anytime someone praises the qualities i own,
i feel like a trickster.
a master of deception
a queen of lies
a doomed being
that doesn't deserves anything

just criticism
is what feels fine.
am i sick?
do i need treatment?
do i need to be locked up in a cage?
do i?

please say i do.
cause that seems just alright.

i don't feel happy like i used too.
i wonder what's different.
is it you or me.
or maybe i just don't feel the same anymore.

maybe we need to break it off.

i don't feel myself anymore.
i don't think anything good can happen to me.
the world feels unfair and unjust.
well who can i blame dad always said,
the world is no place to expect rectitude.

so whom i supposed to point fingers at?
what am i supposed to complain about?
when all of this came in the manual.

maybe i have to let goo, and just focus on myself.
that's what most suggest.
well, i try everyday, to forgive and forgive
just to never be forgiven
just to never have anyone let goo
just never.

i am still full of gratitude.
just like time taught me, and no one else.

a day past you didn't disappear,
a day past you didn't run away,
a day past you didn't kneel down,
a day past you didn't say i give up.

they don't knock
they don't announce
they don't ring up
before they appear

they come in silently
they talk softly a few times
they wave a few times

the next thing you know
they are the part of a      
historic building which's
there and will be there
Forever.

you were a part of my life,
where i never allowed anyone in.
you meant so much to me that words can describe,
but i would rather not.
you are now in those parts of my heart,
which i forgot exists.
hence i forgot you and how you looked and what you meant.

may the universe,
understand the lies
which have been around for a while.

& declare your deal as the truth.
cause you are nothing but true.

just blamed for all the lies & crimes
for just being a little too nice.

may your days feel,
different by each passing day.

may the mundane,
not **** your dreams every other day.

may the child in you screams,
out of excitement once in a while.

Some old;
Some less old;
Some brand new;
And the only one which was there since the beginning.

Could you be that light for me honey?
The one who is never replaced,
The one who stays forever,
The one who is there every night,
The one who never asks for anything,
And still shines endlessly expect some nights.
Those nights are terrible and I’m lost.
Could you be that?
Also a bit more?
Could you do that?
Please.

Will you say and really stay?
Will you wave and never say goodbye?
Will you understand me when I don’t want to be understood?
Will you sit outside by the door when I want to be left alone?
Will you set my plate even when I say I m not hungry just in case?
Will you be mine even when I am not being me?
Will you believe in me even when it’s not easy?
Will you do all this and still act like it’s nothing!
Will you be my lover forever?
‘Cause I would love to love you forever baby!

today,
i feel bright and fresh.
one of those rare day.

so why does my mind
a supposedly friend
trying so hard
to eff it up?

is the mind same as
those two faced
monsters
whose memories
ruins the day?

are they both alike?
i wonder.
on days like this,
wondering..
obviously takes away the good.

people forget,
parents forget,
peers forget,
everything you did.

never do something for them to remember.
do it for you, to cherish & then to forget..

she makes her own music
meanwhile others dance on someone else's

she taps her back
meanwhile others post it for someone else

she tears away
meanwhile others stay "strong".

foggy winter
dewy grass
icy pebbles

your steeps,
my steps
warmer pebbles.

are you really my friend?
i wonder every time someone,
comes close towards this heart.

it has forgotten,
how to trust,
how to unlearn that people don't care,
how to think that some aren't bad.

are you that one my friend?
do you really care for this silly human.

a no as an answer is well accepted here,
without any questions,
without any explanations.
you are free to walk away.

the deal being you never turn back.

today, i forgave you.
yesterday, and a lot of days before that, i used to wonder
how could, you do this to me?
how could , you not care?
how could you leave like that?
how could you be so indifferent towards me?

i figured, maybe that's the best you have to offer right now.
or maybe our chapter has ended.
either way, you are not here with me, says that's how you want it to be.

i have stop wondering the what ifs between us.
cause that's not a reality.
i need to love the real world without you in it.
it was tough.
it's still at times.

but i have reach here.
and no more reminiscing.

i have made peace,
with your existence in my memories,
forever.

to let go and move on.
you must know what they truly are;
not what they say;
not what they do;
is not an easy thing to do,
cause all they did was to justify every move.

to know you deserve everything your heart aches for
is not easy my friend, cause all it has know
is to silence it, whenever it says.

you are allowed to be, if you truly allow;
no one, just you.
unlearn the things
a glorious life  awaits

no more hanging on to the harming
the only one you truly need is you
no one else, just you.

was made of a lot of things i enjoyed
wasn't lively though
if didn't had
them in it

what a waste of a day,
lovely day?

some days are really gloomy,
other days are why was i ever gloomy.

how do you find a balance,
when you don't really know,
why you feel what you feel.

happy for no reason at all,
and being sad for the same.

how do you figure yourself,
how do you not be sad,
when you don't know what made sad.

it's really hard to not take things
to the heart

when all you know is how to take it
that way

protecting your feelings from all the harsh
things people do

is something not know

is something to work on

is something really hard

when everyone you love
love's a different version of you
how is one supposed to pick,
which one to stick too?

which one is the one?
the one you really truly are?
the one that makes you, you?

or do you ever need picking?