The greatest irony of humanity
Is that we fight wars
For peace

It’s splashing on some eyeliner
Make yourself look decent
It’s throwing on a crop top
When it's 20 degrees outside
It’s sitting in the driveway
You have 2 hours until he comes
It’s freezing your *** off
Because a skirt looked better
It’s listening to cars go by
And wondering which one will be his
It’s knowing he'll never wait in the dark for you
It’s getting in his car
And hearing “you look hot”
it's never understanding why he won't take you to his place
Am I not worthy of your bed?
Are you embarrassed?
It’s wanting to have a conversation
But he's only interested in what color your underwear is
It’s wanting to hold his hand
I just want to hold your hand
It’s having to tell yourself
You don’t mean a thing to him
When he bites your neck
It’s suppressing your tears
When he dives into you
It’s knowing one another
But not being able to look at each other
​For those who don’t know what 2am hangouts are like
It’s constantly telling yourself you deserve better
Why won’t I get better?

Dad’s ocean is washing away
The frame of our house.
I am on the second floor,
Riding the waters of Mother’s tears.
I plug my ears with my fingers
And hold my breath;
I still feel the ebb and flow of his rage.
The hypothermic water winds
Around my toes like nooses.

My body is a life vest
Floating on top of a row boat bed.
Its boards are rotten and creaking
Under my adult weight.
Our house is a fish tank. Everyone is staring
through our windows with bulbous eyes as
Rivers flow from our pains of glass.

A crack trailed down
The center of my heart
When I saw my dad cry
As his world fell apart

I remember him sitting
On the living room floor
Crying as his wife told him
He can't see his kids anymore

I got down beside him
And hugged him so tight
Wishing that I could make
Every thing right

But mommy was leaving
And taking us along
So he told us he loved us
And said to be strong

The only daddy issue I have
Is that he's dead
Died in my arms
Left that memory in my head
Can't make peace with that
I've tried and tried
The daddy issue I have
Is my daddy died

Am I a Christian
Or just a silly girl who believes in something more?
I worship God in my own way,
Baptizing myself in my own tears every night
Praying for it all to stop.

Either way, we are not the ones calling the shots.

There's something going on here, dear,
So shut your pretty mouth
And get down on your knees and bow to the king -
The crafty creator of everything.

He made you knowing those dark thoughts would appear -
There's a reason why you're here.
So why don't you put down the water gun -
You were not meant for toys like that -
A life of fun is so ******* overrated,
Darling look how far you've made it.
(Look how far we've made it.)

Don't you dare ever waste it,
You're here for a purpose, dear.
Might be a month,
Might be several years.
You'll make it,
I swear,
You'll conquer your fears.

And all those tears you've made
(All these tears I've made)
Will make you stronger in the end,
This is not the end -
Crying, "Will it ever end?" -
Hold on and rest your weary head,
It'll end when you are dead,

But for now the king wants you alive.
Hang on to your life,
Take a deep breath and sigh.
Say, "Nobody is stronger than I."
Scratch that, "us."
"No one is stronger than us."

Because you and I are meant to combine together.
We are running out of time.
He wants us to rise and fall as one
Until the whole **** system comes undone -
But until that day will surely come,
Let's continue our march into the sun.
We'll make it ***,
Look how far we've made it.

Here I am baring my scars and there are people calling me brave and this is never what I wanted. I wanted to show you my scars because I feel like a fraud and I wanted to show you my scars so you would know how pathetic I really am but you don't understand, my scars are not battle wounds, they are not badges I've earned, I do not wear them proudly, my scars are representative of all the times I was too weak to fight those battles, my scars are surrenders and do not call me brave if I didn't even bother fighting. I wanted to show you my scars so you would stop telling me how strong I am because I am not strong, I am weak and I am still hiding from you because you think these scars are things I have overcome but these scars are the very things that haunt me and who are you to know what I am going through simply because I have told you? I am falling apart and these scars are reopening, I am falling apart at the seams and you are calling me a hero but heroes do not hate themselves like this. Here I am baring my scars and there are people calling me brave and this is never what I wanted.

I've got scars on my wrist
I've got scars on my wrist from the time I got too drunk
I got too drunk because I wanted to be brave enough
To be brave enough to tell him I loved him
I told him I loved him in the same breath as I told him I was dying
I was dying because my eyes wouldn't stay open
Eyes wouldn't stay open because I kept closing them
Kept closing them because I didn't want to see the blood all over one of the good white towels
All over one of the good white towels because I tried to wash it off in the shower but it kept bleeding
Kept bleeding because I cut deeper than I thought I had
Cut deeper than I thought I had because I couldn't feel it
Couldn't feel it because I was too drunk
I was too drunk because I drank all the beers left in the fridge and the ***** in the freezer
The ***** in the freezer because the beer wasn't strong enough
Wasn't strong enough
Wasn't strong enough

I love you but I can't trust you anymore

Please just leave me alone for a while

I don't care how you're feeling, this isn't about your feelings

No, you don't get a say in our relationship now, the same way I didn't get a say in my own ******* bedroom

Do you know how much this ****** with my head

You were my best friend

Go **** yourself

I'm sorry

I know where you are right now because I have been there too, I know how it feels to be so sad for so long that you can't imagine being happy again, to be so sad for so long that you stop trying to be happy again and so you just feed the sadness, just try to give it what it wants in the hope that it will be content enough to spare you, but feeding it only helps it grow. You have to starve it out. You have to lock it up, have to tell it "no", have to fight it. It will claw at the back of your eyelids, it will moan and howl so loud that you cannot hear your own thoughts, you will ache because it is aching and you and it are one but you have to remind yourself that it is created entirely of you, but only a portion of you is made of it. You have to make it shrink. It will not be easy. There will be days when you give in, when you feel bad for it, withering away, and so you throw it scraps of food under the table but there will also be days when it is silent. It will have grown so weak that it can no longer pound on the door, it will lie still there in the dark and you will forget about it, if only for a moment, and you have to hold onto that. There will be good days, days when you think to yourself "this is how happy people feel on a regular basis," days that remind you why you are fighting this beast in the first place and the next day may be bad again, you may not hear that silence again for weeks but when you cannot see an end to this torture, you have to remind yourself of the good days, you have to keep them tucked underneath your pillow and reminisce about the way walking felt easy for a day before you go to bed, you have to keep telling yourself that although this is an uphill battle, it will be so much easier on the way down the other side and the view from the mountaintop is breathtaking. You have to convince yourself that you want that mountaintop, have to tell yourself that the good days are worth the fight, that the sadness will not last forever, that you are not made of darkness although it is made of you. You have to starve it out; it is so much easier to live when you only have to feed yourself.

Could you love me when I laugh,
Could you love me when I'm daft?
Could you love me when I cry,
Could you love me when you don't know why?
Could you love me when I don't feel pretty,
Could you love me when I want your pity?
Could you love me when I feel pain,
Could you love me when you feel the same?
Could you love me when I love you,
Could you love me and love me true?