I once met a sad little troll.
Who liked to play a mentor role
Suggesting a guide
To one's suicide
But none paid attention at all.

A grand place to be
Come stand beside me
I’m smack in the middle
of something,  you see.
Join me ami
You’ll love it, you’ll see!
I’m right between temperance and debauchery.

Walk into the light
Young men who will fall
Turn your back on darkness
Don't answer the call.
People love your neighbour
Don't give in to hate
Driving men toward the ones who will indoctrinate.
Stand in solidarity.
Condemn wanton strife.
Supporting humanity. Investing in life.

Fly our little ones!
We are here right behind you!
Always family.

Were you brave?
Were you quaking?
Were you tough or were you faking?
Did you cry for your Mum’s embrace?
Or bite your cheek just to save face?
Did your letters euphemise?
Were they scribed with tear filled eyes?
Did you pray for silent nights?
Try to unsee grisly sights?
Did you think how life would be if you made it back across the sea?
Did you deliver a mate’s last note and hug his Mum with a lump in your throat?
Did you come home claiming glory or never voice your untold story?
Your sacrifice I can’t repay,
and so I honour on this day
a face that is unknown to me
who paid the price for my liberty.

I’ll often hear a song that makes me think of times before.
There’s always faces burned into the memories recalled.
A head thrown back in laughter as we bounced so high; we flew!
That was the boy that I first kissed on the cheek
( he kissed my shoe)
We were on the trampoline and high was never high enough!
We screamed “I want my MTV”, it was truly epic stuff!
Later on when I partnered with a lycra’d dancing queen, we tore it up to Mel’n Kim, we were quite a solid team!
Our tay-tay-tay’s were second-to-none, Respectable the jam.
We were synchronised and synthesised, we were     fluoro, we were glam!
Later the next decade, the clubs were more the scene,but there always was a DJ, a request to be redeemed.
One young man with a strange nickname, no bigger Pearl Jam fan, could be found on a seat, tapping his feet and hollering “ Better man!”
Ofcourse the girls were always there, making the dance floor hot; and you sang the words to “You’re the One that I Want”, whether you knew them or not!
And no-one likes a mega-mix but play the one from Grease? You’ll even see a few Danny’s get up and join the beat.
These days the tunes are “retro”, but I sometimes play them still and the details might be fading but the feelings never will.

There once was a boring train ride
my teen simply couldn’t abide
she had a wee tanty
and twisted her *******
in a minute I might tan her hide

Look to the lighthouse
When you're lost and can't be found.
The light of hope and memories will soon see you aground.
Look to the lighthouse
When grief's a stormy sea.
It's light is love and kindness, patience and empathy.
The beacons flood out darkness, despair and cruelty.
Look to the lighthouse.
It's light shines ever more,
from those who've weathered stormy seas and finally found the shore.
Let the beacons lift you up and hold you as their own.
You're a mournful traveller but you are not alone.

Man, be YOU.
That’s enough.
All the ******* about being tough
Manning up
It’s a bluff because the myth of the “real man”
Doesn’t measure up.
He’s a puppet.
Poison in his veins. He’s a slave to his role in the game.

Let’s face the truth.
The dross that’s aimed at youth, toughen up! The boy needs a hand that’s rough. That’s. girl.  stuff.
What do we get if we can’t let him BE?
Toxic Masculinity.
That’s enough!
Man, be YOU.

To everything there is a season
Am I ready to let go?
Romantic v. Voice of Reason
What I feel and what I know.

Muddled by my cogitations
Such a lack of clarity
Yearning for the old sensations
Held back by uncertainty.

I can’t reach a destination
Magnetised, my compass tilts
Time for a new incarnation?
Banish hangups, hurts and guilts

Feelings reconciliation
Pay a penny, spin the dial
Out spits the determination
Leave your heart to mend a while.

They paid a price I’m told
These sacrificial lambs of old
To King and Country, bend
When will it end?
Egos in their offices, directing men to war
What was it for?
Freedom? Democracy?
We stop and see through a different lens.
Their lives did not have to end had their leaders been “bigger” men.
Can you not see?
The world wants to be free.
Free from hunger and oppression.
Free from ego and obsession.
When the despots rule, the voter is the fool.
Don’t let their memories fade. The frightened and the brave.
The pawns who played their part in games led by knaves.

There was a young girl from Peru
Who wanted to write a haiku
She wrote a limerick that sounded quite slick
her failure became quite the coup!

