Someone you left behind
Out of selfish fear
Something so different from that time
During that one, awakening year

Crawling through the leaves,
You wait for your chance to come again
To make or break, that gentle heave
And perhaps this time your heart won't break, but bend.

Broke the heart and it whimpered away,
So quietly, to a betrayer, a reckless soul
You caused it to be that way.
Made the madman the fool

Maybe the sky tears fall
In reverence to all that was lost

the blood is pooling down my wrist
and pills bubbling in my throat
i cannot live a life like this
i cannot go on with life holding me captive.

the scars don't hold enough
to make me stop cutting
the hospitalizations don't weigh enough
for me to stop trying

i will win this battle with
acetaminophen
i will win, the devil's will lose

or is it the other way around
you talked me into it
your stupid ******* words and all their carelessness
wash it down with liquor
you know it's worth nothing
to say i love you

the words don't come as slow as they used to
a little bit of knowledge will destroy you
i'll miss the music
i'll miss the days
i'll miss waking up to sunrise
and you delivering my pills
i'll miss you caring every single second of the day
i'll miss you hoping i'll be okay

but this time i wont
this time i can't stay
because a boy destroyed me,
shattered my already broken core

all that will be left
is bones

Cesspools of naked bodies and lust.
Emptiness ravages the home I call my soul,
And in the throes of love and despair
All is not lost, all turns to rust.
Over time, over distance, over loss of care
I lie alone, in the midst of forget-me-nots,
You have devoured me whole.
I am an ***** donor-
If you need my heart, you can have it.
My lungs have breathed for you since we met.
They are corroded with tar,
That beating muscle is broken, salvage it.
I hope you find someone who rises your suns once they have set.
And in the end I am left with
Digital memories and things I'd be better off to forget.
I can erase the pictures on my phone
But I cannot erase the once thriving forest,
With leaves of desire and soil of trust,
So alive- feelings of love, bereft.
You burned down the home
We built together, for what?
I forget things faster than they come to mind,
But you are the exception.
I would've walked through fire and razor blades and nooses and water just deep enough-
But you couldn't even explain why.
What with your unconscious deception,
We could've gotten higher and have it made and truces and wander deep in touch.
But you couldn't even fight.
We say our goodbyes and
I listen to the silence that follows.
I reach into the void for some sort of closure that you will not bring.
It ends in screeching cries and
The kind of pity that wallows.
I turn to dust and collapse to the shadows, the kind of song you can't sing.
Finish her and bury the evidence.
Throw her into the water, let the tide take her away.
She will rot and corrode with nature, become one with the sea.
Don't forget your medicine,
And make sure you tell them you love them and this time, stay.
I will see you in the future,
Where we are one and you are me.

our bones crack at the same pitch
we would know all about that,
the way we make music
together, beside each other, side by side
soaking our skins in a tub full of lukewarm water
you started crying on my shoulder
and you said the words i knew would come again, again
i could feel it rising on your tongue,
with the fall of your lungs
you breathed out the words with no remorse,
"i don't want to hurt you," you said
well you did,
purely,
wholly,
totally,
destroyed

package your life into
neat little compartments
and manage the strife with
nary a soul; live with an independent
determined, flying mind

hold onto the hands that feed you
keep your claws sheathed and
your teeth to lose
smile while they're still here, yeah
smile before they disappear

check me out of the hospital
check me into the life i almost lost
recovery is almost some sort of miracle
a few sacrifices is the minor cost

treat life with a sip of wine
you never take it all at once
keep your secrets safe in your mind
but keep your eyes locked on the sun.

I'm currently attempting to publish my first poetry novel, Mom and Dad Had The Doctors Sew Our Third Eyes Shut. If any of you have the time and money to donate, I humbly ask you to please donate anything you can, even just a dollar helps! I am self publishing, so I need funds for copyright, printing/binding, processing orders and shipping. if you do donate you can get a free copy of the novel :)
thanks guys! the link is found below:
https://fundly.com/mom-and-dad-had-the-doctor-sew-our-third-eyes-shut#_

The grass looks more green
After thinking about my dead brother.
I miss him more than usual today.
The wind feels more serene
After thinking about my dead mother.
I know she's better off today.

