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I couldn't even write a poem when I'm too sad.

Even if I miss you
(so bad)
it does not mean that
I need you anymore
some things are better
apart from each other
so as we.
there are questions
that do not demand for answers
just as we
we are the question
that is left unanswered
and I think that's better
not all answers are good to hear
and definitely not all are true.

everyone wished to become a star
but every star just wished to become nothing
who would like to become hundred thousand years dead
and be recognized and admired by everyone who sees
them and there sufferings from lightyears away
everyone thinks that being a star is magnificent
but no one thinks about the collisions
and the dark matter and blackholes and crashing
no one
no one
no one
no one
except those who once became like them
and that is



no one.

My overthinking surpasses honesty
My anxiety and fears surpasses sincerity
I hope you do not grow tired of reminding me of serenity
-- like the old times, like before, like you always did
As I fix myself, I hope you are still there
I hope you will still hold my hand when I lost control of my mind
I hope you will still be a safe place for my destructive nightmares

And if time comes and you didn't,
Remember that I have truly loved you while I am hating myself.

It's been a year and a couple of months since we started talking. Who would've thought that it was you and me. Who would've thought that we are meant to be this inlove. I am more than glad to meet you and all the versions of you. You are always surprisingly amazing and lovely. If I could just express in words how deeply inlove I am with you, you would know better. I want you always. I love you always. I am forever grateful to have you. I am forever blessed to be with you and to be loved by you. It is your birthday today and I am the happiest to celebrate it with you. I am the happiest because I received a gift that is priceless and heaven-sent and that is you!

We will be celebrating more birthdays of ours together. We will cherish each moments and learn to love more from time to time. You are always in my prayers. Happy birthday, baby!


Sincerely,
Stephanie

eyes closed, trembling knees
Took a step closer to you
All tears gone, I'm home

A year ago or so;
and I still can't see the worth
500 days or more;
but I still fail to recognize
some things that I already got
even the people that I already have
Looking for someone
Waiting for someone
But not for the one who looks for me
And surely not for the one who waits for me
Should the stars decide?
I am always in pieces when you arrive
Should I talk to the moon?
And rant the things that should've be
But never did
Neither for him nor for me
We looked at the midnight sky
And found the brightest star
But never we did realized that
those stars
Are from different constellations
Should the universe decide
What two stars shall collide?
if that is, another star will make a wish
And as we close our eyes tonight
one soul will add shine to my million starlights

...yet i will remain faithful to see (or at least strive to find)
goodness and purity in thy hearts.
i will always be generous to give away trust








hoping that someday, someone worthy will be worth it.

Watch out;
No one ever know when things will stay ours
Anything can be ****** away, even anyone..

But take heart;
No one ever know why and how but it's true
Everything can be conquered by love, even anyone..

I have this almost perfect life
Ever supportive family,
Bestest of friends,
The love of my life,
Achievements and success,
Fame and sweet praises,
Beauty and brains,
Love over pains,
A healthy body,
All the riches,
And all the possible happiness,
I got them all
What could I ask for?
I'm not bragging of them
I just wanna be thankful
For this wonderful, awesome life
Just one thing I don't like about me





I have this hobby of lying.

without any further words that deceives
this girl I talk about just simply wished she's dead
hatred, blames and pain are all she receives
from this wicked world of sinners embedded
though she tried to weep and then fight back
life's much stronger than her little tormented hopes
then she felt that all she is, is nothing but a setback
days of agony will pass until beyond her scopes
this girl is not a girl of smiles anymore
she is a lost soul enclose in the anatomy of a pretty lady
in her heart, pure sadness and anger are in store
like a sunshine that used to glow, but sooner became hazy

No, I didn't suicide; thank God this is now a testimony of His glory
Lost but found; for I met Jesus that made this a happy ending story

Be freed
O' my wandering soul
Loosen those ropes,
Unpack and unload

The bridges won't fall
Don't be scared to step in
Your weight is not heavy
You're not who you think you are, definitely not what they think you are

You can go miles after miles
Forests after roads
Rivers after mountains
Paradise after deserts

Barefoot, but you won't get weary
Won't get thirsty nor hungry
It's time for you to be happy
You will rendezvous with serenity

Be freed
O' my wandering soul

still confused why sleeping hours
was dubbed as rest
and why do falling asleep
is just as scary as jumping on a dangerous cliff
how will I ever be at rest
whenever I lie down on my anxiety bed
all I feel is the burden of being pressed
through my mind and flesh,
weary, bothered and stressed
I was never at rest

