Somehow, my heart mended
It stitched itself up after
Being torn when we ended
My heart is filled with laughter
In places that used to be full of sorrow
The light found my eyes
And I found the promise of tomorrow
Although it came as a complete surprise
Time does heal all wounds
I was sceptical, it's true
But nowadays you don't make me swoon
My heart's long forgotten about you

If you are tired of being on the bottom, don't drag others down. You'll still be on the bottom. Raise yourself up and join the others at the top. Misery may love company but company won't make you any less miserable.

Found another victim but no one's gonna find Miss Jackson
Do you get a little thrill out of breaking hearts?
Using the pieces to create your sinful work of art.
Out the back door, *******, but I love her anyway.
Try to wrap the world around your finger with your magic
But your crown's falling and you look quite tragic
You put a sour little flavor in my mouth now*
You need someone to lift you back up
But ones who once loved you are now fed up
*Back away from the water, babe, you might drown

Many times I think that I'd like my life better without you in it, but
I* just can't shake the feeling that I'll miss you when you're gone, and even
Still I'm much too terrified that you won't miss me back.
So I'm not sure how to fix this situation I'm stuck in.

I can feel you.
The absence of you.
I feel that hole you left.

I could say I miss you
But that'd be an understatement
Not a second goes by that you're not on my mind
I wish and hope and pray that I run into you
Just to see you once more
To watch your hair fall into your face
To fight the urge to tuck it back behind your ear
Because I fear getting too close to you
I imagine it a lot
Seeing you standing in front of me
How it would happen
Where we would be
And what would be said
If I'd be able to look you in the eye
And forget how much you hurt me
Without even knowing you did
If I'd just run away
Or if I'd have the courage to speak
What would I say
Would I ask you how you've been
Or tell you that I crave you when I'm alone
Will I ever get the chance to know?

I miss you
With every beat
Of my pained heart.

(Dont) miss me
(Run) cause I'm far away
(From) here to there
(This) love will follow
(Please) never forget
(Remember) my name
(Me) and my love for you
(Always) *remains the same

I could give you a list of hand written "I miss you's" that would stretch to the moon and back but it still wouldn't convey to you just how my heart aches when you're away.  I could bend and mold to your every whim, do every single thing your heart desires, but I don't think you'd pick up on the fact that I'd give anything to keep you happy. I could tell you that your eyes are green with grey and gold swirling through them without even looking at you and you probably still wouldn't notice how much I stare into them. I've seen you at your worst, and at your best, and been right here throughout it all and still you haven't caught on that I love you.

If I carve out my heart
Maybe it'll stop the pain
If I slice my wrists
Maybe I'll never have to breathe again
I'm done
I can't take it anymore
I've had my fun
But now I'm closing the door
On my life
I'm afraid this is goodbye
Don't pretend that you loved me
And don't you dare cry
I'm gone
Im sorry I guess
I couldn't take it any longer
Couldn't handle the stress

Hello?
No, my monster replied.
Too formal.
Hi?
But why, my monster replied.
I need a reason.
Excuse me miss,
Got the time?
Why am I so nervous?
This should be easy.
How could I possibly ***** up this?
Just go say something.
Anything.
Compliment her?
That'll seem weird, my monster replied.
She'll think you're a creep.
I'm just trying to say hi.
What kind of person can't start a simple conversation?
My monster replied.
Me.
That's who.
And you know why?
I replied..
because of you.

I prefer not to label myself.
I like to think I'm just a human, no need for any other descriptions.
But considering the occasion - the label my sexuality fits into is bisexual.
I am not ashamed.
I am me.
I love who I love.
I am bisexual.
I am human.

