The flowers died on Monday
like my heart on my birthday
Like my eyes on christmas
and my soul every night
The flowers died on Monday
it's due for another change
but I can't get out of bed
and I don't know what to say
I can't bring them back to life
like you when you hold me
Helping me breathe a breath
that wasn't meant to be
The flowers died on Monday
The red turning to a sickly brown
The once smiling face
quickly turned to a frown
The flowers died on Monday
They were never meant to live
this society goes on
and the dirt that falls on me gives
The flowers died on Monday
like I'll on a Sunday
a day after my passing,
they'll pass too
to be in my hand to be given
to a younger girl in me
So I could convince her
that we were never meant to be
She'll hold those flowers
as she'll stand at my grave
read those carved words a thousand times
and she'll learn to say goodbye
The flowers died on Monday
Will someone put more?

Mother, I spread my arms for you
as the nails beat into the flesh of my wrists
and the wood stings the skin of my back
I look up at the skies and pray that it rains
so that your garden will grow at last
and bear fruit that you'll want to share with me
but I'll be gone far too fast
Father, I raise my eyes for you
so that I'll see if there's tears when you cry
The phone will be answered for all but for me
and my sisters and my brothers will be free
No more time at the window, because we knew what to expect
no more times calling your name when locked out of the nest
So wear a cross or a ring maybe my name to mark
do not forget I was here
Sisters, I'll raise my chest for you
as I breathe in and out for as long as I can
until it becomes heavy with a weight I cannot bear
and my spirit shoots up into dusk
You held my hands as I first took steps
but clawed at my scars when we were on other ends of the battlefield
we were what we were raised to be,
and I love you forever til my rest
Brothers, I'll hold my face to yours
as my blood starts to run thin
Nose to nose you'll see we aren't that different
as you once thought
Fingers crossed that you'll reach the steps
you've prayed to reach a thousand times
and I hope that my blood will hit the earth
so that the sacrifice will be mine
Friends, wherever you were when the time had come
I will always hold my peace
for you were my stable when it thundered
and my flower for deaths the reaper will keep
In a circle we will rise, in a cycle we'll never leave
I hope that I'll meet you in my next life
otherwise I'll forever be near, hold your peace
My tears that I cry are for the gods that held me
and I not knowing their presence held fast
For regret that I will not stay too long
but relief as freedom will last
My heart will beat just one more time
for the people of this world
I hope that you will not cross the line
when the war goes on still
I'll give up all my lives if it means that you all will be safe
underneath the willow tree
we were all birthed under that place,
for our will to choose will be always free

I know that there was a line that I sewn upon my skin
Thread made of emotions that I couldn’t hold on to
They slipped and slid and came out of my grasp
And if I tried to lock them away, they’d easily undo the clasp
I sit at a wheel, my finger at a thorn,
Spinning roses, and flowers, and threads for toys
If I can create something, something to be kept,
Would I someday find these things again and learn to accept?
Or would the thread someday fade and unwind behind the scenes
Undoing in the corners, ripping the seams
Things like these, I know, weren’t meant to last forever
They were meant to be loved, cared for, watched, and maintained.
But if I cannot move myself from this bed,
And catch the hands of the monster speaking in my head
Would I be able to learn how to thread the eye of the needle
So I could learn to love again?

TW:b100d, g0re
Nights spent carefully watching as his smile turned to ice
Nights waiting for the call that I knew would not come
A butterfly that grew bright, was fated to fall and die
Leaving behind a world full of flowers and love
From their perspective at least
Nights that echoed from my thoughts racing from his words
Nights that screamed in my ear, the night sky wrinkling in my palms
Nights that I stayed unaware, foggy memories of terror and hurt
Staying at the window, watching for lights, fighting to stay calm
What have I done when his smile had grown too small?
What have I done, when he had filled up his skin and his walls
With drawings I couldn’t stop?
Bl00d is Ill-fated when staining the hands of a civilian
Easily turning a human into a monster that twists behind the mirror
A world full of people but still I thought you were one in a million
Biting back, I thought in a way that didn’t make it any clearer
But yet
The bl00d drips
My fingers become frozen ice that doesn’t feel, a world that seems so unsafe
I don't wait for your breath that has become empty
I had thought it was you all along, but the story is told in many faces
The ink that ran from our eyes were different colors, and I saw mine as black
But I know now it is red like the bl00d in your veins
Spilling out onto the carpet, spilling out of your head
It’s hard not to feel insane
And that smile, I realized, was just carved into your cheeks
The other side of the water, was not just my reflection
It was a strange thing to be seen…

