I met you fours years ago today and here I am, having the same thoughts, still wanting to know every single ******* thing about you.

foggy concert lights echoed euphoria

dancing alone
dancing with him
in my mind,
we were one in that moment

so far apart, yet so close
a distant day dream

a dream we were at that concert together,
swaying to the melody, grasping on to each word like they meant something
like i meant something
like i could ever mean anything to him

I said your name twice today. ******* it. god ******* **** it.

All of our awkward glances never seem to go unnoticed. In a city I barely knew, with people I barely knew, you made your move. At the time, I was nervous and worried about the gossip that would endure so I rejected your kiss and terribly regret it.

Now you seem to be unable to make eye contact except for that night we stayed up til 5 am talking about life

So maybe I'll just avoid your gaze so that maybe I can catch my breath and make a move myself but that was until I saw another girl's arms around your neck and wanted so badly someone's arms to be around mine, suffocating me.

Tonight I am Atlas.
Forever burdened by the weight of the world.
I stay there, with the weight of the sky on my shoulders unable to shake this pain,
this agony,
this total devastation.

And in Autumn, even the leaves fall for you.

Boys have feelings too.
Boys have feelings too.
Boys have feelings too.

Go ahead! Keep showing up in my life. Don't mind me, this knife has been here long enough. I'm starting to get used to it. I like the pain. It reminds me I'm human. It reminds me that I am capable of feeling something.

And I cried. Not for the things they said but because I realized I have changed. The way I think, the way I act, everything I do is based on their thoughts and opinions. I’ve let them infiltrate my being and fill my mind with poisonous thoughts. Thoughts based on their views. Views which I thought were good ones. How wrong was I? All they do is tear down people for living their life a certain way. You think smoking *** makes you cooler, cool, but don’t belittle me because I think it’s stupid. Newsflash, it doesn’t make you cool, maybe to the immature *** head boys with no clear future, but not to someone who respects themselves enough not to do things just because they make you “cool” Trust me, my “cool” is way different from your “cool”

The fog in the lights echoed euphoria

You,
dancing to the beat of the drum in an open space

Me,
wanting  to dance within your space
Sway to the melody with your hand in mine
With your hand on my waist,
With your hand in the air
singing along to every word

If I closed my eyes it’s like we were

You,
standing there a few inches away
Me,
wanting so badly to grab your waist,
               your hand

and sing along to every word

I think I am finally free.
I've spent the last three years imprisoned by the thought of you and me. I've dreamt of what our lives could be, what we'd name our first dog and I don't even know your middle name.
I'm finally letting go of you.
I'm finally ready to let my heart out of captivity.
I'm done being a slave to what could have been, what we could have been.

Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.

Slowly, we are becoming adults and we have no choice.
We are cursed with growing old
It's quite depressing
We have no way of stopping it
We have no choice
We are destined go grow old
There's no turning back
Theres no point in fighting it
How could you even fight it?
It's inevitable
We live our lives how we are told
Graduate high school, go to college
Get a job, get married, have a family
Everyone's end goal is the same
It's strange that everyone can be so different, yet we are all destined to the same fate:
Death

I've never had the courage to ask you about him. I remember feeling ashamed when Brianna asked "who is that baby in the center photo?" I couldn't muster up the courage to say, "oh, that's my brother." I think about that moment a lot. How I still can't muster up the courage to ask you about him. I know nothing about him. All I've seen is pictures. I've never told anyone about him, because I'm afraid to bring him up to people, like he's this big family secret. How can I tell anyone about him if I don't even understand what fully happened. I want to ask, but I don't want to bring you back to that dark time, even though I'm sure you relive it everyday of your life. You keep that locket around your neck with his picture as a reminder that he is always there. Just the other day you started sobbing in the middle of breakfast because you saw a little boy with the same curls he had. And in that moment, I wanted to cry with you, because you looked so broken. His birthday recently passed, the only thing I actually know about him, but I couldn't even tell you how old he would've been. I always wonder how different life would be if he was still here, but I guess we'll never know.

I never imagined Hell to feel like this

Those who have it are a dying breed. If only mine could die.

I've let you hold my heart for ransom all this time. But you didn't want anything in return. I think it's time I take it back.

I've lost you, I know I have and I tried, I tried to find you again but with all the destruction in this world, I'm hesitant to believe in any power. A God of destruction is not a God I want to follow. However, as I sit here, lost beyond belief, I realize this is not your doing. Yes, the world is ******, but you are not a God of destruction.

I am here, I am ready to be your servant.

You had just as many chances to talk to me last night as I did. It's obvious you had no desire to. I'm just surprised it took me so long to finally see it. I've spent too much time with you in my head. Now it's time to let go of the imaginary you and face the real you. It's crazy how deceiving the mind can be.

I’m scared that I’ll let you down
That I won’t be what you need me to be
I won’t be what you think I am
I’m scared that I could never be fully vulnerable with you, emotionally or intimately
So, I’ll take my cowardly heart and save you from the heartbreak that is bound to come out of this

I hugged you like I loved you.

I whispered "this is nice, isn't it?"

You replied, "yes, yes it is."

Then I woke up.

I dreamt of you last night in all my drunken glory. I can't seem to escape you. I usually don't dream when I'm drunk, but for some reason you were there, you're always there. I'm trying to get over you. I'm trying.

I was so over it. I was so over it. I was so over it. Why did you have to come back. I was fine.

Having insecurities is so ******* exhausting!!!!!!!!!!!

As the rain falls, so do I.

With every drop, I fall deeper and deeper into an internal depression.

My soul aches for the loss of what if and the agony that has followed

I want to know you.
Your family, your childhood, your thoughts on love and religion.
I want to know you.
Your deepest, darkest thoughts, your fears, what makes you tick.
I want to know you.
Your favorite movies, songs that make you cry, books you love to read.
I want to know you.
The last time you cried, the last time you laughed, the last time you had the time of your life.
I want to know you.
Every inch of your mind, every inch of your body.
I want to know you…

I can't remember the exact words you uttered into my ear that night on the phone. All I remember is the feeling i got, i was giddy. I think you said, “my birthday wish is for you to get here now” but i also think maybe you said “yall” and i just hoped you meant me..

A word often synonymous with depression. Are those lonely, depressed? Or are those depressed, lonely? It's the classic which came first? the chicken or egg question. Am I depressed because I'm lonely? Or am I lonely because I'm depressed?

I am lost. A loose petal in the wind, ripped from a flower by a beautiful boy. He loves me not.

Love
Love-less- lacking love in both the secular and the divine way
Love- who needs it
Love- who craves it
Love- who poured her heart out on the side of the road
Love- who mustered up the courage to say how she felt
Love- who, despite what her so called friends would think, fell for you
Love- who cries at night just thinking about all the opportunities she had
Love

It is ever so peculiar how the daylight makes me feel tired while the moonlight makes me feel ALIVE!

If I can't stop thinking about you, I will get a rope, tie it around my neck and jump off the highest building. Because even strangling myself seems like a more tolerable pain than this.

No one will ever love me
No one will ever count the constellations of freckles on my body
No one will ever hold me close and whisper they love m e
No one will discover the galaxies hidden beneath years of heartache
No one will ever beg me to stay
No one will ever love me

I pray every night that I forget about you. Who am I kidding, I'm not the praying type