I want to come back home already
But the lights are off and I am nowhere
The road on the way home is blurry
I am gone.. Like your promise to be there
All your promises are now sugar coated lies
No answer but you left with so much why's

and that is why
to be fool in love
is okay... I mean...
to smile for littlest reason
and sing lalala
the cheesy lines, PDA's
that's okay

but to fool your love
is never okay,
remember: you aren't a ****.








or are you? hmm

There's so many words that left unspoken in my mind
I was lost in thought and now I couldn't find
The right words to say
Is there even a perfect word to say for you to stay?

Or let's say I did
Is my voice be heard?
Would it echo to your soul,
Or be gone into a black hole?

You're just reading a blob of words
Like useless swords
Displayed but never equipped
Epitome of me, noticed but not picked

a great way to start a day,
and a peaceful escape from a busy loads of work
sometimes in the night, I spent a sip
a really cozy taste of a brewed milky coffee!
'coz why not? ??
it makes everything back on its place (my mood for example hehe)
no one would notice that it smells like home
but I always do so whenever I recognize
an espresso or a latte, I close my eyes and smile
it is more than just a coffee, it is goodness in a cup!

How cliche is this
They said, love transcends
But why my love couldn't reach
the axis of your heart
whenever I'm closer to you,
You seemed farthest
should I blame our plane?
For this terrible graph
I'm willing to lose my function
Just for us to be perpendicular
rather than parallel,
worse, is it just me
who would risk brokenness
to meet you, to catch you
but how will I do
when we aren't meant to be
never in this finite line,
we will never be...
We are just asymptotes

whenever a person promised me something
i will really count on it until...
that promise breaks and so as my heart

You don't have to be a soldier
To win your own battles
You don't have to be a doctor
To heal your wounds
You don't have to be an artist
To paint your own life
You don't have to be a teacher
To teach yourself how to love
You don't have to be a chef
To spice things in your day
You don't have to be a pilot
To control the direction of your path
You don't have to be an engineer
To build your own reality from dreams
You don't have to be a musician
To harmonize your relationships
You don't have to be a scientist
To discover everything
You don't have to be a millionaire
To have everything

You don't have to be someone
To know that YOU CAN.

No one ever knows
the rhymings of my poetry
blob of words combined
And so do I.
In between these rigid lines
Are invisible tears and smiles
Passing through windows
Of soul through the eyes
Daring to touch every strands
Til the inner glands
What do I know, who am I?
I am just a typist who takes part
of my own indefinite poet heart.

"I wish I have their life"
A generic script that we say
When things are rough
And life is hitting hard
But we only see the good point of view
People don't often share wars or battle scars,
Only pictures of victories and glories
We barely knew that every champs
Are also losers at night,
Ironically sobbing,  
"I wish I have their life"

How many times did she declared herself dead?
Maybe same as the number of stars above the night sky
In which she tell every pain she had before she forgets
How to really live rather than just to plainly breathe

The awakening has now come into her dreamland
She will be dressed as one of those shining stars
She is brave because God her out of courage.
Marvelous enough to bring revival to her soul.

She is a woman.
No other person shall build her
For she can do it herself
She is heaven-sent, a woman of God.

The way God brings comfort to thee,
Is through the shape of her.
She once forgotten her worth,
She is the revival.

Multiple pains a day
Is enough to **** me
The other way

chasing
running
i... couldn't breathe
i see nothing.
pure nothing.
tell me this is not happening
where are the people
why..
nobody's here
here in... nowhere?
what's happening.
why? there's no one here
you? where are you
why...
there's no one here
but... it feels so crowded.
stopped chasing
stopped running
i couldn't breathe... anymore.

