The tread farther into the dark.
Babies crying
Fathers dying
And all of them asking when.
When the sun will rise again
And the cold will be at an end.

They slowly start to fall down.
Now babies dying
Mothers crying
And all of them ask why.
Why they can't receive a home.
And why men tore it away.

They hear laughing and calling
Families loving
Friends embracing
All of them thanking God.
Thanking that they sent them.
Thankful they found a home.

-3nwlry

Waiting, wishing, wonder
Crawling, yelling, yonder
Wasting, walking, wander
"Time is money"
"Money is freedom"
I do not believe.

-3nwlry

Make me a time machine
To go over all they said.
I'm my head, in my head
They are screaming.
"Little liar"
"***** freak"
Do you see what they did to me?
Now I see. Now I see.
I am useless.

Make me a time machine
To fix the mess I made.
Now it's bad, it is bad
I don't get it.
"Stupid child"
"Cutter" "dumb"
Can't get leave me alone?
Now I see. Now I see.
I am worthless.

Make me a time machine
To understand what they did to me.
How can it be? How can it be?
I can't fix this.
I should have noticed
All of the turns, all the trials.
Now I see. Now I see.
I am broken.

-3nwlry

As I look upon the ticking clock
Questioning of I'll live,
I'm stuck wondering how they are.
The people that I left.
I wonder if they remember
Who I long to be.
If they recall
The faint memories,
Like music notes from old.

But even if they don't
They needed worry.
I will remember
All the days and nights
Even when you grow old.

I slowly begin to see
That they might not remember details.

But they remember me.

-3nwlry

Cause if the rain can tumbling down,
Would anyone care if I had drowned?
What's the point in friends?
What's the point in friends?
Cause they talk over you
When you try and tell them,
What you do you are scared and alone.
When you are upset and worried
If you'll see them again.
But they don't notice.
They don't notice you.
Am I invisible? Am I replaceable?
Cause there's no point in life
If you're always crying.
Just remember in life,
There's more than crying.
And there's no point in saying sorry
If no one will hear.
And there's no point in saying goodbye
If no one would care.
And I!
I don't want to hear it.
The "you'll be fines" and the "you won't crys"
I'm to scared to say goodbye.
Keep the convo going.
I want to be alone but I can't.
Don't leave me alone.

-3nwlry

They call me disaster,
Stupid, dumb, basic, cry baby,
Lame, ugly, impossible, failure,
Bland, plain, trash, nerd,
Crazy, ******, fake, dork,
Mistake, accident, brat, loser,
Bad, untalented, useless, forgettable,
Worthless, hopeless, shameful, tone deaf,
Cow, fat, insane, dull,
Incompetent, idiot, sick, gone,
Terrible, unbearable, diseased, tired,
Special, gross, unwanted, desperate,
Try-hard, whale, pig, liar,
Never enough, child, insecure, sad,
Scared, cutter, suicidal, friendless,
Invisible, waste, self absorbed, unloved,
Torn, replaceable, copy, runaway,
Snake, snitch, sneak, lazy,
Alone, unneeded, loud, unforgivable,
Annoying, attention seeker, weak, paranoid,
Clueless, low life, dense, dark,
Freak, mess, lost, disturbing,
Last choice, lost cause, slacker, bag lady,
Chubby, poison, horrible, sleepless,
Cockroach, gullible, sloppy, short,
Joke, cope out, foolish, selfish.

All in one name.
"Emily"

-3nwlry

As I sit in this room.
Wondering what to do.
I sat myself next to "friends"
Who don't fully understand.
I was told to be my best.
And not show how I feel.
I was told to sit still
But I can't even manage that.
I try to pretend I'm not me.
My "friends" ask how I am
I say "ok" and leave it that.
They look at me with unbelief
So I say "I'm just a little tired."
They think they care.
I'm sure they know
That I'm a little different.
They end up leaving with the bell.
I sigh.
We will see how this ends.

-3nwlry

Bandaids are peeling.
Time is running.
Cracks not healing.
Heart is crumbling.
Moon is waning.
Patience is wasting.
I am breaking.

