My roots have rotted.
The soil is dry.
My leaves have crumbled
My petals, fallen.
I am no longer a plant.
I am forgotten.

-3nwlry

You can hide what you hide,
Just don't hide away your sorrows.
You can lie what you lie about,
Just don't lie about your sadness.
You can smile your fake smile.
Just don't use it to fake for me.
You can say what you want.
Just don't say that you're ok. (liar)

I don't care if you think you're fine.
I don't care if you don't want help.
I'm gonna help you anyway.
Till you hate me and beyond.

You can try but you can't get me away
You are important. So I'll keep you alive.
I'm not sure if you'll be grateful.
But I don't really care.
I will keep on loving you, till you've had enough.

Hide what you want, you still can't hide your sorrows.
Lie how you want, you still can't lie about your sadness.
Pretend what you want, you can't pretend about your feelings
You can say what you want.
I know you aren't okay.
Let me help you.

-3nwlry

I don't hate you.
I'm not mad.
I'm just upset
That you lied.
I want you happy.
Do what you want
If she makes you happy
If she makes you smile.
Be with her
Go ask her out.
I am your best friend.
I'll be okay.
I see the way You look at her
It hurts my heart to think
You'll be with her and leave me
Just like everyone else.
But if she is what you want.
Be with her now
don t waste your time
With a girl you don't care for.
Things will change
Make sure you make
There right choice.
Me or her
Her or me.
Best friend or girlfriend
Girlfriend or best friend
Take your pick.
I won't be angry.
I know she is your choice.
I'll just leave
So farewell.
Don't feel guilty
Don't feel bad.
She makes you happy
I'm very glad.

-3nwlry

Imaginary things are great
Fake things are not real
Life has many flaws.
The world is not yet gone.
Comfort is imaginary.
Hope is fake.
Love is our flaw
We are not yet gone.
"Close your eyes
Picture a smile.
Pretend to be excited
About a new family."
Happiness is opinionated
friendship does not last.
Family is broken.
Help does not belong.
"Be a better daughter"
"Be a nicer friend"
"Be a kinder sister"
"Just don't be you"
No one is themselves
They hide behind a mask.
Deep down we all know.
We are just our parents
In another life.
They just copied and pasted.

-3nwlry

Do not lie, I can tell.
You don't want me anymore.
You made me believe
That you were mine.
Now you say it's not the same.
I'm done. I give up.
Forget you, I'll find someone else.

You like her. That's okay.
Just say so.
I don't care. I gave up.
I'll just continue cutting.
I'll just continue counting
Down the days till June.

-3nwlry

Cross my heart
Hope to die
Stick a needle in my eye
If you fall,
I'll take my turn.
Fix my flame
And make you burn.

If you live
You'll be fine,
I'll stick the needle in your eye.
Cross your heart
Hope to die.
Then you'll tell
And change your mind.
I will laugh
It's too late
To try to solve
The problems you caused.
The nightmares come
They won't leave.
It's too late to stop.
It's your fault.
It's your fault.

I'll wake you up.
And ask what's wrong.
Then you'll realize
It's just your mind
Haunting you.
I'm still in the grave
You dug.

-3nwlry

I wish I was older.
I wish I was wise.
I wish I was grown up.
I wish I was older.
A few years older would be nice.
A few years I would like.
I would pay my taxes.
I would have a job.
I might have a family.
Probably a cat or two.
I know as I grow older,
Things will start to change.
I know I'm not a grown up.
I am still aging.
Sometimes I feel young
Others I feel old.
I am just a teenager.
I have much to learn.
As I get older
I realize my mistake.
I look back at the childhood
I just had to waste.
I wanted to be older.
So I could live alone.
Now I just want my mother.
For her to hold me in her arms
And tell me it's okay.
I don't want to pay taxes.
I don't want to be alone.
I miss the fights
My sister and I had.
I wish I was younger.

-3nwlry

Get ready for the worst
It's almost at the end
I feel it coming closer
Every now and then
I wonder what will happen
What would it be like
When it is upon us
What will happen at the worst?
Sadness is the worst part
It is very difficult
To find a place to sleep
I laid down all my sorrows
So I could try to rest.
Calmness is impossible
Quiet is not a thing
Lying is quite real.
This is not a joke.
Get ready for the worst.