She turns a blank paper
Into a marvelous piece of art
When her pen collaborates with her heart
Worst's becomes better
And as she tell prose
She use metaphors of universe
Beautiful like a wild rose
Diving minds into diverse
Magnificent land of her heaven
She accelerated the time when
Sorrows give an innocent soul lament
And though the world has no fair judgment
She wanted to make a world just for all
Even in her own poetry, she could fall
The outskirts of town will have a little
Taste of hope as her heart gets brittle
She realized she doesn't write poetries
For everyone, she designed short stories
With a fair, happy endings

i am an anxious overthinker
and that's not cool, i hate it

My regret is
I didn't hug you tighter
I didn't say "I love you" as often as I can
I didn't give enough massages on your aching back
I didn't spend enough chats with you

I was too busy
I was too occupied
I was too depressed to be caring

I miss you and I miss you
I love you, I miss you
I'd do anything to see you one last time, hug you one last time, massage you one last time, talk to you one last time

I was waiting for you to come home from the hospital
But you come back in another home - in heaven

I will grieve forever for losing you

I love you, daddy.

I love the smell of winter
No sign of danger
Snowflakes falling
My heart then stops beating

Hypothermia
A daydream of insomnia
Looks like Nirvana
I believed in this drama

Winter -
Oh I thought it was winter


                                   No.



it was summer..






..................... fiery



thing that made things blurry.





It's you and your dagger
You stabbed me, I was in danger


I thought it was winter until I become a goner.

you are a beautiful mental disorder
that whenever my mind is thinking of you
it delivers me tickling signals in my stomach
giving me smiles in most difficult times,
pressures in my heart but lightly and gentle,
the symptoms aren't visible with bare eyes
so I tried to search my soul and meet yours
my knees are trembling and makes me fall
--in love for you
you aren't a disorder, I was kidding
you fixed me :>

Our universe always says no
But my heart will always go
Into the pockets of your soul
Like being yours is her role

This is not a romantic movie
But if you just notice me, I think it will be

-

Did you know what's more beautiful than smiles?
It's the reason behind
Did you know what's the reason behind?
It's smiles
Did you know what's beautiful in smiles?
It's you
Did you know what's something in you?
You're beautiful
And that makes me ... :)

You and I is synonymous to us
however, us is synonymous
to impossible
because impossible is synonymous
to you'll never love me
yet my love for you will remain synonymous
to forever
while your love is synonymous
to her



And us is synonymous
to never together.

I was drowned in my memories
Of how everything used to be,
I built a big reservoir inside my heart
So I can vividly see and feel them
When they turn oblivion to everyone
When they turn oblivion to you

I am your home
Do not run away.

The darkness of the clouds fit
In her tired eyes but still it lit
Everything that it sees
Beyond failures, there will be good deeds

You will not always hear her say a thing
But her mind doesn’t denotes a dried field in spring
Look at her, she smiled when you threw her fire
She turned it to a stunning  sapphire!

No is her answer to your why
She’s genuine enough to not lie,
Yet wise enough to realize that she never owed
Anyone an explanation for what she sowed

You see black and white
But there are too many colors on her sight
Blended together not to be aesthetically pleasing,
Just enough to give her soul a nice feeling.

Did you ever did your best?
And hopes that it will do the rest
To hope for something,
To start believing
That you can and you will
That this time it's real
Start every day with bravery
And ends it with victory

                                  But oh, why this happened?

Where are the efforts you send?
It flown away into the wilderness of nowhere
Where are the time you borrowed
To pay the success of tomorrow
Where are the hopes you hope for?
Are they now the predators who roar?
The beast named failure choke your dreams
Once symphony, now screams
Bravery, victory; where are they?
Only pain and cries today

This is not how it supposed to be
But it's exactly what transpire in me
And so to lower the dose of pain, I'd tell you
Lower the expectancy rate too.

we are just breaking one another's hearts.
don't blame it to the universe.
we're all the same.