In the summer I fell in love
With a little city I found
My heart flutters every time I think of
That city full of sound
And maybe it was the voodoo
That made me so very keen
To keep coming back to that bayou
Down in New Orleans

Sweet nicotine princess
Darling you're divine
The way you sip so proudly
Your glass of red wine
Who will be your next victim
Will it be her and her golden hair
Or him and his blue eyes
The way he dances like Fred Astaire
Many catch your attention
But something seems amiss
This one's not so easily ignored  
Raven hair & green eyes you can't miss
And the feeling in your heart
That prompts you to change your ways
The feeling of undeniable love
From the moment you caught her gaze

"Forget regret or life is yours to miss, no other road, no other way, no day but today."

Live for the moment
Shoot for the stars
Dream it and do it
Let's take what's ours
Don't worry about tomorrow
For it's yet to come
Forget all your sorrow
Make life fun
You only have today
Don't waste it on strife
Forget what people say
And live your life

No one notices the minor mistakes and flaws that blink like neon lights in your self depreciating eyes.

No one notices if you've stumbled over your words.

No one notices that you couldn't do your eyebrows perfectly this morning.

No one notices that you spelled a word wrong in that text message.

No one notices the little blemish that you've spent hours googling how to get rid of.

No one notices that your hair isn't perfectly curled because you woke up late today.

No one notices your flaws because everyone is too busy trying to make sure you don't notice theirs.

No one told me how much it could hurt. No one told me how I could so easily I could fall back down after picking myself up. No one told me that even though it's bad to keep everything inside you, it's even worse to tell it to someone who doesn't care. No one told me how hard it would be to find someone who does care. No one told me that you could get so sad that you could actually feel your heart breaking. No one told me how hard this could be.

I want to go back
To being an eagle on the swing daddy built for me
I want to go back
To watching ****** doo every day
I want to go back
To momma packing my lunch
I want to go back
To math being 2+2
I want to go back
To asking Santa for presents
I want to go back
To when 18 seemed aeons away.
I want to go back there
And far far away from this new reality here

I disappear on purpose. Cause I don't want to exist. I phase slowly in and out of existence. Waiting for someone to notice. To try and reel me back in. But it never happens. I'm tired of the excuses. "You're an artist.. You're supposed to be sad and complicated." "You're young.." I may be all those things but I shouldn't feel like this. Numb isn't natural. I shouldn't be so numb.

I don't know how many times I've told you that I'm fine with it. And I think part of the reason I've reassured you so much is because I'm also reassuring myself. Thing is, I'm lying through my teeth. And, God, it hurts. I am so tired of feeling like I'm second best. I'm tired of broken promises and I'm tired of never coming first. I'm tired of salty streaks running down my cheeks and I'm tired of being so ******* confused. I'm not fine with it. I'm not fine with it. I'm not fine.

Introverted
Extroverted
Procrastinator
I'll figure it out later
Socially awkward
Fashion forward
Emotionally unstable
Pick a label
Depressed
But well dressed
Tired eyes
See the lies
High heels
Too many feels
I have to become
Emotionally numb
Cause I strive
To survive
Know your place
Put on your brave face
Let them label you
They haven't got a clue
Who you are
Beneath that scar
They notice the imperfections
On every section
Of your body that they pick apart
But they're blind to the beauty of your heart.

Off* doesn't even begin to describe my sleeping patterns. As someone who has watched the sun rise before even having a wink of sleep on too many nights to even count, I have lost the privilege of just calling my sleeping schedule off. It seems every hour I spend awake, my body becomes more hyper aware of the fact that I cannot forget you. No matter how hard I try, you're still always lingering in some corner of my mind. But it's even worse when I sleep. Dreams bring the most bittersweet memories and fantasies to the forefront of my consciousness. Lingering kisses, proclamations of love, sweet nothings, all ripped away from me when reality sets back in. And which is worse? I can't decide. I've tried to avoid them both for so long and all it's gotten me is a particularly more than off sleeping pattern.

