I'm scared
and impaired
my anxiety rules my life
and everyone keeps twisting the knife

they say they didn't know
although
i know they did

i love you
i would do anything for you
and i will
i just wish we had more time

I believe love is like a flower
and i was just the bower
Each and every one is different

And you, you were like the Aconitum
so inviting and warm
i was oblivious to the storm

at the first taste of your lips
there came an eclipse

i was living on your virus
because i mistook you as an iris
and when you left
you committed theft
and you stole what was left of my heart

and babe without you
the air is not as sweet
nor the fields as beautiful

they tried to tear us apart
but i didn't tell you, i didn't want to break your heart
it was only a three days
but it sent me into a daze

for those days i didn't eat
your voice in my mind so sweet
i didn't sleep
i was down so deep

and i meet with my friend Ana again
she told me everything would get better
soon we would be together
and she was right

we are just limited now
but how?
how can we go back to before?
because it's you i adore

everyday he becomes more and more like my father
i don't even know why i bother
he started out yelling
then the anger keep swelling
and he started to hit
it didnt feel fit

he looks like him too
everyday while we grew
my brother is becoming my father

Come home
please don't roam
we miss you
your making your family blue
were scared
did you really think that no one cared?
well we do!
oh, if you only knew!
come home please
i'm begging on my knees!
come home

I'm screaming for you
because no one ever knew
I'm screaming because i feel your pain
how it cam down like pouring rain
You put a blade to your wrist
You did it after we kissed
You also put a bottle to your lips
and i felt every single rip
of your heart.

So you can't die
cause you were my star and sky
so i wont let you
did you even have a clue?
so you can't die
you have to stay and try

do you remember the life we planned
It's gonna be so grand
you use to wispier to me about it
but you can't quit
not now
not ever

i love you
with all my heart
i try so hard to
even though for me love is a dark art
and i couldn't stand it if we were apart

so don't go
because with you i learned to grow
please don't leave
because if you did i would grieve
like you wouldn't believe

don't fall away
without you my life would be one shade of grey
i would even try to pray
thinking about our days
and how you got happiness to stay

so don't go
don't leave
don't fall away

please just stay

oh, my love
did you hear me?
maybe? sort of?
do i still make you fell free

I tried telling you
i don't think you knew
but most of my words are in my poems

do you read these?
do they put your soul at ease?

do you hear me?

you know what i ******* love?
when someone lies about there love for you
i wasn't the one above
i was a toy
for a silly boy
and my love for you grew
while you lost yours
closing all the open doors

do you know how hurt i am
like *******
its agony
and you did this to me

you called me a goddess
and I cried
because you reminded me of him
and how that love died
how cold, how cruel, how grim

You called me a goddess
your aphrodite
you said *** was good
but who I was
who I really was, was the best

but you don't know me
I don't even know me
I am not your goddess
I can't be your goddess
and I won't
I won't let you down like I did him

you called me a goddess
and said you wish to treat me as one
that you would give me the best
but if you knew me you would run
I wouldn't pass your test  

i can't be your goddess

help me with some thing please

what is it?

help me take my heart out because it keeps breaking and the shattered pieces are ripping my lungs and i cant breathe

It's times like this
when i remember the ocean.
And how it feels
it feels like home
where the waves hold you.
The warm sea floor
She feels as If its always been home.
And the cold water
reminds you of your blood
the blood your veins
how you're a person
a real living person but
the cold numbs you and reminds you
how you haven't felt real feelings for a long time.

It's nights like this
when I remember the ocean
And how A young girl
at 2am on her 13th birthday almost
just almost  made it her forever home
.But the ocean wasn't ready for her
for her come home like I was.
Oh how i long for home

So i just remember.

i remember it very clearly
and how she meant to me, so dearly
her hair was like honey
how she could make anything funny

she would ask the hard and awkward questions
always expecting a reply.
making suggestions
like the day she asked me
"if we were both lesbian would you date me?"
she waited till i replied before moving on
and all i could choke out was maybe

she was a strong girl to me
mentally she was the strongest
and our friendship would have been the longest

but her father passed without warning
left he silently morning
and i didn't know
i saw her pain coming in like snow
cold and soft
to harsh and fast

one day i decided i needed to ask
"are you ok? whats wrong"
"a lot, i'm not that strong"
and she left

she called me at 3:14 am
crying finally telling me
what happened
and how she found him
with a gun in his hand and blood on the wall


how her mom would cry in a ball
and she had to move back

the last thing she said to me was
"your so strong, stay that way"
and like that the girl with honey hair was gone

and all i remember is honey hair

I did wrong
Our love is so strong
is it still?
or has it run ill?

