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Jun 2018 · 244
Vacant Hotel
amabel Jun 2018
A vacant room sign hangs outside the door.
I watch from the lobby as potential customers take a peek and leave, underwhelmed and disappointed with what they see.

Rusted handrails on stairs.
Peeling wallpaper with mold at the edges.
Creaking chairs that barely supports any visitors.

Not that there are any.

Sometimes I think I could convince them to stay for a while.
To fill the empty room, but my mouth refuses to open.
It refuses to sell the room using eloquent, convincing words.

How am I supposed to convince them when I can't convince myself?
I wouldn't stay here if I had the choice, so why would they?

I see the same thing onlookers see.
A beaten-down, useless, sad hotel.
There's too much to fix and repair.
It's beyond the stage of renovation.

So my heart stays vacant.
Things feel better but also worse than before.
More fun, more lonely.
Idk.
Just back at it again with 12:53 a.m. thoughts.
Aug 2017 · 327
Let's Play Catch
amabel Aug 2017
You were across the playground
I wanted to play catch
I said hi and smiled
You did the same

I tossed my ball towards you
You caught it and tossed it
Right back

We did that for a while
Laughing and smiling and playing
Having the time of our lives

But you wanted to throw it further
I told you I can't throw very far

I tossed the ball at you

And watched as you tossed it to someone else
Who could throw
Further than me.
Vry messy but its 1:29am whatever
Aug 2017 · 468
Lips
amabel Aug 2017
afraid to say it
my feelings threaten to spill
but my lips stay sealed
Aug 2017 · 283
The Elusive Red Sleeve
amabel Aug 2017
She pranced among the cerulean flowers,
Not a care in the world.
Her smile so bright,
It competed with the sunshine.
She looked back,
Only to see that he was not following.
She frowned, and ran back.
She tried to grab his hand but hers passed through his slicing through thin air.
He shook his head with sad eyes and turned away.
Now confused and frantic, she lunged for the red sleeve of his shirt.
She only felt air pass through her hand as she fell towards the ground covered in flowers.

She woke up to the dissonant ringing of her alarm clock, gasping for air with tears streaming down her cheeks.
Writing this to help me go to sleep
Aug 2017 · 329
lack of
amabel Aug 2017
Hopeless crushes are never meant to be pursued,
It's a feeling
A someone
That will live in your thoughts for the following week
Or the following months.
For whatever reason,
They are unobtainable.
You know you can't have it
Yet you yearn so hard it almost physically hurts.

Hopeless crushes are awful.
The only thing worse?

The lack of a crush.

No one to fantasize about,
When you are feeling lonely.
Just a vague feeling of yearning,
No face to associate it with.
There are no stupid accomplishments,
Like making eye contact
Or successfully asking how their day went.

Nothing.
Just a weird, empty pit of desire and loneliness.
Ya feel me? 1:02am thoughts
Jul 2016 · 130
Untitled
amabel Jul 2016
I wish you would notice me,
notice my hints
and their intentions.
Mar 2016 · 335
Joke
amabel Mar 2016
This odd feeling
builds in my chest.
It rises into my throat,
trying to escape.
Finally I can no longer
hold it back.

A sick,
bitter,
twisted laugh
bursts free.

It is directed at
the ones
who have ruined
my life.

Joke's on them.

I will show them wrong.
Every.
Single.
One.
That I can do the things
that I want to do.

That I can, and will,
become more successful than them.

Joke's on them.
Feb 2016 · 515
future.
amabel Feb 2016
Time flies by.
What happened to my mom's lullaby?

What will happen next?
This is just a jumble of text,

about the future that is to come,
when I will worry about my income.

Money gets us everything these days,
the amount dependent on these essays,

that we write in school.
They mold and shape us a certain way into a little tool.

I just want to live a happy life.
Maybe even become a happy wife.

I'm trying to rhyme,
but I'm running out of time.

So here I will stop.
Stop thinking and just stare at my desktop.
I've been really thinking about the future. About college, a career, a significant other, and settling down somewhere. It's stressful to know that your job, how you get money to live, depends on how well you do in school now.

Just what's on my mind right now.
Feb 2016 · 810
Writer's Block
amabel Feb 2016
One crumpled paper after another
into the trash can.
I can't seem to get these thoughts
out onto paper.
Dec 2015 · 1.6k
Photos
amabel Dec 2015
My friends wonder why
I'm acting so care free,
so giddy.
They haven't put the pieces
together yet.
Like a picture that hasn't developed,
the result a secret.

You're my secret.

You're always in my mind,
constantly.
I can only focus on you,
and nothing else.
Like how cameras focus on one object
and blur everything else.

All our time together,
is stored in my mind forever.
Like the pictures I have of us,
tucked safely away in the shoebox
in my closet.
Dec 2015 · 551
mask
amabel Dec 2015
That mask you wear,
I know you wear it.
I've seen you without it,
you look beautiful without it.

So, please, take off the mask,
there is no need for it.
You, just you, is all I need to
love you.
Oct 2015 · 351
Trouble
amabel Oct 2015
Loving you is
like
enjoying the smell of sharpie
even though it's bad for you
like
touching something
that says do not touch
like
getting in trouble
then doing it again
like
getting wasted even though
you know the hangover will be horrible
Loving you
is just asking for trouble
but I do it anyways.
Trying out some new format. I like it.
Oct 2015 · 294
Cycle
amabel Oct 2015
A friend is someone
who is always there for you.
A friend is someone
who always on your side.

Right?

So why are my friends talking behind
my back?
So why do my friends despise everything
that comes out of my mouth?
So why are my friends slowly
withdrawing?

I'm not oblivious to it.
I get it.
You're tired of me now, you'll
move on.
Just like every other friend I've had.
And when you need me
again, this cycle will
start over.
Anyone else with this problem?
Oct 2015 · 588
mediocre
amabel Oct 2015
Who am I kidding?
I'm just a socially awkward person
I'm average
In that giant group that's just there to fill up the world
Never destined to do something worthy of attention
Not popular, not a total loser
I'm the extra in the movie
I'm the character in a book that doesn't even have a name

I am motivated by this
Motivated by the fear of being average
I have to prove them wrong
Every single one who said
I couldn't
I can't
I would never

I can't rest until I'm out of that giant group
That mediocre crowd

I will be the best
I have to be the best
Oct 2015 · 778
Silly of Me
amabel Oct 2015
Should have known.
You were too perfect,
Not to be loved by another.

Silly of me.
Silly of me to think,
I could be the one.

I bet she means the world to you.
I bet you mean the world to her.
She must love the way you touch her.
You must love the way she touches you.

Silly of me.
Silly of me to think,
You might love me the way I love you.

So I'll just be here,
Waiting for what will never come.

— The End —