The bestfriend whom I loved
got lost somewhere between
six and seven, but

Along the way I found myself
and learned a major lesson.

Silent nights
Restless eyes
Quiet dreams
Capture me
Sad girl
Melodic laugh
Dreary eyes
Questionable past
Drenched in pain
Screaming skin
Wrapped up in
depression,
she is.

I don't want him to worry about me.
I know I write rather depressing things.
I just let the words come out.
It's as if I'm grabbing chips from a bowl.

So just know that when you read my words,
At times I'm not as sad as they point towards.
You have to really strive to find the sadness,
Behind my own eyes.

Sometimes I don't see it myself; until I break down.
So, just know that you have nothing to worry about.
At least not right now.

You make me feel so sublime,
I wish we were closer,
All the time.
I don't want to fight,
I'm missing you a lot tonight.
We're different.
But it pulls us in together.
I want to know every inch of you.

Do you not realise that your words affect me?
Harsh or sweet, raw or overbearing.
They always have an affect.
When I see your smile,
My heart connects.
Please don't reject,
Me.

I go to turn off my phone - leave me alone;
I see your text - and I know what's coming next
You come over, call me your lover; we get under the covers

Why is it that I'm feeling so smothered?
Didn't we once love eachother?
I suppose it must've been lust
The tears that I've shed
May turn me to rust.

Heartbeat in my stomach,
Maybe I should go running.
I need to relieve this feeling.
The feeling that you give me.
I can't tell if it's love or anxiety.
I hate the thoughts I'm receiving.
You don't hate me.
But you don't love me either.
I understand now.

I am afraid to be alone with myself.
Because I don't want to know myself.

I don't want to see myself,
The way other people do.
People are always leaving,
And if I realise why they do,
Will I leave too?

I don't want to know.