Just because the color of my skin
I somehow never fit in
With all of those girls
The ones with the pale skin and springy curls
Whose eyes are brilliant shades of the rainbow
Unlike my natural hair
Eyes dark brown, and skin unfair
I can sit in the mirror and stare
Wondering why people like me aren't on the magazines
That I read
Or on the commercials I see on T.V.
Thinking some days that I'm not pretty
Because I'm not like them
Those girls who I see everyday
Who will never know the way it feels
To be a black girl
Have people say
You're pretty for a dark girl
Like my skin tone affects my beauty
How I am suppose to look
I'd date you if you weren't black
So when did being attractive become a matter of race?
When did I not become enough
All due to the color of my face?
But they don't understand
The one that hurts the most
Worse of all
Worse of all
Is
YOU DON'T ACT LIKE A BLACK GIRL
Oh
Excuse me for having class
Not shaking my ***
Having decorum
And speaking my mind; politely
My mother raised me right
To act right
Showing me that life would
be tough for girls like me
Girls who didn't fit into the stereotypes of our race
Girls who dressed modestly
Talked properly
Girls who didn't fight
Girls who acted white
But I always thought I was just acting right
But no one ever saw
That I was just being me
Because you see
I may be a black girl
But a black girl isn't all I'll ever be

How hard is it to give someone a little kindness
To tell them they are pretty when they ask
If they are
To help to raise themselves
From the pit in which they fell

How easy would it be to have a little kindness
To be the light
In someones darkness
To be the healer, & friend that would help
To save them from themselves

How unbelievable is it to see someone needs your kindness
Someone who's arms hang low from shame
Who's head is filled with pains unknown
Who's arms are scarred & self hatred grown

What do you think that little bit of kindness
That you could have given to someone today
Could  have brought them to continue on
When they planned to end their life
Because now they know that there are good people out there

Where is the kindness
That we should all have in our hearts
Show to our neighbors
Have from the start

Do you know where that kindness is
Where it's hidden
Where it's gone
Because if not then we've all lost the most important
Reason to live at all

So show that kindness
Let it shine through
Show kindness
So it can become a part of you

To trust is to give yourself wholly to someone
You have no secrets
You have no wall in which you hide behind and cry
You have nothing to protect yourself from the times when your guards down

Your defenseless if they want to hurt you
You are weak if you trust some say
You let yourself open to someone
Which sometimes makes it hard to be brave

Why would you let this person into yourself?
Welcome them with open arms
Why let them have ammunition to hurt you with?
It's like you have given them a loaded gun
Why would you let them have that much power over you?

That is stupid
So stupid but humans are stupid
They let themselves trust
Let their love for another bring them to their knees

I was stupid enough to trust
That person let me down
Now I know that trust is stupid
I'm stupid for loving again

For letting my hopes get up
Because they always crash and burn
And it takes years for me to pick up all the tiny pieces of my heart
I know now I can't trust
I just can't anymore

Everyone in the world find it impossible to not hurt each other
To take the trust & break it
To exploit the trust that was bestowed to them
To hurt

Because that's
What people do
That's why I can't trust
Not anymore

I was talking to my little sister yesterday
She looked at me
  And this is what she had to say
Do you think I'm pretty
Like those people on T.V.
Those fashion models
Business Mongrels
That walk the L.A. streets

The girls at school say I'm not
They say that I'll never be
They laugh, tease & taunt me
They make me feel small
They make me feel ugly, not wanted
And worst of all

They make me feel less like the girl you tell me I am
You tell me I''m pretty
Amazing in every way
But those girls the ones I see every day
They hurt me in a way that doesn't
Make me want to walk tall

Because I've heard it a lot
So much that I am beginning to feel
That I have no appeal to anyone
So I'll ask you again

Not as you being my sister
But my closest friend
Do you think I'm pretty?

I looked at her
I could see the pain of what those girls had done
I could see that my work was not yet done
So I smiled even though
I had tears in my eyes

I smiled to her
And to her I replied
You are beautiful in every single way
From now on I'll tell you every single day
I know it's hard but listen to me
Even though you may not want to
Don't listen to what those mean girls say
They know that you are pretty

They really do
They know you are pretty
And now you know it too
With those last words I saw a new light in her eyes
She smiled and straightened her back with pride

Say it I told her knowing she needed to
Just like she needed me to say it too
I'm pretty she stated
I'm pretty she beamed
I knew I had helped her self-esteem
I was proud and now my work was through

The worse loss in the world
Is the loss of those you care about
No I'm not speaking of death but of
The loss of trust, love, and the image you've had of this person
It burns you
It destroys you
And all you can do is stare at the pieces
Stare and cry

