I spent three weeks stewing in anger
Sweating you out of my pores

And today the fever broke
But my body still aches from the chills

I’m exhausted from having and losing you.
But now I see this doesn’t have to be my failure alone.

I am not the heroine of this tale
Just as you are no villain

We are two people
Who choose two different paths.

And when I strain I can still see the light where our path split
The lamppost of blissful ignorance

Im trapped in that moment of silence after the airbag deployed.

My 24th year
Sad and solemn

My lighthouse went dim just shy of its start
And my anchor simply dropped away

And here I spend it’s  last days
Stranded on open water

The sharks of future circling  

As the winds toss and turn me
Land becomes farther and closer and farther still

Im not sure when the storm will calm
Or the ache in my belly will cease

But I cling to my faith
That my light
she will lead from her dwelling place
And my ship
Well...

As I lay here watching your favorite show
Which became mine
I think of how much I moved my heart towards yours
And how much you ran in the other direction.

And it’s sad.
Not because I love you
But because you will never love like me
Until you let go

Each night since he left
I trace your words on my skin
I memorize the curve of the L
And try to imagine what you would say

But the truth is I haven’t the slightest clue
You never worried about men, so it seemed.
I wish you had taught me how.

It was a massacre
My dead feelings circling the drain with my period blood and his *****
And for a fleeting moment I thought I saw your fingerprints

I tried to forget your face
While he was touching me
But your always waiting at the bottom of the bottle.
And in the folds of my pillowcase

Sometimes I’m tragically  sad
Unjustly so
And I’m tired of apologizing for it

I may never wrap my head around
What it was about you
That could make me run full speed ahead into that dead end

Time in heartbreak is a funny thing
It moves slowly but when you turn around to face the path you see that miles have rushed by.

My therapist blinks
Once
         Twice
“But you know that’s no good”

I stare thoughtfully
“Yes”

“Yes what?”

Yes, I know how many calories it takes to keep from fainting,
To keep the growling at bay
To stop the cramping
But that doesn’t stop my body from revolting every time I take a bite
It doesn’t keep the calculator from running
It doesn’t make unsafe foods seem safe


Because nothing stops the pain like physical pain. And up until this point nothing has ever felt quite as good as hunger.


“Yes I know I can’t skip breakfast and lunch”

But my bones know the truth.

I will never be that foolish again as to expect anything to break my fall but my own two hands.

No. I don’t want to talk.
What would I say?
That all my dreams are either ******* him or killing me?
Like that doesn’t sound insane?

Like you wouldn’t think I’m loosing my mind?
Because truthfully I am loosing my mind.
Somehow I love him in such a way that he hurts me, but I am left holding the razor.

He draws me into the cave with the warmth of a firey soul and then
Leaves me standing in the cold
Listening to echoes of my own growling stomach; of my own beating heart

Feeling a fool for entering alone
Because then I see it was a reflection all this time
His soul was never mine to have and never mine to keep

— How are you doing?