2020 is not enough to love you,
Let me still do for another year and more
365 days of I don't know
But I'm certain that we'll pass it through
Because I love you and you love me too
To more prayers that we will share,
To more problems that we will fix,
To more tears that we will shed and wipe away,
To more laughters that we will have,
To more ups and downs that we will encounter,
To more fears that we will conquer,
To more adventures that we will say yes to,
To more celebrations that we will rejoice,
To more mourning that we will grieve,
To more dreams that we will dream,
To more achievements that we will achieve,
To more memories that we will make,

We will be there, we will do it all together

you are funny
that's one reason why I loved you
you're so funny that you brought
my laughter to almost teary eyed
- the kind of joyous, always precious
but not until you vanished
I thought you were just ''being funny''
so I laugh while convincing myself
that you didn't mean to made my tears
fall down from my cheeks
yet that was the same tears you promised
to wipe away
- the kind of burden that crashes me inside
the sun has risen, the sun has set,
the moon was there, and the moon left
I watched the same routine for I don't now
how long, I just knew it was hard
grieving for the love I once dreamt to last

'til it was you again, coming back from nowhere,
you used the same bridge that I walked on
to get back to myself and heal

you are always funny.
now, I'm just laughing at you.

you come alive
you've hardly strive
to survive
don't let 'em **** you twice



you are victorious!

many people would want to make me believe
that I am valuable and loved
many had promised to keep me on their side but
it's funny how it is 1:00am and all I have is myself
it's funny how foolish people think they are capable of what they promised to be
but it is funnier and even more stupid that people like me are believing such foolishness

look who's hurting

Two blue stars

                                        ... collided

But never met.

-- colors blended

                                           ,.. but never mixed

The skies are different.


But when they both looked up...


They saw the same heavens.

Hindi tugmaan ang pipigil
Sa isang tulang malaya
Buhay ang pag-ibig
Umiindak nang naaayon sa himig
Hayaang tumakas ang mga
Damdamin at kumawala
Upang pagdating nang araw ay
Walang pagsisihan sa mga
Pagkakataong nawala

for all the promises I failed to keep
I am sorry
for all the times I made you sad
I am sorry
for all the times I made you mad
I am sorry
for all the failures I made
I am sorry
for all disappointments after my name
I am sorry
for all my shortcomings
I am sorry
for every drop of tears I left in your sad eyes
I am sorry
for being overly dramatic
I am sorry
for not being good enough
I am sorry
for being a headache,
I am sorry
for being toxic,
I am sorry
for not being able to make you smile
I am sorry
for snatching your happiness
I am sorry
for your regrets of having me
I am sorry
for being helpless and depressed
I am sorry
for being numb and dumb
I am sorry
for being annoying and apologetic
I am sorry
I didn't wanted those things too
but I am sorry
this is not the version of me that I dreamt to be
but I am sorry
until my last breath, until my last poem
sincerely, I am sorry.

I, as a claustrophobic,
it is even worse to be trapped
in memories created by us
but left to be cherished by me
alone...
it's so many!
that there's no more space
for peace and self-healing
and you, as you are,
do not care.

i never dreamed of becoming better
i just always wanted to be good enough

there is no safe place
i've been around the world
there is none
all i see are wars and terrorism
****** prejudice, wrath and rage
there is no safe place
that is an illusionary imagery
because we like to believe
we're safe and sane
we all are not
we are naturally born animals
born to survive,
will steal and **** if we must
we all are kings and slaves
of ourselves at the same time
there is no safe place
anyone can harm you,
avenge for yourself
no one else would do

when you both smiled at the camera
I captured it with my two teary eyes
when you held her hand
and she held yours
the walls that covers my soft soul,
it breaks.
you've exposed me in so much danger
my fragile heart weeps
when you walk away and let me
stare at you until you're gone
i felt numb
my whole body was shaking
when you took my heart away
then slowly break it everyday
the day you decided to follow your happiness
that was the day you left me
yes, you're happy without me

you don't even have to read this one
you're way too good in breaking my heart

Let's begin with hello
The first to fall must go
It doesn't promised a good end
But surely you'll be loved for a moment

               I, you, him, her, them... us


The winner will be the last


                                      ....



Bring on your greatest ace...