-3nwlry

All different colors.
All different kinds.
They invite you in
To see what they hide.
Temperamental flowers,
Blossoming in spring.
Blues and pinks.
Purples and whites.
Tiny and large.
Dim and bright.
All different sorts.
All different types.
Unique like people.
Special as could be.
Stubborn little flowers
Could die any moment.
Beauty of all kinds.
Compare them to people
There you'll find a match.
All different colors.
All different kinds.
Temperamental humans,
Wearing blossoms in spring.
All different sorts.
All different types.
Unique like orchids.
Special as can be.
Stubborn little people
Could die in a moment.
Beauty of all kinds.

-3nwlry

Sad sunflowers sigh,
As they dry their eyes.
The sun has gone away
They bow their heads
Heavy with sorrow.
They'll meet again tomorrow.
During night they rest
Taking a break from smiling.
Tomorrow kids will come
To take their seeds away.
A few of them will die
But most will be alright.
Some petals will tear and fall
But still they will be fine.
They smile at the children
Despite of the pain they feel
It's a pleasure to be noticed
Even if they 're using you.
Sunflowers sunny petals
Cover them in manes.
Sunflowers unsalted seeds
Help them stay together.
Their fields of gold cause awe
To the people which stare.
They will come back tomorrow
To look at the flowers
And their golden hues.

-3nwlry

I am not a threat
I am but a little girl
That is what they say.
I don't really understand.
Everyone should be nicer.

-3nwlry

I'm so tired when I wake up
I wrestle with the alarms.
I never really like this place
So I write it in my poems.

I understand you don't need to stay
I know you do so anyway.
Thank you for all the support.

You don't hear me, yet you listen
I know that it is hard.

I wrote a lot
Not much makes sense
Thank you for trying.

Hardly on it often
Yet I feel the love.

I keep this quite secret
My family would be mad.
I hide it away
So no one will say
I have written these.

You know my name
You guess my age
You don't know my brain.

Yet you know me better
Than anyone I know
Because you read
These words and scribbles
I have on the paper.

We don't talk but I sing
And somehow you still hear me.
Thank you.

-3nwlry

I stare at the ceiling one last time
Thinking about you.
I tried to reach,
But I fell when I thought I flew.

I cut my knee,
I hit my head.
The doctor sent me home.
I hid below my bed.

I wanted to be with you.
I cried quite a while.
I promise you it's true:
For you I'd walk miles.

I loved you like no other
But you left me lonely like the moon.
You left me wondering if
There are words for this tune.

I stare at the ceiling one last time
Thinking only of you.
I tried to reach. Yes.
I fell when I thought I flew.

-3nwlry

I am quite crazy,
I know what you think of me
There is not much left.

-3nwlry

I'm tired of you telling me what to do
I'm tired of repeating what you say
I'm tired of you telling me
How to act how to play
How to live my life.
They say you only want the best for me
But that is not very right.
One day I will show you
How I choose to live
We'll see who wins
I'll be free
You will find out
You never got me
You never got to me.

I wonder if one day
You will say my name
And ask me me to help you.
I will smile and say few words.
"So you remembered I was here"
I am not sure what I will do
I'm not sure if I'll help.
I will show you
How I love how I act
What I choose
Tell me now,
Did I drive you mad?
Did I get to you?

-3nwlry

I did it yet again
Didn't last two months.
Only three cuts,
But it burns worse like never before.
Not twelve weeks
But it came back again.
I told you I was broken,
You never understood.
You told me to get better,
I did not believe.
And now it comes back
To haunt me.

The blood isn't much
But it is quite red.
The pain isn't strong
But the stinging for worse.
The burning is familiar.
My anxiety backed off.
Tomorrow I'll have to hide it.
So they will not get mad.
Maybe if I show him,
he will cry.
I know if I tell him,
he will wonder why.
They say that I'll get better
But they never tell me when.
They tell me I'll get stronger,
But they never tell me when.
And it still comes back
To haunt me.