I cry
I cry for the loss of love, trust, and respect
And the pile of broken shards that was my self-esteem
For all the times you make me feel like you love them more
Love her more
Maybe you do

But I cry because no one has ever
Made me feel like they love me more
More than any of my siblings
More than that other girl
Loved me to the point that I could be their favorite
Be the one that is cherish

But I am not cherished
I am not loved
I am not wanted above the rest
My life is like an endless test
So I have had a loss

*A loss of the feelings that
Have lived in my soul

The soft yellow and pink of the sun's
rays peek through my windowpane
Outside I can hear children play
The pitter patter of little feet running back
and innocence of  hushed giggles
Seem like nails in my heart
Tears well in my eyes as I remember
Warm air brushing my neck
Callused hands gripping my wrists
The irony taste of blood filling my mouth
I Love You's repeatedly spoken
Pain
So much Pain
Slowly the darkness
fades away
But never really leaving
They swirl like a dark fog in the
back of my mind
Tears soak my pillow
As I sob over my lost childhood

Mirror,
Mirror,
On the wall
See how even the mighty
Fall
Struck with the blows of those
That know that their call
Will be heard by all

Mirror,
Mirror
With the glass you had
Long in the past
And nothing left
But broken glass
And empty frame
A visible reminder of your pain

Mirror,
Mirror,
Can't you see
You aren't the real
Reflection of me
You are the thing that
I hate to see
Knowing that I will never be
The real true me

Mirror,
Mirror,
How I've tried to be the one
I am on the inside
But at every turn
Someone was there
To push me down
To where I'd been before

Mirror,
Mirror,
Please don't tell
Tell of the things that
I have spoken
Unto you
Because if it comes to light
That I am not as perfect as I seem
Than I will be like you mirror
*Broken at the seams

My sobs abruptly end
When the loud heavy trod of
booted feet are heard walking down the hall
Eyes wide, my eyes roam quickly
around the room
There must be somewhere I can hide?
A barren room is my answer
My heart beats faster as the thumps get closer
Why is he home so early?
I scramble out of bed
Quickly brushing the tears off of my face
The thumps cease right in front of my door
The click of a lock is heard
With a creak my door slowly opens
Eyes wide I look into the face of the person
Who has turned my life into a living hell
He was suppose to be my Knight
But has turned into my Prisoner
He smiles sweetly at me
my stomach twist into knots
There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
Plastering a smile on my face
I greet my father

They say if I want to fit in

Than I should

Walk like them

Talk like them

Dress Like them


They say that beauty

Is in the eye of the beholder

Well, someone needs to inform them

Because they say that in order to be pretty

Or to fit in

You have to be like them


It's everywhere you go

On the television on your favorite show

On the billboards you pass on the road

On the books that you read

On the movie screens

On the cover of magazines


They are there

They are what we all wish to be

They have the perfect faces

With the perfect teeth

With the perfect long legs

And the perfect bodies


We know that they aren't that perfect

But we still want to be like them

We know that they use filters

And have the top make-up artist working on them



Yet we still

Want to spend hundreds of dollars

So that we can have those clothes that they wear

Have that look  

By buying that $20 make-up


They rule our lives

They rule our minds

But why ?


Why do we let them decide

We need to take back our power

We need to show some self pride

We should stop looking to them

To tell us what pretty is

We need to become a me

A I'm pretty
Instead of a their pretty
We need to look at ourselves

And set the standard

Because your you

So you should be you

Instead of a them

I smile*
As you yell in my face
I laugh
After you push me down
I skip
When you want me to lay down and cry
I love myself
Even though you've told me for year
no one would ever love me
I stare in the mirror
Despite you trying to make me hate how I look
I enjoy life
Regardless of the fact you pushed me to the
point were I was going to take it away from myself

I smile
Though all I've wanted to do some times is cry
I laugh
When I really just want to just
ball up and die
I skip
Even though I live with a monster's
voice in my head telling me I'm not good enough
I love myself
After all the years that it took me to get to
this point
I stare in the mirror
Even though I can still hear your voice
feel you hands
I enjoy life
Because I don't know when it'll all be over
and I want to enjoy it now that I've decided to have it
And I refuse to let my past,YOU
Take that from me
Because you've already taken so much