I am a hurricane of extremes
I love with all that I am capable of
And fear with all I know.
I trust humans with a knife to my back
But death is dishonest, death is the undertow.

I rubbed my mother's ashes on my forehead
Like the ashes from palm branches.
"Remember that you are dust,
And to dust you shall return."

I want to run barefoot
But the bitter cold will blister my toes
And I want to pick flowers
But the winter winds have blown them all away,
The cold has crippled them to their death.
I want a friend that doesn't melt
Once time runs it's course
A love that doesn't halt
To drown you in remorse.

I want a river that won't freeze
When the temperature gets too low
I want the solemn summer breeze,
Not the cold winds that now blow.
They call it seasonal affective disorder,
Where the sun turns away from us,
You bury your shame in mortar
And the ice crystals bring back your blush
In those full cheeks, with no relief
We sing for the days we lost.
Pain is just a lowly cost
For the ataraxia to come.

So bite your nails till they bleed,
And pick away at the scars you made
Soon enough you will find what you need
As the seasons change, you must take it day by day.

sweetness dripping
down your throat
and artificial energy shooting
through your veins

emptiness is sitting
cross legged beside you
spelling all the names
of the people your eyes brushed past

and you are alone
with your sorry self
not much for you to say
to the one whose come to be this way

the air is cold and crisp
waiting for you to seek out the sun
and the winter winds are sneaking up on us
to blow our minds to waste

infinity, and the time it takes to get there
i will not chase forever
the trees are humming vibrations full of
love,
life,
light

can you hear them?

Mentally feed the flames
With old, useless emotions
The smoke is putrid;
Make sure not to inhale.

Ashes of an
Easily forgotten love
Burn slow, burn eternal
The fire licks at your scars

His name imprinted
Into your already ruined skin
Do not think about it
Anymore.

Sit and enjoy the company
Of your lost pride
Lost love
But don't stay for too long
Don't speak too loud,
But don't stay silent.

Don't give me those eyes
The same ones you masked with honesty
While you'll told me all those lies
You never really loved me.

I know you're empty
I am too
But I will no longer be
Bursting full of you.

Here I am in a foreign place
I once knew as home
I've found that roads and places fade away after years and space
From existence, from memory,
Leaves behind an empty tomb

I had dreams last night of lizards,
Birds landing on my fingers.
I leaned that once you know sadness,
It comes at your beckon, your call,
Never too far away from madness.

Slow suicides and honorable lives
Friends from years passed and lovers who turned away
I have found peace buried within
I have found the rest to be not worth the time of day.

In another life and time,
Where you are not gone and I was never trying to be
The sweetest angel on my mind
I hear you in the forest's songs-
The whispers of the wind's serenities

oh dear, it appears
i have fallen quite hard
with tears
and laughter
and a shard of
desperation.

snap your heart in half,
i never could
thats why i stay
despite your hesitance, your
imperfection in your path
so maybe i should
go away
but i need you, and you need me more

you are the intricate disease
i've found in my veins
the words come natural for you
you owe me no
extraordinary fees
daylong rains
my heart is beating for you
i need you close, closerclose

put me together and
set me free
just to break me apart
is this what love has become
this love was unplanned
you and me
from the start
to the end, the running sun

come to be
where i am

please,
please just give me a line
something to say
some words to speak
leave,
leave me a sign
that everything is okay
that i am not truly
this weak

where are my words,
dear god, they've vanished.
the panic one experiences
when they've lost all they've got

i thought i learned
i thought i'd manage
a string of disappearances
sickened by writers block

sorry
in the
crevices of my
knees

optional
fates

tear away at
her
independence,
sorry.

i've been silent for a while
my words hold a numb distance
all simple and docile
it will return, but for now, good riddance

the waves no longer rage
or beg for me to stay
and the winter is passing
and for air, i'm no longer gasping

i am breathing and i am grounded
i am solidified and no longer broken
some sort of tranquility, i've found it
but it's left me so softspoken.

