Everyone that has ever said that they love me
All those who've mentioned that I'm their one and only
That their desire is to be with me, hand in hand for our eternity
All those who've told me that they care about me deeply
But have otherwise only ever proven to be phony
Compassion is something never aloud to me
History is rewritten by present and past company
Because when it comes down to the nitty gritty
I'm just a stepping stone obviously
I mean hell, just look at my track record then back at me
Don't even need a degree in forensic diplomacy
Actions speak loudly
Leaving me stuck in an unwanted and completely unnecessary purgatory
But no one cares about a no guts, no glory type story
No one cares how their actions have affected my energy
Turning me, molding me into the evil reflection that won't stop staring back at me
All sides have proven extensively that I am unworthy of being wanted, forget loving unconditionally
All I've ever wanted was to be somebody's somebody
But everybody says the same thing to me openly
No friendly faces and behind their smiles is a judgement and verdict of guilty
So I struggle with the fact that somehow they all agree
If the problem isn't me it at least resides in me
I've got a penny, two maybe,
We'll find the appropriate line to walk eventually
I just hope there'll be someone left standing next to me
Because an eternity is a long time to spend lonely

©2024

You break my heart every day and twice nightly
Hell, I'd rather be lonely
I'd rather be lonely
Than to be rejected by my one and only
I'd rather be lonely
Than feel unwanted by another claiming they love me
I'd rather be lonely
Than completely dismiss the better half my personality
I'd rather be lonely
Than watch you act like it's a chore to explore a little intimacy
I'd rather be lonely
Than to witness you go out of your way to avoid my advancements like they're icky
I'd rather be lonely
Than feel more unwanted than I did through my first 40
I'd rather be lonely
sigh
I can't imagine anybody actually choosing to be lonely
But here I am, holding out for my somebody to join me

©2024

Can't rid myself of it
There's surely no controlling it
Before I see it
I feel it
I fear it
And that fears legit
Didn't create it
Can't destroy it
So I'm forced to own it
While I own up to it
Like, "give me it"
"What is it?"
"A heart?"
"I'll slap it on my sleeve and wear it"
Though not to display it
But rather as a reminder of it
An extra warning of the dangers of it
And to call out all those promoting it

©2024

Feeling like half the man I used to be
I look to the sky desperately
Noticing something I don't usually see
The moon keeping the sun company
But the visual hit a little differently
Like I unknowingly unlocked some mystic mystery
Probably due to the particular mindset I'm in currently
But looking back at me was a half moon in all it's majesty
And I thought about it's cycle, it's personal journey
From full to empty then back again for all of eternity
Then my thoughts drift back to me,
Back to that feeling of illegitimacy
And this new found possibility
Based on the moon cycle imagery
Could it be something I could copy?
I guess I'll have to wait and see
But a sliver of hope, like the sliver of a crescent moon, may be all I need...maybe
Maybe I too could be whole again if I just move forward patiently

©2024

I have a fantasy
That you'll see me
And actually
Probably
Possibly
One day maybe
Want to join me
In the biblical sense obviously

©2024

Hi there,
I'm Jeremy's insecurity
Perhaps you've heard of me
If you're ever lookin'
For ammunition
To use against him,
Just talk to me
I'll divulge everything willingly
I won't even charge a fee
I'd be happy to supply it all for free
You can even call toll-free
Just dial 1-800-555-6663
And ask for me specifically

©2024

The words you spoke to me,
What feels like a century ago actually,
Still haunt me
Mocking me constantly
The rabid hostility
The unbridled brutality
Back then that's all I could see
At the time I was only capable of being angry
It took twenty plus years for me to finally
Recognize it for what it was, a difficult piece of honesty
From a friend I called family, and I'm not one to use that term lightly
But now you're no longer here to hear my apology
So I say my sorry
And hope it catches up with you eventually

©2024