your boots send shivers across ice as thin as paper
wisps of snow float through the air
you can't help but think
as the cracks in the ice circle around you like a web
about all the times you kept walking
when the people who loved you most cried your name out in vain
when you locked your eyes on the ground with your head down
no time wasted but no time spent well
you think of your ignorance
when you refused to let anyone help

you realize all the things you should've done
you feel the empty lurch of your stomach as the ice breaks
as you fall to a freezing death
thinking - if only

if only I had kept my head up high
if only I had smiled just that once
if only I hadn't pushed all my friends away
if only I had listened

if only I had read the sign that said,
'thin ice'

And I run to you,
with aching legs
and an aching heart
I run into your arms
closing my eyes
In hopes as to never forget this moment

and with soft promises of tomorrow.
tiny whispers of "I love you"
silent prayers that this wouldn't be the last time
A kiss on my forehead
holding me close to your chest
tears in our eyes
sadness overflowing
onto the pine needles crunching beneath our bare feet

Delicate hands on soft cheeks
"I have to go.."
Sadness sparks again in your eyes
"I love you."
"I love you too."

We break away,
only to stare at each other for another minute
our hands and our eyes locked together

Whispers,
carried away by the wind
"Rem em mber  m me  e.."
And our hands part
We break our gaze
More tears.
I'd never seen you cry before.

That moment.
the one moment where you are at the point between sanity and insanity.
the worst moment
but the best
the one that seems to last forever
but is gone in the blink of an eye
The breaking moment

"I love you"

We both retreat back into the safety of the darkness

you stand in front of me
only slightly to the left
yours one of the many
the small candles lighting up in the darkness
encircling those who I've gotten closer with this summer
singing sweet songs of happiness
I force a smile onto my face
mirroring those around me
trying to hide the tears streaking down
my rosy cheeks
it feels like an eternity,
but it went by like the snap of a finger
and everyone walks away
retreating back into the darkness
the circle of candlelight breaking off
and heading in the other direction
a single candle slows,
letting the others slip ahead
You turn around,
the candle resting in your fragile hand
And I run to you
with aching legs
and an aching heart
I embrace you
praying to god
that I might see you again tomorrow

You kiss me on the top of my head
whispering, I love you
our matching brown eyes meet
twinkling by the fading candlelight
somewhere in my gut I knew
that I wouldn't see you
but somewhere in my heart
hoped that I would

Sometimes, the distance resonates between my words and your eyes
rumbling within me
quaking, churning, bubbling up inside
filling my every ache
all my pain
overflowed
to be brought back
to my zen
my peace.
my home in your endless
deep blue eyes

"Why?"
I ask, puzzled.
He squinted like he was looking at something far away but could't see it. He pushed his small brown rimmed spectacles up the bridge of his nose, stroking his white beard.
"I couldn't tell you that. You must look inside yourself.. There is the time and place you will find the answer you are looking for."
And he vanished, as fast as he had died the last time.
The pair of spectacles were all that remained, glinting in the sun on mothers old wooden dresser.
"I will grandpa.. I will."

I lie awake in bed
pondering silently in the dark
thinking of what, -of whom I may become
who I'm taught to be
what is right
what is best
but it's not me..

But it's just not me...

The one thing that saddens me,
is to see those silver tears falling down your face

The only time I'm ever upset
is when I see you sad

You can punch me
and I'll take blows like no one else

But the only time I will cry
is when you cry too

If you know me well, you will know that most of the time I am just one big happy rainbow. If one of my friends are upset though, that is the only time I cry. Even if we have met only yesterday, I will cry for you...
So don't cry,
for I will cry too at the sight of your tears.

my life
rips apart at the seams
just like in my dreams
or is it a nightmare
trying to give me a scare
crumbling down
like the little old town
down in the slums
hearing the beating of drums
keeping time with my heart
wishing I could restart
or go back to the way
I wished my world would stay

So I send to you this rhyme
In hopes that everything will remain
until the end of time
to release the chain
my only hold to you
...