I was Stupid
I killed our cupid
you god very mad
and i was far beyond sad

you went to go let off steam
i stayed hoping it was all a bad dream
but you came back
and i promised i will never lack
ever again

I know that you may not love me
And i hope that now you feel free
I know i'm not something you miss
But I still long for one more kiss
And i cant see cause everything is a blur
Cause I know that you love her
If missing you is a crime
then lock me away i'll do my time
If you could hold me one more time
I would promise to never make another rhyme
I know that you may not love me

hey honey i haven't told you yet have I?
you will probably never see me cry
why?

because dear I'm insane
because i'm the girl who will try to burn the rain
and i don't wanna be sane...

you haven't see this part of me yet
..but i bet,
when you do you'll run
thinking i wasn't the one

but honey when i see you run away
i'll just sit and stay
uncontrollably laughing
cause, you're a big bad boy
running away
from a small little girl


i like this little joke....don't you?

let me be who i want to be
let me run free
let me get in trouble
let me burn things to rubble
let me dye my hair black
just give me some slack
let me love who I want
let me be nonchalant
let me see my mom
don't make me a bomb
let me party
let me be hearty
for the sake of god let me be ******* me

I was locked out of my home.
The keys were stolen away

Then the walls started rising up
And the air was stolen from my lungs

Love you were my home
And I’m starting to smell smoke
My love
I will stop the burning and the flames with my tears
Just let me come back home

Honey,
baby,
my lover.

I am so sorry
she made me believe it was you at fault
that you cheated on me,
but you didn't
and i am at fault...

babe
boo
my world
you believed her didn't you?
she came to you and told you
that i did wrong
that i had loved another
but i would Never
because u are my only lover.

She played us both
at a game we couldn't lose
because we were so hurt
and we did lose
and she stayed unhurt.

and we both yelled and i cried
i don't know if you did
we both left
knowing we wouldn't be able to hold anymore back

but i came back to you crying
saying i couldn't lose you
because you made me a better person, happy, someone who had love
and i gave you all of my love

and you said you didn't want to lose me either
and that you wanted me to be your queen
and i said i need you that i couldn't be with out you

my guy
my star
my king
you did say that you cared
but i didn't hear the love
do you still believe her?

and i know that i'm happy right now
even though i don't know how

i still wish
for my life to end in a swish

i am happy
but i feel ******

im just not ready to live
i'm not ready to thrive
i'm not ready to be here

I can’t bring myself to delete your pictures
I can’t bring myself to delete those apps to see you
I can’t bring myself to lose you fully

My love is in another’s arms
And I’m left thinking
Did you even love me truly

If you take away my skin
A pensive heart you'll uncover
Pensive heart born to be a lover
The sadness you'll find behind my grin

My pensive heart will never know
How soon is too soon
Or if I should look to the moon
My pensive heart doesn't know
If I go to fast or way to slow

i use a screen name
so no one sees my shame
or takes the blame
for my dying flame

I'm the same person
just a different version

So i can hide
it all inside
for all the times i cried
and lied
and all the times i wish i died
every time i tried
slicing my skin open wide

i use a screen name to let it all out
where i can use my voice to shout
i use a screen name
so i can be who i really am

I don't love myself though
I'm not he same person you used-to know

i changed during the time everyone left
you were the theft
of my happiness

and i didn't know what to do
because i only felt happy with you

and i hated myself
and i still do

she was a run-away
hoping today was the day
everything would change
they would now know her as strange
she wanted to get away from the abuse
and the times he would make her bruise

she was still so young
and the cuts still stung
so she ran
away from that man
the man who she called dad
it was so long ago when he went mad

it wasn't just him
who made her life grim
it was his chums
that would also beat her like drums
so she decided to run
then maybe the horror would be done

she didn't even get that far
he didn't even have to get in a car

he was so tall
she so small
but that didn't stop him from throwing her against the wall
then he left
he could have been a klepht

so again she saw the thick crimson
if only it was fiction
she just wanted to be safe
be away from this place

she was a run-away
that failed

We were laying there naked and intertwined
I remember your arms  wrapped around me
Holding me close.
I had been blessed
With a false sense of security
For just only a moment in time
I come in closer
As you kiss the top of my head
I playfully tease you
And you tenderly hold my face
And in a split second
The stinging red appears
And I called it love

how could you do this?
we had bliss...
i know i was gone...
and i know it was long...
but i had my reason!
it wasn't even a fourth of a season!

but tell me this...
did you kiss?
did you love her?
did she make you feel free?
was she more then me?
why did you do it?
was it that hard to commit?
and am i crazy for still loving you?