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Nov 10 · 51
How I feel lately
Stephanie Nov 10
I am not able to cross out
My calendar in the wall anymore
It's been days turned into weeks
I am lost on what date today is
But I prefer no one would tell me
Do not visit my home
I am busy doing nothing and
I don't want to be bothered
I do not know the answer to your
"How are you?" so please
Do not ask that
I am also not asking for advice
Do not tell me what to do,
It just annoys me
My laments are getting scarier each night
I couldn't put into words and can't help it
So I become grumpy and irritated
I wasn't able to take a bathe and I feel, smell and look like a real mess
I am sorry.
I hate to live like this.
I sleep a lot but my body aches
I tend to overeat or to starve
One minute I'm laughing, the next thing is I'm crying
Creepy because there's no trend
Label me crazy but never pity
I don't need sympathy from the same world that cursed me
My flesh was bleeding, but now I'm just waiting for it to scar
I hope it goes like that in my life too.
I hate this, double as I hate myself...
Nov 10 · 1.3k
πŸ‘‰πŸ‘ˆ
Stephanie Nov 10
Do not promise
To love me to the moon
And back
I don't want that
Just love me
Right by my side
And do not leave
Oct 7 · 68
woods
Stephanie Oct 7
Why do you have to leave
Can't you hear my tears echoing,
Bursting when the moon is full
I do not want to be alone
In a cold, dark, scary place
You gave me light
In the morning but
I need it at midnights
In the woods
Sorry.
I am just childish
Because it frightens me
It is killing my soul
Oct 6 · 88
Untitled
Stephanie Oct 6
My lucifer is lonely
Oct 5 · 81
Elegy
Stephanie Oct 5
I am no better like a sad poetry

Atleast let me be the poem that I always am.
Oct 5 · 46
Forever
Stephanie Oct 5
as my day is drawing near
all I wanted is to be one
with the air you breathe
be one with the summer skies
that everyone loves to see
and be one with the ocean,
the surface level that shimmers
in the sunset
-- soothing and calming

i don't want to be one with my storms anymore
in which you shivers and curse
if all I was emitting is a loud, frightening thunder
i don't want to be heard anymore

if remembering me would bring pain and bitterness,
i don't want to be remembered anymore

i would rather be unheard and forgotten


forever.
Sep 13 · 50
sinta
Stephanie Sep 13
kung wari mo sanang kumalag
sa mga pangakong itinadhanang matibag
wag mo sanang limutin itong sinag
ng pag-ibig na nagbalik ng liwanag

nawa'y hindi pagsisisi ang kapalit
ng mga ngiting unti unting nawawaglit
bumuo ka ng isang sining na marikit
mula sa mga piraso kong lupaypay at gulanit

ngunit hindi ako isang malaking pasanin para sa iyo
hindi ako isang sumpang magdadala ng pagguho
hindi maaari, hindi ito ang nararapat sa iyo
maalaala mo sanang pag-ibig din ang paglayo


hindi ako nakakulong, ako ang tanikala
patawad, sinta, piliin mo ang lumaya
Aug 28 · 68
Untitled
Stephanie Aug 28
What a satisfaction it brings
When people are left off wondering
Search me until you are lost
I'm always close to nothing
Thought I was near but lightyears away
No one will ever know
The universe clothe my soul with galaxies
Which part of me do you love
Have you met me in all my dimensions
No one will ever know
I'm the kind of paranoia that bothers thy peace
Impulses are destructive so it did to me
I was buried in ocean deep of secrecy
A masterpiece of mystery.
Aug 16 · 150
Stormy
Stephanie Aug 16
I grieve on an empty grave where I should be
Til I'm drowning in tears, vulnerable and free
There are no monsters under my bed,
They are resting easy inside my head
That's why it's always heavy, as the skies are always stormy

Do not get drowned with me,
Even if I am reaching for your hands.
No, don't go.
Sad poems calm me so as thunderstorms.
Jul 24 · 79
stream folklore
Stephanie Jul 24
​turned my music volume up
just to find out that
loud is unclear
loud is vague
but loudness screams
what our lips can't
and it satisfies us
we thirst for something
we can't do for ourselves

like loving.
stream folklore by ts hahaha love u tay


Edit: some times will come like tonight, that we find it hard to love ourselves. It scares me when I turn my back against me. And I hope there is always someone who will love me when I can't to do it for myself.
Jul 21 · 71
Haven
Stephanie Jul 21
I want to hear the screaming voices
That keeps your lips in dull silence
I want to witness the waves of devastating sadness
Behind your perfected calmness

Show me the way to your chaos and calamity
You are the only tragedy that I find worthy;
The only misery that brings serenity
Do not hide your scars, it makes you lovely

We are all wildfires sometimes that needs to burn
Put your rage in me and let me learn
How to be your furnace and when to return
The atmosphere of affection that you yearn

