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;
Stephanie Sep 2018
;
fraud!
she knew it, smirks, so she applaud.
-
lame. that was a fallacy
herself is the mistery

Have you seen her in the clarity of dripping scarlet riverflows?

she's still the secrecy of midnight that no one ever knows

Even hallowing hazy fog of cold could made us blinded

in this knotted ropes of white lies, dead end

Lowfully dare to follow her illusionary footsteps in waters

fraud. she's the one whose following your shady runners
she is the vulture and the prey;
the moth and the flame;
the wicked and the good;
the water and the blood;

Peace in your mind, her sojourn.

she's the only one who smiled in the midst of mourn

Mellow greetings when she entered the juvenile dreams

when the night visits, it'll be silent screams

fraud?

Eccentric.

she is an oxymoron but more of a paradox.
: a whole beautiful jigsaw puzzle who's made to be in thousand pieces...

PS. i leave clues
PPS. read with your heart and soul
PPPS. anyone who reads this, know that I love you. Because only those who really love me will want to read this crap right 'til the end.
PPPPS. thank you.
:)
Stephanie Feb 2018
:)
Did you know what's more beautiful than smiles?
It's the reason behind
Did you know what's the reason behind?
It's smiles
Did you know what's beautiful in smiles?
It's you
Did you know what's something in you?
You're beautiful
And that makes me ... :)
a smile like yours is worth sharing to the world, honey! ^_^
Stephanie Mar 2019
he is an encrypted cipher
that no one succeeds to decrypt
except I, his devoted decoder,
will lovingly write his untold poetry;
let it be spoken, not in words,
but in the bits of his codes..
01010011 01000101 01000101 01011001 01001111 01010101 01010011 01001111 01001111 01001110
...
Stephanie Nov 2019
...
for all the promises I failed to keep
I am sorry
for all the times I made you sad
I am sorry
for all the times I made you mad
I am sorry
for all the failures I made
I am sorry
for all disappointments after my name
I am sorry
for all my shortcomings
I am sorry
for every drop of tears I left in your sad eyes
I am sorry
for being overly dramatic
I am sorry
for not being good enough
I am sorry
for being a headache,
I am sorry
for being toxic,
I am sorry
for not being able to make you smile
I am sorry
for snatching your happiness
I am sorry
for your regrets of having me
I am sorry
for being helpless and depressed
I am sorry
for being numb and dumb
I am sorry
for being annoying and apologetic
I am sorry
I didn't wanted those things too
but I am sorry
this is not the version of me that I dreamt to be
but I am sorry
until my last breath, until my last poem
sincerely, I am sorry.
I am doing my best to fix myself but for now I am sorry. One day you might give up on me too soon before I do and for that I am sorry.
Stephanie Dec 2019
I want to be that text message
That you would read all over again
Because it gives you sweet shivers
Stephanie Dec 2019
I am your home
Do not run away.
Stephanie Nov 2020
Do not promise
To love me to the moon
And back
I don't want that
Just love me
Right by my side
And do not leave
Stephanie May 2019
bawat kumpas ng segundo sa orasan
ay may katumbas na inaantok na pagkurap,
biglaan naman ang pagbuhos ng ulan
marahil hindi na kinaya ng mga ulap
ang bigat ng dalahin nitong ulan

ang pagtangis ng kalangitan
ang sa akin ay nagpatahan


ako marahil ang kontrabida sa istoryang ito




patawad.
dahil hindi laging tayo ang bida
at sa kwento ng iba, tayo ang masama...
Stephanie Dec 2018
feeling the breeze of a cold rainy morning,
my coffee warms my palms
perfect to wish this day a merry one

I missed to be happy.


I'm not interested on the presents
wrapped in happy gift wrappers,
delicacies on the table,
nor wearing a new fancy dress
in a town clothed with bright lights
and joyful carols


let's smile today can we?


would you smile back if I greet you...


"Merry Christmas!"
Prince of Peace shall reign
so as in our hearts.

--

I missed to be happy.
I know that you too.
We missed to be happy.


Today, we will.