-3nwlry

Every single lie of "oh, I'm fine"
Keeps me wide awake at night.
Wide awake at night.
And if they don't believe, I say
"I'm a little tired." " I'm a little tired. "
And when I fall down,
Everybody laughs, everybody laughs.
And I cry with
Every little fight, every little fight.
Can I die?
I wish I was a toy, a doll, a lie
I wish I wasn't real, I wish I wasn't real.
And now I fall down
With tears in my cheeks
And cuts in my skin.
And when I'm right there.
Slowly bleeding out. Slowly bleeding out
I realize. Some one said my name
Said my name on a kind tone.
They say that they are here. They are right here.
Then I fade away, as they try to save my life
Try to save my life
I wake up and I see them start to smile
Start to smile
I smile and cry.
Thinking of a life that is gone.
They care. They live. They feel. They died.
They watch you now
Are you satisfied?

-3nwlry

While I sit in my room,
You are down the stairs.
Father is yelling and blaming you.
You don't know how to feel.
Your voice is trembling.
I know you're about to cry.
I want to shout
And shove him away.
But it wouldn't change a thing.
After your "talk" to
You stumble up the stairs.
You'll go to bed and
Cry quite hard,
Missing your sweet mother.
I was there, open armed
To give a goodnight hug.
I whisper that I love you.
And I hear your honest reply.
I'll always love my brother.
I'll keep him within sight.

-3nwlry

In the dark, in the dark
I am dancing.
In the night, in the night
I am singing.
In the light, in the light
I am drowning.
In the day, in the day
I am dying.
Yes, at night, in the night
I am crying.
I can't sleep, I can't sleep
Cause I'm thinking.
I want to sleep forever.
At midnight, at midnight
I am cutting.
My wrists. My neck.
My ankles, they bleed.
Nobody sees. Nobody sees.

-3nwlry

No time for rest.
No time for sleep.
No time for love.
No time to weep.
The days are slow.
The nights are fast.
When I close my eyes
I think of death.
The rain is pouring.
The swings are swinging.
The wind is howling.
The girl is crying.
I feel like dying.
I'm tired of crying.
I wish I was normal.
This isn't very formal
No one sees me
Wishing to be somebody
Nobody saves me.

-3nwlry

I hear my monsters.
They whisper in my ear
Pretty lies
Wish to die
"No one would care"

I hear their stories
They give me much fear.
Don't close your eyes
Do not sleep
Don't look in the mirror.

I feel your pain
It chills to the bone.
You lie
You try
When I ask "how are you?"

I wish I could do
Something to help you
I try
I'd die
To save you.

-3nwlry

There is something about a blank paper
That makes you slightly sad.
The exciting thought of potential.
The beauty it never had
The thoughts that race through your mind
That you wish to write.
But if you don't have a pencil
Dreams can never light
Then that paper will only ever be blank.
The cold lonely sheet of paper,
Which no pencil has kissed.
No hand has traced.
No pen has met,
Will never be what it should.
A story. A song. A picture there.
A Poem. A riddle. A letter of care.
Not a word, or letter there will be
Upon that piece of paper.
The empty tale upon this land
That is whispered to and from
That is you cannot read
You also cannot write.
If you cannot write
Then you won't give that paper
The opportunity
To live.

-3nwlry

Do you ever close your eyes and listen?
The yelling,
The stomping,
The crying,
The thudding,
The banging,
The screaming.
The thorn in your side,
Making you wonder why
You try to try.
Never enough.
Do you ever compare pain to a rose?
Pain is in a neat little present.
The thorns are in
The pretty little bush.
At first it's lovely.
Then a thorn hits you.
You jump back,
But the more you struggle,
The more you hurt.
Like quicksand.
******* you in
As if you don't have to deal
With everything else.
Do you ever want to hurt?
To feel how others do?
To take a knife
And ram it into your throat?
To take a rope
To put it a round your neck and hang?
To take a gun,
Put it to your head
And make the last shot?
I do.
Ever since eleven.
Ever since my life crumbled into ash
And into the void of sorrow.
Do you ever dream
Of living and dying?
I do.