-3nwlry

When the dark creeps in
And you need a friend
To tell you it's a dream
It's not reality.
When you are alone
But don't want to feel that way,
That's where I come in.
See the poems sent through that phone.
Read those words sent to you.
That is me
You are not alone.
No matter where you are.
You don't need to be scared
When you are there.
Save your breathe
They don't hear you anyway.
If you walk away
And they don't care,
They aren't your friends.
That's where I come in.

-3nwlry

A peace sign
Turns into a gun
That shoots me.

Nothing is peaceful
If you don't want it to be.

-3nwlry

Why don't you wait
Wait to watch and see.
Colors always fade
As we go away.
Just look and see
What might happen
To me.

June ninth.
I close my eyes
For the last time.
June ninth.
I make dreams
come true.
June ninth.
I become a star
Looking for you.
June tenth.
You cry for me.
June tenth.
Time seems to freeze.
June twelfth.
You forget 'bout me.
June twelfth.
Life goes on.
June ninth.
Is my last day.
June ninth.
I want it that way

-3nwlry

Once when we see younger
You used to tell us so,
One day when we're older
We would not turn out to much.
But now we live out years
Singing out our hearts.
I think you were mistaken
Just watch what we've become.

Watch us as we reach.
watch us as we fall.
Watch us while we sing.
Watch us at the top!
Watch us calling out:
Am we still not good enough?!
You hurt mother every night
And sister every day
I will stand talk and say:
Watch us as you fail!

When I was still young,
I watched you as you yelled
You told me to be a man.
You got drunk and mean.
You don't tell me what to do
Take your own advice.
Stay away. stay away.
We only need mother.

Watch us as we reach.
watch us as we fall.
Watch us while we sing.
Watch us at the top!
Watch us calling out:
Am we still not good enough?!
You hurt mother every night
And sister every day
I will stand talk and say:
Watch us as you fail!

As the final curtain falls
I hope you realize
what we've become.
We are stronger now,
Than you have ever been.
We will stand strong
We will shut you down.
We will show you how
You have harmed us so.

Watch us as we reach.
watch us as we fall.
Watch us while we sing.
Watch us at the top!
Watch us calling out:
Am we still not good enough?!
You hurt mother every night
And sister every day
I will stand talk and say:
Watch us as you fail!

And when you take
That final breathe
When you fall
Down to the floor
As you realize
You are alone.
I hope you think of us.
Your children
That you left.
Your spouse,
You abused.
The family you tore
I wonder if you'll cry
Try for some remorse.
Before you meet
Your God.

-3nwlry

Once upon
A single moon,
I wished upon
A shooting star
To be myself.
I tried and tried
But people laughed
I cried and cut
And bled like mad.
No one understood.

Once upon
A single moon,
I wished upon
A shooting star
To be with you.
But I up and left.
Then we split up.
That's okay.
I'm fine.

-3nwlry

I feel like
The first time
I'm drowning.
Drowning.
The days are hard
I'm drowning.
Fifty feet under water
I can't breath
No one helps me.
I'm drowning
Drowning

-3nwlry

Pretty little lies of "I'm fine"
***** little secrets behind those eyes.
Every time we say "goodnight"
We hope that we will die.
Our lights dim now as we lose hope.
They said that we were fine
We were all right
But every single night
We lose more of our light
No one in our sight
We cut we hurt
We get high
To act all right
We hide behind our smiles
That we show and cover our eyes.
But no one says the pleading
Question in the eyes.
We give up for help
We lose sight of hope
We give our happiness
For comfort is imaginary.
Parents never see
Siblings never know
Friends never care
People never share
The facts that we hide behind
Our eyes.

-3nwlry

I'm tired
I'm breaking
I'm crying
I'm cracked
I'm going crazy
I'm shattered
I'm broken
I'm hurting
I'm dying
I'm giving up
I'm cutting
I'm starving
I'm done
I'm terrible
I'm not okay
I'm sleep deprived
I'm depressed
I'm anxious
I'm almost dead
I'm sorry
I'm leaving
You don't care.
...
"I'm ok."

