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Life's a Beach Jun 2014
I sniff and laugh
I've passed someone smoking ****

I've never been able to tell
the smell before, can't
Sniff
Smell
Tell
Well
Snort
Sort
Risk, a lingered puff.
I've always found it hard
to tell
when's enough
So I don't dar, but sometimes
I feel tempted to stare
into

simplicity.
Life's a Beach Jan 2016
With our demons
Their relationship has become
abusive
They are fighting all the time, and
like a werewolf of suicide
Yours started nibbling
mine.
It's no longer ******
My demon wants control
But yours just wants to
drift.
I'm starting to wonder
If I'd actually
miss
this pain.
Life's a Beach Nov 2013
We're hot-boxing music
And the Beat is pumping in me
Through me
raw pure power
Ripping through to my brain
From the outside
Hammering the internal
drums of my mind.
Beat me
Own me
Use me
There is none bar me
and Music. Vibrations pour
into my body and soul
The fragments of Movement
The Essence of Emotion, old as
time, and evil
as Sin.

It's been here since the beginning,
and now is in this car.
Life's a Beach Jun 2014
We look like Tim Burton characters
In stature and mind.
Find me a time turner please?
Life's a Beach Apr 2014
Hide inside
Pesticide
Spiders slip
Inside your skin
Strip within
Filled with sin

Oh
Take  me
Break me
Fake me

Oh you
Simmer
Glitter
I'm not without a light
Why fight
Fill your brimmer
You glimmer
Why don't you judge who's
FITTER

Don't be so scared
I'm self aware
It's just your faults I blame

I hide inside your light
I beg you, please don't fight
So tell, what's my right?
So tell me, Will. I. FIGHT?

Why don't you
Hate me
Stake me
Fake me
Forsake me

Don't be so scared
I'm well aware
That we are all the same.

You
Glimmer
Simmer
I hide inside your light
You ask me
Am I bitter
I glitter
Sinner
Oh
I beg you, what's my right?
I ask you, do I fight?

I'm not inside your pesticide
I hide inside your rage

I'm not too scared
I shield your glares
They strip aside my age

So, will I
Glimmer
Simmer
I hide inside your light
Do I
Glitter
You sinner?
I ask you watch my rights

Will you
Hate me
Break me
Forsake me or
**** me

I ask you , it's your right.
I ask you, why should I fight you?
Life's a Beach Nov 2014
When was the first time you took a pen and stabbed it,
sliced it, into your mind?
When was the first time you found you could find
almost every last fault
from the vault in your head?
Didn't it feel good, almost ******, almost narcotic, when you spread
your thoughts, in
liquid onto paper
Made something real from pure vapour
And destruction
Staring upwards at construction, the
foundation laid down the first
time you frowned and thought
Maybe I don't like myself?
Maybe I don't know how I tick?
or Maybe I want this moment to simply
stay and stick?
Was that when you first picked up the
brick of a pen and hurled it at the cement of paper.
That first time you felt you had to
vent to someone who couldn't possibly judge you?
Nothing safer than hollow ears listening to the

Seduction of Words

In life, awkward
absurd
But here, beauty is found in
the language of verbs and sounds, and
they take full rein, on paper it almost
helps to feel a bit insane, because the
Pen Society isn't traditionally a celebration of
normality
It's a celebration of more
So you drill yourself down to the core
and let your soul spill out, the most silent
shout in the world curled round every letter
Every evil neuron left to fester is found and
hurled out.

At first you tiptoe round the pain, but, as the addiction
of pure solace overtakes you start use every single vein
of thought you can find
Shooting up by peeling back all the fat and
rind of your mind, letting yourself
snort the unquenchable peace from
sighs of sibilance.

Contentment
No more repentance
Take you stupid cruel conscience, and tape up
shut it's mouth
Take down every photo album from the shelf
of your memory,
Present
Past
Let fleeting moments last
a hundred paragraphs
Let Lover's laughs last a decade.
Destroy every blockade
and allow yourself
Vulnerability
Tranquility
Love
Lust
Life and dust
Wipe away rust on repression
Take sessions of loss and
turn it into seconds of acceptance.
Let the paper love you how
you wish to be loved.