For whenever the darkness haunts to visit your night
I'll guard you to sleep and be your light
May 25 · 85
Sleep
Stephanie May 25
How many dives
Into the memory lane
Should I take
Just to finally
Fall asleep. πŸ™ƒ
May 17 · 101
nothing is too much
Stephanie May 17
too relaxing but i can't sleep
this silence is sinking me deep
I smiled at the sky before i weep
Save me by not saving me.
Stephanie Apr 13
She is a catastrophe
of mixed tornadoes and thunders
She's always seen as destruction
in the eyes of the near-sighted
But over the massive fogs of doubts and distrust,
after the tranquility of her strong winds,
There is calmness in vibrant paradise of her love
And even it requires a long time and bravery to reach for her soul,
Do not stop.
I hope you'll travel a little farther against all of her odds
In the end, you will meet her again
Dressed in florals, blooming like a sunflower
Her smile is peace in a golden sunset

You have to meet her as a catastrophe
To be worthy of her beautiful love.
Stephanie Mar 26
When fear creeps into our land
Know that God is always our great Helping Hand
No matter the disease and number of deaths
In God's mercy, we find peace and rest
If you feel like hope is fading away
Stay with your family at home and pray
Do not ever underestimate
The power of prayers and faith
God is greater than covid-19 and all the other diseases.
Let's all take refuge in the loving hands of the Lord.
Feb 28 · 191
Tulang Malaya
Stephanie Feb 28
Hindi tugmaan ang pipigil
Sa isang tulang malaya
Buhay ang pag-ibig
Umiindak nang naaayon sa himig
Hayaang tumakas ang mga
Damdamin at kumawala
Upang pagdating nang araw ay
Walang pagsisihan sa mga
Pagkakataong nawala
Feb 17 · 226
she
Stephanie Feb 17
she
​i still hate the girl that i am obliged to deal with every single day
but i confess that still i wake up to give her another try
allow her to make mistakes
take the guilt, and apologize
for what's only accounted to her
allow her to breathe and take a break
allow her to cry when she's sad
allow her to burn when she's mad
allow her to love, to bleed in love
and somehow, to be loved
yes, i still do not like some parts of her
but i finally understood that
she is also human
and she is me.
Feb 4 · 198
To live is exhausting
Stephanie Feb 4
Sad to think that we are all tired souls
We run fast to fulfill all our roles
And I, in a cycle of hurry,
The world wouldn't stop to wait for me
All the wounds I've got is excruciating
Yet my feet's programmed to keep walking
Lost on my way are the hopes and dreams
Conquered by silent defeaning screams...
In a world where your best is always less
Yes, we're all tired souls, I want my rest.
Jan 5 · 2.1k
Malaya
Stephanie Jan 5
Ikaw ang takbuhan sa mga oras na walang wala..

Ang ibig kong sabihin sa walang wala ay yun bang walang wala na kong maibuhos na luha,

Walang wala na kong malapitan,

Walang wala na kong makapitan,

Wala nang gustong makinig,

Wala nang interesado, naubos na kasi ultimo ang para sa sarili.

Ikaw lang ang natatangi.

Ang lakas pala ng loob kong magalit sa mga mang-iiwan, naisip kong wala rin pala akong karapatan.

Ganoon din ako..

Binitawan kita kapalit ng kasiyahan.

Nakangiti ka sa akin habang hinahatid ako sa napakagandang hantungan.

Baligtad na ang mesa.

Nandito na ko.... muli.

Lalakad patungo sa iyo na may dala dalang pluma at papel

Iguguhit ang pait, ngingiti dahil ito na naman tayo sa puntong ito at hindi ko mahanap ang mga tamang salita

Nalimot ko na ata ang tamang pakikipagtalastasan.

Alam kong mauuwi na naman sa tipikal na kamustahan.

Hindi ko inakalang babalik tayo sa nakaraan habang umuusad ang mga kamay ng orasan

Mapagbiro.

Hindi ako handa sa pagsalubong ng taon

Bakit ko nakikita ang mga aninong matagal nang nilamon ng liwanag

Bakit muling nagdurugo ang mga sugat na matagal nang naghilom

Hindi ako naniniwala sa swerte.

Walang swerte. Walang sumugal na hindi natalo.

Buti na lang mayroon akong babalikan.

Ikaw yung kaibigan na hindi lumilisan.

Matagal ang isang taon,

Sumulat ako ng mga tulang kawangis mo

Binuo ko sila na parang mga bahagi ko

Akala ko ay tapos na...

Kung ang pagsulat ay paglaya, hindi ba dapat ay nakakalag na sa akin ang tanikala?

O mali.. baka wala talagang paglaya

Paano kung nililibot ko lamang ang malawak na hawla nang may huwad na pag-asa?