You wanted love, so you found it,
And when it strayed too far from your grasp,
You threw it away.
Traded it for some skin and bones
For your fingers to linger upon under sheets of darkness,
Pounds of despair.

I've been thinking about you lately,
But I'm not so sure why.
It was a battle between fate and me,
Guess who lost.

I remember your fingers like
The sunrise
They came to meet me every day
Anytime, anyway.

I'm not so sure why words are coming for you
Tell me though, have you come to hate me, too?
I've moved so far backwards but taken so many steps, you've been too far gone to see.
I wonder sometimes, would you even recognize me?

You were my first
And I sure hoped it would last.
But you lied to her,
And ran so far, so fast.

I was hospitalized again, a few weeks back
For the same old reasons,
At the same cold season.
I didn't need you this time, to get me back on track.

I wonder how you're doing,
If your makeshift love has made you whole.
I know these words aren't quite moving,
But I hope they play a role
In seeing where you stand now,
I'm not asking for forgiveness, no
I ask for your friendship.

I've found myself drowning in loneliness,
I hope you've found companionship.
Because I almost did, but he blew me away
With words like daggers; all the things you should never say.

I hope you read this.
I hope you feel okay.
May I be so bold to say
It is the old you I miss
So terribly.

you set me on fire
i feel like i've said it all before
already worn words
reborn into new sentences
they don't quench your thirst, no

you know, i never was a liar
but you are a thief
my heart rips right on out for you
falls to your feet, but you wont fix it, no
maybe for once its not me who isn't good enough

so how could you do this to me?
you've ****** the words and love right out me
what am i now,
an empty shell?
i don't know why, but i sure know how
boy, you've put me through hell

call me the **** but who gets head
twice in two weeks?
oh wait, but
there goes those words fillin me with dread.
who's the one who ******* ***** me?

i can't do it anymore
and when the words dry up like this i
forget exactly what i'm living for.

I am starting to think I don't make mistakes
And rather, mistakes make me.
His favorite play is "Something rotten,"
His favorite woman is someone rotten,
Spoiled with the love she doesn't deserve.
Her hair ran past her back as a child,
But as time grew shorter and shorter,
So did her brown curly locks.
Her mother bestowed them upon her,
Among other things, she tried to cut short.
"Look at the moon," he says,
As he drives us home
I hope I'm your right hand woman
Like you are the wind beneath my wings.
I am always making mistakes,
They follow me around,
closer than my shadow-
From spilled beer to spilled guts
I wish sometimes I kept it to myself.
I am always making new passageways
Through the love you keep around,
Give me your miles, I take lightyears
And still you hold me at night without doubts that
July 20th, 2020
Will be the day my mistakes
Have all lead to a life of what love was made to be.

what doesnt **** you makes you wander
those frozen minutes drag out longer
what doesnt **** you makes you ponder
hearts no longer growing fonder.

hold on for dear life
before it throws you off the edge
sometimes its all you find that's left
it gets too hard, sometimes
for us to remain in line
but don't cry, little soul(dier)
everything will turn out just fine.

there's an (empty) space where your fingers laced
along mine, creating puppet strings in my (heart)
mind (the gap)

don't get too close to the edge or you'll find yourself
frayed and (echoes) screaming
until your voice falls along with your life (and)

i put the noose around my neck, i missed you then
but my legs were too long for (death) success

there's a hidden message just for you
between the lines and the spaces of every word
like the spaces between my fingers
where yours used to be.