She's thinking of something poetic
Then he came into her mind
Like an unexpected visitor
Somehow disturbing, but she liked it

Heard the tickling of the clock
There's nothing she can talk about
Than how much she missed him
Somehow disturbing, but she liked it

It's been 3 days of waiting
For him
For someone who's not sure if coming
Somehow disturbing, but she liked it

Her heart is full of optimism
But her mind brings her into such pessimism
She knows she loves him
Somehow disturbing, but she like it

She's thinking of something poetic
Then she realized her poem was him
It's 2:36 am
Somehow disturbing, but what could she do..



if she really loves him..

Lord, I thank You for Your goodness to us
You are never failing
Your works are perfectly knitted by Your loving hands
I thank You for breathing life to our Cj,
You wonderfully showed us Your goodness through his life
Your grace flows in his life and we are truly blessed
I pray, Lord, that You will always hold him in Your hands
I pray that You will not lose sight of him,
Guide him, Lord, in every step of his journey and
be it always with You, always by Your side
Bless his heart, Lord Jesus, may he grow more deeply in love with you before anyone and anything else
Bless his mind, Lord Jesus, may he always find peace and wisdom  in Your promises
Bless his life, Lord Jesus, may he continue to be a channel of blessings to all of us for more and more years,
Bless him to prosper, Lord Jesus, may Your plans be the blueprint of his breakthroughs this 2021
Bless him to have a good health, Lord Jesus, may You heal every area of his life that needs healing
Bless him in his career, Lord Jesus, I pray that You will be the One to increase his skills, knowledge and abilities in order to accomplish more breakthroughs
Bless his heart, Lord Jesus, to always stay humble before You
Bless his heart, Lord Jesus, that he may be still when challenges of life are testing him
Bless his heart, Lord Jesus, give him the power and strength to overcome more mountains with faith
Bless his heart, Lord Jesus, may he remember Your goodness and grace all the time, especially in the hardest times of his life
I pray that You will send him comfort when no one is able,
I pray that You will hear him out when no one is there to listen,
I pray that You may give the desires of his heart
I pray that Your will be done in his life
and lastly Lord, I pray that I may be able to take good care of him, help me to love him right, to love him like how you love us.
We believe in Your mighty power, Lord
We believe in Your desire to hear Your children's prayer
We worship Your beautiful Name, Lord Jesus.
In Your Name, Lord Jesus, we trust and we claim victories and answered prayers,

Amen.

Someone asked me,
Why I don't cry
When a beloved walk away
I say so plain,
It's okay if people leave
Not that I'm fond of goodbyes
I just clearly understand
That leaving is existing
Yet I'm excited of two different things,
To see them again
Or meet new ones
So I'll say so plain
Don't cry when someone leaves

love's never too complicated for a sincere heart and passionate soul

It all starts with I want to
Like
I want to gather myself
Even if it is parted into many pieces
I want to see myself
Ceasing the fire that is fed by insecurities
I want to be better
At being myself, not to be somebody else
I want to be that good daughter,
Even if I think I'm not that smart
I want to find peace and live it
Even it is too chaotic to start right now
I want to gather myself
And build all of these

It all starts with I want to
And I wanna end this with I will.

Everything I miss wasn't in this timeline anymore
Lost are the smiles that I always adore
The things I thought to last was over
Except the things that ought to haunt me forever
I breathe in a beautiful portrait  in a shattered frame
Wherein everyday is a mending game
When I said I'm done, I don't mean to want an end
It's just, I think that is all I ever need

"pathetic"
"you're a miserable wretch"
"go back to the God-forsaken universe you came from"
"nobody likes you"
"plain. you are nothing."
"the world is good but better without you"
"non-sense"
"why are you so ugly?"
"talk to yo self"
"can you just.. di*?"
"painful? oh dear that serves you right"
"you'll never be enough"
"what a chaos"
"eww ***** you"
"8billion ppl and no one's grateful for your existence"




ugh.

hearing her again is infuriating my mind.

so I shut her up.

what happened to her, you guess?

read the title.

