I heard your name in her voice today
I saw your hair sweep corners of my face as you moved your way down my neck inching closer to every insecurity I could possibly lay out for you at once
I see your freckles dance on every other porcelain face I've ever had the pleasure to meet a little piece of you in
I drown in every ocean I go near just to spit your name out and cough up every I love you I've ever heard like its poison on the tip of my tongue
I heard your name in her voice today and I kissed every reminder of you off of her and on to me as if that could bring you back

Remember when you'd hug me goodbye and the words 'I love you' escaped my mouth like my body knew you meant more than I would ever let myself know. Remember when I wrapped myself up in smoke like I wrapped myself up in everyone's goodbyes because holding on to something, even when it kills you, is easier than letting go. Remember when you pulled me in closer and every will of my being screamed to push you away and keep walking, but every tiny nerve craved your hands around my waist and the temptation to stay when it's all so wrong is too much. In all reality's I'm just too scared of the 'what ifs' that'll haunt my head once we're through because if we tried long enough we could be more than something great. Remember the way my lips moved and the way my fingers ran down your neck as if every muscle in my body needed you to know, wanted you to know, that I love you more than I could let my voice admit.

Why can you only breathe apologies when you've taken in three glasses of wine or 6 shots of *****.
Tell me why her name only rings in the back of your mind when you're off your mind on something.
Tell her why you've started downing whatever you can get your hands on to hear her voice playing like thunder on a soft day.
Why is jesus praying for you to choose the right path, do what's right echoes after too many drinks. He's screaming her name in your ear, piling sign after sign down your throat and all you can do is say the time just isn't right.

why does every sip taste like every word I choked down because my pride was much too big to let you know how I felt about the way your hair fell down every curve and the way you looked when you weren't even looking at anything but God your eyes could bring sight back to the blind and I swear you can go from the sweet rippling waters to the dark life threatening forests
and why does every sip taste like every forgotten memory like our whole past is nothing but a ******* dream that keeps replaying and our whole time together was nothing but wasted seconds, but why don't I regret every wasted second with your hands effortlessly climbing down my spine and your lips enchantingly finding my neck like our body's entwined is exactly what god intended for us, exactly what we needed.

I’m alone again
With the darkness

He seems to be
My only friend

He waits for me
Each night
Trying to get
Inside my head

Most nights he wins
And the black clouds
Begin to fill
My soul

The fog
So thick that
I lose all of
My control

I hear a faint voice
Telling me it’s
All okay

But the other
Things I hear
Are much louder

They say that
I’m worthless
They ask why
I try

They tell me
I’m weak
As I begin
To cry

They ask why
I’m still here
In this world
Full of hate

They tell me to
Leave, escape
this mortal state

Some nights
I want to
Listen to their
Shrieking advice

Other nights
I want to end them
To be free
of their grasp

But they’ve been
Here so long
They are
A part of me now

And the only way
To get them
To leave is
To leave as well

So, this is goodbye
I’m leaving this place

Not sure where
I’ll end up

But I know
That how I feel
Now, lying on the floor

Is worse than
Any hell
On the other side
Of the door

because hugging you meant feeling every sting of your actions and hugging you meant facing that it wasn't just me and hugging you meant hugging myself and I've been trying to get away from who I am for so long.
and I swear talking to you is like talking to a wandering kitten, pointless but nice for a minute.
they say give her love and she's sure to come back, but God knows those eyes were not meant to stay in one place and God knows there are better arms out their for her to escape in, for her to finally feel at home in.
I am not a safety net, im where you go when you wanna be broken, when you wanna feel something, and people like me don't ever get to be the one you get lost in for more than the night.

Maybe some have futures greater than the current, maybe others live their futures in the current. Maybe love never actually comes and we fill ourself with feelings of lust and compatibility while love is just a made up word to justify the stupid actions that repeat occurrence when their name doesn't leave your sheets even if their body's been gone for days.
Heart break is only a reaction to love but if love is really all it's cracked up to be is heart break an out runable destination or is heart break the feeling of those who don't bother to ponder further into the mind of their own being to see that the only true love they'll ever need cant hold them at night but will always exist.
Would rather lust and desire be the production to the final act of despair and broken lungs, to the feelings of dismembered organs and screaming skin
Maybe we're all a poet at heart but God isn't always so harsh, maybe some of us aren't meant to be so strong that falling to our knees is the only real answer searching for a creator that has blessed many and forsaken little maybe the water runs rapid because everyone Mother Nature comes to love walks away when the day is done and the rocks haven't kissed her porcelain skin since last winter and she's dying to be admired by one while only many come, she's learned the acts of infatuation and lust, the ability to understand, the common sense to never trust because even the fish never stay.