A vacant room sign hangs outside the door.
I watch from the lobby as potential customers take a peek and leave, underwhelmed and disappointed with what they see.
Rusted handrails on stairs.
Peeling wallpaper with mold at the edges.
Creaking chairs that barely supports any visitors.
Not that there are any.
Sometimes I think I could convince them to stay for a while.
To fill the empty room, but my mouth refuses to open.
It refuses to sell the room using eloquent, convincing words.
How am I supposed to convince them when I can't convince myself?
I wouldn't stay here if I had the choice, so why would they?
I see the same thing onlookers see.
A beaten-down, useless, sad hotel.
There's too much to fix and repair.
It's beyond the stage of renovation.
So my heart stays vacant.
Things feel better but also worse than before.
More fun, more lonely.
Just back at it again with 12:53 a.m. thoughts.
You were across the playground
I wanted to play catch
I said hi and smiled
You did the same
I tossed my ball towards you
You caught it and tossed it
We did that for a while
Laughing and smiling and playing
Having the time of our lives
But you wanted to throw it further
I told you I can't throw very far
I tossed the ball at you
And watched as you tossed it to someone else
Who could throw
Further than me.
Vry messy but its 1:29am whatever
afraid to say it
my feelings threaten to spill
but my lips stay sealed
She pranced among the cerulean flowers,
Not a care in the world.
Her smile so bright,
It competed with the sunshine.
She looked back,
Only to see that he was not following.
She frowned, and ran back.
She tried to grab his hand but hers passed through his slicing through thin air.
He shook his head with sad eyes and turned away.
Now confused and frantic, she lunged for the red sleeve of his shirt.
She only felt air pass through her hand as she fell towards the ground covered in flowers.
She woke up to the dissonant ringing of her alarm clock, gasping for air with tears streaming down her cheeks.
Writing this to help me go to sleep
Hopeless crushes are never meant to be pursued,
It's a feeling
That will live in your thoughts for the following week
Or the following months.
For whatever reason,
They are unobtainable.
You know you can't have it
Yet you yearn so hard it almost physically hurts.
Hopeless crushes are awful.
The only thing worse?
The lack of a crush.
No one to fantasize about,
When you are feeling lonely.
Just a vague feeling of yearning,
No face to associate it with.
There are no stupid accomplishments,
Like making eye contact
Or successfully asking how their day went.
Just a weird, empty pit of desire and loneliness.
Ya feel me? 1:02am thoughts
I wish you would notice me,
notice my hints
and their intentions.
This odd feeling
builds in my chest.
It rises into my throat,
trying to escape.
Finally I can no longer
hold it back.
It is directed at
who have ruined
Joke's on them.
I will show them wrong.
That I can do the things
that I want to do.
That I can, and will,
become more successful than them.
Joke's on them.