along the rivers, there flows a magic melody
a wild lion hears it and it was calmed
a bird, who's happy and free, chirps with it
a deer drinks on its waters and it was relieved
but when you passed by, oh darling, it dies

I miss you
Every night I do
We used to fight battles together
We used to build up each other
Don't become a stranger to me
Don't be the enemy in our story
To see you fading and sobbing
Makes me think I'm gonna lose you one more time
I said no, I don't want to let you go
We are meant to fight battles together
We are meant to build up each other
I miss you, I miss us
We are meant to be as one
Reach my hand as soon as you can please? I couldn't wait forever
Come back to me...

self.

one... two... three...
bright sky, nice dress!
'o hi there, my lovely friend,
your smile radiates today
pretty.

four... five... six...
get away off here!!
leave me alone,

cries and dies secretly inside
raining, storms, thunders,
fiery.

why are they laughing,
are they laughing at me?

glitches, palpitates and shakes
cold hands are slapping my face

who am I?
you. are. worthless.

seven... eight... nine...
shut the hell outta here!!!

evil laughs are screaming

'o hi there, my filthy, ugly other self
you're so stupid todaAaAay

hardly breathing

i bet no one loves you still ****
**** that hurts

head aches, cold sweating

ten... eleven... twelve...
stares at nowhere






--

"hey... hey, are you okay?"

"oh, yes! what is it again? :)"








one... two... three...

I don't know where to start









I couldn't express the beats of my heart








Sorry if I couldn't say it in person








I will just surely stutter, so pardon













I will just make it simple.









I love you, that's all.










I'm not hoping for "I love you too"







But if perhaps you do...








just please







Take me to Paris.

I'm so down,
I'm so done
With no words in my paper
Only tear stains,
Only eye strains
And heart that is sober

a poem written
on 15th of May
on the amidst of lonely 2018
with a shimmer of hope
for a beginning of lifetime
I remembered how it started
but now I don't want to remember
how things were changed
told you!
I'm freakin' right haha!
good for me, I believed
"... but not fully"

thank you, it hurts
when you came in just to leave.

feeling the breeze of a cold rainy morning,
my coffee warms my palms
perfect to wish this day a merry one

I missed to be happy.


I'm not interested on the presents
wrapped in happy gift wrappers,
delicacies on the table,
nor wearing a new fancy dress
in a town clothed with bright lights
and joyful carols


let's smile today can we?


would you smile back if I greet you...


"Merry Christmas!"
Prince of Peace shall reign
so as in our hearts.

--

I missed to be happy.
I know that you too.
We missed to be happy.


Today, we will.


:)

You are a wanderer to my soul
Who keeps searching patiently
Until you found a love that I thought to be lost
A love that is shattered is never in vain
It doesn't even loss its value because it isn't whole
You pick it all up, you claim it
Like it belongs to you all this lifetime
You are carrying those pieces with every might you have,
Making sure that it won't be harmed anymore
Because you treasure it,
You treasured me when I thought I was nothing

you are not invisible,
they are just blind

you are worth it,
so don't lower your price

your ideas are bright enough
to let 'em be shown to the world

you are beautiful,
be deaf when they say you're not

I see you doing your best
honey, I'm so proud of you!

inside the cold body of the grinning devil
resides a weeping angel
handcuffed hands of torment
chained body of toil
angelic voice echoed as curse
poisoned and lingers through out
The devil will sin
while the angel still sing
psalms of praise and worship
There's still hope to find
for a good soul with a monster appearance
There's still salvation for the bad
Divinity is bigger than any evil
Near is the coming.
As the Day is approaching,
The hope will find us, the angel and the devil
O Iisoús Sozei.

I never runaway
I was kidnapped
I was being tortured
My flesh are being pierced
I was being burned alive
My mind was corrupted
My captors are invisible
But does it mean they are made up?
All you did is to blame it to me like
The hell i've been was all my fault

Do not promise
To love me to the moon
And back
I don't want that
Just love me
Right by my side
And do not leave