For a girl to be sensitive, is a girl to be noticed
To be held back out of class to not disturb the others
A girl to be sensitive, under the tables in early grades
Crying and screaming for a sister who raised her
To be avoided from the teachers, to be avoided like the plague
To be avoided by the people, and friends that left when it took so long to make
A girl to be sensitive is one who is made to cry
To not know what it's like to be free, what it's like to fly
A girl to be sensitive has the fate of being broken
for she doesn't understand boundaries and times right to be spoken
A girl who was locked out of her mother's room
Face pressed to the crack only to ask for permission and for food
To see her mother's face only in the morning before dusk
when the babysitter came to take her place
And to see her mother's face in the drive to the gym
the place to be set again behind a wall, dividing them again
A girl who is sensitive, learns through many mistakes
but not known for learning, her stuff taken away
She'll never learn, it's not in her nature
but it's her social life that was shaped by crying and hurting
and for her to be called dramatic and immature
A girl to be sensitive is one of trial and error
To not tell a teacher when one is trying to be fairer
To not tell somebody when one is afraid of the big wide world
and to not tell somebody when her smile begins to fail
And when she awakens and realizes that what she does is a mistake
She wonders what it'll take to fly, fly far away
A girl to be sensitive is for her tears to be silenced
and told to stop being a baby, and to just be quiet
A girl who learns to forget because it hurts more to remember
and a girl to be known for someone who is never
not lying, not trying, and not being enough
always smiling not knowing that it was just strong to get through the tough
times that she believes isn't
She learns that a chance she doesn't take is to miss it
A girl to be sensitive is a girl to be unheard
because it becomes unimportant when it's her words her tears slur
To be noticed by only by her work, her assignments
always trying to be better, always trying not to not fail it
But even then this path is a blind one,
and told that she needs to work on it, she needs to get it done
A girl to be sensitive is one who is burned
one left behind in bathrooms until one's cries are quiet
or worse in a closet without light and a blanket by the wall
to shut up, to go to sleep to pass the time without a clock
A girl to be sensitive is one to be unwanted
And everyone wants to be wanted and desired
to be missed and to be held
but she learns that that's too desperate and she can't risk the love
so push them away, and lock those feelings in her own closet in her own mind,
herself shunned just like in real life
A girl to be sensitive is one doomed to be alone
to be in a grave in a forest, one marked by a stone
One dug by her fingers until her fingers become ****** and stiff
And for her to lie exhausted, to lie there
unmissed.

