
Because although they are nothing but a stairwell
They paint a mental picture for me of descending into hell.
I know it's only to the basement that they lead
But I panic and begin to plead;
"Dear God if you would
Free my soul from only the things that you could.
I feel that my sins have caused too much heart ache
That maybe it would be a mistake
To help me at all."
Because I'm just a simple girl who took a great fall
Out of my saviors hands
And into the corrupted land.
Night after night I say I apologize
But I feel that it's nothing but lies
Because I only repeat the same sins
Without change time and time again.
And yet I still ask for forgiveness
To create this temporary internal bliss
That will flee my heart
Faster than a flying dart.
Because my mind is black
Tainted too much to ever go back
To it's original form.
Therefore I am stuck in a dorm
With death as my lover and roommate
And a nightly date.
Time to get ready
Because me and death, we're going steady.

#suicide #sin #hell #god #religion #anxiety #thinking #forgiveness #writing #selfhate

Jul 2014

Francisco DH

Mama, I'm Gay

Mama please sit down
I have something to say
Mama, I'm Gay.

Mama, I've known for some time
It's something I've grown to accept
and it's something I've kept.

Mama, why do you scream?
Why all this yelling, this casting blame?
Don't you know that I'm the same?

Mama, don't cry, please don't cry
So many tears have already been shed
One my pillows and on my bed.

Mama, I wanted you to know
Out of love this action was taken
And No my dad didnt touch me and I'm not mistaken.

Mama, why would I choose this life
Knowing what I feel at the moment
And how I experience torment.

Mama, I can never change
No amount of praying or saying
Can change what's inside me.

Mama, Please sit down, Take a breath
I am sorry if I am not what you prefer
But I ask you to think it over.

Mama, I've done what's needed
Can you let me back into your heart
Or will your ignorance keep us apart?

I have been meaning to write something to this effect. Coming out was a battle and I won that battle. But sometimes in those battles you lose someone you rather not lose.
I dedicate this poem to the LGBT Community.
To all the ones who came out to their moms, dads, whoever you needed to come out to.
To the ones who still havent come out
And to the ones who never made it to that step.

Jul 2014

Molly

Things Straight People Have Taught Me About Being Bisexual

If you are a girl and you are bisexual,
you're really just a ****.

If you are a boy and you are bisexual,
you're really just gay.

Bisexuality isn't a real thing,
it's a phase. You're confused.

All girls are secretly bi.
You're just more honest about it.

Bisexuals like everyone,
they don't know how to have real relationships.

Bisexuals are looking for attention,
They're dramatic,
They're confused,
They're *****
Idiots
Sinners
Immature.

Wrong.

Bisexuals are people.

This bothers me to no end

#love #gay #stereotypes #ignorance #*** #bisexual #rumors #judging

Jul 2014

Love

****

You shout those names
And call me a sin,
As if a sin is all I hold within.
Can't you see I've tried to change
With no prevail,
I try time and time again
I only fail.
I wish you would understand,
That I'm drowning in my thoughts
My feet aren't set on dry land.
I want you to be able to see,
How conflicted the thoughts are within me.
I'm no ****.
Not even in the dark secret of the night.
I'm just a girl with a conflict
A war beneath my skin,
And all you can see is my sin,
As if you were perfect.