I write to you
in the darkest spot
of the room that holds me
far away from you.

I write to you
despite the heavy chains
that tie my thirsty hands
and heart and veins.

I write to you,
my long lost love,
with the candlelight
from a thousand miles away.

And with every word I write,
and through tears and cries,

I wish
          I hope
                     I pray.



//A

And if we're ever lucky enough

we'll meet each other again.

We'll look into each other's eyes

maybe only for a split second, as we pass by.

Maybe you'll be on your phone,

and I'll have a coffee on my right hand.

And we will cross each other indifferently

but our eyes will know.

'*** the eyes

my sweet, gentle, boy,

they never lie.





//A

Never had I seen a moon so bright
Something about it
Silently caught my eye

Even as the light
began to blind me
I couldn’t help myself but stare

Something so intriguing
I couldn’t quite figure out
Had me drooling, hypnotized

And when I think about it
A journey to the moon
Adrenaline still throbs
Up and down my veins

'*** I know it’s unreachable
But its beauty whispers in my ear
A soothing lullaby
Transmits its calm and peace

So I settle
And seek comfort in knowing
It's always there
Shining it's light upon me

Even if it is
From thousands of miles away
Even if I will never
Be more than just the shadow of its glare

He is so manly
And fierce
Yet so gentle,
Full of peace

He is so funny
And childish
Yet so serious
When he's angry

He is so stubborn
And feisty
Yet so generous
Kind and loving

He is by far the most
Authentic and transparent
Yet he intrigues
and captivates me

He is so he
It makes it hard for me
To find the right words
To describe him

I wrote it all down
What I wanted to tell you
About how sorry I was
And how much I wanted you back

But I left it in my car
As I set it on fire

So now we’re back to step one
And we have a few more to add
To the unsent love letters

Come here,
get closer.

Now touch me,
now feel me.

Am I too tight?
Am I too strong?
Am I too wet?
Am I too dry?
Am I too cold?
Am I too hot?



Tell me, love, am I too much?




//A

Here’s another cigarette
I light in your name.

“What’s his name?”
I hear them say

I don’t even know,
But I know how you taste.

You taste like summer
With a hint of sweet red grapes.

I wake up in the middle of the night
With the sound of your laugh
so loud and contagious
And I can’t help but grin
Still with my eyes closed
And I press them tight
As to hug it to myself
As to keep it inside of me
Looping in my mind
Like the sweetest melody
I fight so hard
To stay where I am
To stay asleep
Just a little bit longer

they call me your puppet
I let it slide
and smile
just as you ask

but somehow those words
pierce my little heart
'*** I know in the end
they are right

and little by little
I begin to realize
I stopped being human
in broad daylight

Woke up too tired of falling
Just to land in someone else’s arms
Of looking around to find your eyes
Without success
And of loving you
in secret caress
To find myself broken again and again

So say your goodbyes
Even though I know you won’t
Because these are the last words
I ever write to you
And this is the last time I hope
You’ll catch me when I fall

But how can I live
When I hear
My heart beating
Not in my chest
But in your hands

Look
They were there all along
Warning you
To run as fast
And hide as best
As you possibly could

But you ignored them
You turned you face away
Pretended
They didn’t exist
And denied
That side of the picture

Next time
Look closer
Listen more carefully
The signs are always there
You just have to stash
The stubborn blindfold away

I can’t tell if I was day dreaming
Or if my judgement was just clouded
You looked as good as ever
As fierce as always

I don’t know if I was out of my nightmare
Or if you became my night savior
You were as gentle as always
But you brought more trouble than ever

What I do know
Is that I had never felt so alive
Like I did yesterday
Baby you are my fire and chaos

You remember how I told you
That yesterday was the last day
That I wrote to you

Well here I am...
Do you remember me?

I kept walking through
your streets still unwalked

But this time
I Grabbed a lighter and
I’ve walked and walked
And burnt them all

Now this is the last time
I ever write to you
With hopes of love
I let you burn

Cuz all those bridges
Are ashes
I can’t see anymore

Mediocrity is
Unhappiness’ best friend

The night was still
And so were you
My eyes were open though,
Staring at how rhythmically
you inhaled and exhaled
The life of out of me

Te amaré hasta que me muera
Y cuando me muera
Te voy a seguir queriendo

I go to sleep just to dream of you
Because I know that’s the only way
I’ll get to feel your warmth
and hear your voice again

The closest we’ll ever be
Is as far away as
Yesterday’s sleepless night

Because memories and dreams
Are made out of the same thing


They are both made of pieces of you.

Made out of stardust
Raised by a full moon
Every day you were sunlight
Delighting me too soon

I wish for you every star
In a darkened bright blue sky

That you keep shining like you do
My darling, you’re even better
Than you were at twenty two

make me your stranger
i'll be whatever you want
as long as I get to listen to
my favorite laugh

make me your neighbor
i'll even be that
as long as I get to grasp you
giving me that piercing glance

being far away from you is danger
i can't take it too long

my body's your paper
so take a pen and come write me down

you shed memories
like a snake
out of instinct

you pack and go
without much thought
without a care in the world

you throw away all that we were
all that we dreamed
all that we lived

yet here I am
picking up
all that you shed
all that you packed
all that you threw away

and I hug it hard
and I hug it close
while I fight not to
lose my mind
as I see you go

Now I’m a guest
In someone else’s home

Oh moonchild
Yes, you.