The first time isn't deep
It's basically just a scratch from the blade
It doesn't bleed a lot
But just enough
To feel the rush
The second time isn't much deeper
"It hurts to much"
But he still feels release
"The pain feels good"
One last slow cut across his arm
*The third time is deeper than before
It's bleeding more
It's hurting less
He loves it more
Hates it less
The fourth time he passes out
He cut deep enough to split the skin
"It makes me feel better"
He explains
"I like it. It puts the hurt on the outside"
The fifth time he goes to the hospital
It's an addiction
Just like other things
He can't stop
No matter how hard he tries
The sixth time there is no pain
He hates having a girlfriend
Then he will need to explain
She will leave him
He couldn't handle it
The seventh time it's his throat
He's home alone
Blasting music
He has a knife
Pressed against his throat
Crying
Hurting
Wanting to be gone
One quick swipe
It's all over

Where do i go now that i dont have you? Go away, Go away, Go away
How can  I live without you there * Together forever,Together Forever,Together Forever
I should've gone so long ago  *Leave, Leave,Leave
But you made me wanna stay Come Here Baby, Come Here Baby, Come Here Baby
Where do i start when all that i've ever known is gone? Stay, Stay,Stay
How can i move past this thing that seems to go on and on You will never get away, Never get away, Never get away
So i'll sit here and figure out
** Where To Go From Here

Life is tough they say to her
When she has things she needs to say
Things she need to say
Life is tough
They say
Every time they hurt her
Life is tough
She repeats to herself
But she learned that life is not only tough
It cold, cruel, and mean
So she finds release
She didn't know what she was doing the first time
She slowly pulled it across her leg
She made sure not to hit any arteries
Her mother expected her to be a doctor after all
As her blood dripped she felt all her stress flow away
At 12 she started
By 13 she was good at making sure her mother didn't notice
Even though she knew that she never really did look at her
Alone she carried out her ritual every day
Every night her silent tears lulled her to sleep
She longed  for her mother's affection
But her longing was never fulfilled
So she repeated life's tough every time she cut herself
By now they criss crossed her legs
From thigh to ankle
She wanted; no needed the release it gave her
All the pressure of perfection,hurt,and pain leaked out in her blood
It ran red for her alone
Her's
But life is tough so the girl keep coming back to her knife
To release her pain
Until she found that she could weave her pain into words
She explored with it
And found herself sitting performing a new ritual
She writes her pain, her stress into poems
But life is tough
But now the she has a way to toughen through it
All by herself

I smile
Even though I want to cry
I laugh
Even though I want to scream out why?
I joke
Even though I hurt on the inside
I dance
Even though my feet feel leaden
I run
Even though I feel like I’m getting nowhere
I sing
Even though my heart doesn’t feel the music
I draw
Even though my head is in the clouds
I live
Even though I want to die
I get up
Even though I know I’ll be beaten down yet again
I fight
Even though it seems I’ve lost
I search
Even though everyone tells me there is nothing to find
I am
Even though I know I can never really be me

My mind is Wonderland
A place were nothing makes sense
Where I slay a Jabberwocky made up of bad thoughts
The Red Queen is my self-doubt
Who shouts "Off with their heads" to every solider of self-confidence who arises
The Mad Hatter my own madness
Where I shrink so I can't be seen
Or grow to outshine everyone else
Where I paint roses red with my own blood
Where everyone and everything is c
Crazy
And it’s easy to forget the path you had once chosen
Were the Cheshire cat is who inspires me to smile on cue
I can't imagine anyone but myself
Surviving in my mind
For they are not me
And who could survive wonderland other than Alice herself

I smile as you come to be
I cry as you take the last breathe you'll ever breathe
I watch as you grow
I observe how you become the person you always wanted to be
I laugh when your happy
I wail when your hurt
I am the pain in your chest when he leaves
I am the weightlessness you feel when he says I love you
I am the highs
I am the lows
I am every memory
I am every thought
I am you

He happily greets me
kissing my cheek and lips
Bile rises in my throat
But instead of throwing up on him
( It'll only make this worse)
I smile making pointless chatter
He won't forget, he'll never forget
He can switch so fast
Going from a happy to outraged
and vise versa
Just as these thoughts pass through my mind
His once soft and gentle touch
Becomes an iron like grip
Bruising my arms as he pulls me to him
Crushing his lips on mine
Tears well in my eyes
But I can't let them fall
If he see's them than he will
only make it hurt more
Don't give him the satisfaction
Squeezing my eyes shut
My tears quickly disappeared
Just as fast as they appeared
I love you Princess
Those words are the last I want to hear
Princess do you love me?
My heart hammers in my chest
No matter what I say he won't
let it rest
But if I say the wrong thing
he will beat me than start his sick ritual
I swallow against the knot that has
formed in my throat
Just say it and make it sound believable
You don't want to wind up like mom
and those other girl do you?
Fear and the basic need to survive motivated me
I love you too daddy
He smiles and his eyes travel the room
Daddy's going to go and get your dolls
You can play while I finish my work
Than we can play our game, Okay
I'M 15, I DON'T PLAY WITH DOLLS
But I jump with mock joy and hug him
Seeming happy that his "Princess"
was excited
He whistles as he leaves the room
and closes the door
The click of the lock being turned again
sounds like a nail being put into a coffin to me
Finally alone for a least a little while
My smile falls
There is no hope for me
No way to leave
Fifteen years of the same routine
Though I only remember the last ten  
Same living breathing nightmare
I want to die
Then at least I can be with my mother
all the girls I had grown to think of as sisters
He had killed them all in due time
Everyone but me
I've always
Daddy's little Princess

