I was a cocky ******* until I met you, now I'm just a soft little **** boy who doesn't know what I want anymore.

Wish I never met you, wish you didn't try as hard as you did, wish your mother didn't love me as much. Because now it's just me myself and I. You were supposed to be a rebound but you got me tripping over the 3 years that was wasted.

You left and I had to accept the fact that you're gone in someone else's arms. I have to accept the fact that there isn't an us anymore. I have to accept the fact that there won't be any family dinners at grandmas on Sundays anymore. I have to accept the fact that I won't be apart of you anymore but you'll always be apart of me. I have to accept the fact that your family isn't mine and mine isn't yours. I have to accept the fact that were not sharing t-shirts anymore. I have to accept the fact that our lips won't touch and the the endless cuddles aren't mine anymore. I have to accept the fact that you're not here to push me to the highest extent. I have to accept the fact that your his and not mine. I have to accept the fact that your absence is suppose to make me stronger...

I don’t regret the **** I do or the choices I make. Love is over rated and you’re a down grade. I tried my best to look out for the rest but I guess it’ll be me myself and I. I pray for better days and better ways but how am I supposed to do that? When everything I do reminds me of you? Of us? Maybe one day it’ll be a better day.

In my mind,
There lives two wolves.
Two distinct voices.
Each telling me to make different choices.
How am I supposed to know which one to pick?
Quite honestly, the stress of it all is making me sick.
Is the right answer instilled in us?
In our heart and in our brain?
Or maybe two voices is all it will take to drive someone like me insane.

When she says she feels safe in your arms while you're cuddling her & she's squeezes you in closer. Keep her, she may feel like she's at the end of the world and doesn't think anyone actually cares for her. Its you, make her feel wanted, that there is a reason to stay, even if she says there isn't.. let her know that everything is going to be okay, let her release all the thoughts while you're holding her, let her shed some tears to see how beautiful life could actually be if someone actually cares.. That person is you, you're her comfort, her support, her smile, her headache, her right, her wrong. Its you, you have the power to make something right even if she's being stubborn.

I pretend as if im okay, as if my life was full of daisies and butterflies, as if it was clear blue sunny skies with birds chirping and peaceful sounds of water falls. As i pretend to be okay or content - it still runs in my mind - you; the girl who changed my life for the better, the girl who i wouldnt change a **** thing about. Its been about a month now since we broke up but still seeing you and doing all the things we still do is killing me - i met someone new who made me forget about you for a moment - but she said "it was more guilt than lust" That was fun and happy but then it ended & i ended up coming back to - you. As if youre happy with your boyfriend i still continue to wait on my chance again - i get my hopes so high. The chance of meeting someone new sickens me. What if they left me for someone else again? What if they arent really about it? As i pretend not wanting anyone else for the better sickens me too. Im stuck between lust and in love all over again - someone can catch my attention quick & id give them my mind - my feelings - my kiss *** kisses and hugs and etc. but i still pretend to be okay. I wanted to continue this fantasy i had with you - a life i wanted to build with you but youre happy with him.. As im utterly confused about another girl. I couldnt drop you for nothing, if i cant be apart of your life as friends while being or having a benefit with someone else - i couldn't do it. As i pretend to be okay - to see you so happy with him.. I still question why i held you back for so long .. I wish i was okay .. I wish i couldve taken a step further to make you happy.. I pretend so much..

You'll never be her

She was my first. She was my first date, my first love, the first one I wanted to build a home and have a family with.

Her face was the first to meet my family. Heck, she became part of our family. She was the first girl my mother loved for me.

She too was my first heartbreak; the first one to build me up and break me down. Her knowledge of me was the same as my knowledge of myself.

But she too will never be you.

She'll never be the one who picked me up when I thought I was never going to get back up.

No matter what she does, she'll never be able to love me as much as you do. She'll never know me more than I know myself like you do. She could never make me realize that I'm worth more than I think I am. She could never make me feel any happier and more contented like you could.

My love, know that you should never compare yourself to my past. There's a reason why she's there and you're here with me right now. The reason is because you are the one I love.

You are a gift from above. You are my present. Everyday I pray that you remain my present when tomorrow comes, and God knows I would do anything to keep you.

