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Hannah Zedaker Sep 2017
To describe this feeling is to blind me, but if to express this is blinding, I have no problem with not seeing seeing at all.
It floods me, my brain.
As if a frost crossed my mind,
And freezes every thought I’ve had before you.
I can feel it in my temples and shift to my cheeks and slowly this all engulfing feeling has crept into my mouth…….
And I’m about to speak, but I slam.
The gates are closed.
I’m trapped inside a prison of own what ifs.
What if…
What if you reject me and the frost turns to ice, and by the time it’***** me its crept into my heart. Now I’ve become an impenetrable fort, permitting nothing else to enter.
What if you run……..
You’ll run so far that this invisible string that’s bonded us is tied to my heart and will rip it right from my chest.
But what if…….
But what if this feeling never leaves……
Hannah Zedaker Sep 2017
Tonight
when it called to me, I cried out each letter of your name,
And the sound resounded through each curve of my fingertips.
Tonight
my soul stalked you in the memories we shared
and the deafening silence where our conversations used to be.
Tonight
I thought my heart was full
but the truth is
the cracks I believed I had sealed with indifference
They’re splitting at the seams
leaking out longing for what could’ve been
Tonight
I did not plan to think of you
but I always do
and it will never end
for love cannot be conquered
Tonight
I have been consumed
Tonight
you sleep peacefully.
Hannah Zedaker Sep 2017
The words spoken were short and few,

But the wounds they formed cut deeper then you knew.
The residue left started to fester and rot.
And the butterflies in my stomach transformed into knots.
They say it’s alright,
I say it’s okay.
I wonder for once what I did anyway.

To provoke such,
Words
to form into knives.
They penetrate my skin,
but I will still strive.
In the dark of the moment I’ll make art from my pain,
Even if my confidence may never be the same.
I’ll come back STRONGER.
I’ll come back BOLD.

Willing to tell the story that needs to be told.
Yes, the cuts were deep,
But skin grows back thick.
I’ll never forget the words that clung to me.
They stick.
After an awkward, and also fairly shocking encounter with someone I considered to be a friend at the time, I was devastated at the way I was treated. But, none the less I've always been a positive person, so I decided that instead of wallowing in despair, I'd buck up and create something. If your art is not used to transform feeling, then there'd be a lot more sadness in this world.
Hannah Zedaker Sep 2017
It happened in the night

The night made it happen-

I knew that it was over

as the sun streamed in.

kissing away the fear of the things i wish never happened.
Hannah Zedaker Sep 2017
What happened to us...
was worse than a break upyousee,

I mourn you as if you were dead.
silent memories of you were all that remained

because

you cut me out,
and                                                      gone without a trace.

NOW my guts are sprawled out,
naked and exposed,
it hit me like aTRAINOUTOFNOWHERE




It was worse than a break up
                                                it wasn’t sweet and gentle

you decided to cut every connection and leave me with the phone,
                   trying to figure out why the line was dead

This was worse than a break up
I was giving and I shared
joys-
splendor-
Secrets-
hoping to heal your holes
but now I’m sitting here writing and            collapsingIntoMyself
because I am          missing          so            much

This was worse than a break up
                                because I mourned for you

never bothered to tell me if you were dead NEVER bothered to care

in your hour of pain
you shared the wealth.
I care for you STILL
but
that’s all this is now













STILLNESS

I wish this was a break up.
Apparently too much love can drive people to a point in which they leave with out a trace or warning. And sometimes, its those you least expect.
Hannah Zedaker Sep 2017
I have a tendency.
A tendency not many think of
yet
they think of it all the time.
A tendency that,
will never die.
Even if it evokes that pain in me
in the blink of an eye.
This tendency festers,
like an infection

that’s
stopping my heart.
This tendency,
makes me feel everything
and nothing
at the exact same time.
This tendency is making me crazy
but
what if crazy wasn’t so bad?
My tendency
makes me hate myself
and love everything about me
for the exact same reason.

This tendency
can ruin my day.
But,
this tendency,
sits like a sack on my back
that I never want to lose.
Because
despite the straps digging into my sides,
this tendency
is why I cherish being alive.
this tendency,
I speak so poorly of
that I don’t want to leave me be
why
this tendency
is that I tend to love
so hopelessly
it’s the scariest part of me.
Hannah Zedaker Sep 2017
In the dark of night she danced in my room
Running rampant like a weary changeling.
Continuing replacing, hastening
Till she has taken all she can consume.
I can no longer see the bright blue moon,
Because my eyes are blurred from her raging.

In the calm though I see her cradling

But her message rings sharp; lingers and looms

I can no longer feel much anymore,
but the hunger she left inside of me
A, need, more want, materials will feed
My corpse brings flies, walks round with open sores.
All morals about me are forced to flee.
She ruined my life, a woman named Greed.
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