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Carolina Jul 2017
How do I mend a broken heart?
My entire world has fallen apart.
How do I find hope in a brand new day,
when the one I love has gone away?
My mind overflows with memories of you,
of all that we've shared, all that we knew.
I long for your touch and your warm embrace,
the look in your eyes, the smile on your face.
My dreams are filled with your soft gentle kiss,
I wake and cry for all that I miss.
How do I mend a broken heart,
when my one true love and I are apart?
My heart knows to love only you, it won't let go, what do I do?
Our moments together were precious and few,
but I cherished them all more than you knew.
I love you, my angel, and always will.
I loved you then and I love you still.
Carolina Dec 2016
The snow drifts from the roof tops,
Lights shine in the brisk evening.
Cheer is spread,
Joy follows behind the winter winds.

Letters are sent North to Saint Nick,
Children dream of what might come in the early morn,
Prayers are shared around the dinner table.
Memories are created to be never forgotten.
Stories being shared with those you love.

Tears fall upon my pillow,
While bellows of laughter echo,
From the other side of the bedroom door.
Life seems to be coming to a stop.

My only Christmas wish is to be by your side,
Surrounded by the most welcoming family,
The warmest love,
The family I always hoped to be apart of...
Yet it still isnt feeling like Christmas.

The joy, cheer and laughter being stolen away,
The pain hiding behind a fake smile..
The words echo "it could be worse."
If its true I dont want to know what it is.

My only prayer is that I wake up by your exciting yells.
All my letters to dear Saint Nick saying one thing.
"Please bring him home."
All go unanswered.

My only Christmas wish is to hear you say,
"Im home Mommy."
Hold you in my arms as we see what Santa has blessed you with.
Carolina Jul 2016
Today I woke up.
That's great right?
Then why do I feel like it was a mistake?
Today I didn't even want to get out of bed.
My 3 year old yelling at me for food,
all I could do was cry.
I woke up wanting to die.
I woke up hurting inside.
I woke up with tears in my eyes.
Today I slipped.
Its been four years
since the last time the blade sliced my skin
as easy as 1,2,3.
And today I threw it all away.
For what?
Carolina Feb 2016
She finally did it
She had the nerve
It came as easy as 1,2,3
For you and me.

This was her breaking point
Her time to fly high
End all this pain inside
to just call it her end.

In her manic state
Impulse hit her
She wraps the rope
Around her neck

She pulls it tight
Her tears fall
Her breathing becomes
Shallow and painful
The room starts grow dark.

Time passes
uncertainty as to how long.
What is going on?
Am I still alive?
Why is it so cold?

I'm numb.
I cant feel anything.
No pain.
No love.
Nothing.
Its...

Perfect.
After all this searching
For what is missing
I have finally found it!
I've never felt better!

Then...
I start to see a light again
and breathing becomes even more painful
and the pain starts to come back..

NO
WAIT!
I'm happy here!
I fight, I resist
I don't want to go back
I cry - more pain
I feel - more heartbreaking tears
I remember - more terrifying memories
The world growing heavier upon my shoulders again.

I'm back..
What I once thought for a brief minute or two was my new safe place, Inner-peace pain free zone was only an attempt.

Now the question that circles is
WHY did you save me?






Right before Christmas (2015) the stress built up and I "tried" to **** myself. Though i did succeed for a brief moment and it was an attempt cause my s.o. found me and brought me back to life. though i am still sitting here question why and wondering what my purpose is. Ive had a tad bit of writers block but i want to get this story out there too so this is all i can get hopefully at a later date there can be a better poem.

If anyone is struggling with depression and ever is stopping to this level I am here to talk and I encourage it all I needed that night was someone to talk to and no one was there for me prior to the moment.
Carolina Nov 2015
SOS
I need some help
help beyond this keyboard
help beyond these words
im searching for help
that no one can understand
im screaming silently
im crying but only dust
im not sure where ill go
not sure where ill run
not sure where ive even been anymore
all i know is where i want to go
i need some help
judgement free
criticism aside
it wont help
only make it worse
none of this tough love *******
i need an understanding compassionate hand
to help me out of this dark hole
its lonely
saddening
depressing
difficult
and
the last place i want to be anymore
please
someone just help.
Carolina Sep 2015
My love for you is surreal
My heart aches at the thought of a future without you
My mind races
My pulse quickens
My blood boils
At the simple thought of your lips brushing mine
The touch of your skin brushing mine
The sound of your heart beat quickening
The look in your eyes
Make my heart melt
"Some people are worth melting for"
&& Baby you are the one person I melt for
Everyday
Every minute
Every second
To look at you
Think about you
Hear your voice
Every little thing I do
Revolves around you
Every little thing you do
Drives me crazy.

I wouldnt have it any other way
I guess what I am trying to say is
I LOVE YOU
Carolina Sep 2015
I miss the way you use to look at me
     with those beautiful green eyes
the way you use to hold my hand
      while we wents for drives.
I miss the way you use to kiss my lips
      the feel of yours pressing against mine.
I miss you laugh
      and that amazing smile.
I miss your body
     and the warmth of it pressed against mine
I miss my head resting on your chest
     listening to your heart beat.
I miss your company
     and the way you called my baby girl
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