-3nwlry

Why won't you see
How easy it could be.
Look up, you'll see
How lovely it would be.
Time wastes we grow apart.
We won't be one in eternity.
Cry to sleep every night.
I wake like the earth is tumbling down.
Nightmares. Who cares.
I'm used to it by now.
Every night I cry myself to sleep
Waiting for somebody to help me. Why not?
No one will. I have to help myself.
To be me is harder than being a teen.
I feel like a thousand words
Need to leave but
No one hears anyway.
A thousand words.
A thousand lies.
A thousand "hi"s.
A million "goodbye"s.
A thousand "I'm fine"s.
A thousand lies.
A thousand songs.
A million poems.
Are running through my mind.
I wish I was...
Somebody else needs to listen.
Somebody else can't fix me.
Somebody else needs to learn.
Somebody else needs to help me.
Somebody else needs to learn.
In the dark I'm crying.
In the light I'm drowning.

-3nwlry

Once upon a single star
Shining just got you.
Just because you're happy.
Just because you're free.
Doesn't mean he loves
Any more than he loves me.
I am still a girl
But I see quite clear.
One day I'll be older
Not that you even care.
And housing tell me
Who I meet
I'll be free and you will see.

I may hurt my skin with blades
I wonder if I'll live
I may have trouble sleeping
For fear of the next day.
But one day when I'm older
You can't tell me who I'll be.
You won't be my leader
You won't control me.
I won't follow what you say
And I'll be free.
You might see.
What becomes of your only daughter.

-3nwlry

I'm sitting in my room
You're eerily creeping up.
You are always near me
I can't escape my shadow.
You can follow me around.
You won't catch me
You can't catch me.
I can't escape my shadow.
You see me in my darkest moment.
You are me when I lie.
You watch me harm my body.
You can't stop me. I never listen.
You watch as I pass out.
Crying like a child.
I wake up and see you there.
Everyone has a friend.
Not everyone can see them.
People think they are imaginary.
I looked up at you
And you pulled me up and out of the grave
Which I dug.
You held me tightly
I'm your only friend.
I realized I could smile.
I noticed you were real.
No one really saw the year tracks
Or the smears of blood on clothing.
Or the stinging in my wrists.
But I could finally breath.
And I saw the colors
Of the world around us.

-3nwlry

I clutch my head and hope to die.
I feel the blood running down her arm.
I tried to die but failed again.
No one saw, no one really cared.
No one truly noticed.
They saw me mad, they saw me sad.
They never saw me cry
They didn't see me happy, they just saw me smile.
But I have reached my breaking point.
I don't want to breath.
I tried to live normal, but they told me no.
I agreed and went about
Trying to find a reason
To live a life of happiness.
I met you but then I left
Without telling you the truth.
So now I'm here
Almost dead
No one really near.
I'm scared to die, even if I try.
No matter how you try to live,
You'll always come back
Too this spot to dwell.
I think I need help.
My wrists are cut,
My eyes are glazed,
My sleeves are dyed red.
My hands shake,
My knees give way,
I fall down and hit the floor.
Tears are falling,
The knife is sliding,
Blood is dropping,
I think I'm dying.
Now I realize just because
They don't show it
Doesn't mean they don't care.
I need help.

-3nwlry

I won't lie, he wasn't the one.
Neither was he.
I am still alive, I still think I'm fine.
I crossed out all the poems
I scratched out the songs.
I deleted all the texts
That connected him to me.
We don't talk anymore
I am not bothered.
We don't see each other anymore.
We're thousands of miles away.
I know I'll never win.
I know I won't receive.
Somebody who will love me.
Yet I still dream of the one.
I don't know who he is.
I don't know his name.
I don't know where he lives.
I don't know anything.
And yet I hope we'll meet.
So he can take me from this place.
Everyone has some one..
I know that's a fact.
But I don't think I do.
My one left me again.
When I woke up, it wasn't the same.
I don't ever get "the one"

-3nwlry

I need somebody to see,
Somebody to hear,
Somebody to love.

I want somebody to hate me.
To hurt me.
To **** me.

I know somebody sees,
Somebody hears,
Nobody cares.