I used to be a lighthouse, standing sturdily
Shining my light that others might see
Guardian of your safe passage through life’s treacheries
Until the day my light began to fail me.
I struggled on illuminating hoping to shine through
But ominous clouds amassed and grew
Leaving me with the dimmest view
How can I get through to you?
There you stand in the midst of the storm
Innocent substance this tempest has torn
I try to reach you, to cry out, to warn
I am broken, despairing, forlorn.
Time now to take down my beacon, you see
Not part of my nature, but setting me free
The new role that I’ve chosen for me?
To shine within and hope others will see.

Together we sleep
With a rustle and a cheep!
This love we have made

I heard some sad news
About a young teen
His Mum turned off his life support machine.
When I gave my condolences and she poured out her grief
You would think that this woman would feel some relief
But she turned to me bleakly and said
“ All my days, I will never forgive myself, lost to disgrace”.
I asked her why she felt compelled to such blame? Self recrimination, regret and shame?
She stated in earnest and her tone echoes still
“ The one machine I didn’t turn off has killed.”
I pledged from that day if I saw any signs
that my loved ones were victims of hurt by design
I’d tell them to switch off
Pull out the plug
Switch off the bully
Cut off the ****.
Your life is precious
don’t let haters thrive
Switch off for now and stay alive.

(Incongruous as it may be
To those I reach with words o'er seas)
I'm yawning, though your day is dawning.
To awaiting slumber,  cedes my weary shell.
But Insomnia awaits, and she, the unforgiving mistress of my mind, beckons me AWAKE!
So I write another line.
No, no, no.
Heavy lidded eyes remind me of the wiser course.
The shroud of fatigue covers me with a gentle ripple and I am lulled once more. From this distant shore I bid you,
Goodnight.

Sitting by his bedside
Consulting with the Fates
Will this be his time to go?
To rattle Pearly Gates?

He seems to be so fragile
And yet the spirit’s there!
Disguised by sagging jowls
And age spots,  hiding in grey hair.

The afterlife has been discussed
He’s scoffed at it and said
What do I care? Burned or buried?
I’ll be dead!

I watch him in his frailty
Yet strong-willed as can be
He clings to life with stubbornness,  
Blessed mortality!

Neither of us ready
To speak of things to come
We focus on the monitors,
The air vents’ harmless hum.

The ordering of breakfast
And peeing in a cup,
The trolley and it’s offerings
Upon which we both sup.

The future is unknown now
So we resign to be
Contented in the moment and
Embrace the mystery.

The choice is not for us to make
whatever we believe
So quiet words of love are whispered
With our hearts on sleeve.

Waiting now is our new game,
Though we, the pawns and Kings
Pronounce that it ain’t over
‘Til that fat lady sings!

I want you so badly!
My body aches with the need.
My mind is suspended with greed, hunger to be consumed by you.
Eager to be in your embrace,
to surrender to you.
To be taken by you.
(But I am not free.)
I am shackled to another-
my captor, Insomnia.
Liberate me Sleep!

Get sunburnt
Splash
Play rough
Scream
Bomb others
Leave your towel in a wet heap
Play dangerous games
Dunk weak swimmers
Run around poolside
*** as much as you like

What happens to identity
When surrender is called?
The wrong side of history
The tiger that’s been mauled.

How do you bear the moniker
Defeated? Enemy?
Now living under their regime
Your choice is? “Happily”.

Wary of the kindnesses
That you rarely receive.
Your hand extends in friendship
but your heart says, “disbelieve”.

Someone else decided for you,
who your foes should be.
The axis tilted in the night
now you’re the “enemy”.

You gaze at your hated visage
and you scowl at the brazen one
who was simply caught living life,
you were no smoking gun!

You wish that you may find some hope
To tether you to life
To bring you back from bigotry, suffering and strife.

Your muted voice is quiet now
But one day you may try
To make sense of the whole **** mess
Or always wonder why.

Four beaks held open
Desperate calls now to sate
Frenetic new love!

Standing on my driveway
Gazing left and right
Thinking of the diggers
Who left their homes to fight

Thankful I can stand here
Proud as I can be
Of men and women’s sacrifice
Made for you and me
To be free
To stand on our driveway.

Have I messed things up
by talking about feeling?
Should I comment on weather or stare at the ceiling?
Should I only talk cars or financial aspirations?
Avoiding those corny heartfelt declarations?
Does it make you feel awkward to discuss future plans?
If this is the case, I must sadly embrace that the truth of the matter is, you’re not my man.

Hey!
Can we love like we’ve never been hurt?
Can we eat dessert before the main and stay sane?
Can we frolick in the rain and blurt out passions like we’re setting them free and yet they still remain?
Can we dance like Dervishes on hot tar? We run to the car with our sodden apparel and turn to each other with a look, wild and feral.
Wet lips collide and slip to the side as we laugh with our heads thrown back, our jaws slack from smiling so hard! Can we go that far?
Can we breathlessly cling, one to the other, hearts beating like drums in our chests?
Can a memory not yet made be the one I love best?