now my neck aches
where your (fingers should've been, squeezing) heart beat along side mine
phlegm rises in my throat just enough to drown me
in the (poisonous) smoke i love so dearly

you were there, asking me for relief
but instead i gave you
my bleeding heart,
you asked me what it was,
not knowing how to respond
i told you it was all i had (left)

give it a try
not your hardest
stained my skin and left all sorts of marks
rip it apart,
there is no truth
perspective leads to no singularity
perception leaving no place for reality
bleeding gums and a pity party of the ages
except instead of bottles and ashes its
pills and ****** fluids
now why i’m alone i don’t know
he had my heart, though
denial is an old arch nemesis;
my mother’s truest friend
she visits me in your absence
instead of facing an end
she tells me sweet stories at night
“he’s coming back, and never leaving again”
and then rage, rage, rage
whenever i can believe you’re gone for good
she tells me sweet lies at night
“i don’t love you anymore.”
sometimes i wish i stayed inside my mother
sometimes i wish you had let me die, that day.
now we’re left with this game we play,
this stalemate game we play with each other

9:25 PM
a star falls, i was the only one to see it
about two feet across from me is where you sit
you told me the only people where your temper does not fit
me and your parents, you push away, bit by bit

9:42 PM
i am looking you dead in the eye
while you watch the stars collide
my majesty, my bona fide
the ghastly little creature that runs rampant in my mind

10:31 PM
i turn the corner
and the stars meet my eye
i feel just like a foreigner
who's lost all track of time
that numb hollow ache in the center of my chest
is where you and i stay settled,
and the memories of when you'd watch me undress.

11:00 PM
it's me still, and
you're still on my mind
it gets harder each time
to stand
and leave you behind.

red lip stick stains on
yellow pages, phone books and
cigarette tubes

he comes upon me like the way that
storms come upon this town
eventually, and all at once

where the rain kisses
our skin to sleep
and the thunder turns on its lights
to wake us up again

parasites that **** at your blood
come flying at you in the winds
the clouds cloak the sun,
she bows,
goodbye

make way for the summer rain
where the air finally cools
and the storms roll through

The flower
You gave me
Rotted, too

And the November air
Brought us farther apart
Your blank stares
Are tearing up my heart.

Everything is dying,
I need to get out and see
The last life has to offer
Before it gives up on me.

I've lost my voice
To the winds in my lungs
I don't have a choice;
We are coming undone.

do your eyes ever gaze past everything
straight into nothing?
can you see anything there, still?

does your mind graze the evergreen
as it soars out of your body?
does it ever land on me?

do your hands match the finger prints
i've left on your skin?
do you want to feel them again?

does your body twitch and itch with loneliness,
does it, tell me this,
do you feel it when it's missed?

i'm feeling pretty sullen
left alone.
i've been trying real hard to pretend
then i'm not so prone
to death and all it's ends
i just watch the sun and all the places it's shone
messages left to pend
my heart is solid as stone
shattered, and it depends
on you, alone

my mistake
was letting you in
my heart break
will never wear thin
so, stay
my darlin,
wash away
my sins

wuthering anatomy lay bare to an inquiring eye
morose, i have a sympathetic chord
unstable, barely perceptible fissure,
lost in sullen waters.
conduct me, in silence, through many dark and intricate passages in my progress.
somber, ebon blackness.
a tattered atmosphere of sorrow
pervaded all
cadaverous and pallid
unusual moral energy, not easily forgotten.
silken incoherence reminisces from a hollow self.
a family evil, a nervous affection
tortured by the grim phantasm, FEAR.
mental condition conveyed in terms too shadowy here to be restated
a bitterness which i can never forget
a settled apathy
a gradual wasting away of the person
alleviated the melancholy, as if in a dream.
the recesses of spirit
poured fourth upon all objects of the universe.

I understand you more
The farther the miles stretch
And I feel for
All those lost files you sent
In the hopes of making something new
When in reality, all you had to make
Was you.

See I watch leaves fall from trees that just came back to life
And it reminds me of the way we
Ramble on endlessly, to avoid the call of the knife
Asking you to break the skin
You almost came to love again.