I wish somebody would care,
Somebody could heal,
Somebody would love.

I know nobody loves,
Nobody cares,
Nobody knows.

I need somebody to understand,
Somebody to losten,
Somebody to care.

-3nwlry

The up hills were mountains
The down hills were oceans
Waiting to swallow you whole
And when you fall from the mountain,
You get thrown into
The churning, breathtaking,
Watery depths.

No one noticed.
I did.
No one came.
I did.
I saw it all.
And then I drowned.

-3nwlry

So I've been replaced.
It's just a fact, can't be erased.
Maybe if I close my eyes.
They could all go away.
She is pretty. She is nice.
She looks lovely. She is kind.
Now he likes her, when he used to like me.
It is over before it could begin.
I lost my friends. I've been replaced.
That's fine. I didn't need them anyway.
I can't get new ones.
The school year has been established already.
I have no where to sit cause she took my seat.
I've been replaced yet again.
She is a willing adversary
But I don't think I will fight her.
I said I wanted to be alone.
Now they left me. Now they're gone.
Cause they like Azure better.
He wants Azure. He used to want me.
They like Azure. They used to like me.
She took my place. I've been replaced.
It shouldn't bother me.
They were my friends, and now their hers.
I was his crush and he was mine.
Now he likes her. I still like him.
I've been replaced.

-3nwlry

You think I am jealous,
But it doesn't bother me.
It's just the fact.

They love Azure
More than they love me.
I'm not jealous,
Cause it doesn't bother me.

I knew them more than a whole year,
But she replaced me so easily.
I'm not jealous,
It won't bother me.

He likes me for a while,
But now he likes her.
I can't be jealous,
Even if it bothers me.

I thought we were friends.

They value Azure
More than they value me.
I'm not jealous,
Believe me, I get that.

All of them. All of them
Went to her after barely a week.
I'm not jealous,
It won't bother me.

They like Azure
More than they like me.
I might be jealous,
Because it bothers me.

-3nwlry

Best friends stick together.
Best friends know what's what.
They know everything
About the other's heart.
But sometimes disagreements
Make them fall apart.
They still remember everything.
They always keep it there,
In their heart they hide it,
They still deeply care.
Best friends aren't forever.
Best friends aren't for keeps.
Best friends aren't eternal.
But best friends are a dream.
Best friends can be selfish.
I'm sure that we all fear,
Losing our very own.
Even if we do, it's not the end of us.
We will always find the ones we truly care.

-3nwlry

My best friend is anorexic.
So I feel it is my job,
To make sure she eats once or twice a day.
Sometimes she gets upset with me.
So I listen to her words.
"She is skinnier than me"
"I'm pretty fat"
I roll my eyes and disagree.
She tells me she is right.
But the fear I have is there.
She won't listen to my words.
Almost eighteen and ninety pounds.
I'm scared that she will die.
I wrap my fingers around her arm,
And tell her I am scared.
She says she's fine and rolls her eyes.
It's not that she doesn't care.
I know deep down she fears.
She'll die from her self torture.
But I see where she comes from.
I understand the choices.
I'm little hypocritical.
I don't eat, and force her to.
I know that she sees that.
They say nothing, I am fine.
It's not like I am her.

-3nwlry

I should have noticed when I saw it.
You tore the pages out.
I saw the blood in the sink
And tear stains on the pillow.
I don't know what it means.
I stopped eating,
When I stopped very hungry.
I can't sleep,
Cause I'm too worried.
I saw the missing pages,
In that magazine.
And I know that it was you,
Cause I know it wasn't me.
When you didn't eat, I made you.
When you couldn't sleep, I helped you.
You mean so much to me.
I didn't let you see the breakdowns
That I hide away.
I covered up my feelings
Woo you were not scared.
I focused on you, like it would help me.
You are what I care about.
I'll help you till the end.
I'll help you get better.
I'll help see the path.
I'll help you love yourself.
Then afterwards, I might help me.