-3nwlry

You don't care.
About me,
About your sons,
About your wife.
You lost her.
You lost your eldest.
You lost me.
You're loosing your baby boy.
I'm more of a parent
To that ten year old than you are.
He hates you.
I hate you.
You hate us.
It's neutral.
It's normal for me.
Having a broken family.
Friends say you'll be okay.
I'm already br-ok-en.
Along with my family.
"Are you okay?"
" I'm ok. "
I put on a smile.
It doesn't reach my drowsy eyes.You go about your day
While I am in the bathroom,
Staring at the mirror
Wondering who I am.
Wondering the best way to **** oneself.
You think I'm fine.
That I'm happy.
You're wrong.
I'm br-ok-en
Not ok.
I've become the monster
Underneath my bed
And my father
Made me this way.
He made me loose my mind
And he doesn't care.

-3nwlry

The loudest moment.
The smallest whisper.
The quietest cry.
Wondering why
No one can hear
Your world crumbling around you.
As you cry out
"Somebody save me!"
But nobody came
Nobody's coming
Nobody's here.
No one can hear you cry
As everyone leaves
And says
"Good luck trying!"
But trying isn't good enough.
The more you try to save it,
It falls even more.
And you drowned in it long ago
You didn't even notice.
I did.
I know how it feels
To have everything you love
Ripped from your grip
Because you dared to say
"I love you."
I didn't notice
The flicker of the eye
As they left my sight
And poked at some one else.
I said it back
And believed you.
It made it worse
"I thought you loved me!"
But this isn't love.
It never was.
Love doesn't leave you
Alone and cold,
Crying your heart out
Pleading to die
Before it happens again..
By people are like that.
They leave because
They find something better.
I, then, give up on the human race.

-3nwlry

Tears in my eyes,
Will you please dry?
"Never cry"
Never cry

Bloodshot eyes,
Will you please close?
"Never sleep"
Never sleep

Hanging rope,
Will you take my life?
"Please die"
Please die

Holding hands,
Will you release?
"Never let go"
Never let go

Running mind,
Will you please slow?
"Never calm"
Never calm

Loud noises,
Please shut down.
"Never quiet"
Never quiet

Wiping my eyes,
Please don't look.
"Never weep"
Never weep

Asking why,
Pleading to leave.
"Never run"
Never run

Trying to sleep,
Making me cry.
"Never dream"
Never dream

Holding my breathe,
Faking a smile.
"Never speak"
Never speak

Changing my mind,
And my heart.
"Never lie"
Never lie

Crying inside,
Please don't die.
"Never mine"
Never mine

Make a sound,
Don't turn around.
"Never scream"
Never scream

Begging on knees,
Yelling at me.
"Never move"
Never move

Confused inside,
Wanting to cry.
"Never show"
Never show

Making me cry,
Hands in the air.
"Never yell"
Never yell

Lump in my throat,
Telling me "no".
"Never talk"
Never talk

Closing my eyes,
Shutting my mind.
I want to die
I want to die

Broken inside,
Wondering why,
"Never ask"
Never ask

Running time,
Never slow.
"Never rhyme"
Never rhyme

Breathing slow,
Closing my eyes.
"Time to die"
Time to die

-3nwlry

Mother, father picture this the story which I share.
A house that has been whole but you tore it quite apart
Making me wonder why.
Why you would leave me here with that monster of a man.
I have been torn against the seam The agony of it all!
Back and forth, to and from. Florida and Colorado.
I think I misplaced my smile. People call me broken.
They throw me away like a toy that lost a piece
You say you're sorry. You say you care
But you never see
The scars I have. The cracks that broke
No one understands
Someday maybe somebody will care
I can't believe any one
Since you promised to me
"We'll never divorce" You said to me
But then you broke the deal.
I still have the tender feelings that I held for you
But they aren't in my hands, they're in my pocket,
Out of reach for you to take away.
But please don't leave, I need some help.
Can you show me how to care again?

-3nwlry

You say you love me.
But do you really?
My wrists are blood stained,
My cheeks are tear tracked.
My eyes are bloodshot,
My palms have nailmarks.
And yet you say I'm fine.
Telling me, To **** it up,
And never show my feelings.
You say you love me.
But you never show it,
Doing me harm,
With your inactive behavior
Towards my pain.
Never realizing how,
Long ago you lost,
Your one and only daughter.
You say you love me.
But I flinch,
As you say my name,
In that harsh, blaming voice.
You say you love me.
I say you don't.

-3nwlry