Fit yourself a glove of comfort
For the cold nights of desolation
Reach out from isolation
This all happened that first time

So,

When was the first time you took
A rhyme with
the knife of your pen
and stabbed yourself, again
and again
and realised that wounds don't
have to be physical to be real,
Don't have to bleed to require attention
Don't have to visually scar to prove it's
retention like a tumour.
Sting as much as a rumour.

Lodged.

And I hope that the first time you
hurt yourself
The first time you let
yourself feel
I hope with it came another first time
The first time you felt yourself
and the first time you let yourself
Heal.

because, in here, comes the most beautiful part of fiction feeling real.
Possibly taking part in my first poetry slam on Monday. This is a draft of what I may be saying :) Some of the parts I've stolen from other poems that I've done/enjoyed writing.
Life's a Beach Jan 2016
When did feminism become a taboo?
When did equality become uncool
Men not superior to females
Us not superior to them too.
When did I become the taboo?
When did this become uncool.

So I wish we are all square and blue
true, it'd make dating difficult
but what'd you do,
you'd talk to people
true
*** would be awkward
too angles
too many rights
won't create create the sweetest wrong
but at least we'd break the taboo

No colour
No gender
No looks
apart from the individuals descriptions

Believe: I am female
I am male
without doing a cursory glance up
and down
believe: I am intelligent
I am creative
without checking my pigment or
my ****

because I am done with it
I am tired non-acceptance
Snap decisions
Stubborn judgements

it's nothing personal

No, you made it personal
You stole a personality
Smeared it
Said it was wrong
Said I didn't belong.

So I wish we were square and blue
No stereotypes
No stigmas
No ***
cos maybe we don't deserve it yet.
If all we see are
pigment
genitals
and stereotypes.
Life's a Beach May 2014
When did you first say "I love you"?
Don't worry, I won't care, I'm just
wondering...who first saw you bare?
Did you ever used to play with her hair
like you play with mine, did she
ever look at you, like I do, and just
think "He Shines" like nothing else matters.
Did your hearts patter as you physically
joined.
I won't be mad, I know you've had others, so
have I, it won't make me sad, but
I'm curious,
when did you first say "I love you"?

And did she ever brand your skin, were
you ever just a bit too rough, did you
accidentally wriggle within and make her feel
like she wasn't enough?
We've made mistakes, in the past, so
tell me quick, tell me fast, I hope we'll last,
but what made your past ones
imperfect?
and when did you first say "I love you"?

Because it's the quirks which make the mirth,
did you ever make her laugh, did you force
her lips to part when she told you to leave her.
How much did you grieve her? Do you still
do? And when you watched her leave, when
she watched you plead, did you mentally
whisper "I love you."

And when did you first mean, when did you first say,
"I love you"?
Life's a Beach Nov 2014
So, When I Die,
burn up my remains
Wipe away a single drop of your pain,
safe in the knowledge that I got in
that One Last Pun
(Ash turned to Ashes)
Smile, because this ****** won, in
death, this one small way, she didn't
have to pay the reaper with her
humour. In this small way I'll get
to stay.

When I Die, don't give a **** about what you say,
Swear at me, hate me, bait me, but please remember me
as I lived. Remember my ability to give a snort
instead of a laugh. Remember when I
took a bath in every item of clothe,
remember how I could make a cove to
hide in out of anything. Remember
how I'd curl myself in and cry or
laugh until I sobbed.

When I die, try not to think about me as being 'robbed'. Instead,
remember me sleeping under chairs,
and catching people unaware, with
sudden, unprovoked song.
Remember me acting 'wrong': my chicken impression,
the monkey one too, recall how I could meow
and hiss and moo.
Let my lovers remember how I could
kiss while I grinned. How a girl so saintly could
sin so wrong.
Recall me, darlings, when I belonged; and
when I belonged to you.

and When I die, there will be no spewing over
empty words, I want beautiful vowels and verbs
and songs, if you have to long for me, then do it
while listening to Marley, listen to love,
listen to the mood.
Be lewd:
If you want to mosh then do it, if you want to
dance then try to feel it; the way I'd always
do.

When I die, cover yourselves in biro tattoos, turn
up to the wake caked in face paint, draw all the
way up your left arms,
None of you ******'s are allowed to self harm
So draw a cat with a halo and say no
to sensible shoes. Choose to wear whatever you like,
don a dress like a kite and blow up
all the balloons

When I die, I'm gonna have to stop
joining in all the fun.
So, please, never feel 'done' with joy.
Act coy.
Play with toys and teddies, if you
don't feel 'ready' to mature, then
don't. It won't help you to
feel happier if
you do.