I got these new pills and I been drinking too much
Don't know if I'm ill enough to need this heavy of a crutch
This is the first I've wrote since you left
Trying to sift through the memories and regrets

I'll write about you, cause you were my muse
I don't love you, cause you lit the fuse
I love you, for the person you are today
Not in love with you, but I love you, okay?

i should not be writing to you
but for the last time, i am
i'm sorry if i smothered you
i'm sorry for all the days i left
covered in time's sands.

i'm sorry just doesn't seem to cut it
for all the times i've broke you
it must have meant something, must have
wrap your fingers around my throat, too
squeeze until i breathe no more

i cannot fathom
the pain
of your absence
i cannot forget
the love
we shared

so i'll keep it to myself
all those things i wish i said
this will be the last time
i give you my soul
in words and rhymes

it is so hopeless, now
the terror you brought
into me
the way your arms
would hold me

all the accusation and excuses
my clumsy mouth would spew
every artist will have their muses
this love was never true.

and we lingered in abandoned homes
haunted forests
with graves cluttering the ground
how can i forget

i'll go now, quietly
and fight my way free
my heart strings will no longer sing
for you

the last rose of the season
the last kiss you delivered upon my lips
we fell apart with no rhyme or reason
the love i thought you'd miss.

i burnt the letter i wrote you to a crisp
the flames, they licked
at all the pages of a love i thought i'd miss
and the ashes, they smoldered
blew away in the wind
like how we made love, and we'd shoulder
all of each other's broken sins

now you're finally gone,
for good this time
the time has come, for our chaotic song
to come to an ending line.

i will love without you
i will live without you

2012
the boy was like sun rays falling from a blue sky. his hair was shining blonde and flew in the wind, his eyes were the perfect blue, azure like a pure sky, tranquil like a warm sea. he was bones and skin, but knew not the weight of sin. he was on a quest for ataraxia, he was selfless, he was kind. he had wings and a halo shining above his blonde head, he was my guardian angel for a year and 2 months. he was the ambulance, he was the desire. he was the first. when the "hospital" prison gates came clamoring shut on my face, he ran far, far away. he found another shining blonde head with sky blue eyes to bury his love into. the distance was our downfall.

2013
the boy was earthy, he was brown eyed like oak trees, his veins the limbs, his heart the roots. i poisoned him with nicotine. we kept our brown eyes in the forests with polluted rivers running astray, we told our secrets with no fear. he was selfish, he was keen on his own way. he could not see past his own eyes. brown and murky was his world, diseased ones followed him home. he tried. i tried. we failed.

with my brown eyes peering back at you
from the snowed-in window pane
i shivered at the look of you
staring back at me
because i could smell you through
the closed doors

and i rested my head upon your shoulder
and you rested yours upon mine
i could not shake the desire
to reach for love i would never find

in the darkness of the night
i long for you alone
for us to make these wrongs a right
your name runs through the marrow of my bones

these words are overused
lost in synchronicity
the time has come for me to choose
between lust and serendipity

the "l" word and it's lofty weights
the way i'm begging for you to stay
but you told me not to come back again
but it's your heart on which i depend

i love you, no
i lust after you
say it ain't so
for you to love me too.

Burning papers and the words I wish you'd say
The smoke left piles of ash where I wish you'd stay
And the words left the universe in streams of goodbyes
Ravage from the core to my wrists and thighs
The had beens and never minds

Crescent moons wax and wane
I still can smell your scent through the window pane
And you told me to never come back
With all those thoughts I kept on my closet rack
They come to meet me at night, when I'm all alone
Just when I think I'm alright, they chill me to the bone

Now I'm out of time
I hope and pray
For some solace
To take me somewhere you'd never find
Through the day
I watch the hourglass
Ticking away by grains of sand
Don't need no heart, don't need no man.