I** can still see your sky blue eyes as you smiled at me on our long walks
Lost in you so much that I felt you could do nothing wrong
Oblivious to the fact that you never seemed to be there when I needed you
Validating all of your lies to the people around me, because you said
that they'd never understand
Eager to please you no matter the cost
Yeilding to your wishes, because that 's what you said people in love do
Obsessed. That's what my friends said you were. But I wouldn't let them sway me from your hold
Unable to live without you

One day
Mother's won't have to worry for their
children if they are late to getting home
Getting more nervous as the
Minutes slowly tick away
Wondering if this morning was the
Last time they'd ever see their child
Or say I love you
One day
Teens won't throw their lives away
Because some of their peers made their life a daily pain
With hurtful bards of words and scarring memories
Because they are just a little different
One day
Policemen and citizens alike will not have to fear each other
And can stand united as one to fight the real bad guys
Where there will be no more funerals for the people's lives
That were taken due to this struggle
That is causing all this pain
One day
Females everywhere will have rights
To learn, to choose, to have a voice
Where they are not tried to be silenced by those who would hold them back
Where they have the opportunity to make the world a between place
And even if they don't want it it’s was still an option
One day
People of won't live in fear of being killed by others because of their religion
Scared in their own town
All due to a couple of extremist who can't be caught
Where something people should be proud about
Is now a source of fear
One day
Girls won't measure themselves by What they see on magazines or TV
But look to their inner beauty
Where being bigger set than others isn't a wrong thing
Where being anorexic is a serious problem
And not a way to get skinny fast
One day
People won't be ridiculed because they like people of the same ***
Where they are forced by society to pretend
Knowing they'll never truly fit in
Living in fear of being hurt if they let their true feelings appear
One day
It won't be cool to be mean to others
Where everyone will treat others with a mediocre of respect
Where even the kid in the back of the class will have at least on friend
So they don't feel alone
One day
There will be no third or fourth world countries
Where there will be no more people living in trash heaps
And at least have some food to eat
Where parents have to struggle daily just to put a little food into their child's belly
One day
There will be no more soldiers running into wars
With bullets zipping past their heads
And sleepless nights in their beds
When they leave the battlefields of war
Only to come home to another battle
One day
School will be a safe zone
Where parents can send their kids
Without worry something will go wrong
Where students can learn
And grow strong
One day
There will bad water
No islands made of trash
And we won't have to worry when we won't have clean water anymore
Where global warming isn't a norm
One day
Getting and education for the working class
Won't be like digging a student loan grave
And people spend years of their life trying to pay
For something that should have been
Free
One day
There will be no need for feminist
Because be no certain way to dress
Or they will be a consequence  
And you won’t have to worry about
Weather what you're are wearing is
Going to get you picked on
Laughed at ,Teased
One Day

One day
Mother's won't have to worry for their
children if they are late to getting home
Getting more nervous as the
Minutes slowly tick away
Wondering if this morning was the
Last time they'd ever see their child
Or say I love you

One day
Teens won't throw their lives away
Because some of their peers made their life a daily pain
With hurtful bards of words and scarring memories
Because they are just a little different

One day
Policemen and citizens alike will not have to fear each other
And can stand united as one to fight the real bad guys
Where there will be no more funerals for the people's lives
That were taken due to this struggle
That is causing all this pain

One day
Females everywhere will have rights
To learn, to choose, to have a voice
Where they are not tried to be silenced by those who would hold them back
Where they have the opportunity to make the world a between place
And even if they don't want it it was still an option

One day
People of won't live in fear of being killed by others because of their religion
Scared in their own town
All due to a couple of extremist who can't be caught
Where something people should be proud about
Is now a source of fear

One day
Girls won't measure themselves by What they see on magazines or tv
But look to their inner beauty
Where being bigger set than others isn't a wrong thing
Where being anorexic is a serious problem
And not a way to get skinny fast

One day
People won't be ridiculed because they like people of the same ***
Where they are forced by society to pretend
Knowing they'll never truly fit in
Living in fear of being hurt if they let their true feelings appear

