Whenever I feel sad, I blow things up in video game land.
Because everything and anything that I built there, can be rebuilt.
I can fix everything in the screen that I hurt or broke.
But I can't fix how you probably think what we had was just a joke.

Im counting down the days.
The days till I'm finally in your arms.
I wake up with a smile.
I sleep with a warm heart.
I smile so easily, as easy as breathing.
I'm counting the days and it's so close from now.
My hearts beating fast just thinking of you.
I don't know what is about you that I love.
You make me feel special as if I'm a princess.
You make it your job to make me smile.
You listen to every word I say.
We sit there in silence but it's perfect.
I can't wait till the day I'm finally in your arms.

-Lovey

A dream, is only a dream.
Right?
A dream, is a figure of something that'll never be a reality.

A dream, is a breif hope.
So was said.

Is it truthfully only a figure, a brief hope, a hole to cover up pain?
Or is it simply mistaken?

A dream could become who you are.
If you take that fiure, it will turn into hope.
Hope that a future does exsist.
A future you can control, one you can make yourself.

So a dream might be a figure, a brief hope, a patch to cover the pain.


But it starts with a dream to become something great, it takes a nightmare to become something we never imagined.
-Lovey

Where?
Where does misery end
and
happiness begin?
I'm now certain
the line does not reside
at the bottom of a bottle.
I've finished many
to find nothing but an empty vessel.
I've chain smoked my way
through a thousand packs
to find myself still wanting.
I've loved.
I've hated.
And still I have to ask
where?
Where is the line one crosses
into happiness?
Into peace.

Live freely
Love wildly
Be lawless
Spit in the face of your enemies
Light a match and swallow the flame
Believe in yourself
Believe in a god
Forget the difference
Relive the war
Ride with all of the windows down
Embrace your identity
Become one with sincerity
Befriend strangers
Party until you drop
Wake up in the morning and regret nothing
Live fast
Die young
Die fast
Live forever
This is real
It always has been
Inevitable
Inexcusable
Unbearable
Free
Clap your hands
Applaud those around you for making it this far
You are beautiful
You are worth it
You are living
You are perfect
Stay awake to see the sunrise
Smoke a cigarette for the moon
Take a shot to see the stars
Forgive
Do not forget
You have made it this far
This is not the end
But a wonderful beginning
Watch as the lights go out
Watch as the crowd all shouts

*If we live forever, we will suffer
If we live forever, we will suffer

The devil sat upon his toasted grieving red throne
Gulping his tongue, the devil never stressed  
She seduced his powerful taste
He knew she was a lost soul, out of control  
She was a walking mess, who was taking her toll
He had no business taking a hit to his statured entitlement  
He promised to distinguish her from the rest, implicating a battle every dawning blue sky
His threats do not scare her passion to fight
She's a rampage with braided hair and an innocent glare
Zip up your sweater vest, here comes Hells pest

She hates me, because Im broken.

The picture she sees is distorted, and spot on point.

The fear in my eyes is only weakness and the rage in my veines is so hot she can feel it.

She knows me all to well and she hates me.

My bursts of drama makes her sick, and in her eyes I almost don't exist.

All my flaws and and even my good deeds, she thinks, wishing I wasn't me.

She sees my shadow in the halls, and my figure in my room.

Her heart's so warm, it could easily break.

Like my heart... Its her best trait and weakness.

She looks at me from the corner of her eye and feels disgust.

She hates me.

Im like the mirror in the lake, when its disturbed there's no view.

She sees my medication, and how it only sometimes works.

Now the fear she feels is for her alone.

My beauty, my shell, my insides like liquid....

She hates me.

She makes me strong and breaks me down, without trying.

She makes me sad and proud.

She fills my heart.

Through her my blood flows far to freely, and she denies me.

She is beautiful inside and out, but I may have broken her by being broken.

I live in fear, but pray all my strength has been passed to her.

She hates me and its ok.

I hate me.

Many have come to pry me open.
Many have come asking for the key.
Offering promises that the doubt would lessen,
flaunting their oaths as currency.

Plenty have assured that they're not like the others.
They promised that their words were forged in steel.
They had come with nothing else except to offer,
their ears and support just so to seal the deal.

"Forgive me", I'd say... I am still a tad apprehensive.
But I do feel the need to speak...
I do long for ears attentive,
Not the ones which are attached to mouths that easily leak.

I know that there are such ears...
Hard to find but they're definitely there.
They'd be ready to catch my tears,
more than willing to show concern and care...

Yours seem rather reliable... That much I see.
They've come with intentions seemingly untainted and kind.
Don't suppose they'd take my words ever so lightly.
They won't lap up my secrets with treachery in mind.

Again I find myself here at the same spot.
About to hand over the duplicate key.
This familiar leap I hope you'd have me caught.
Please don't give away my secrets for free...

I wonder about you everyday—
Every little thing.
Did you miss my voice today?
I miss your voice.
Did you cry today?
If so, let my hands
Clear the storm of your eyes.
Did you smile today?
I miss your smile
It has made life worthwhile.
How is school?
What have you learned?
What have you forgotten?

I need to know if you will eventually
End up forgetting me and all that we have.
I need to know if you still love me
And need me in your life.
Who, what, where, why, and when?
Your being is all I'm seeing.
Who, what, where, why, and when?
Your being is all I'm seeing.

Am I on your mind as you drift off at night?
Am I what you dream of at night?
Am I the first you think of when you wake up?
Do you gaze over at your passenger seat, longing for me to be there?
We would drive along holding hands listening to music for hours—
Does every little thing remind you of me?
Your love greets me at all hours.
Do you crave my lips as I do yours?
When you close your eyes can you feel me?
Does your body ache for my touch?
My soul wants to leave this body in search of yours.

I need to know if you will eventually
End up forgetting me and all that we have.
I need to know if you still love me
And need me in your life.
Who, what, where, why, and when?
Your being is all I'm seeing.
Who, what, where, why, and when?
Your being is all I'm seeing.

We all live life.
Life is a short way of saying you got you're self in a roller coaster.
Some parts are scary,some part make us smile,some parts make us scream,some parts make us dizzy.
We go up and down.
But do any of you know,you can smile when everyone else is screaming?
It's ok to step out and now he pushed down cause others aren't happy.
Break the ******* roller coaster and make your own.
We all get dizzy and fall down but dizziness goes away. We stop screaming. We get over fears and stop being scared. But you truly never can stop being happy.
You sometimes temporarily lose what it's like and that's ok.
You can't be happy all the time or you'll get bored.
We have to be sad to miss being happy.
-Lovey

what we had is lost and gone,
I choose gratitude instead of bitterness.

the love we had could quickly turn into
resentment, fear and anger.

for our daughter's sake and for my own serenity,
I choose to practice love and tolerance.

I am choosing to be grateful for what we shared,
and present to the life created out of that love.

just for today, I embrace it all. the pain, joy, tears and laughter.

I mourn the loss of our marriage,
but love remains.