And we walked to the fields
Instead of watching the baseball game
We kiss and you copped your feels
But it will never be the same

When your shy old dog let me stroke its fur
And the calm winter evenings froze us whole
Back in your car, before the love was hurt
I could feel you intertwining with my soul

Tell me I am still all you see
When you close your eyes
Tell me you still love me
Despite the hatred in your mind

Will you leave me, too?

would you take a look at that,
the positivity emanating from the loss of you
i can breathe again without you
sighing down my neck
with your fault-laden words
putting me in a submission hold and
driving me up the walls
my blood creating murals for you
down to the last pill i took

so now i'm partially free
from that addicting little touch of yours
if you ever kissed me again i'd
push you far away and run as fast as i can
so as not to fall into your trap again.

i don't need you to breathe
safely, and fully
i have all i need here,
right at home
i can live okay without the thought of you
to plague my mind and dreams

without you it's suicide
said the little thing inside me, once growing, swelling with time
now it drowns out, safe and sound
in the little box inside my brain
to keep me from going insane

do not resuscitate
face the darkness to hold you close
where you are one and you are all
of the things you love and hate
when you can be free of
this mortal machine
of recycled skin and bones

i'll live without you
brave and whole
a gladiator inside my own mind
fighting the demons
from dusk to dawn

I have known this fool from half way through high school,
And the best part about it is watching the fool replace himself
With the will of gods that only exist in myths,
And the strength of a thousand dead martyrs.
And it's gonna get harder man, it's gonna get a lot harder-
But the longer you remain,
your bones will begin to hold the secrets
On ******* your demons.
The longer you remain,
The endorphins will drift from your veins
And your soul will take their place.
In 2017, at this age,
What normal human being isn't coping with these societal traditions
By forcing their brain into addiction?
These are ancient laws of man, transcending modern knowledge.
Evolution made us capable of questioning our origin or divinity,
And some dare say that an imaginary man gave them this gift of sight;
Societal traditions to condition us into complacent perpetuation of the history that enslaves us.
Lately I haven't been able to hold one train of thought without
Going off the rails, but instead of crashing and burning,
I just travel at the speed of light around all the answers
that could be right.
Ultimately you inspired me to say
I am so proud that you are here today.
With my brothers wild spirit tamed by opiates,
He lingers on my bicep in memorial form
He lingers in the prayers I whisper to the dead,
As gods do not hear your prayers.
(they are too busy creating universes and
punishing their own creations
for acting out of free will)
My prayers are answered by people I know,
Whose physical forms met quietus.
They live on in otherworldly favors,
They live on in signs and vibes.
There is more to death than meets the eye.
Tangent after tangent,
I shall come to a close.
My brother was lost to needle and tar:
He passed away at the grocery store,
In the emptiness of his only car.
My friend, you are not lost
And you are still with us.
I'm so proud you now know the cost
Of instantaneous gratification offered by
The ****** drug.

fireflies only come out at night,
or maybe we just can't see their gleams of light
in the daytime

this was a lonely day
where my step father took me back to the western shore
to be alone again
companionship is not easy to come by these days,
buried in life's sad and sorry sands
regardless of all that has been good
there has always been the subtle reek of the bad

i don't know jesus,
but i hear he's a great guy
i don't know you,
but i know you're the only real answer, the only reasons why

and we pollute the rivers with reckless abandon,
and we let our children drown in it's poison
and when the sky opens up, there will be nothing left,
nothing but you, and him, and the lives that you have touched.

Behind this porcelain skin you'll see
Oceans of pain, begging for release.
Behind these brown eyes you'll see
Hurt, from a million times I've tried to forget.

Behind the tattoos you'll see
A soul, just waiting for proof of identity.
Behind the blue hair you'll see
Me, no longer trying to fit in.

Beneath the blankets of agony and sheets of rage
There is a calm before the storm,
A place where forgiveness is found,
A little girl waiting for her mother to come back home.

Under all of this, there is peace.

keep telling yourself,

all it is it lust,

because pure love cannot rust.

and when he touches you, you'll melt

but those fingers you can't trust

when all they feel with

are the throes of lust



when the snow flies in the winter winds

creating something like a frigid autumn mist

all they are is two unhealthy kids

looking for something to love, waiting for something to miss



your name dances along my wrists

among the scars i left in your wake

the same floats around when we kiss

can this lust truly put lives at stake?



do we pick up the pieces

or let them fall, down, down, further down

sometimes your words pierce- those meaningless teases

and i get lost, lost in the sound

because in an isolated system, entropy only increases.