To a heart born blue with the moon on one’s face
A butterfly flew and flew, trying to get out of that locked cage
A deathly curse to sleep was a fairytale come true
A life of mere seconds, a life of a heart born blue
Nameless masks stolen, words forged in the blacksmith’s hand
A merciful lie becomes armor, a purpose of a life that doesn’t beat
Though the prince searched long and wide for someone to slay the dragon in the land;
A wave would come, building up and up till all is still but the sea
A fated doom that could not be avoided, a said hero that played along
Crouching at god’s feet, his feathers falling even as he sings his lord’s songs
What mercy, must it be, to have a heart born blue
What mercy, must it be, to see the world and to fall again, for it too
Wasn’t the angel that claimed the breath, but the reaper whose sorrow was far too great
To watch sons and daughters fall from his hands, to be held was a wish granted far too late
Alone, must he be, sad, must he be
To see a thousand lives, wishing for one, to live and to breathe and not just see
For death to come at his hands, even if he sits at the top
The clouds fall away and the land becomes grey, and he knows not how to make it stop
Too late, would he grasp the child’s hands, too late would he rise
Too late would come the sun into dawn’s crying eyes
At but last, how to cry out and to be free, of a curse of eternal life
To not bring the love, the dear, into god’s arms and chosen, promised lifght
Far apart, the rain shall fall. And still the torn souls scream to be free, to fly
But alas, a mercy. To have a heart born blue.
Through this cycle, of endless tries and fails, to hold and to lose the memory
With tears as stars even as it is silent, the birds do not sing
To sleep for a thousand years, and to awake a mother of time
And to become a reaper’s child, one never kept out of sight
Oh, to a heart born blue, no blood to take away
To drown on it’ own breath, but alas, a mercy. Such a mercy, for in life they do not stay
With a heart born blue

When they passed the paper to sell my voice, I signed it in a second
Kept my eyes to the sky, the consequences dire if I broke it
Promises pile up like unopened letters
My own words piling up behind a locked door
But if that's what it took to keep them safe
I guess I would just have to be brave
I watch others fall, and I reach for their hands
They're just out of reach, fingers brushing
Before I watch them turn to sand
Why am I so afraid? Why can't I fly away?
I could never make it far
If I told them what I scribble on my walls in my mind,
Would things become hard?
Would I break things, or again disappear?
Into the silence of the shadows, would I watch them there?
Or would I take back the paper, to watch my hands become free?
But my name is already signed, if that's what it takes to breathe

As much as I love storms, I can't help but cower under the clouds
Longing for some sort of bright light to push it away
So I bring down lines and lines upon these weary skies
Silent fog that settles bt atleast now I know fora bit this light will stay And I can focus on which is the right way
Even if it slowly kills me, day won't always seem like night

You aren't the girl you'd always wanted to be,
the letters on the page said, just barely into my grasp
You aren't who you wanted to be when you were three,
though it long since changed when you were nine.
In fact, you aren't even sure who you wanted to be,
because you were always thinking where you wanted to go
What you wanted to learn, what you wanted to do
What you wanted to be good at,
and you craved to be someone everyone liked
Liked, but at the same time free
You didn't think much of the future, maybe you didn't think there would be one
That it was just so far away you would simply never get there
You aren't the girl you want to be today, either
Less of a burden on everyone else
Even now, as you think of what you want to do, you can't imagine a life
where'd you be at peace
You do not want to go into the future,
and the past is too far away as well
The present is not a gift no more, as it seems like it's a cruel joke
You can't help but sit here and read this-- ready to choke
Your end should have came so long ago, but yet here you stand
at this edge of this cliff, in this darkened shift of the show
Your fingers already numb, as the blood darkens the snow
Your end should have came already, and you’re sorry you missed your chance
Your plans always changed, and you never made it in time
or when the time came you were stuck in your mind
Your time should have came, but delusions will pull you back
that rope tied around your shoulders is all you have
So where do you go? And why must you always have plan A and B?
Why must you always insist on going to the most wonderful places to see
That is where you'll go when you're so far far away
Up on that bridge or at a bottom of a lake
So you can see a beautiful sight before you can blow out the candle
and be free

Silent blankets covering your eyes, but yet you walk forward
Is there something that your flailing arms search for?
Blind, and deaf--- I know you can't hear me call your name
Or perhaps you can hear: maybe in my mind, those words remain