                           For this is not your typical race

Darling, wear your most fabulous smile
We'll be lying for a while.


We will master the art of pretending
But no one should be caught by the word "believing"


We'll create our own fantasies,
a perfect dreamland of love stories




............. Just play

................... and stay

.............................. act your role

....................................... bring em' to the highest pole


Hold on




Hold on





Hold on






more..





Hold on






a little more....




Hold on...





Just hold on





then...






DROP THEM OFF.
--








O u t.


:)









Now welcome, dear.


Ain't it fun?




one more thing.






pardon.







Forgive me haha I lied



This isn't a game.





This is REALITY.

hurry
pick up the phone,
call me
find the right words
you must've to say
or else you'll find me dead
tonight --

How far can our minds could take us?
Mine brought me in a place so full of you
Where there exists so many figures and I'm almost lost
Little did I know that an idealist mind can break itself too

I came to crossover between the red lines and see you
I thought of salvation, but oh, it seems to be danger
Either a made up one or maybe an existing one
I don't know, I'm still searching for answers in your words

Having the urge to feel so I would know that it's real
Because I couldn't trust my reckless mind anymore
It could be the most treacherous thing in the world
I want reassurance when troubles feel at home in me

Did you see the roaring wilderness
In the midst of rainy night's silence
The vultures eyeing for prey
Beasts thirsty of a ****** play
We're walking into the forest
Of danger and nothing but grimmest
Nightmare of your past, present and future
The only choice is to be fond of no stature
Do not run
Just have fun
Feel the chilling ambiance
Hear the fading  resonance
You belonged here
There's no escape, dear
But trust me,
Do not trust anybody

--

Sometimes like a fireworks
Just full of colors;
Sometimes like a bomb
Just so destructive

Look at the galaxies
Up upon the skies
Wait and see a meteorite
Whisper away your fright
say the adjectives of perfection,
the secret dreams of affection
Don't let this night pass
without receiving the joy that'll last
see the oceans of million lights
clothe it and illuminate the nights
You're meant to shine
An everlasting carbine
Show the world your beauty
You're not the trash they see.

a sad word it is;
not so often a someone's favorite
and neither do I
because leaves
aren't always from trees
sometimes it is an action word
that brings out
a million liter of tears
if time goes back and
won't take you away again
I promise to whisper six words
a thousand times then
"I love you, please never leave."

your life is a blessing to this world
you added an array of hope
to those who are weary like me
your eyes sees with mercy and compassion
if only others would see through them,
it would be a more harmonious place to live in
your hands are gentle and caring
it wipes away so many tears
your mind is a deep well and it blooms wisdom
you have the lips of an angel that speaks of good things
you might not realize it but your happy soul
is contagious and it feels warm
that is why you are so dear to many
but I ,
I want to make you feel loved the most
in every areas, in every seasons of our life
you are indeed a blessing that is ought  to be treasured forever
and I am indeed blessed to be the one to hold you forever

I like me when I'm with you
I smile genuinely because of you
You give me peace when I'm with you
You clear my vision of a cruel world
And replace it with love
You are synonymous to a life I want to live everyday

You are that special to me.

I ain't afraid of the dark anymore
I ain't afraid of horrible loneliness
You know what I'm afraid of?
You and you and you
All of you.

You didn't even see it?
You disguise care as salt to my bleeding wounds
No one understand it at all
The more you come close,
The more it's getting crowded for me
My neck, my whole body, I am strangled
I can't breathe!

Every time you speak
You blow up a big paranoia in my head
Your bullets are betrayals
Your daggers are false hopes
You are already killing me

All of you.

I'm tired.
and I'm sad.
but I'm not sad because I'm tired
it is because...
you are the rest that I need
but I can't have you.

I almost made it
I almost have my dream confidence
But why am I here
At a point where I still do my best
For the world to be impressed
Covering up with a smile,
Finding myself convincing the world
AGAIN
That I am enough by just being me..