One day
It won't be cool to be mean to others
Where everyone will treat others with a mediocre of respect
Where even the kid in the back of the class will have at least on friend
So they don't feel alone

One day
There will be no third or fourth world countries
Where there will be no more people living in trash heaps
And at least have some food to eat
Where parents have to struggle daily just to put a little food into their child's belly

One day
There will be no more soldiers running into wars
With bullets zipping past their heads
And sleepless nights in their beds
When they leave the battlefields of war
Only to come home to another battle


One day
School will be a safe zone
Where parents can send their kids
Without worry something will go wrong
Where students can learn
And grow strong

One day
There will bad water
No islands made of trash
And we won't have to worry when we won't have clean water anymore
Where global warming isn't a norm

One day
Getting and education for the working class
Won't be like digging a student loan grave
And people spend years of their life trying to pay
For something that should have been
Free

One day
There will be no need for feminist
Because be no certain way to dress
Or they will be a consequence  
And you won’t have to worry about
Weather what you're are wearing is
Going to get you picked on
Laughed at ,Teased


One Day

This silver sunlight reflecting brightly on to this evening it’s glowing if it fills me with wonder
I question my ability to ever understand the glory of the light that shines in the morning
The radiant rays that shine on me so brightly warming me like only a mother’s hug had before
Bringing with it the beginning of a new day
But what can I say I'm a fool for these types of things I stand in the darkness waiting for the light
Those reds, oranges, and pinks on a bright blue sky
That means a new day has arrived I wish that I could be like this sky
Starting a fresh everyday
But here I lay
Watching
The sunrise

L* is for the long days of the past we'll never get back
or the ones that were taken from us
I is for all the I wants we use so much it's hard to keep track
or the I needs that were said to heal cracks
F is for all the times we'll fail & try again
and all the people who make us feel like failures
E is for all the the eternities that we spend
worrying about fitting in
But most scariest of all is how a life can be taken
Either by your hand or someone else's that
And how it can end*
Just
Like
That
.

I stare at this wall
Hoping something will end it all
Take away anything that I've had left

Looking back now at how every time I'd fall
You'd walk right over me  
Ignoring my desperate calls

Am I so small
That you can't notice me at all
Or is it you just don't care

Are you so tall
That you don't see me crawl
Through life everyday

Why do I even try?
I've asked myself time after time
Why do I try to be what you want me to be

Knowing that I'm like
That odd puzzle piece
Who doesn't  have a place

I feel out of place
In my own face
Hearing my heart race

But I continue to sit & stare,
Sit & stare,
Sit & stare

*My tears silently fall
While I alone staring at this wall
Knowing one day
I'll get up & end it all

Dear World,
Silently my hate grows
At first it was tears & enormous pain
Now it's grown into silent rage
Why are you always calling me out
Say mean things to me
Why do you not care
Pretend like I'm not there
And make me feel like there is something wrong with me
Now I can't stand to look in the mirror
Because I hate what I see
And I know no one will ever love me,
Care about me,
Be proud of me,
Or say that I am special
You did that to me,
You made me feel ugly,unwanted ,unloved
I sometimes feel like this can't go on
Why do you do this to me
Why?
Is it because I'm truly ugly
If so you don't have to tell me
I know
Sincerely,
My Soul

The girl stands in front of the world
She smiles and laughs
Frolics and plays
But there is a side of her wanting to be brave
This side wants to describe the feeling of the other
Fear, Abandoned, Lonely, Sad,and Scared
But the other side the one the girl lives in is to afraid
Afraid of the unknown
To afraid to stand up to the people who hurt her
Without fist or other forms of hurt
But with words
She feels that the words that they say must be true
These mean words were all she knew
Afraid to speak
Afraid to move
The world left her
So she waited
Waited
For someone, something to come and save her
To hold her
To love her the way they use to
She remembers the times
When someone cared
Someone held her when she cried
Now she watches as the one that uses to love her ignores her
Unless it's to insult or hurt her
She seems so perfect to others
But inside she's broken
They broke her
They left her and now
She's all alone
To suffer in silence
To sit alone and think of the words they say
She changes she tries to make herself better
To not be what all their lies say
She tries but
she's all alone
She feels out of place in her family
In her life and at home
They all pass her by
Leaving her all alone
All alone
That girl
That girl who everyone knows is all alone
They only see what she wants them to see
They see happily
They are happy to leave the girl all alone
All alone even when their are people around
The girl stand, sits, live, learns, and strives to fit their image
She tries but
They leave her all alone
Her heart has grown so cold
The girl that stand surrounded by friends is all alone
All alone