:)
Stephanie Jan 2018
She's thinking of something poetic
Then he came into her mind
Like an unexpected visitor
Somehow disturbing, but she liked it

Heard the tickling of the clock
There's nothing she can talk about
Than how much she missed him
Somehow disturbing, but she liked it

It's been 3 days of waiting
For him
For someone who's not sure if coming
Somehow disturbing, but she liked it

Her heart is full of optimism
But her mind brings her into such pessimism
She knows she loves him
Somehow disturbing, but she like it

She's thinking of something poetic
Then she realized her poem was him
It's 2:36 am
Somehow disturbing, but what could she do..



if she really loves him..
Stephanie Nov 2018
just when I'm about to take my first step away from you,
from all of the memories we had, there I find Melancholy
she's actually nice, she stayed actually longer than we did
and so she became my best friend
It was so clear that you filled every compartment of my heart
but when we unconsciously cut everything between us off
it withers like the garden flowers under the sovereignty of the master's sun
guess?
Melancholy replaced you completely.
now that she's living in me,
goodbye, former self, call me Melancholy
Stephanie May 2018
Watch out;
No one ever know when things will stay ours
Anything can be ****** away, even anyone..

But take heart;
No one ever know why and how but it's true
Everything can be conquered by love, even anyone..
when you suddenly feel the urge to write, you will do even it's 8pm and your outside the house waiting for nothing
Stephanie Sep 2019
I almost made it
I almost have my dream confidence
But why am I here
At a point where I still do my best
For the world to be impressed
Covering up with a smile,
Finding myself convincing the world
AGAIN
That I am enough by just being me..


I'm not tired of reminding people how wonderful and lovely they are, that's what I always believe


...But I guess I couldn't help my own self anymore
...
Stephanie Nov 2018
hurry
pick up the phone,
call me
find the right words
you must've to say
or else you'll find me dead
tonight --
Stephanie Apr 2019
along the rivers, there flows a magic melody
a wild lion hears it and it was calmed
a bird, who's happy and free, chirps with it
a deer drinks on its waters and it was relieved
but when you passed by, oh darling, it dies
Stephanie Oct 2018
everyone wished to become a star
but every star just wished to become nothing
who would like to become hundred thousand years dead
and be recognized and admired by everyone who sees
them and there sufferings from lightyears away
everyone thinks that being a star is magnificent
but no one thinks about the collisions
and the dark matter and blackholes and crashing
no one
no one
no one
no one
except those who once became like them
and that is



no one.
Stephanie Dec 2020
You are only allowed to step forward
Holding my hand
Leading us to a place where we are always together
Do not go far beyond the reach of my sight
Because I will miss you and I will be anxious
Let me be there when you are going
To rendezvous with your sweet dreams
And let me be there when you're nights are darker,
I'll be your light and your warm embrace
Let me be your certainty that you will not be alone again
Not anymore, I will not let that happen
I got you, I will be with you, always.
- not your clingy girlfriend speaking of how much she wanted to be by your side all the time >////<
Stephanie Jun 2018
Two blue stars

                                        ... collided

But never met.

-- colors blended

                                           ,.. but never mixed

The skies are different.


But when they both looked up...


They saw the same heavens.
Stephanie Jan 2018
Maybe I'm not a good writer
Maybe I'm not that talented
Maybe there's no one who's interested in these combined phrases
Maybe it's only me I can become
But lemme ask you this, people
What does really matter?
Does it really matter to be good af?
Does it really matter to be **** talented?
Does the number of supporters really matter?
Listen to me, does it really matter?
Or does it only really matter to you?
Yes, probably the latter is true
Because you, society, requires everyone to please you
You requires everyone to be the way it satisfies you
You stole everybody's happiness
You stole everybody's reality
You stole everybody's identity
Laugh out loud for the irony
Because that "everybody" is the same society itself
Listen to me, can you please stop being that society to someone
To someone like me...
Stephanie Nov 2018
ilang hakbang pa ba ang dapat kong lakarin nang may piring sa aking mga mata para lamang makalapit sa iyo
patuloy na nasasabik sa mga araw na lumilipas ngunit hindi pa rin tanaw ang liwanag na magsasabing may pag-asa na
para mayakap at mahagkan ka ng walang kilometrong pumapagitan sa ating dalawa kundi tanging silakbo ng dalawang pusong tumangis ngunit pinagtagpo ng pag-ibig
Stephanie Feb 4
I'm so down,
I'm so done
With no words in my paper
Only tear stains,
Only eye strains
And heart that is sober
Stephanie May 2019
one... two... three...
bright sky, nice dress!
'o hi there, my lovely friend,
your smile radiates today
pretty.