We began to build
To piece our lives together
Twig by twig by twig

Dreaming together
Finally laying
Industrious hopes

Caught in the crevice between honesty and kindness.
Thought I might deliver you from your social blindness.
How can I be the one to heal you and yet harm you? Hurt you and then calm you?
Shall I step forward, the sacrificial lamb?
Will you reject me for being who I am?
An honest creature, a bit of a preacher, hoping to teach you, reach you, beseech you… To look inside yourself.
Caught in the crevice between a rock and a hard place.
Do I speak out or silently save face?

Autumnal leaves fall
dilatory surrender
forming amber mounds

The tiniest line
A small crack heralds our joy!
A beak we have made.

Oh! You bobbed and danced!
Preening and flaunting colours.
Now under your spell.

Nestled together
Our family safe beneath
We patiently wait.

What a waste
Making a safe space.
You were never going to be
a man of vulnerability.
No haven on this sphere
could guard you from the
whispers that you hear.
Your inner voice, the one you should ignore? You gave the floor.
What a waste.

You twittered my way
And my wings went aflutter
This could be something.

Your trill sealed the deal
And I new my home was you.
Our journey began.

The last blossom fell
With it’s dignified descent
And so Spring was gone.

The heart wails no more
It's steady beat so, so faint
Waiting for a spark

Good morning
Sounds so trite
And yet the night
Laid me to rest and yours was the memory of the day I loved best
Guiding me through a peaceful night
And in mornings’ light
I felt  oh, so good
So good morning.

The cool of Winter
Lays her shroud-like soothing balm
Upon heated souls.

Where do you find it?
Bone deep happy.
At twilight, amongst the soft pink swaying grass, gazing at the Milky Way?
Curled up with a knowing smile on a plush, sunny window seat with a dog-eared tome?
In the lingering, whimsical gaze of a parent observing their child’s first clumsy steps?
Alone at the stark summit of a conquered mountain, breath misted with panting triumph?
Under the deep? Tickled by flitting fish as they tentatively touch the eddying bubbles surrounding your frame?
The first golden drop that touches your tongue as you swipe it across your syrup laden dish?
A wish.
Made with the puff of a dandelion.
For bone deep happy.

Sweat beads upon brow
Restless nights tangled by sheets
Relief elusive

Is it too soon
to miss your embrace?
To face the idea that having
You near is a place I’m mapping as a destination?
Is it too soon
To miss the sensation
Of your lips on my skin
Stirring within a feeling of hunger, elation?
Yet, whether too soon, comes the revelation that you are here and the fear is-
it doesn’t feel too soon.

As I lay her down to sleep
Hoping that I will not weep
Kisses upon brow adorn
Highschool student in the morn!

Lovely thoughts pervade my head
Lovely kisses in your bed.
Me and you with arms entwined
Lovely thoughts surround my mind
Warmest wishes for the day
Hope you’re smiling
Come what may
Loving thoughts the whole day through
Lovely thoughts of you.

Standing on the fringe of a feeling
Reeling from the heady sense of vertigo
Only one place to go
And I’m falling fast.

I said goodbye just yesterday, though days ago you died.
I promised you that I'd be strong, though many tears I've cried.
To take up 'paperwork' is like a cross one has to bear.
And others, in their grief, design to call you laissez-faire.
I want to crumble, but the years have seen me build on ground that's solid; as my heart is true;  and I am duty-bound.
I'm also bound by love and trust – indelible and strong.
I will not fail you, even if my critics call it wrong.
I'll take a breath, I will not crack, I'll see my duty’s end.
And when the ink has dried I'll tell my heart it's time to mend.

Everything dies I heard her say
As she was finding her way after
Losing the one who made her want to stay
But wait! Hold onto life, there will come a day when the journey leads you to a new path.
Everything is dark, I heard her say
As she was grappling with the pain, straining against the breath in her chest, restlessly searching for an end to this mess.
Hold on. Wasn’t there darkness when he came along? There was a time when ending it all seemed to be the answer and the question, why even exist?
Look at what you would have missed.

It’s okay to be afraid
To grieve the plans that you had made.
It’s just fine to get frustrated, cooped up, fed-up, irritated.
It’s quite valid to feel sad
When all around you seems so mad.
It’s alright to share your fears, your doubts, your disappointments, tears.
I know a virtual hug does nought
To comfort you when overwrought.
The platitudes seem never-ending;
Don’t begin to start the mending.
Only time will see us heal
And our futures will reveal
How we began to value life; when this pandemic brought us strife.