I've always wanted to write about you.
Staring at the stars and wondering about you.
Pondering on the moments we had,
The music we shared
The stories we read
The pages we turned
I remember it all.

I remember it all.

I've been starring out the window
Thinking about you
Preserving our memories
Sinking in our dreams
Realising they aren't no more

It hits hard
Knowing I lost you
The razors hit you hard but never landed you home,
The pills got you two strikes but as a batter you hit strong.
Third strike and I heard, "You're out!" I knew I lost you to monoxide.

I remember it all.
I saw the man that loved you fall to the ground,
Tears stain his skin
Hearts battered on the floor
Lungs tattered and broken voices.

I remember it all

I've always wanted to write about you
But I've never really had the words,
I still don't
But I still want to write about you.

I wanted to write symphonies for you
Melodies of memories
Harmonised stories of our friendship
Because you are family
And I wanted to write you a happily ever after
Because you deserve that.

I remember it all

Standing in front
Watching the mourning faces
Broken expressions
Burnt eyes

I remember it all
Closing my eyes
And praying that God isn't mad at you

Rain flows here from the sky
As if he knows what I'm doing
Can't stop my world from mourning
Even those young bird cry

Their peeping sound are just everywhere
But only one human listened, only my ear
Seems no one can ceases the weeping
Tears that can suppress the flame

The time when I recalled some memoir's of my life
There I've seen some close friend of mine
Laughing, crying, dancing, singing
And saying goodbye

Memories that shed more tears
Knowing that in reality
I can't see them
For the rest of my life....


written: Feb. 19, 2000 @ 4:15 pm

For Jimmy and Emmanuel
Gone too soon...

Mysterious Aries

There is no beginning
And there is no end
Time isn't your enemy
But it isn't your friend
The events already in motion
Forever roll on like the ocean

little boy with dreams
that come crashing down
with a pink line
screaming "positive".

Dying love in a gilded cage,
Imprisoned by my pent up rage.
You never loved me, but neither did I,
The last gift you gave was the gift of goodbye.

She,
Why nobody helped **her?
She helped everyone that she knew that needed help,
So why didn't anyone help her?
She was so happy,
With her beautiful and honest smiles,
With her deep and sincere feelings.
She was a beautiful person.
She was,
She's not anymore.
For one simple reason,
She didn't know how to help herself.

No, you don't understand!
Please stop lying to me!
My life is ******-up
And God does not care
Please let me be!
You're only saying that to ease
The pain that’s been killing me ever since
But let me tell you
None of those fancy words
Can ease the pain and misery
No one can fight these demons,
They are strong and they want me
My mind is severely flooded
And one die I am going to drown.

decisive words
   take their time

they reveal their significance
   like buds unfolding
   nourished by the soil of doubt
   the rain of memory and meditation
gradually to the troubled soul

until the flower
   of loss

   suddenly
   in full bloom

makes you tremble
at its pristine
    relentless
    beauty

      * *

They all like her, not me.
But it's okay,
Cause I may not be a saint
But at least I play it real.


© Leigh

They all know me as the "class clown",
They never bothered to look behind that mask.

Sometimes I wonder
If somebody out there
Also feels the way I do.
Does she make others laugh
With her cosmic gags
And novel flops?
And at the end of the day
Does she ever feel sad
Down, broken,
And alone as ever?

They don't realize i'm not fine.
That I hate myself and I want to die
They only see the child they used to know
Without realizing i'm now completely a different person.


© Leigh