When I die, still think of something purple
and something blue.
Make sure, at my death, that those things
are there too.
Don't hate me if you find out
something new, I never
aimed to hurt.

When I die, take a handful
of me, and set me safe in a stone, or
a goblet or cup…It doesn't matter which, but
I'd like the words "Level Up"
engraved for eternity
(Keeping ASDF with me, for yet
another century).

When I die, take a deep breath and start another war.
I lived by the law of no regrets, and (look at that!) you're not
dead yet; so try to follow that law too.

Remember, when I'm dead, just how much I loved you.

So when I die, put me in a firework
So that I can clash colours one last time,
Read out my rhymes, the good ones
and the hard ones (Maybe this one too!) once I'm gone
It's time that everybody knew.

And, once I die, let my memories stick
like glitter lain on glue.

*And put me in a firework and watch me glow anew
Life's a Beach May 2014
Upon her head
                                   It broke
                                              To coat their
                                   Trainers with
                                               A membrane's yolk
                                    She's brok
                                                              En now
                                     Token
                                            Inability to see
                        Anonymities

      
                                          Clarity.
Life's a Beach Jan 2015
Only harms the lactose intolerant
Just think of the relevant mess
We could make with a shake
And the click of the lid, as I rake
your mind for reasons we should
Rather than shouldn't
I'm going to go there
You could 'come' too
and wouldn't it be fun

To make a relevant mess for once

**shake
Now take your clothes off
before I'm forced to
paint them white...
Life's a Beach Jan 2016
To make you want to live
Riding the slipstream of your thoughts
I always have to find one more fight to give

Reason's proffered up to your knife blow
Tide lapping at my feet
As I will the World not to let
you go

Don't let fragments fall or soar
I need more
to be alive
I need more than just
to survive

But your needs
Eclipse
My own.

Again.
Life's a Beach Sep 2013
How dare you?*
How dare you presume
that you can still reap
the rewards and the virtues
of those who have chosen to
keep
their offspring,

their livestock,
their produce,
their children.

I am your child
when you deem it plentiful
to prove it.
My temperament, unmild as
it currently is,
was rocked into existence
by your hand
on my cradle.
Your tears,
so heavy, on my head,
and your mind, so
allegedly stable
made me my bed full of straw
and needles.

You left me
uncooked and, as yet, wholly raw.
You who bore me, left me.

You left another to tend to my sores,
one who's age is sure not to eclipse my own.
You *threw
me, out to pasture
to roam, alone,
feeling useless and inconvenient to you.

This may not seem true,
but who are you to deem it untrue?

There was no leniency in your
innocently though out cruelty.
For, after all, you must always be innocent.
Always must be abused and misused
by another.
You never perceived that you might be the
other?
Unaware of the pain your apparent
lack of care caused me.

My platonic fellow left to cure me.

Now she's the only one I feel I can
truly trust.
For, emotionally, I only shall do
if I must.

After you.
I was incredibly angry when I wrote this one, I do honestly love my mum, but this was definitely a moment where I was seeing red.
Life's a Beach Sep 2013
There are little to no words
that can sum up that which you
are to me.

My World;
past,
present
and future.
How can I start to describe?

You are kindness itself,
strong where my strength fails me,
protective when I fall,
I am encased within your love.
You're a a mother to us all.

I cannot imagine life without you.

Even in my worst nightmares,
you are there.
Even my
****** mind
cannot allow your absence.
I would gladly sacrifice
my life for your own.
For, without you, I am incomplete.

You are beauty.

In actions, words and meaning.
Even when you're a *****
that phrasing still holds true.

You're shining light which guides me,
guides me home,
to you.
First draft.
Life's a Beach Oct 2013
Work,work,work
Look down
Clutch pen
Cry inside
Lie down
then lie to yourself
"You can turn this around."

Work harder
bound forward
mind is paper
blank
and rank.
Unheeded words,
slurred with drunkeness
of lack of sleep.
Keep going.

Who the **** needs sleep?

Who needs food?
Work through lunch
because when you munch upon food
it magically transforms to paper
Sodden in your mouth, so sour.
They are draining you of your power.