-3nwlry

My parents are not proud.
My siblings are not glad.
My friends are not real.
My family thinks I'm mad.
I'm slowly falling apart.
I am waiting for the day
When some one thinks I'm good enough.
I'm waiting till they love me.
I'm waiting for them to care.
I'm waiting for that day,
I try my best to stay.
I can't wait for them to hold me.
And whisper in my ear
"You matter"
I'll shake and hug them back.
"Thank you"
Waiting is a real hard thing.
Especially when you know
Who they are, where they are.
Just not if they care.

-3nwlry

When the days are cold
And you are alone.
What do you do
When I fall to the ground?
You cheer! You cheer!
Cause I'm fine and I've left.
"Finally free, of HER"
Cause I was told to be brave,
I was told, but how?
I cut and cut but can't get it out.
The pain that I feel.
Will I ever be free, free of me?
I want to leave this place.
They tell me to leave,
To die, to walk away.
They tell me to leave.
"Just leave."

-3nwlry

Have I lost my mind?
Lost and found inside.
To myself, I've cried.
In the dark I hide.
I'm the light I died
Wait for me
Wait for me
I'm almost there...

-3nwlry

If you hate me, go ahead.
Run me through
with the knife you hold.

But before you do,
Listen up.
Listen to my words.
You'll turn blue with cold,
And green with sickness.
Pale with horror.

And you should stop.
Before you do something
You'll regret.

Crossing me
With the knife that you plan to use,
It's a sin. You'll go to hell.
And I will not feel sorry.

It's up to you,
You have the knife.
Choose right now if you will.
And if you do.
Goodbye, friend.

-3nwlry

I stare at this blank paper
Thinking what to write.
My mind is filled with thoughts of you.
But I can never tell you.
How I really feel.
I moved away without a choice;
Here and you or there and no one.
They made me leave without goodbye.
You won't read this message.
I tried to fly but I fell, they laughed at my tears.
My eyes are glazed
My wrists are cut,
I'm crying in my room.
I haven't felt much since I left:
Sadness, loneliness, hate.
I wonder if you think of me,
Or if you forgot the memories that we made.
The stories that I shared.
Now I'm here in this loud place
Wishing I was there.
The only way I see you
Are in my dreaming hours.
I feel more alive in my head
Then I do in life.
The days are cold, the nights are colder.
I shiver head to toe.
I can't feel much anymore:
Cold, numb, tired.
My dreams are better than my days
Even if they end, I wonder if there is a way
To stay asleep forever.
I wish to see you again
But then I remember why
Why we talk no more
Why we stopped the hellos
But I know deep in my heart
I still wish to see you.
I don't want to feel.

-3nwlry

Everyone says "your family is perfect"
Everyone thinks we get along.
Everyone hears us speaking words of care
Everyone sees us hugging.
But listen to my words, look a little closer.
Behind that closed door, you'll find out.

Behind that door.
Screams and tears and fits.

Behind that door.
Bangs and yells and thumps.

Behind that door.
Sighs and yells and slams.

Behind that door.
Hums and tears slide down.

Behind my door.
Sleepless nights and blades.
Behind my door.
Cuts and tears and blood.
Behind my door.
I break and fade away.

Behind the front door.
Fights when cracks make breaks.
People fading away.
People losing faith.

Behind our doors.
Overdose on Tylenol
Overdose on tears.
Losing voices. Red eyes.

"Your family is perfect"
"You guys have it all"
"You are such a great family"

We tear at each other's throats.
We scream till our voices break.
I cry cause can't feel pain anymore.
We tell till our lungs give way.
We fight until our legs give out.

That's behind our doors.

-3nwlry

Even a phone call would work now.
I don't think I could look at you.
I just need some one to tell me it's not true,
That I'm not thinking straight.
But maybe that's a lie.
Maybe I just need you.
It's time to say that even though
I said I didn't like you,
I think things might end up your way.
Of course I don't believe you like me.
I don't believe you care.
I think you'll use me.
I know we should stay just friends.
But I might end up regretting
The decision that I made.
I need you to hold me
To say I'll be okay.
Don't believe my smile.
Please look through my lies.
"It doesn't matter" hole me close.
I want the same as you.
We just want love and to love
People truly love you.
It might not be as true for me.
But please don't leave yet,
You are all I have right now.
Please don't leave me.
Please don't say goodbye.