My life on that day wasn’t black and blue, or the pink on my face;
It was a canvas of white so I could paint the black away.
My life on that day was a million bridges and a million futures I could’ve picked
And I chose words to stumble, and words to fall
Out my mouth, to be stained onto those white clean walls
For those bridges I left at that river I drained, For they were all too clean and safe
So I packed up my bag, which carried my pen
And wrote down the words I knew I never said,
From those words, I built bricks and silver and screws and cement
But the words that I wrote, that I tried to use to play pretend
They were just imaginary
Some people had imaginary friends or monsters to haunt them at night
I had words that crawled and flew and bled out of my eyes
With sickly red, or clear of day
The glass I looked out of was rained on with black or red or white paint
My life on that day was when the words left me alone
The words I thought I was and who I knew I’d become
The house that I’d built as a safe place crumbled around me
My life on that day, I had realized, that it didn’t fall down all at once,
Not quick and erratic
Not all and one
It was the base that had eroded away

I broke my rules for you  
   As the sky had broken with my rain
Twice did the swinging bells ring
      Twice did the windchimes sway
Twice were chances given for you to hit true
      But alas, both arrows missed the target
Because both were aimed for my heart
      And silent, bleeding, did I take the bow


I broke my beliefs for you  
      As each line was rewritten in red ink
Burning paper drifted into ashes
      Aflame as the memories started to leave
Twice did the sky thunder into sparks
      Twice did the match fade back into smoke
Twice was the love chained and retained
      But alas, a heart is wild and will escape its cage
And twice, did it return beaten and bruised
      So silent, bleeding, did I take the bow

If I could
I would go back
To take my weight off your shoulders

Each time I share my words with you, chains tethered onto every sentence unleashed
Held in silence, I can't help but love anything and everything
Life: So precious and beautiful
Like glittering glass on a night of shimmering velvet
Is this unfamiliar thing such a fragile treasure,
so tainted by my hands?

I've left pieces of mysef in every place I've ever been
Under playgrounds, in closets, against the counter:
Everyplace I've tried to forget
Maybe that's why I'm ready to start a new life
Carve a new smile, a new pace over the one that was never mine
In some sort of reality, it's the god collecting those parts of me
Watching me trying to become someone I want to be--- Could never be
Suffocating loud; Where do I go now?
Where do I go back to collect those pieces to look away again
In my scrapbook
Each and every one with a note, but I can't remember where to look

Lights flash on and off along with the faint call of car alarms
A whisper of the breeze of this already freezing day
The air filled with murmurs of thoughts, thick with concentration
That would just fade back into the blurs around me as the lights change from red to green
Automobiles screaming at each other through the stops
Where did everyone have to go that was so important?
How did they see through this blurry mess that rests in my eyes?
Standing in the middle of the crosswalk, frozen
The stink of metal, and the smell of pastries
And for a moment, everything was silent—still
And the world was beautiful as it became clear
The scream of tires, and flashing lights, and——
Shoulders bumped into mine, urging as the students released from the day
And from their cloudy skies rained down into stomping feet that moved with mine
Into the screaming lights of the cars, back into a place where people rushed
To rise and to go back into the motions that I have memorized
As if eyes closed, because they might as well be blind
I can’t see a thing

It is the same rain that you loved that drowned you
The same ocean that you swore would never harm you, but did
The same fire you said only warmed you, but charred your face.
The same ice that you said cooled you, but blackened your finger tips
It is the same rain that you loved to dance in, because you knew you might fall
The same ocean that you loved to swim in, because you knew you might sink
The same fire that you loved to sit by, because you might burn
And the same ice that you held, because you might learn
It is the same rain that you loved, but yet it never loved you back
Just a way out of the world that you promised yourself you’d leave, but failed
Or so you thought, because I’m here to hold you close now
To guide you through this endless sea of time that you never thought you’d sail
But here you are
It is the same rain that you loved that pushed you
Grabbed a hold of the feet that you stood on as you listened to the only words
That spoke to you
Held you for a second, convinced you that you were loved before you fell
If only you would’ve screamed for help
If you did it was nothing but a whisper that barely made it past your lips
You knew you wouldn’t come back down to where i knew you would’ve lasted
But you are in another place now, a place I cannot reach
And although it is you standing by my side, it’s just a body