I'm not tired of reminding people how wonderful and lovely they are, that's what I always believe


...But I guess I couldn't help my own self anymore

never encountered such rare emptiness
i carried it on my shoulders and o' it's heavy!
'tis may be the worst of all the existing paradox
even words that came from lips of angels
couldn't erase unnecessary bad noises
sempiternal murmurs from the day behind
still fathoms what should i have for day forth
i am the epitome of furtive disaster, but poetic
inside these walls are colors of the universe
peculiar and dazzling but has no beauty
and no one has enough valor to come in
except those thieves disguised as affection
who offers faked elixir in exchange of their fantasy
and do trust me when i tell you this:
time may rush you, but you can't rush time
to heal, to feel, to taste the sweetwater
down the mount of false hopes and disgusting fallacies
no matter when and how it will be done
as long as my presence lives, so as stigma
my story shall end without denouement

I can be happy without you
But I can't do that genuinely
It's like you're a puzzle piece
That even I'm almost complete
I'm still hollowed and emptied
What is it like to wear a smile
If you're not the reason behind
I can be fine without you
But I'm always better by your side

poems
aren't
a
big
deal
until
you
realize
that
it
is
written
for
you
and
meant
for
you

You are the sunshine
That I wake up to in the morning
Sometimes you came
In the form of dark clouds
and strong rain..
Your winds can be calm and chilling
Or sometimes can be so destructing
Whatever form you might come in today,
You're always my favorite thing
to wake up to in the morning

20 years of wondering why
The happiest smiles are owned by loneliest eyes
I sleep for 8 hours and wake up so tired
I give everything I had before I realize I'm gone
No one has taken me away but
All of them let me slip away
I am willing to save you all even it cost my life
But none of you stayed with me in my burial

Going into not so good side
Something to believe, bonafide
Where about's in truths and lies
Does your innocence hides?
If I said, I died, would you believe?
What is truth and what is lie
I died while I'm still alive
This is truth but this is mystery
I played the music of treachery
Left no lyrics to sing
When I won as I am losing
The good in lies
Has been revealed to my eyes
Truths are not truth without it
Lies are made to complete the cycle
You and I, we're the cycle
Between us two,
Who's the lie and who's the true?

; I witnessed the diminishing
last glance of glimmer,
blast of galaxy in my own
rugged almond-brown iris
before it turn all pitch black
from a well-known being
to a now stranger soul
everything and everyone
turned into a total vacuum
but of broken pieces;
of broken promises;
of torn relationships;
of torn heart;
of glitched perception;
of glitched beliefs;
of shattered self;
of shattered life.

I then, see through my eyes
a total different land
eccentric logic of wisdom
everything I knew became untrue
like a pool of treacherous
I turned around til it focus
my eyes somewhere in event horizon
where there is no exact beginning
but certainly never-ending
oh Gaia, look what you've become
Look at your self
look at me
holistic brevity of keen evil
stealing happy pills
keeping on their hidden pockets
shining argentum of sharpened utensils
a girl wishing a nightmare
a boy doing the nightmare
i run, run and run faster
before I could ever sense danger
but the thing I realised
is that no matter how I runaway
the more I came closer to trap
my flesh reject the force
thrown helplessly on it
drowned in fiery of pleasure
this must be a false paradise
a dungeon of cruelty clothe in beauty
no one will truly admit
no one will ever notice
a need for freedom and peace
no, not the fake, short-term ones

an outcry for help from my voiceless mouth
Finally echoed in Foreverland
A Great Voice answered
In a very powerful splash of pure purity
That nothing and no one could withstand
Hoping in a certain foundation

I could finally see goodness
my eyes turned into color of life
tears of blood finally washed
wipe out all the imperfections
not even a single dust remain
people of the same eyes as mine are gone
to a much better place
moved to the permanent residence
my eyes witness perfection
no, not the fake, short-term one
eternal rejoicing
forever singing
songs of glory
End of mourning
Start of praising

I can't stay














...being mad at you,
...being stone-cold at you,
...befriending pride and hating the things you do,
...being a coward by not letting you know how much I care
how much I love, how far I could run for you and with you

I just can't stay any longer without you :<

and so I'll go

...start every morning with you
...back to your arms when life's going rough
...fight not against you but with you


I'll go wherever you go,
you are home.

Your drive to do things is always valuable
You pour out your heart into the labor of your hands
You may not always see the fruit of it but one day you will
I saw you struggle but you refused to stop
You refused to give up when your will find its escape from your heart
When passion seems to be cold,
you stand firm and continued to move forward
You are so admirable and I am confident to say
That one day, you will attract breakthroughs
I  will be the first to hug you by then
I will be the first to shed tears of joy with you
I am certain that God pleases to bless His son with so much more
I see the worth in you, the potential you just can't see yet
I saw how precious of a blessing you are
That God made you with so much creativity
Sooner, you will tell a great testimony of God's goodness and grace