-3nwlry

Keep your steps strong,
But keep them slow.
FIll your head with songs,
But keep it low.
When the night's long,
Don't forget to glow.

-3nwlry

As I hold the lighter
Closer to my eyes,
Keeping my finger close,
I wait until it gets too hot.
And keep it there,
Til my skin blisters
And even still.
I try to make me feel
The heat on my face.
When I play with fire,
I remind myself
That I could easily
Be swept away,
Just like the wind
Puts out the fire.

-3nwlry

If this what it takes.
I will be the one to bear the pain.
I'll hide the blades away.
And carve my arm until it burns and breaks.
They won't listen anyway.

If this is what it takes.
I will be the one to feel all pain.
I'll take this gun to my head,
And shoot until my life fades away.
They won't listen anyway.

If this is what it takes.
I will try my best so they will see.
I'll wrap this role around my neck,
And hang until my neck gives way.
They won't listen anyway.

If this is what it takes.
I will be the one in the grave.
I do my best for them.
But they won't listen anyway.

-3nwlry

"Do better"
You have to be better if you want to win.
"Be smarter"
You have to be smarter if you want to change.
"Grow taller"
You have to be taller if you want some friends.
"Be pretty"
You have to be pretty if you want to fit in.
But I just want to live.
I just want to live.
"Laugh harder"
You have to laugh harder if you want to smile.
But I don't want to pretend.
And I just wanna be happy.
But you never taught me that.
I just want to live my life and smile.
I just want to smile for real.
I just want to run away
Cause you won't ever let me.
It's not your fault that I'm failing.
"It's been fun"
It never has.
But I have to say, thank you.
I don't really know why.
You always hurt me so much.
You never showed me how to live my life my way.
I just don't understand.
I'm your child.
Let me smile. Myself.
For the first time.
"Be happy"
I want to be happy
So I can live my life.

-3nwlry

Every night I close my eyes
And always wonder why.
Why do you always make me smile
Even when I'm tired?
I walk down the hall with my friends
And realize they don't care.
So you know who I really am?
Honestly, probably not.

It's impossible to get you out of my head.
It's impossible to finally get to bed
I understand that no one really cares.
That's alright. I'm just losing my mind.
Stop that! You are messing with my head!
Stop that! I wouldn't be understood.
Stop that! I told you I am fine.
Please stop. You'll find out I'm breaking inside.

I sit with you, as you sketch.
I try to figure out
This dilemma which I have.
I'm impressed that you have never noticed.
I can't let myself like you that way.
I can't risk out friendship now.

It's impossible to get you out of my head.
It's impossible to finally get to bed.
I understand that no one really cares.
That's alright. I'm just losing my mind.
Stop that! You are messing with my head!
Stop that! I cannot let you see.
Stop that! I told you I am fine.
Please stop. I don't want you to know that I'm breaking inside.

Stop that! You are making me confused.
Stop that! I kinda really like you.

-3nwlry

Cold feet at the last moment.
Changing my mind again.
Eraser shavings on the bed.
Pencil growing dull.
Eraser growing small.
More mistakes yet again.
I'm figuring out how this works.

Slight cough for months
Chewing my tongue for hours.
Broken graphite on the pillow.
Pencil losing length.
Eraser growing rough.
More and more mistakes.
I don't really understand.
I wish I was like them
Always fitting in.

Turning away before I crash.
Holding back from break downs.
Eraser shavings on the bed
Voice breaking, tears sliding.
Understanding finally hit me.
It's not about the rhyming.
It's about the words.

-3nwlry

I wanted to give her roses.
I wanted to call her mine.
My very sweet grandma.
My weak old grandma, mine.

She had a special garden.
We never were allowed to pick.
But then she wanted roses.
So we tried to take.

She was very willing,
She was very kind.
When she needed roses
We all went to find.

I wanted to give her roses,
But then I had to leave.
I wish I have her roses,
But they took her away from me.

All she wanted was roses,
Only a bouquet,
But we couldn't find them.
So we had to leave.

Roses. Roses.
We left to find them
Roses. Roses.
Know that I love you still.

-3nwlry