You need time,
but if I even say "you" it feels like "me".

I've seen the same course before.
We love
Then "you" move away.
Then you progress.
The rest of your future
I don't want to mention
because it will jinx my heart.
However, you kissed and held me
even after I thought we fell apart.

You're smart.
Not just in responsibility like I viewed my ex-wife
or scholastics like another.
You're smart emotionally.
You said, "I don't hold grudges".
You said, "I still care".
You're so smart I can't behold your whole heart.

Ah, now I see
you're like a forbidden love Madeline.
Pleasant in the realm of being you walk
but I can only assemble words of vanity
when you are gone on a walk.

Independence you are.
Lady liberty.

Why do I want someone who's needy?

Ponder awhile during test:  what will cause love, unity, true paradise, and glorious success?
Again, where is the spring's success?
When it causeth the spring's waters to manifest.
Yes, the spring's true paradise and glorious success.
How the spring's waters ever come from the spring's true paradise and glorious success.
But who knoweth the spring's success save the spring's waters?
Colors of the spring's true paradise: unity, love.
What true paradise.
Who can speak such love.
Sincerely true bliss.
Love animates, waters emerge.
It's sun give hope waters and success in matters.
Here true love abounds in matters.
Hope upon hope, true bliss.
Here sun gives test.

Only He willeth within me.  What's within me?  Sunshine, moon, heaven's stars?  All here.  Heaven's stars sunk within.  He willeth to open doors.  He waits, gives, creates, gives, kindles, gives, loves.

How beautiful is the fairness in her *****.  It makes me.  Is the sun shining within me?  Is the lover's ***** alert again?  Me?  Is the party?  How goes within here? Is the true morn awake, smiling too?  ***** fire too?  Within recesses there stands all fire, cold fire, majestic fire, Who?

What is beauty?
What makes one thing more attractive than another?
How does beauty fade in our eyes when nothing outside has changed?

What is ugliness?
What makes one thing more attractive than another?
Why does something ugly become beautiful even though nothing outside has changed?

What is the difference between these two stanzas?
When a pretty girl looks ugly because of her inner awareness…
When an ugly girl displays attractive virtues in her inner awareness…

Why can’t I meet a girl that shows outer and inner beauty?

If a girl was treated like coal all its life
she would only know it was a jewel to those that had the time to see the truth within.

If a girl was treated like a jewel all its life
She would not be treated differently even if she didn’t show praiseworthy qualities,
But may show these qualities due to reciprocity.

Only when that lump of coal is treated enough like a jewel will it wish to shape itself like one.
Only when that jewel appreciates her attention will she shape herself like one.

If I were to:
…write a prayer that describes the empty place.
If I were to describe:
…the grace.
…the constuction of silence.
...that I can feel full.
…the awareness of breaking down addictions.
...recognizing that the voice telling me
to buy a candy bar or ******* is not who I am.
...that this voice of addiction is only the desire for identification with things, forms.
…that I know that the more I identify with it the more insane I become.
…that recognizing has changed everything.

It makes me stop writing.

Sin, something I shouldn’t get worked up about,
But I feel that I betray you when I sin.
You comfort my heart so that I feel okay to transgress.
I pray for forgiveness and
With some abasement felt I am still forgiven.
It’s not like I’m hurting other people.
Just turning to passion and desire.
I see no road into the heaven of purity.
It is fake to me now.
It is fake because the most pure woman I know divorced me.
She turned her back on me
And I’m supposed to want to be pure?
When will I meet a person who will treat me right
Whom I can call pure?
My friends are pure for lending me their ears
And spending time together thinking of each other.
The people that treat me the best aren’t perfect.
They are just learning everyday like me
Or are stuck in sin like me.
I have my demons.