put your phone down
quit it with the selfies
i know those smiles aren't real
put that cancer bringing stick away
talk to me instead
i'll listen to what you have to say
let me be like the pillow
you whisper your dreams to
when no one else is around
let me be your friend
i only ever see you at parties
but i notice
i noticed the scars
and i noticed the bruises
and with every one out the door
when it's all finally over
i notice how you always stay behind
to help clean up
it's always my friends' parties
they aren't your friends but you help
with you trying to be nice
don't you just want
someone to be nice to you as well?
i can be that person
i will be that person
because i used to be the person you were
battered and everything much worse
but what's really got me irked
and conflicted
is how you can be nice to others
but not to yourself
is why you add trouble to your problems
rather than trying to rid of them
put the phone down
happiness isn't something you can fake
put that stick away
yes, the smoke you puff out
it's beautiful
only because it came from your lips
but remember
stress isn't something you can be free from
those sticks won't help
they could but only for a little while
never permanently
that phone and that stick is not your friend
but i can be
just look at me
talk to me

is it a bad thing
to think about not existing?

you're all better off without me
i decided
but you quickly replied with
that's all just in your head

if that's true then why why why
do you leave me to dry
my own tears as you sit there
and act like you give a care

why why why do you
let me feel so blue
stop smiling at everyone else
and notice you're so dense

so so dense to my pain

she passed by time,
he said
and in that moment
i realized
i wanted
wanted wanted
to pass by time as well
hopefully as gracefully
as she did

when you run your fingers
along the lengths of mine
like that,
you always
almost
have me a fool for you
but no.
because it's already happened
that you looked at me
with so much attentiveness
in your eyes,
so much intent
in your gestures
actions,
i believed you were listening
but you weren't.
you were simply just looking
looking at
"something too good for me," you said
i have never wanted
you to be one of the likes
i despise most in this world
the selfish.
but it was then that
i've come to the conclusion;
selfishness is because
of sometimes beautiful
and reasons worth being selfish over,
sometimes not.
i know this because i decided
to be selfish myself
and not to tell you
to act on your feelings
for i was scared
and i allowed myself to be selfish
on account of that fear,
keeping my love for you to myself.

"i've got strong faith
strong enough to believe
that daydreaming
isn't as wonderful or horrible
as it's made out to be
but i've got a near to naive mind
naive enough to not
be capable of daydreaming,"
he said.
to which i replied, "that's some kind of.. sad."

now we're left missing
the you you were before you got hurt
more so, i'm sure,
than you miss your old self
but then again,
there's no such thing
as a new and old self
there's just you
you, that's not exactly yourself
could be, not anymore,
not at all
or not so much
you
there's just the you before
you had to deal with his *******
the you before
you looked at it
as if it was a necessity
to fake smiles
when really,
it's the ugliest existing thing
in this world
there's just the you who held too tight
with both hands onto him
or not at all
so you could cover your eyes instead
there's just the you
before he left you to crumble
and the you now.