Go on, take my all.

A friend texts you
they wish for help
you try to answer
but are suppressed by your
yelp of self pity.
So you break with people
to prevent
a self exposing
litany.

Work Harder

You must.
Don't dare to trust your mind
your shell
yourself
Whatever you do
don't ask for help

You're weak
Unintellectual
and small.

So what if failed subjects
enthrall you?

That won't get you the grades

You've paid them with your all.

You're still not enough
You'll never be enough

Not tough enough to cut it
too proud/unweak to fall
You're in the midst of
a truely unbreakable brawl

Pen
Paper
Time to write the essay
now
you don't know
how
but, who cares?
Let's catch them unawares
with your ignorance.

"This play was set in florence...?"

(I think)
don't blink
Just Sink

Maybe this time, someone will notice.

Yet then again, maybe not.

I promise not to stop.
Stressful day...but looks like it's going to end well :)
WOW
Life's a Beach Oct 2014
WOW
WOW SUCH ESSAY
MUCH WRITE
MANY CAPITALS
CAFFEINE
COURSEWORK
Life's a Beach Jan 2015
Drifted ashore
No oar
No paddle
No hope
Of retrieving this day

Floating sulkily away

So pass me a rope so I can
sway my ship to the
next
**hope on the horizon
Here Goes
Life's a Beach Mar 2014
Yes, it's stressful, and
sometimes I'll look at
my schedule and
just want to curl
up and cry,
rather than to
bid Goodbye to
calm again.

Yes, it's harmful, and
at points during
the day I almost
pray I'll pass out
or shout and
get carted away,
rather than carve
our yet another essay.

Yes, it's painful, and
sometimes I'll panic
and shake
and search for a
way to wake up from
this nightmare,
rather than play
once more the sleepwalker.

Or look for an exit that leads to

Anywhere
Anything
Anyone

But nothing here
I've tainted everything
near.
This World,
so torn,
I've won.

No, it's never fun.
Life's a Beach Jan 2014
She cleared out your toys,
dropped them
one by one,
into the black plastic
bag, you
couldn't make the
effort to feel
sad.
Not anymore.

The man she'd brought
looked at you
imploringly, he
apologised to
the blankness of
your eyes,
you can't remember
caring,
as your teddy
bears were shoved,
staring, into
darkness.

You just didn't care.

She blamed you,
of course,
everything was
somehow your
fault; books,
dirt,
dogs,
divorce.
It was always you.
Although you tried,
you always
believed she
told true.

It was always you.
Why was it
always
always
you.
Life's a Beach Mar 2014
Crushed leaves of lily's painted,
fainted against the weeping wisp of
a kiss.
The mangled heart of a fist
crushed in thine
You are no longer mine.

The sky's passion packed away.
The dancing branches now mournfully
sway
Away away away
The sun's heat we're left to pine
You are no longer mine.

Sweet new caress turned to cold
Sharp definition, no more bold
Fold me away.
Perchance we'll meet again
some day, aloft upon
a cloudy climb.

But even then,
as you are now
You are no longer mine.
Life's a Beach May 2015
You start to taste with your eyes
The nights disguise of supposed peace
Hid release in Tarantula legs
Tarantula eyes
You feel like spiders are scuttling inside
scream, and only you will hear
peace is ceasing, peace is never near
steal a breath
steal a pill
Pray that you will
fall
into a beautiful abyss, no greater
release or escape than this;

A Sleep Successful

Pillows make a fort,
a duvet; a shield.
Limbs like a parachute
Keep your secrets close, and the
enemy of your mind closer,
Stronger
Longer

Sleep
Please, no oxygen, just in case
that helps them in.
Only heat

and the possibility of Sleep
*can bring hope now
Life's a Beach Jan 2015
On the lips of my heat
Make all
else
Obsolete

******
Life's a Beach Jan 2015
Your laugh was a cloud
Loud
Enveloping
Mist which covered me without the
slightest resistance
insistence
I needed assistance to breathe

Your laugh shows I'm useful
shows there's a need
For us
as I feed on the delicious awkwardness we
shared
Caught unawares by being liked

It's a shame your laugh
was the cloud which hid
a trucks headlights

crash
shared
spent

Your laugh a narcotic cloud I refuse to repent
old poem completely mixed up and switched

— The End —