You know I can’t
stop thinking about you

Those eyes are stuck
Inside of my rebellious soul

When there’s light
I live for the wait

And at night you remember
It’s never too late

Some nights I still cry about you
I let the tears fall down my cheeks
Like a creek they travel to my heart
And flood it with thoughts of you

Some nights I still talk about you
In silence I whisper to the moon
Who patiently waits for me
to fall asleep after a bottle or two

Come here baby
You know the drill
Come closer
Sense the beat
Smell the mix of trees
Now
Take a peek through
The windows of my soul
Stare at me
Like the stars stare at you
When I ask them at night
And tell me what you see
Please don’t tell me
You love the light
More than the darkness
Nor the darkness
More than the light
Please don’t tell me
You expected only nice
Without a little spice
Keep looking baby
What do you see?
In the midst of the fire and chaos
Can you see the true me?

I have found infinite ways
To hug you close
Even though you’re far away

No one really knows
But inside of what appears to be
a feisty little dog
Lives a tiny beautiful soul

Behind those big brown eyes
Lies the gaze of one who understands
Who listens way beyond just words
And plays more than just fetch

After all these years
How am I supposed to believe
None of it was real

Such bluntness every time
I stared into your eyes
Couldn’t be all lies

You crossed your heart
But promised
More than two

Stop this nonesense and tell me
Should I believe
her or you?

You and I
Were done
From the day we started

We didn’t know
But our souls did
because mine was already his

i knew this day would come
but i didn't know it would come so fast
the day when we would have to
challenge all that we'd learned

the day when it would get
cloudy and cold
I knew we would have to face
the old wounds and fears
but i didn't know which ones

i wasn't ready
but are we ever?

this place feels familiar
from another life maybe
i remember the setting
i remember the feeling
but i keep forgetting the ending

If I could go
anywhere in the world


I would run
straight back to you

Embrace the rain
It came to cleanse
You

Harder than I ever thought
Harder than I ever hoped

Pouring with no mercy
With no hesitation

It came to wash you away
Away
Away
Away

Make me new
Make me pure
Heal and drain
Every piece
He took away

You were right about me
You always are

hi there, old friend. how long has it been? quite a while.
you look whiter and clearer, like you haven't missed me writing thoughts on top of you.

but i thought i'd come by and say hello, for old time's sake.
i haven't felt like writing in a long time. some call it writer's block. i don't know what i call it, but words seem to be stuck inside of me, sort of sleeping. without them wanting to be disturbed. it happens once in a while. the words cling to my heart and beg me not to let them out. but when i do... you know what happens when i do.
and you're always there to welcome them with a smile or a hug into their new home. they're never out of a home. they are born in the deepest layer of me, migrate to the outer ones and eventually make their way to you. and even though, they don't know they'll be safe in each place, they always are. you are always open and so embracing and so warm.

now let's cut right to the chase.

today i woke up thinking about how i should've wrote something for the new year. but i didn't. again... like i said, the words didn't want to be disturbed yet. however, today, they wanted to come out and play. it's like they have their own timezone. plans of their own. and today was the day.

i kept thinking how much i hurt this past year, but also how much i healed. it is amazing how much i learned in such a short period of time. it even feels unrealistic. like a lifetime flew by. i feel like i am a completely different person now. a reincarnation of myself. can you sense me as i write? do i seem different to you? i guess you went through a lot of what i learned during that time with me, you walked with me through every step. you held my fingers when i was the loneliest. you hugged my heart and soul. and well, you even taught me a few things.

i learned to forgive, without ever getting an apology. time and time again. didn’t i, old friend? and to trust that i am aways being guided, mostly by the moon... oh how i miss the moon! i remember sitting outside my balcony just looking at her, SO perfect, any given night. with no make up on. with no intention to fake it. she taught me to love. she taught me to cry. she taught me to breathe and to scream the **** out of my lounges. once in a while i peek a glance at her, but lately i've been more impressed with sunsets. the moon feels a little further away now. why do you think that is? i don't know... maybe i'll ask her some time.

i also moved three times. now look at me... i am so far away, from where i used to be. yet, i am closer to where i've always wanted to. still, this place doesn't feel like home. it feels foreign, like im just adventuring around. maybe that's how i felt when i first met my old home. doesn't feel right to call it "old home"... i don't know... maybe i should give this place a chance. but isn't it weird how after all this months i still feel like a tourist here? how i already know how to go from north to south and east to west without a map and i still feel lost? funny. maybe i shouldn't try to make a home out of every city i move to. maybe it's true that home is where the heart is... but isn't mine attached to my body?

anyways... im feeling hopeful for this new year. i love this word. hopeful. hope full. full of hope. hope is such a nice thing to carry around, isn't it old friend? hope for better days, hope to try new things, hope that everything will turn out just as it should. just as it always has. just as it always does. hope is trust. and trust is the most amazing thing this past year gave me. i trust the process. i even love it. what an amazing world. a place to trust. to love. to hope...

thanks again for listening. i hope to visit you more often now that i remember how good it feels to let it all out in your blank spaces. to let you hold my fingers as the words crawl out of my heart to finally find you and call you home. to fill you with little bits of me. we are meant to be together, you and me. me completing your voids, you, embracing my excesses away. thanks for always being there old friend. i'll see you soon. this time it’s a promise. and i’ll keep my word. just trust me.

Here I am
As close to the ground
As I’ve been in the longest of times
I can taste the dirt
muddier than the day before
I can smell the earth
I can see the brown intertwined
With the green and a flower
Here and there

Here I am
Listening with my eyes closed
And arms wide open
to the music
I could almost call it noise
But in between each note
If i pay close attention
i hear a bird chirp
Here and there

Laying low
Grounding
Back to my roots
Back to my home