(...)
the room is filled with a deadly silence
then you walk in
(...)*

And the silence breaks
scattering the shards that once were
-...-

In a life of blackness
within the darkness swirling around
I ponder
deep into the darkest night
wishing, wondering, waiting
for something to happen
but not here,
not in this charcoal dust filled room
clogging my throat and my nose
I can barely breathe
but the black dust dances,
creating a story of the demons
and devils that fill my soul
The blackness thick around me
like a cloud
suffocating
me...
but I die
knowing that I was right
I died within the blackness of the demons that haunt my soul
I died with the devil inside of me
---------------------
And with me inside the devil.

she wonders
she travels
she believes
she achieves
she laughs
she cries
she lives
...
I will never say those next two words in fear of making them a reality
She will never die
her spirit will live on forever
in me
in us
as a whole

A shove
you push me across the line
I stumble forward a few steps
looking at you staring at me cross-armed
I back up, trying to cross back over to you
I bump into something solid
hard
the line has turned into a wall
I can't see you anymore
sometimes
if I look hard enough
I can see small holes forming
but they are too hard to get through
too small
I don't know if I would ever be able to reach your side again

You can't just shove me over here
in a new atmosphere, a new town, new people, new places,
nothing is familiar
and you toss me in here
like yesterday's trash
expecting me to mix
to fit in perfectly

*but what if I can't?

bullets ricochet off my chest
never to hit my steel heart
but like a grenade,
your bomb hits me
breaking my heart
**heartache

I'm told,
not to be angry
with myself or others

I am taught,
to live by simple rules
obeying and pursuing

I've learned,*
to live a quiet honest life
filled with laughter and tears

I know,
that one day
I'll escape from this
**** dammed world

and I will be happy..

My shedded tears cover the earth
coating its green wonders in water
ice,
a word representing demons

ice
like your stare
crystal blue eyes
penetrate my soul
digging deep
reaching in
grabbing what's left of me
in your clenched fist

Ice
cold,
Sliding away
with my heart

I fear the thought of failure
my name written in the dirt
spat upon
Standing in line
picked out
like a painting
framed,
ashamed of what..
of who I've become
The mistakes
the bad things
Horrible
Unkind
I look back down
at my name in the dirt
a gravelly scribble
I grab a stick,

*Strikethrough.

rid me of the dark memories that haunt my soul
shed those tears I cried so long ago, into the depths of my pillow
but only minutes have passed,
it feels like years...

Sonder
Never ending
going
on   and  on
and  on  and
on  and  on
and  on  and
on  and  on
passerby,
"are you alright?"
Noticing my red eyes
the silver tears
the small moments
movements
"I'm not sure."
Cool and blunt
"Find it then."
leaving me
standing
staring
here
*Find what?

Nails on my skin
you pull me back
the only thing keeping me from death
you whisper,
don't go..
But you let go
my arm falling limply to my side
I shake my head slightly
and you nod
Tears streak down your red face
but you know
that I have to go

I remember,
looking up
I could see the shining stars
twinkling happily
out my old bedroom window
If only I could be as happy as them
Clouds cover the stars tonight
coating the world in a navy slur
But I hold this knife now
taken from my kitchen
hidden in my sock drawer
And I stand here
feeling stronger than ever
hidden so no one will find me
I can't deal with this
I don't care about the abuse
I know you won't miss me
I write this to inform you
that I was never happy on this earth
I might be on the next
No one will know
No one will care
So today I draw my knife
and I press it to my chest
as one for the billions
No one will miss me
My hand shakes
droplets of blood fall
mixing with tears
I have to
Don't worry about me,

**I'll be fine

Everything you hope for
and everything you wish,
is as likely as a bicycle
being ridden by a fish.

Why does everyone have a category?
put into separate boxes
separate
different
gay
lesbian
black
white
rich
poor
but why do we need these "titles"
because aren't we all the same?
aren't we all the same stupid people?
the same stupid
ignorant
****** annoying
people
that put us
into these categories as well?
So why all the TITLES

Small droplets
cascading down my cheeks
forming a puddle
that will grow into a lake
soon to be an ocean
no land to be seen
for miles
a waterfall of tears

The feeling of flight
not many will know
or experience
the joy
the wonder
or the tranquility
of the feeling of flight
soaring above the clouds
higher than all
lower than none

except that day
sHoUT
BANG
smack
th udd d
Now I stand low
lower than low
at the base of the hierarchy of life.

Whistling a gentle tune in the forest
as the wind swoops and bends the trees
chattering with the birds
their flashes of red blue and yellow
swinging throughout the green branches
that hang low over a glistening meadow

Singing the song of the sand
as it swirls and twirls around you
whispering its silent prayer
a lure into the depths
of the hot grains

Humming a lullaby
singing sweetly to the enchanting river
as it carries you along
Its white waters wash
away your sins
as it carries you away
through the heart of the jungle
the middle of the scorching desert
through and through
up and up

Now here I lay
on the face of the moon
a glowing arc in the sky
whispering kind wishes
from our spot in space
I sit here with my mouth closed
for I am silent
and therefore
my songs will not touch the earth
not ever again