I am a ticking time bomb

They say that love can strengthen any broken heart,
But what I’d love is the reason for my broken heart.
What if my love was so deep that my heart drowned.
What if love was a hug that suffocated my soul.
What I know is that love has broken me down to nothing, yet it’s still all that I crave.

for as long as I could remember,
my name never felt important enough to
capitalize...

I'm crying but no one hears
I'm falling apart yet no one cares
I'm broken and no one can fix me
I am lost and can't be found
I am in a dark hole all by myself

today I wanted to die
yesterday I wanted to die
the day before that I wanted to die
for as long as I could remember death was always lurking
like that annoying friend that you still love
I took a handful of pills today
let's hope they work

I did not know if I should be
Happy
Or sad.
You were talking about an ultrasound, and that he told you to get an abortion.
You were 18 still in high school.
I have never seen you more broken,
Or distressed.
I wanted so bad to be there for you,
But
What do you say to someone when they had to give up their baby?
I didn’t know what you were feeling.
I don’t know what you were feeling.
All I know is that
The day you told me, I knew that I would fight for your happiness until forever ends.

I'm scared
so scared

what if i messup
what if i cant afford college
what if i never reach the level of success that i look forward to
what if i never make anyone proud
what if i raise my kids wrong
what if my family hates me
what if i keep living
what if i die
will anyone care

i want to be seen
i want someone to tell me i am beautiful
i want them to mean it
i don't want them to feel obligated to tell me
i want someone to love me too
i want it to be pure love
i don't want it to be an impure *** based love
but most of all i want a friend
i want a friend who will pick up the phone at 2 in the morning
i dont want a friend who turns around and leaves me in my darkest hours alone to cry by myself.

Minority

They call me dumb because i am from a nation of a different tongue
They say we are wetbacks, immigrants, and even *******
They call me
unimportant because i am still a "teenager"
They say "your just a kid you'll never make a change"
They call me a stupid female
because i believe in my worth as a
female

But here is where they were wrong,
I am not dumb, i am intelligent and bilingual
I am not just a kid, i am the future of this cruel cruel world
I am not stupid, i am a strong willed determined female

So to the people Who try to bring me down because I am a Young Hispanic Woman, I have one thing to say to you
you
were
WRONG.

i hate you,
i hate the way that you beat me when i come home late
i hate the way you yell at me when your wrong
i hate that you are always mad
i hate that you think you are superior to me
but i love you,
i love that you love me
i love that you gave me life
i love that you support me in everything i do
i love that you would give anything for me to be happy
but despite all of this love and hate,
i can't be your favorite daughter
i can't pretend to love you when at times i can't like you
i can't support you anymore
and most of all
i can't continue to live with your suffocating, pestering, raw, unperceptive demenor.
i'm sorry

We live in a society where...
Women are supposed to have "clean jobs"
Women are not as strong as men
Women are supposed to look pretty and be looked at
Women are never in charge
But i'm here to tell you you are allowed to be what ever you want
be...
*****
strong
look how ever you want
you are in charge of anything and everything
Society's definition of you is wrong.
I am a female who loves getting *****, who plays "man sports", who will trade in sweats in for makeup any day, and who is in charge of my own destiny. No one is going take this away from me.