four... five... six...
get away off here!!
leave me alone,

cries and dies secretly inside
raining, storms, thunders,
fiery.


why are they laughing,
are they laughing at me?

glitches, palpitates and shakes
cold hands are slapping my face


who am I?
you. are. worthless.

seven... eight... nine...
shut the hell outta here!!!

evil laughs are screaming

'o hi there, my filthy, ugly other self
you're so stupid todaAaAay

hardly breathing

i bet no one loves you still ****
**** that hurts

head aches, cold sweating

ten... eleven... twelve...
stares at nowhere






--

"hey... hey, are you okay?"

"oh, yes! what is it again? :)"








one... two... three...
this is anxiety but written in whatever poetic words.
Stephanie May 2019
a great way to start a day,
and a peaceful escape from a busy loads of work
sometimes in the night, I spent a sip
a really cozy taste of a brewed milky coffee!
'coz why not? ??
it makes everything back on its place (my mood for example hehe)
no one would notice that it smells like home
but I always do so whenever I recognize
an espresso or a latte, I close my eyes and smile
it is more than just a coffee, it is goodness in a cup!
1:45am and yes, I have a nice coffee for some company :>
Stephanie Mar 2019
love's never too complicated for a sincere heart and passionate soul
Stephanie Aug 2018
A year ago or so;
and I still can't see the worth
500 days or more;
but I still fail to recognize
some things that I already got
even the people that I already have
Looking for someone
Waiting for someone
But not for the one who looks for me
And surely not for the one who waits for me
Should the stars decide?
I am always in pieces when you arrive
Should I talk to the moon?
And rant the things that should've be
But never did
Neither for him nor for me
We looked at the midnight sky
And found the brightest star
But never we did realized that
those stars
Are from different constellations
Should the universe decide
What two stars shall collide?
if that is, another star will make a wish
And as we close our eyes tonight
one soul will add shine to my million starlights
Stephanie Apr 2018
How cliche is this
They said, love transcends
But why my love couldn't reach
the axis of your heart
whenever I'm closer to you,
You seemed farthest
should I blame our plane?
For this terrible graph
I'm willing to lose my function
Just for us to be perpendicular
rather than parallel,
worse, is it just me
who would risk brokenness
to meet you, to catch you
but how will I do
when we aren't meant to be
never in this finite line,
we will never be...
We are just asymptotes
Stephanie Dec 2019
You are the sunshine
That I wake up to in the morning
Sometimes you came
In the form of dark clouds
and strong rain..
Your winds can be calm and chilling
Or sometimes can be so destructing
Whatever form you might come in today,
You're always my favorite thing
to wake up to in the morning
Stephanie Apr 2019
my dear...