where skin meets skin

and entanglement grows

lust will begin

to make it's darkened throes

ultimatums to make a woman mad
choose between nothing, and half of what you had
there's nothing harder than unrequited love
sends you screaming and howling for the angels above

and it gets easier, the longer time fades
it gets harder every time you turn a new page
and when it's over, when they no longer want you by their side
all you have is your breath, and the dull ache in your mind

you're waiting for a response
while i'm trying to read between the lines of your songs
to see if maybe there's a way
to get you to come back, and stay.

ice falls from the clouds
and all i can hear is the sound
of it falling to the ground
ticking like a clock, so ******* loud.

this is an ultimatum,
i remember the train station
your hands, their creations
i recite you word by word, verbatim

all i ever wanted
was you to leave a mark
on my skin
bruises to abrasions
lovers to hatred

and i wanted something to remember you by
not the songs i hear or
the tears i've cried
something more than a memory to
keep you close to home.

i know my heart is a vacant hold
onto your vindictive soul
i hope someday it drifts away,
rather than devour me whole.

i want more than your blood in my veins,
i want you in my rib cage
bursting with flora and ferns
building your garden from the inside out

forgetting you
is proving to be
a nearly impossible task.

kush louder than ya girl in bed
**** your broken *** pipe, i'll smoke a **** instead
we're just a bunch of broke *** kids just scraping to get by
but somehow we still manage to get this high

bad things happen to good people in this town
just overcame some hills, but now it's all down
entitlement to pride, a nervous wreck breathes
i see my reflection in the growing tides, mirrors just confusing me
i lost a lot but gained some peace of mind
misunderstandings that crush and divide.

your absence creeps
all around me
when i fell to the ground
you did not help me to my feet

i should have known it
the first time around
aware by the original sound
of her name leaving your lips;
while i was the one you were sleeping with

this is how the truth will hit
home, it shatters your dreams
so lie down, try to forget about it
because loves like this
are never as they seem.

take a deep one
before you try again
smile to yourself as you
break the walls that have a clue
as to why you have no more muse

now have some fun
as you meet your heaven
and remember all you can do
when even your lungs have failed you
fight what the tide of life ensues

only you need to hold your hair back,
when you spew up all the words you never could say
and don't you depend on anyone whose soul fades to black
when you talk about the things you went through the other day

you just dont want to, simple as that
when you pretend that maybe you may
forget her and all of that past
the pursuit of love is senseless at this age

maybe honesty isn't always best
when the heart could break into such a mess
it always takes so long to clean
refresh, make yourself free
better than you were before the greed

sometimes i think it's better to forget
and pretend they did exist, you never met
say they weren't a major piece
of your life, your internal peace
straighten out that crease
he left inside you.

Dropping with the temperature
Those little noises your pet makes
Building space in structure
Where do you fall when the ground shakes?

And your words grow heavier over time
They leak in through my shoulders
Break their way into my spine
it was nice today, but now it's grown colder

Here are my lamentations
In red, blue, green
No time for the lonely situations
That my eyes have only seen.

Oceans gray with a purple hue
I am trying to erase you.
Pens and markers- their ballpoint blue
I am trying to forget you.

why didnt i **** me
when i had the chance
bottles upon bottles
of ****** weapons
to ruin a life
or take it all away
why didnt i **** me
when i had the chance

i hope these pills take it all away
one for you, one for me, the other 33
for all the words i couldn't say
here is my epilogue, i hope
you read it

maybe they should have put me in the hospital
when they had the chance
maybe i'm just meant to be a patient
sleeping in the morgue
disembowel me with your finest of tools
i'm not sure my organs
are quite worth it
anymore

for you, i hold nothing but contempt;
full of lies and hateful words.
i regret every single day i spent
every single voice of yours i heard.

it might as well be ******
in an oasis of *** and fantasy
and you didn't listen when i'd murmur
at your hand, i lost all sanity.

my prime weakness,
my ultimate curse
the karma, it seeks us
leads us to our hearse.