Minasdan ko ang obrang nilikha ng dekada,

Makulay, sa unang tingin ay puno ng pangarap

Parang nobelang nagsasalaysay, at kapag naroon ka na sa kasukdulan ng tunggalian,

Nanaisin **** isara ang pahina..

Makikiusap ang nobela sa isang pagkakataong sana'y siya ay tapusin hanggang huling kabanata...

Napaluha ako ng matindi dahil isa pa lang trahedya ang nobela.

Teka.. teka..

Buburahin ang ilang metapora.

Masyadong madrama.

Malayo sa imaheng gusto kong makita at ipakita

Ngunit tila hindi hawak ng aking kamay ang panulat,

Hinablot nang marahas ng pusong gustong kumawala

Ganon ata talaga sa muling pagkikita pagkatapos ng matagal na pagkakawalay...

Puno ng emosyon.

Magugulo ang burador, wala nang patutunguhan ang tula.

Hindi bale.

Hindi naman dapat na maging maganda ang porma ng tula,

Hindi importante ang sukat at tugma,

Sa susunod na babasa ka ng tula,

Nagbibigay ka ng tunay na pag-asa sa may akda.

Kasinungalingan ang bigkasing masaya ako, ngunit aaminin kong may tuwa, may katiting na pagsigla sa muli nating pagkikita,

Maraming salamat, Sining ng Malayang Pagsulat.
This is my another piece which is written in Filipino. And, it is a free verse poem.
Dec 2019 · 294
●●
Stephanie Dec 2019
I am your home
Do not run away.
Dec 2019 · 98
●●
Stephanie Dec 2019
I want to be that text message
That you would read all over again
Because it gives you sweet shivers
Dec 2019 · 223
December
Stephanie Dec 2019
Everything I miss wasn't in this timeline anymore
Lost are the smiles that I always adore
The things I thought to last was over
Except the things that ought to haunt me forever
I breathe in a beautiful portrait  in a shattered frame
Wherein everyday is a mending game
When I said I'm done, I don't mean to want an end
It's just, I think that is all I ever need
Dec 2019 · 129
because you are hope to me
Stephanie Dec 2019
You are the sunshine
That I wake up to in the morning
Sometimes you came
In the form of dark clouds
and strong rain..
Your winds can be calm and chilling
Or sometimes can be so destructing
Whatever form you might come in today,
You're always my favorite thing
to wake up to in the morning
Nov 2019 · 171
Haiku no. 3
Stephanie Nov 2019
eyes closed, trembling knees
Took a step closer to you
All tears gone, I'm home
I.can't.wait.to.see.you.again.
Nov 2019 · 76
Haiku no. 2
Stephanie Nov 2019
We are wild foxes
Fired on us, been gunshot thrice
But we're bulletproof
Nov 2019 · 90
I am the Queen
Stephanie Nov 2019
With its strong, high walls
​I will rebuild my castle
No thief could enter
Nov 2019 · 114
...
Stephanie Nov 2019
...
for all the promises I failed to keep
I am sorry
for all the times I made you sad
I am sorry
for all the times I made you mad
I am sorry
for all the failures I made
I am sorry
for all disappointments after my name
I am sorry
for all my shortcomings
I am sorry
for every drop of tears I left in your sad eyes
I am sorry
for being overly dramatic
I am sorry
for not being good enough
I am sorry
for being a headache,
I am sorry
for being toxic,
I am sorry
for not being able to make you smile
I am sorry
for snatching your happiness
I am sorry
for your regrets of having me
I am sorry
for being helpless and depressed
I am sorry
for being numb and dumb
I am sorry
for being annoying and apologetic
I am sorry
I didn't wanted those things too
but I am sorry
this is not the version of me that I dreamt to be
but I am sorry
until my last breath, until my last poem
sincerely, I am sorry.
I am doing my best to fix myself but for now I am sorry. One day you might give up on me too soon before I do and for that I am sorry.
Oct 2019 · 178
Fri, October 25th
Stephanie Oct 2019
I miss you
Every night I do
We used to fight battles together
We used to build up each other
Don't become a stranger to me
Don't be the enemy in our story
To see you fading and sobbing
Makes me think I'm gonna lose you one more time
I said no, I don't want to let you go
We are meant to fight battles together
We are meant to build up each other
I miss you, I miss us
We are meant to be as one
Reach my hand as soon as you can please? I couldn't wait forever
Come back to me...