I think you're beautiful
And quite interesting, too
I'd be overjoyed to spend
Even a few moments with you
I think of you quite frequently
What it'd be like if I were yours
But we're so distant
I'm scared to open those doors

One month left
Of being a child
One month left
Until you tell me no more time to play
One month left
No longer the dancing queen
One month left
Thrown out into the world
One month left
And I'm not just a little girl
One month left
I really should be happy
One month left
I dread the end
One month left
Maybe everyone will forget that
One month left
Is all I have
One month left
And I can go on pretending
Until I have
One month left
Again

C

One.
Two.
Three.
Little pills.
Washed down.
With ***** in coke.
One.
Two.
Three.
Little pills.
To drown.
The thoughts you provoke.
One.
Two.
Three.
Little pills.
To shred.
The memories left in my head.

There's all this pain trapped inside me
I don't know how to get it out
So I cry in hopes of drowning it
But this pain swims along
So I cut my skin hoping to bleed it out
But it just seals up the wound
So I scream
But no noise comes out
So I cry for help
But the pain puts its hand over my mouth
So I lay in silence
And I let it drown me
And cut me open
And scream at me
And hold me down

Cher amour
I love you no more
vous coupez moi profond mon amour
I love you no more
Mon amour, mon amour, mon amour.
I love you no more
J'ai trouvé de nouvelles façons de battre mon amour
I love you no more
Ces pilules sont mon nouvel amour
*I love you no more

If you won't be here for me in life
Don't come around when I'm dead
You could have saved me
From myself and my sins
Could have protected me from this world I live in
But instead you're off living it up
While I lie here drowning in my cup
Filled with god knows what
But I don't care
Cause it's numbing my brain
Easing my pain
That you've so carelessly caused
And now you say you wish you could pause
And rewind
Back to the time
When I was alive and well
Little did you know, I was already in my own hell
That you could have saved me from
If you had just cared
Just a bit for me
But now I lie here cold and blue
And you
You're crying over my lifeless shell
Because you didn't believe me when I said
I was in my own personal hell
You let me die
You know you did
And now this guilt has a hold of you
And you're in your own personal hell too

I'm so insecure
Deeply unsure
Scared to my core
Can't take it anymore
Heart's on the floor
Every day's a chore
Can't make it to the door
Who am I living for?

I'm seventeen years old
Young, with my whole life ahead of me
But I've tried to end it before it could even begin
Because society tells me I'm not good enough
So I put on mascara and swipe on my lipstick
In hopes that I'll be worth while
Because the media and magazines and tv told me
That I wasn't
I feel ashamed of my body
Because it doesn't look like hers
And her body is what mine should look like
According to Cosmo and Glamour and Vogue
So I buy a salad when I'm craving a burger
Cause the size of my thighs is more important
Than my desires
So with every diet pill I take
And every self depreciating remark I utter
I become more obsessed with being perfect
An impossible standard that's been set by society
And every time I don't reach it I buy more things
That media tells me will fix my disgusting flaws
So that maybe one day I'll become perfect
And worth while
So that one day I can be proud of who I am
Instead of hiding myself away
Like a princess in a tower

You complain about Jared Leto's speech because he didn't "thank a trans person" and instead delivered a timed and beautiful and empowering speech for his mother and for anyone else out there who was listening. It was an all inclusive speech and made many cry. Yet you complain because he didn't mention a trans individual. And I wonder, what all of you that are complaining have done for the trans community? Because if you truly want to help them, you should know that Jared Leto saying 'Hey Thanks' won't make their lives any easier. Instead of complaining about the things that aren't happening, get out there and do them. Make a difference in their lives. And then you can complain about **** that doesn't matter.

You're telling me to leave
With your hand around my wrist
I can't go with you holding me back
No matter how much you insist
Be free you whisper
As some form a cruel joke
You smirk as you watch me struggle
You know it's all a hoax
I try and I try
With all my might
But you're sitting on my wings
And I can't take flight
These restrictions you put on me
Make me feel like a caged bird
But unlike the pheasant
I have no sweet song to be heard
So why do you keep me here
When I have nothing to give
Is it really just because
You don't want to see me live?