So do not bother yourself about it. Shed your worries away, for as much as you'll never be her, she will never be you.

This girl, she ****** me up but this girl, I'll never forget. She wasn't good at goodbyes, she wasn't good at letting go. She didn't know right from wrong.. lie from truth.. love from lust. On the surface I guess I didn't either. But deep down I knew what we shared wasn't love.. I stayed regardless. It was more than attachment, but possibly the opposite of love. Did I stay out of hate? If so, was it for her or myself? Or this world? Who knows..? I'll miss this girl everyday. She was my rock. She didn't love me the exact way I would have liked her to, but she was always there.. and I'll always be here as well. Just give it time..
      -her

And I'm so ******* stupid to lose a girl like you. What was I thinking? Being a **** boy and then growing up without you here with me?

I thought you were cute once i saw a picture on facebook while i was dating someone else - i said "not to worry about her cause i dont know her" time flies we break up .. The girl in that picture became my happiness, my world, my everything - 2 years & 2 1/2 months became history.. Though i still stand til this day to be what i was when i was with you. I wouldnt change it for nothing. The girl in the picture on Facebook puts my body mind and heart as ease - so caring, so loving, so ... so deeply in love. The girl in the picture on Facebook .. I love you til the death of me, even if we grew apart - id be easily missing you & hit your line with that " i miss you, i wana see you, i miss your presence" 20+ years ill be old as youll still be young and living life .. The girl in the picture on Facebook stole my heart.

The thought of starting over with a complete stranger scares the life out of me.

Missing you is the hardest thing I've ever done but just know what we had was beautiful

vc

I’m such a ******* idiot for trusting you all over again.

Thinking **** would be different but you still have the same people on your phone thinking it’d be different.

I need a bottle to the brain so I can forget this pain, the memories you left me it’s a ****** shame. I couldn’t resist but to fall your innocence, yet again you’re just the same. As if I thought you’d be different from the rest- girl, I wish I could give you the best.

It’s nothing new yet anything old but, let me tell you something.. **** won’t ever be the same. The seconds, days, months and years go by but I figure you wouldn’t ever come by.
I sit here and think what have gone by.. I realized, it’s my fault but I just let it slide.

I need a blessing or something, maybe a bottle to the brain so ion gota feel this pain, tryna forget you & that new dude who acts like me too. Don't get me wrong, you ain't **** and never will be **** cause I gave you all my confidence so that just proves it.
You're out here tryna tell me that you're okay, when that ***** isn't treating you the same like how he did once before. He's a little *****, always coming back for more. Step ya game up and keep it steppin, and push his head back cause he's always begging.

What's mine is yours
Every breath I take
Every choice I make
It might sound crazy
All my pain, washed away
In the blink of an eye, yeah you saved me
You've got all of me and I don't need it anymore
What's mine is yours

They all say "only time could tell" but within the time, all I saw was her walking away with unspoken feelings she never talked about.
Was it just bad timing? Was it just a "caught up in the moment" type of thing? Or was it something she wasn't sure about?
I'll never know.

I continued to stay while she acted like she wanted me around. I kept coming back, thinking there would be a different result.
I was wrong.

She walked away and continued to come back as she pleased and swear it was more confusing than algebraic math.
It was like trying to teach a toddler how to tumble.

I gave in; my all with everything that came out of her actions and her lips. We kissed and I was confused on why I cried, 3 weeks in.. Strangers to lust in between.

As i sit here sipping my ***** on ice, all i could think about is what ifs, what woulds and what id be like if something happened the way i pictured? I sit and have these fantasies that i know wouldnt happen buts its full of what ifs, what woulds and what itd be like if something happened the way i wanted it to go? Life would be so much easier, having these huge dreams when you know you cant make it to most of them with a negative mind set. What ifs, what woulds, what itd be like if something did go my way? The way i wanted it to go? Every single little step i take it feels like im being dragged behind.. With the devil sitting on my shoulders and heavy weight i carry around, a burden that cant get off my shoulder.. Guilt, regret, being hurt by loved ones.. But what if one day it was care free? Nothing to worry about nothing to think about? You just go on with your day with no worries.. What ifs, what woulds, what itd be like to have something go my way the very first time?