self.
Sep 2019 · 72
Over the years
Stephanie Sep 2019
We're just staying under the same roof
Eating the same foods, sharing the same goods
How about the "how was your day?"
How about the thank you's and I'm sorry
How about the hugs when we fail
How about the forehead kisses when in pain
You all just said I love you when all I want is to feel it
We supposed to be a whole
But over the years, we are just pretending
We are just pieces that has been gathering together
I am sorry, I ran out of adhesiveΒ 
Now, I am comfortable to watch us broken.
Sep 2019 · 881
Ily
Stephanie Sep 2019
Ily
I can hate my life forever
But still love one part of it
And that is you
Ily.
Sep 2019 · 124
in a place so full of you
Stephanie Sep 2019
How far can our minds could take us?
Mine brought me in a place so full of you
Where there exists so many figures and I'm almost lost
Little did I know that an idealist mind can break itself too

I came to crossover between the red lines and see you
I thought of salvation, but oh, it seems to be danger
Either a made up one or maybe an existing one
I don't know, I'm still searching for answers in your words

Having the urge to feel so I would know that it's real
Because I couldn't trust my reckless mind anymore
It could be the most treacherous thing in the world
I want reassurance when troubles feel at home in me
decode
Sep 2019 · 83
Almost
Stephanie Sep 2019
I almost made it
I almost have my dream confidence
But why am I here
At a point where I still do my best
For the world to be impressed
Covering up with a smile,
Finding myself convincing the world
AGAIN
That I am enough by just being me..


I'm not tired of reminding people how wonderful and lovely they are, that's what I always believe


...But I guess I couldn't help my own self anymore
...
Aug 2019 · 155
Shout your battlecry
Stephanie Aug 2019
It all starts with I want to
Like
I want to gather myself
Even if it is parted into many pieces
I want to see myself
Ceasing the fire that is fed by insecurities
I want to be better
At being myself, not to be somebody else
I want to be that good daughter,
Even if I think I'm not that smart
I want to find peace and live it
Even it is too chaotic to start right now
I want to gather myself
And build all of these

It all starts with I want to
And I wanna end this with I will.
c'mon self, we have a battle to win.
Aug 2019 · 76
Untitled
Stephanie Aug 2019
and please be careful when you say that it was over
I will not come back when you say that you miss me
I will not come thru when you beg me to save you
I will not go to places that will remind me of you
this is a part of a song I've written.
Aug 2019 · 190
Hey you...
Stephanie Aug 2019
you are not invisible,
they are just blind

you are worth it,
so don't lower your price

your ideas are bright enough
to let 'em be shown to the world

you are beautiful,
be deaf when they say you're not

I see you doing your best
honey, I'm so proud of you!
*hugs* :)
Aug 2019 · 115
you do make me explode
Stephanie Aug 2019
Sometimes like a fireworks
Just full of colors;
Sometimes like a bomb
Just so destructive
*self-destructive
Aug 2019 · 89
Nothing
Stephanie Aug 2019
Have you ever felt nothing
While carrying so much heaviness
In your heart?
Have you ever said nothing
While having that deep desire to scream out loud
Have you ever understand nothing
Because you are continually hearing everything
That confuses you, your identity, your worth?
Have you ever see nothing
But blurry, shady, foggy made up truths

Wait wait.

Have you ever loved that nothing?

Because I'm starting to.
I think i am nothing today
Aug 2019 · 77
Wordless
Stephanie Aug 2019
Wordless is when my mind is full of unnecessary thoughts,
Goosebumps run down to my spine yet still numb
Tears-free eyes are the worst
It shines but it means collision of doubts and self hate
Sometimes i just dont like me :)
If others do the same, i'll understand
Wordless is when I can put these into poetry but will remain void
For it will never be heard and
I will never be heard
I am the noise that nobody wants
Stephanie Jul 2019
I've encountered a beautiful poetry
the day I looked into your heart
I saw stories that could
make me listen in fondness
may deliver pain or happiness
yet it is worth every ounce of it
and unlike any other poems,
yours is the only one
that has the perfect rhyme,
a lullaby to my restlessness
just as the poetry itself,
the one upon you is mysterious.
still you are worth it;
you are worth seeking
I will devote discovering
every piece of you every day
Have I told you before?
I like poetry but...
yours is the one I will love endlessly

I love you.
you are the poetry that I need.
uwu
Jul 2019 · 199
this girl
Stephanie Jul 2019
The darkness of the clouds fit
In her tired eyes but still it lit
Everything that it sees
Beyond failures, there will be good deeds

You will not always hear her say a thing
But her mind doesn’t denotes a dried field in spring
Look at her, she smiled when you threw her fire
She turned it to a stunning  sapphire!

No is her answer to your why
She’s genuine enough to not lie,
Yet wise enough to realize that she never owed
Anyone an explanation for what she sowed

You see black and white
But there are too many colors on her sight
Blended together not to be aesthetically pleasing,
Just enough to give her soul a nice feeling.
Jul 2019 · 164
Untitled
Stephanie Jul 2019
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I couldn't even write a poem when I'm too sad.
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