Rose tint my world
All in a different shade
Vibrant or subdued
I promise they'll never fade
Coral for the desire to be near to you
White for the youthfulness of your face
Red because my love is true
Pink to admire your grace
Lavender for being enchanting
Orange for my fascination
Yellow for joyous feelings
More pink for appreciation
Rose tint my world
And I'll paint you a masterpiece
With the hues of my emotions
I'll show how my love will never cease

The second I feel that you could possibly hurt me, I will run.
I will run and I won't look back.
I don't know if it's a bad habit.
Or if I'm just protecting myself.
But I will ******* run.
Don't make me run.

I'm not scared of death.
I'm not scared of pain.
I'm not scared of ghosts
Nor monsters.
I'm scared of myself
And what I'm capable of
How I treat myself behind closed doors
Cuts here and there
Blood stains underneath my nails
I'm scared that one day I'll end it
Before I even realize what I've done

It's been so long, but I still remember how it feels
To sit in a stuffy classroom, clicking my heels
Because there's no place like home and I want out of my confinement
To sit endlessly and pretend to care about another mind numbing assignment
With the tap of fingernails vigorously typing out a text
Shifty eyed, watching some amateur get caught and secretly hoping you're not next
The murmur of whispered plans for the weekend
And how desperately your body craves to sleep in
Elaborate excuses planned out to explain why you forgot your essay was due
The lies are getting crazier because the teacher has heard everything that's not new
Lunch is served but the food is cold, unidentifiable, and uncooked
There's no way through the sea of gossiping teens around your locker to get your books  
Your next class is the one teacher with a voice that's a little too monotone
And then the next is the one that always thinks she hears a phone
You worth is measured by a letter
And how many times you promise to do better
It's a system that's designed to break you
But you never let anyone see how much it shakes you
And at the end of the day it's gone by hideously slow
And you dread how you have to repeat it all tomorrow.

I'm the human embodiment of self destruction
I hurt myself until I can barely function
You're worthless, I hiss
Why am I like this?
My skin has scars from self harm
I rip apart my own arms
Bruises from punching walls
I just say they're from nasty falls
The second I feel happy
My mind won't let that be
I tell myself hideous things
The second my heart sings
I crave to be alive
But my body only thrives
On self loathing and hate
Is this really my fate?
Am I doomed to hurt every day?
What kind of a life is worth living this way?

How do you quiet the voices inside your head? They say such ugly things. At first I didn't believe them when they told me I was worthless. I gave them the cold shoulder when they said I was ugly. I scoffed at them when they told me I was weak. But I still hear them, and they still shout at me. And the more they insist, the more I believe the things they say. So how do I quiet the yelling that I can't control and the voices I can't escape?

I want to trace your outline with my eyes
Burn the shape permanently into my mind
I'll listen to your little sighs
As we kiss and you begin to unwind

Constant voices envelop my brain
I can't enjoy the silence
When the screaming won't refrain

I should tell you, I should tell you
I stop breathing when you look at me
I should tell you, I should tell you
Your touch sends my heart into a tizzy
I should tell you, I should tell you
You make me feel free
I should tell you, I should tell you
The thought of your lips makes me dizzy
I should tell you, I should tell you
I want you and only you
I should tell you, I should tell you
I
      Love
                 You.

I love you.
I'm hurt.
I'm broken.
You stitch it.
That rip.
I love you.
It hurts.
You love it.
Your sick masterpiece.
What you've done.
To my heart.
I love you.
I'm done.
I'll let someone else do the job.
You just couldn't do.
I love you.
Goodbye.
I left a trail of tears.
Don't follow them, dear.
They'll lead back to me.
Someone else stitching my heart.
But unlike you.
They wont tear it apart.

Oh the all too familiar lump in my throat
Salty tears well up in my eyes
Sharp pain in my chest
Heartbreak over your web of lies
You speak hollow words
From an empty soul
But you fill them up with charm
Until you fill up the hole
A silver tongued snake
Hissing your *******
Weighing on me until I break
Shattered, torn, and bruised
You leave me in my kingdom of sorrow
I hate you
But I'll love you again tomorrow.