you are worthy of the purest and sincerest love the world could offer.
the words i wanna hear too.
Stephanie Feb 2019
The letters of your name
Matches with the ones engraved
in my beautiful nightsky    
The words you speak
Are like calming music that
gently soothes my wounded heart      
Out of thousands of promises I've heard
I will choose to listen to yours
and count on it                                  
Like how summer days are full of
vibrance and hope
But if time comes and darkness
filled my galaxy
Meet me in our rendezvous
and see me waiting for you  
"Can you please walk me home?"  
Perhaps, be my home.
Stephanie May 2018
tell me you love her
tell me you need her
while I bear those pain
while you poured me rain
as long as I'm holding you tight
I am the who will fight
for you, like how she didn't
as I do things that she wouldn't
you are safe in my arm
I will let no harm
even if it does to me
even if it kills me
to see you in love but not with me
I will comfort you til the end
Because I am your best friend
It hurts me so much to see you cry for her. Why can't you see that I'm the one who truly loves you? :'(
Stephanie May 2018
I can be happy without you
But I can't do that genuinely
It's like you're a puzzle piece
That even I'm almost complete
I'm still hollowed and emptied
What is it like to wear a smile
If you're not the reason behind
I can be fine without you
But I'm always better by your side
Come back... Be here.
Stephanie Apr 2019
I want to come back home already
But the lights are off and I am nowhere
The road on the way home is blurry
I am gone.. Like your promise to be there
All your promises are now sugar coated lies
No answer but you left with so much why's
when the poetess is sad, she writes sad sestet too... with that ababcc form :(
Stephanie Jan 2019
never encountered such rare emptiness
i carried it on my shoulders and o' it's heavy!
'tis may be the worst of all the existing paradox
even words that came from lips of angels
couldn't erase unnecessary bad noises
sempiternal murmurs from the day behind
still fathoms what should i have for day forth
i am the epitome of furtive disaster, but poetic
inside these walls are colors of the universe
peculiar and dazzling but has no beauty
and no one has enough valor to come in
except those thieves disguised as affection
who offers faked elixir in exchange of their fantasy
and do trust me when i tell you this:
time may rush you, but you can't rush time
to heal, to feel, to taste the sweetwater
down the mount of false hopes and disgusting fallacies
no matter when and how it will be done
as long as my presence lives, so as stigma
my story shall end without denouement
i am feeling apologetic for everything that relates to my being, including this verse. consider my sincerity.
Stephanie Apr 2018
You said "hey"
I replied back
this is when it started
I was glad then
to find someone
really nice.. again
You said you'll stay
I believed
but not fully
I wonder, until when?
You'll be gone
not now but soon
You promised
to care
Yes, you do
That's why I believed
but not fully
One day,
You'll stop
and everything special will
be buried in grave
in a tomb where
my shattered heart was
You just take hold
of me now... for now
You just picked me up
To throw me again
Harder.. more painful
than ever.
hating  this sad truth.
Stephanie Dec 2018
a poem written
on 15th of May
on the amidst of lonely 2018
with a shimmer of hope
for a beginning of lifetime
I remembered how it started
but now I don't want to remember
how things were changed
told you!
I'm freakin' right haha!
good for me, I believed
"... but not fully"

thank you, it hurts
when you came in just to leave.
you can go check for the part one.
Stephanie Mar 2019
you come alive
you've hardly strive
to survive
don't let 'em **** you twice



you are victorious!
you've won thousands of battles and you can do it again today.
Stephanie Dec 2019
Everything I miss wasn't in this timeline anymore
Lost are the smiles that I always adore
The things I thought to last was over
Except the things that ought to haunt me forever
I breathe in a beautiful portrait  in a shattered frame
Wherein everyday is a mending game
When I said I'm done, I don't mean to want an end
It's just, I think that is all I ever need
Stephanie Feb 2018
Someone asked me,
Why I don't cry
When a beloved walk away
I say so plain,
It's okay if people leave
Not that I'm fond of goodbyes
I just clearly understand
That leaving is existing
Yet I'm excited of two different things,
To see them again
Or meet new ones
So I'll say so plain
Don't cry when someone leaves
I hope it could be easy as that. Like yeah, it's my poem but it's not me. When someone I love leaves, I cry for them everyday, every night, every time even I'm trying to stay positive.
Stephanie Jan 1
In a space where the only person is me
Is a place that is both crowded and scary
I waved goodbye and smiled
But I'm screaming "don't leave me" inside my mind
I still wonder why I ended up becoming like this
Becoming my own past trauma
I want to run but how can I if they are feasting from within
Stephanie Jan 2018
I have this almost perfect life
Ever supportive family,
Bestest of friends,
The love of my life,
Achievements and success,
Fame and sweet praises,
Beauty and brains,
Love over pains,
A healthy body,
All the riches,
And all the possible happiness,
I got them all
What could I ask for?
I'm not bragging of them
I just wanna be thankful
For this wonderful, awesome life
Just one thing I don't like about me





