Was I the second choice?
Am I just second best?
Things didn't work with the first,
So you moved on to the next.
I can't help but think,
You're still in love with her.
Everything's so confusing,
Why can't it just be clear?
This game of back and forth,
Is tearing me apart,
But because I love you,
I'll just wait for you to break my heart.

The one we worship
Would routinely
Wash other people's feet

when i was younger
someone once told me
that when you have a dream
about someone
that it means they were thinking
about you
before they went to bed

i know that can’t possibly be true
but i’m still going to think of you
every night before i fall asleep
in hope that one day you’ll have a dream
and it will be about me
and you’ll know i was thinking
about you

Hello everyone,

  I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is!

  I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys?

  The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterward (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback.

Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines

Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world

  Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well!

  Wish me luck!
Big, Biggest Love,
        Jeff Gaines

love is a knife with two blades
it is to be held by two
and both bleed
but they either both live
or one pushes it enough to **** the other

so yes there is a lot of pain in your heart
I've made my share of mistakes
but you know as much as I do
that in this law of the universe
one has to outweigh the other

and after that
my pain outweighs yours
you know that it does too
we could've been even
until you did that

darling don't you see
three years outweigh three days
specially when you know what's between
is what's true
so why'd you even try to try something new

darling, you say it was okay though
because it was over
and I can't help but think how
how can something worth 3 years
be "over" in 3 days for you

and how did you not know this
before you went out and did that
because no matter what bad I did
it wasn't enough for me to deserve that
the extra push of the knife to **** me

I'm not the type to get over it
and all you want from me is to
forget you ever did that
or to justify it one way
or some other

every conversation
every sentence
every word
I utter to you
will have traces of disloyalty

I ask love
why'd you tear the flesh off my bones ?
why'd you push the knife through my heart ?

love was silent
love was guilty
love was everything
but she was blind

of one thing
i am sure
and that is
that i am
unsure of
myself
and it’s funny
how i can’t
sleep but my
chest closes its
eyes and hums
with a heartbeat
that is unsure of
itself, too.
i try to morph
into a body
i don’t feel
belongs to me
just so i can
fit somewhere
fit in somewhere
and i tell so
many stories
about the
universe, it
forever feels
like i am trying
to remain lost.
i am unsure
of myself;
connecting the
moles on my
skin as if they
will spell out
something bigger
so i can feel
like i matter,
at least for
a little while.
i sleep beside
myself, stare at
a reflection
so unfamiliar
i couldn’t even
identify it in
a crowd of
strangers, but
i am trying.
and one day
i’m sure i’ll
be sure
of myself but
until then,
i’ll morph into
someone i can
be proud of
and hope that
the universe
sends me back
to myself.

You are my first love
The one that God sent from above
You are my last love
The one I asked of

I am your first
I gave you the love that eased your thirst
I was your last
The loud melody that moved your music into blast

You were my first
My last
I was your first
But never your last