I have this hobby of lying.
Stephanie Aug 2018
chasing
running
i... couldn't breathe
i see nothing.
pure nothing.
tell me this is not happening
where are the people
why..
nobody's here
here in... nowhere?
what's happening.
why? there's no one here
you? where are you
why...
there's no one here
but... it feels so crowded.
stopped chasing
stopped running
i couldn't breathe... anymore.
just another weird stuffs combined in lyrical form
Stephanie Oct 2020
I am no better like a sad poetry

Atleast let me be the poem that I always am.
Stephanie Jan 2018
I witnessed the foreshadowing of my once bright sky,
How living memories started to die
Fathom my happy life instantly turn into lie
Give me a second and I fool everyone a treacherous smile

It began with...                I don't know actually
Maybe when people turned their backs from me
While their constantly saying that they'll never leave
They aren't even aware that in every day they did

Then, my fragmented soul, I promised, I'll be tougher
Like a stonecold in the midst of sober
Because in this universe, I am a one of a kind hue
That can't even blend with the beautiful colors of you

So today, I'll be climbing Mt. Forlorn
And dive in the deepest sea of thorns
So honey, listen to me, have sense of alertness
Even your own shadow will leave you in darkness
This poem is written out of a blast of pure imagination. I'm not depressed, I just express haha! have a good day, you who are reading this! **
Stephanie Apr 2019
apat na letra lang yan pero bakit parang ang daming kahulugan..
napakaraming nais iparating ngunit pilit na ikinubli sa apat na letra
kumakawala, pumipiglas ang mga patalim nitong may taglay na lason na maaaring magdikta ng libong sakit

at pasensya ka na, hindi ata nakarating ng maayos sa aking pang-unawa ang nais **** sabihin

"bakit ka ganyan, mahal?"
"ewan"
"may problema ba tayo?"
"ewan"
"mahal mo pa ba ko?"
"ewan"

pero mas masakit palang marinig na ewan din ang sagot mo sa tanong na bakit.

bakit mo ko patuloy na sinasaktan?


sige, wag mo nang sagutin.




nagsasawa na ko sa mga ewan mo



ngunit, putangina, hindi sa iyo.



nagsasawa na ko sa sakit na ibinibigay mo, hindi naman ito ang ipinangako mo pero ewan...

siguro nga'y mahal na mahal lang kita kaya't sa lahat ng ewan na binanggit mo isa lang ang alam kong sigurado...


hindi ko alam kung paanong magsisimula muli, ewan.. bahala na'ng pusong sawi sa pagbuo ng mga piraso nitong dinurog ng lapastangang pag-ibig na alam mo.
para sa mga nagmahal ngunit hindi minahal ng tama.
Stephanie Feb 2018
Did you ever did your best?
And hopes that it will do the rest
To hope for something,
To start believing
That you can and you will
That this time it's real
Start every day with bravery
And ends it with victory

                                  But oh, why this happened?

Where are the efforts you send?
It flown away into the wilderness of nowhere
Where are the time you borrowed
To pay the success of tomorrow
Where are the hopes you hope for?
Are they now the predators who roar?
The beast named failure choke your dreams
Once symphony, now screams
Bravery, victory; where are they?
Only pain and cries today

This is not how it supposed to be
But it's exactly what transpire in me
And so to lower the dose of pain, I'd tell you
Lower the expectancy rate too.
*sigh
Stephanie Dec 2018
i never dreamed of becoming better
i just always wanted to be good enough
Stephanie Oct 2020
as my day is drawing near
all I wanted is to be one
with the air you breathe
be one with the summer skies
that everyone loves to see
and be one with the ocean,
the surface level that shimmers
in the sunset
-- soothing and calming

i don't want to be one with my storms anymore
in which you shivers and curse
if all I was emitting is a loud, frightening thunder
i don't want to be heard anymore

if remembering me would bring pain and bitterness,
i don't want to be remembered anymore

i would rather be unheard and forgotten


forever.
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